Six Years: Finally
By RiverLake
Genre: Romance
Rating: T
Summary: Second installment in the 'Six Years' series. Syaoran's point of view during the six years of waiting for Sakura, since his first encounter with her commencing up to the time they got together.
A/N: For all of you who have read my fanfic, 'Six Years, this is a spinoff, and/or a second installment. This is Syaoran's point of view from the six years he spent waiting for Sakura. My next fanfic would be the wedding. I'm not sure if after that I want to write about their first night. Let me know, please. To all my readers, it's okay to read this on its own, but reading 'Six Years' would make more sense; and the get together at the last bit was in 'Six Years', but only from Syaoran's POV. R&R, peeps!(:
I had to sit down; man, that was such a stupid joke, who comes up with things like that? My stomach was beginning to hurt a lot, and I crashed into the nearest swing to avoid collapsing completely. I shook my head, grinning, and turned my head from my idiot friends for a split second, and I saw her.
Yup, I saw a girl, and it's a moment I won't be able to forget.
That girl, she had fluffy auburn hair that reached her shoulders, and bright, intelligent green eyes. She got out of a blue car, and the first thought in my head was, 'Oh my god, she's wearing Barbie...and she's so cute!', cursing myself later; I mean, seriously though, who looks good wearing Barbie? Well, obviously, her. My thoughts were in turmoil just looking at her and I was wondering what was going wrong with me.
She reached down to adjust the strap of her white flats, and looked up straight at me. I swear, my heart stopped. That contact lasted a brief second, but I just couldn't for the life of me forget it. Who was she?
That was the question that tormented me for ages. All I know is that I looked forward going to school to see her; I had a goofy grin on my face whenever I saw her smiling, and I blushed when she was near, but I didn't even know her name. It was horrifying for a while, knowing I might've gotten the dreaded playground disease, Cooties.
One afternoon, after school, I saw my mom, talking to another woman. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that girl run to that unknown woman, and clutch her hand. I almost tripped when I stopped so suddenly. That woman talking to my mom...that's her mom?
Almost like a robot, I forced myself to walk to her, trying to keep my nerves down. There you are!" my mom exclaimed, like I'd been missing for a couple of hours. I managed not to roll my eyes at her, but also surpressed myself from staring at the girl. Man, I still didn't know what her freaking name is!
"Hi, I'm Sakura," she piped suddenly, grinning at me somewhat childishly.
I was taken aback. I mean, I'm a social person, and I mean really social, but around her, I lost it. I lost myself, I lost whatever I was thinking at that moment when she was around. "Umm...hey, I'm Syaoran..."
Her smile got wider, as did my eyes, and I smiled back nervously as she waved a goodbye and skipped alongside her mom to her dad. I watched her go, and I thought, Sakura...
Since then, since knowing her name, I wasn't able to keep both my eyes and my mind off her. She was just...so damn cute. And friendly. And nice. And sweet. And cute. And pretty. And...and...and she...she stops my heart. She makes it skip a beat and/or beat faster. No, seriously. Whenever I saw her, which was like almost every freaking day, because not only was she at school, we lived five minutes away from each other and took trips to the same playground every weekend. What the hell, talk about coincidence.
But hey, I wasn't complaining.
It took a while to realize why I was so messed up around her. I was 10, and thanks to my 15-years-older sister, you would say I'm pretty informed about all this love business. So one day, like 3 months into my best-friendship with Sakura, I figured it out. Damn it - I was in fucking love.
Yeah, I was 10, so what? When you meet that special someone, who gives a shit how old you are? You just know. And I knew it the minute I saw her. Funny, because I never believed in love at first sight.
At first, I really thought it was just puppy love. I was convinced, I was absolutely certain that I would be over her in a few months. But I wasn't. If anything, my heart still beat faster around her, I still stumbled on my words, I still looked red when she smiled at me, I still looked forward to every day to see her at school or at the playground. She did everything with me, including stupid boyish things like playing with fire and tag. But I loved it. And I hated it when she got hurt. My temper at 10 was already infamous and I did everything possible to take care of her. I was her best friend, her brother...and her freaking lover.
Another couple of months in, the feelings got stronger until I hugged her upon seeing her; it caught her by surprise at first but it was amazing when she hugged back. I also started buying her things, for no reason, really. Sweets, chocolates, cheap bracelets...I liked her thank you hugs better than her hi hugs.
There was one time she was at the playground alone, and I couldn't help but try talking to her about how I felt. I could tell she was scared. So to make things better, I pulled out my phone and typed out the words, 'I love you,' asking her not to tell anyone pretty seriously.
Slowly she nodded. But she still didn't say anything except a stammered, "I have to go," and she went.
