Gimli's Dilemma
Gimli woke up in Rivendell one evening and decided to get freshened up. He found the coffee easily enough and the bathroom was well stocked… well almost. The toilet paper was missing. A gurgle erupted in gimli's stomach.
"oh dear lord, that brisket from last night is coming up" Gimli said in obvious discomfort
He quickly unbuckled, sat down and for the next 4 days, attempted to squeeze a mountain out from between his butt cheeks, screaming all the while for more toilet paper. Countless rolls went missing and Elrond had to ration them.
Gandalf rushed in to see what was wrong. "gimli? Are you okay in there?"
Gimli did not respond, he was bleeding out of his ass, having conquered the demon turd.
He opened his mouth to reply but instead there came an ungoldy scream as the toilet overflowed
In a geyser of blood, shit and water that splashed all over gandalf.
It took him 9 weeks to get clean and disinfected.