It seems like I'm doing anything to not update on my other stories, huh? Well, I'll update… soon, but I kinda wanted to put this out. It relates to stuff that's been happening as of late. So… notice that this isn't romance? Yeah, things won't end well, I'll tell you this much. And I put this under Kingdom Hearts (despite the pairing) instead of Final Fantasy VII for my own reasons. Oh, by the way, the characters? Not mine. I only own the angst.
Warning~ Mentioned Cleon (but in past-tense and for only like, a sentence, sorry), SephirothxMarluxia (don't let this scare you off) and clouds filled with angst (horrible pun).
Oh, and this is supposed to be a journal entry thingy, so it's Cloud's POV.
I really don't know what to do anymore.
Sephiroth says that he likes Marluxia, but he still ends every heart-breaking note with 'Your One-Winged Angel'. And it makes it fucking hurt that much more. When things went bad with Leon, I didn't feel a thing; I just ended it and moved on. But, with Sephiroth…
He wants me to decide. For the both of us. But, I can't. He knows my answer; I've been telling him for a week now. "I want you to stay." But, he keeps asking, like he wants a different answer…
Why the fuck did Marluxia have to do this? He knows I love Sephiroth, that he makes me happy… Sephiroth told me about something that happened Saturday, when he was over Marluxia's house. They kissed. He liked it. He even admitted that Marluxia wanted sex, but he said 'no'.
Though, right now, I don't believe him. When he comes back on Thursday, and I give him my note, I really hope he's honest. But, it's his honesty that I kind of fear. If he's really truthful, he'll probably say that he wants to be with Marluxia and, so I don't contradict myself, I'll have to let him. With a smile on my face.
"I hope you'll be happy."
Then, I'd have to endure that. The loving looks, the kisses, the caresses. All of them; once mine, comforting me and protecting me, they would just mock me, put me through hell as I endure it all.
Aerith told me that I looked better when I smiled, when I was truly happy. I put on a mask in front of everyone and tell that I'm fine; but my façade never fools her; I don't think it fools anyone. I'm easy to read, like a fucking book.
And even if Sephiroth tells me that he wants me, nothing would be the same. Every kiss would seem bitter, wrong. Every time he would pull me onto his lap would seem like I'm not suppose to be there. Then I would have to face him and tell him.
"This is wrong. You don't love me. You can't fool me."
I know that there are parts that don't make sense, but this is suppose to be a journal written in sadness, fear, and partial anger (which kinda makes sense of the random cursing); it would only make sense to Cloud himself. But, any questions, put them in your review and I reply to clarify things.