I watched her go, calling myself an idiot for taking it too fast. She just walked away, and even though I was prepared for something like this, I never imagined it would hurt that much. Depressed and somewhat pissed off, I walked home alone, my thoughts solely on her.
We stopped talking for a while after that. A hi here, a bye there...nothing much, nothing compared to what we had earlier, and I blamed myself for losing it. She even stopped showing up at the playground for a while. I was so upset. At 10 years old, she was my first love, and I wasn't at all sure how to deal with these feelings - anger, sadness, loneliness, regret...talking to my parents was definitely out of the question. My sister was a possible option, but she lived so far away, and I needed the comfort she offered in real life, not over the phone or an email. I was fine, I guess, taking it alright; I was still the prankster with the friends, but whenever I saw her, it was...different. Like this longing in my chest where my heart was to be next to her. It was something I didn't have the guts to fulfill.
And then, suddenly, she approached me one day at school. I was sitting under the cherry blossom tree - ironically - with friends, joking, when she came, looking nervous with an unsure smile on her lips. Unwilling to tell anyone what had happened, I looked up and smiled half genuinely, half faked, and said, "Hey, Sakura..."
"Hey, Syao..." she said, the smile becoming slightly wider. "Can I talk to you for a bit?"
My eyes widened, but I excused myself from my friends. "Yeah, what's up?"
She bit her lip. "I...I'm sorry...for, umm...that time, at the playground," she muttered, turning red. "I didn't mean to just l-leave you like that, but I was scared, and...and I'm sorry..."
My shoulders slumped with a laugh that kinda surprised her, but she hugged back when I put my arms around her, telling her it was okay, and to just forget about it. Well, I thought, at least, I want you to forget it, Sakura - but I don't think I can.
Five years later, we were still best friends even though we saw and spent less time with each other. We'd both matured, along with my feelings. Yup. I still hadn't been able to rid myself of that deep, deep, feelings with her. When she touched me, hugged me, it felt like electric shots running through my body. When she sat next to me, I felt a fire inside, heating up with each second that passed in her presence. I knew what love meant now, and I could've said without a single doubt that I really was in love with Sakura, and that I had been for the past five years since seeing her for the first time.
I've had like two or three other girlfriends, and I had had feelings for them, but it was nothing compared to what I felt for Sakura. Half of me did it because I liked them, the other half because...because I just wanted to get over Sakura. She told me about each boyfriend she dated, three I've heard about so far, all of them jerks, and it was just proof that she didn't see how much I cared about her, hence she was totally out of my reach.
And it hurt. So, so much.
Our parents were in the function hall of the school for some talk at one night early in the year, and I was sitting at the back, earphones in, completely uninterested, until she walked in through the doors. It'd been like a few months since we last talked, because I'd been busy with a lot of things and hadn't had the time to see her. I didn't even have her number because she didn't have a phone, or Facebook for that matter. It sucked, and I missed her, and I thanked whichever god up there that permitted her noticing me.
She grinned at me and ran to me, propping herself on the ledge next to me. "Hi," she piped breathlessly, rearranging her hair I thought had never looked more perfect.
I acknowledged her with a nod and a grin. Of course, we broke into a long conversation, having not seen each other in so many months. God, I missed her so much, and more than just best friends. I really, really want her. Just her, only her, and it's been like that for the past six long years. But I never had the guts to say anything, so scared of losing a friendship I'd gotten back by chance, scared of losing her again the way I did at the playground so long ago, however temporary.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" I blurted out suddenly, after a long silence.
She didn't answer. Instead, I watched as a rosy red glow spread from her cheeks to the rest of her face, closely followed by a stupid grin. The pain that suddenly tore through my chest almost made me throw up and break down then and there.
Fuck.
"I take it by your silence that you do," I said with a fake teasing laugh, ignoring another pang of heartbreak. "Who's the guy?" The extremely lucky guy, I thought bitterly.
"Well, he's, umm...two years older than you, firstly," I said with a small laugh. "And he's from my tuition place, so you wouldn't know him...and yes, he is treating me right, and I am happy," she added, watching me open my mouth to form the questions for those answers; I'd had enough of idiot assholes treating her like crap. But at the same time, if he made her happy...if he made her happy then what the hell am I doing still pining for her, dammit!
"How long already?" I forced myself to ask.
"Seven months..." she answered shyly, turning red.
I was about to explode with the words 'seven fucking months' when she exclaimed abruptly, "Oh and look!" She went to her bag and opened the smallest pocket to take out a small giraffe of all things. I stared at it in all weirdness when I noticed that it was one of those mini plush toys with magnet legs and arms, and they were all wrapped around something. She opened it carefully as though it would break and pulled out a ring.
