Her shuttle lands on Naboo, in a landing bay at the palace at Theed. It's somewhere she's been before, once or twice when she insisted on tagging along with her father on diplomatic missions, but this time it feels so different. Maybe it's because she's no longer clinging onto the edge of her father's robes, but it's not nerves. It's something else entirely.
The high marble walls of the palace and the rolling hills she glimpses beyond remind her so much of Alderaan, so breathtaking that her heart aches to see it just one more time. It's beautiful, she tells the Queen, there's nothing like it in the galaxy. She's pleasant, like she means nothing by it but the longer she stays here the more she yearns for her palace, her parents, her home. But she is the last Princess of Alderaan, strong and resolute in the face of adversity. Senator Organa does not grieve, no matter how much little Leia wants to.
The Queen is a lovely woman, a young girl whose fire and passions make her feel like she is looking into a mirror. But there is no cynicism, just optimism and hope and a strong desire to help her people. It is refreshing, inspiring even and Leia finds her spirits lifted as she tours the palace, admiring the architecture and design. The palace is so grand and opulent, yet she feels so at home.
By the time Leia and the Queen reach the courtyards, the sun hangs low in the sky, casting blues and oranges that melt together seamlessly across the pair and their surroundings. The flowers are just beginning to bloom, native only to Naboo as she learns, and for a moment she is astounded that so much beauty and life exists in the universe, when she is so used to death and destruction. A looming figure catches her eye, and Leia finds herself looking at a tall marble statue of a young woman. She is beautiful, with soft curls tumbling down her shoulders and an expression that is neither warm nor cold, but strong. Proud and resolute, but still decidedly feminine, almost motherly. She wears a typical Naboo style dress, with a thin veil tracing its way down her back, and for a moment Leia is awestruck.
"Who is this?" She asks the Queen, still staring up at the marble woman who has so captured her attention.
"Padmé Amidala. She was our Queen, before the Clone Wars and served in the Republic Senate. I never knew her, she died young but she is very special to my people."
Leia thinks for a moment, her mind wandering back to when she was very little and her father told her stories of Padmé Amidala, who fought for justice and peace in a world with so little of it, and brought light wherever she went. Then she thinks of her history books, the stories of the Clone Wars and Senator Amidala, who died a tragically young death while giving birth. Then to Luke, what he told her of their family and all at once she is so overcome with emotion that she needs to request a moment.
Alone, she chokes out a sob and gazes again upon the marble likeness of Amidala, the woman she knew somewhere in her heart of hearts to be her mother. This woman looked too pure, too strong, too good to be corrupted by that monster called Darth Vader. A hand drifts down to her stomach, a meaningless gesture as there was nothing to feel yet, no heartbeat or anything. Luke would be able to feel it, a little life that just had to be aligned with the Force even now, but she has no intentions of telling her brother anytime soon. Han doesn't even know.
She doesn't want him to know, not yet. She isn't even sure if she would keep it, she is so young and so busy that having a child now would simply throw everything off balance and make her question everything. Even just the thought of the little life that has attached itself to her makes her question everything. Did she think Han would leaver her? Was she just not ready? Did she not love Han enough?
Her soft brown eyes drift upward again, as if the stone visage of her mother could offer an answer. Padmé Amidala, a woman who seemed like light itself, her mother. She seemed kind, strong and stern when she wanted to be but beautiful and kind and so, so alive. Such a stark contrast with the darkness, the mechanical whirring and the deep, heavy dread she associated with the man she supposed was her father. And yet she loved him. Padmé Amidala loved Darth Vader, enough to have her and Luke. Her mother could love such an evil man, and here she stands questioning her own love for Han, who is ten times the man her father ever could have been.
For a moment she is angry, the type of anger she fears bubbling up inside herself before she can stop it. It feels like smoke filling her lungs, festering and choking her until she pushes it down and calms herself. It does her no good to be angry at a dead man, and it only taints the image of her mother to resent her for loving a man who no doubt loved her just as strongly. Deep down she knows that no one can be entirely evil, just as no one can be perfect, and she tries to feel that same forgiveness Luke talked about. With Padmé, that is easy. Serene, the woman in marble looks so strong and so much like Leia and it is easy to forgive her for an unintentional sin when there was so much good in her already. But Leia cannot see herself in that cold black mask that belonged to Vader, only in the anger and passion and emotion she wants to badly to suppress. Forgiveness does not come easy for the man who took away her home and her family.
It is a slow, painful process, she decides, and Padmé is enough for now. She will make Padmé Amidala proud, not only of Senator Organa but of Leia- the girl, the woman, and perhaps even the mother. If Senator Amidala could be a strong woman, and still a romantic at heart and even a mother, she can too. Eventually, she feels a calm settle over her, in a way she hasn't felt in years. Even without proper training in the ways of the Force, she knows enough to feel that she is centered in it, and everything Luke has said begins to make some sense.
For now, she is happy, and she returns to the Queen with newfound confidence in herself.