It was a really simple, uncomplicated ring with a little design like a leaf at the top, but it meant so much to the both of us - it was a sign of commitment, to Sakura the positive but the total opposite to me.
I wanted to break down then and there and tell her how I felt, beg her to leave him and give me the chance I've been waiting for for so long. But I couldn't, so I didn't. Instead, I made myself reach out to caress it with a finger, when I really wanted to break it. I whistled, and said, "That's some ring. How much did that cost?"
She shrugged nonchalantly and kept her ring safely again. "I don't know. But it's pretty, isn't it? And he told me the lamest catch line when he gave it to me, you know..."
I listened patiently, as always, but I wanted to tune out, mute her and everything she was saying about her stupid boyfriend - how much he claimed to love her, his promises, his sweetness - because I knew that without a doubt I could love her more.
When she went, she hugged me and said goodbye, and I curled up into a ball at the corner of the room with my earphones plugged in, pretending to be taking a rest when I was really trying to hide the pain that was so evident on my face. God, why did I have to take so long? Why did I have to let her be taken, swept off her feet by someone else? Why did I always tell her cousin I didn't have feelings for her anymore when she's all my life is? Why? Why, damn it, why!
I struggled to hold in the tears until I got home to my bed, only to collapse into it and bury my face into my pillow and just cry. I don't know how long I sat there with tears running down my face, I didn't have a care in the world. Because I just lost everything. Why was I such a dumbass? Why didn't I try to tell her how I felt? Maybe I'd have a definite answer, but I...god!
I must've sat there for a while, because I heard some insistent banging on the door. I was about to tell whoever it was to just fuck off and leave me the hell alone when my sister's voice rang through to ask if I was okay. That's when I let her in and practically collapsed into a sobbing heap into her arms. She recovered from her shock fairly quickly and made me talk to her. And I did.
"T-there's this girl..." I began, wiping away the tears. "Her name's Sakura. I met her six years ago, and even at first sight I fell for her, hard. We became best friends, we saw each other pretty much every day; when she was at the playground one day, alone, I told her how I felt. Okay, well, no, I typed it out on my phone, those three words, and I really meant it. She...she didn't take it too well and we stopped talking for a month. I took it fine, but I really missed her."
"And then?" my sister prompted.
"And then," I took a breath, "she apologized. And I told her to forget about it. But I knew I wouldn't be able to. And I haven't. For the past six years, I've been full out in love with Sakura. It hurt when she told me about all her boyfriends, and I would get so pissed off because of how they were treating her. Even when I dated other girls, I liked them, but I love Sakura, so much. I would give up anything for her, she's everything. But today..."
I couldn't go on, and buried my face into my knees. I was so damn pathetic. I was 15, for the love of god, crying out over a girl I loved who had gotten herself another boyfriend. But I couldn't help it. If I ever got her, she would be the one I would never, ever let go of. She's the one, as in the one and only girl for me. And I wished so much that I was the only one for her.
After someore prompting, I continued. "Today, a few hours ago, I found out that...that she got herself a boyfriend," I breathed helplessly. "A boyfriend two years older than me from her tuition place; they'd been together for seven fucking months already and she's happy; he...he got her a ring." My voice faltered. "It wasn't silver, it wasn't gold, it was plain stainless steel. But who cares what it was made of? It's a sign of commitment. He wants to marry her. For real."
I was silent for a long time, still trying to process all the sudden, depressing information. It sucked, it hurt, and it was fucked up. It took another hour to calm me down, because I was in turmoil, a repeat of the playground incident of my first confession but ten times worst, because this time it was because of another guy. Another guy, obviously better, probably richer, able to spend more time with her, just better in a way I could never match.
After that night, I gave up. I gave up trying for her attention, gave up trying to impress her and make her notice me. She had a boyfriend after all, and I couldn't do or say anything that would imply feelings more than that of a best friend and brother without making it unfair for both her and her new boyfriend. God, did I hate that word! I was supposed to be her boyfriend, not...not whoever that little shit was!
I thought I was managing okay, really. But I wasn't. I gave up, I even stopped talking to her in an effort to forget about her. I could feel her eyes on me whenever we were in the canteen, and I wanted to talk to her so badly, but I resisted. I gave every single effort to avoid her, ignore her, everything. But it was so, so hard just to stop thinking about her.
Every inch of my body yearned for her love, her touch, her body and lips pressed against my own, her hands in mine, her whole body in my arms and no one else's. I wanted it all with every part of me, and I would have been so willing to give all I had away just for that little piece of heaven I've been denied for so long. I told myself over and over again that I just wasn't good enough for her, and it was so true - she deserved so much better than what I had to offer even if I gave our relationship my all, and I couldn't stand the thought of losing her after being with her if she figured that out, couldn't bear the thought of never hearing her voice talking to me again and saying the words 'I love you' from her mouth anymore.
Sakura Kinomoto, I fucking love you.
Five months later, I was barely processing what the headmaster was saying at his weekly assembly speech; my eyes were on Sakura, sitting about three lines away from me a bit further to the front. I could watch her for hours. She was just so perfect.
When he was done, I automatically got up and followed my best friend, Eriol back to class. I didn't say anything, didn't react until he nudged me. "So, you going for the camp?" he asked casually.
"What camp?" I asked in surprise. There was a camp?
He raised an eyebrow in my direction. "You know, the camp the principal was talking about for the lower secondary?"
I blinked a couple of times. Guess it pays to listen sometimes. "Well...I don't know. Maybe?" I answered nonchalantly, shrugging. At that perfect moment, Sakura and her best friend Tomoyo walked past me, with the former smiling at me and waving before turning back to her companion. "Yeah, maybe I will be going, if I'm free..."
Holy shit, she's going for camp. Unbidden, thoughts and plans on how to confess my feelings came back, and shocked me senseless. I told myself I'd stop, that all I would do now concerning her and this topic was keep my distance, make sure she's happy and be there for her if she's not, but...damn...this camp was a freaking opportunity staring me in the face!
I didn't really know what I was doing when I handed in the application form, but I had a feeling it'd be a good time to spend some quality time with her and maybe, just maybe, tell her how much she means to me. And besides, I clarified, I'm not doing it to make her love me, I just...want some...time with her. That's all. I hope.
But I didn't have to get my hopes up anyway. When we arrived at our camp site, she wasn't there. Camp itself was fun, so fun, but I would've been having the time of my life if she'd been there. I felt deflated. Upset. Disappointed. Hurt. But determined not to let my feelings show. So I had to make do with whoever had come, and that included some of my friends, and Eriol, thank god.
There was...also a particular, erm...incident at camp. I bumped into this girl from Sakura's class, Akira, I think, and everyone called her Kee for short. She was kinda cute, one of the quiet ones with a small circle of friends. If we're talking about attitude, she was the complete opposite of Sakura, the latter being loud, outgoing, confident, enthusiastic and the former being...well, quiet, sticks mostly to herself and her best friend, shy, and so on. Either way, we ended up talking, and she was nice. A few things reminded me of Sakura - and hurt me all the more - and it hit that maybe, just maybe, I might be able to get over Sakura with this girl.
In a single, stupid, rash moment of desperation, I made her my girlfriend; I regretted it so much later, for more than one reason. It wasn't because she wasn't nice or anything, she was, more than that of what I deserved from someone I was merely using, but mainly because she was just a tool, help, to get over someone I really wanted to be with but couldn't have, and that was just downright mean and inconsiderate, but by the time I realized it, I was in too deep.
What's worse, because I was only using her and the relationship didn't mean much to me and I was constantly telling her lies, I didn't treat her right. I think she could tell I had feelings for Sakura - who coincidentally happened to be her best friend as well - but I kept denying it; I texted when I felt like it; didn't share things with her, got mad at her for no reason, all sorts of things, really. I shouldn't have, but...I don't know.
What's worst...she told Sakura about it. I should've seen it coming, really, considering how close they were. And when Sakura got to me, she changed. Her laugh was different, the smile a bit to wide and it didn't meet her eyes. Was she sad? Disappointed? If so, about what? Definitely not because I didn't tell her, but the only other reason would be...no, that's impossible.
And yet, it so felt like she had feelings for me too. I forced my quickly rising hopes to stay down in an effort to protect myself from being torn down for the sake of love yet again, but it wasn't exactly confirmed that one Saturday. She'd - Sakura - organized a car wash involving the lower secondary to raise funds for the school and naturally, I'd been the first to sign up.
We were washing my mom's car, myself, my dear Sakura and Eriol. I didn't know where Kee was, and even though a part of me felt guilty, another part didn't care. I was finally spending some quality time with her, albeit with Eriol as well, and that's all that mattered at that special moment. We splashed water at each other, rubbed soap into each other's faces; I bullied her to no end with my other partner-in-crime, but at the same time, I took what opportunity I had to hold her in my arms, and she didn't seem to mind. Hell, she welcomed it!
And that's when I knew that I just could never let this go.
After the whole thing, when almost everyone had already left, the three of us went to the bathrooms to change. I walked with Sakura behind Eriol, joking about anything and everything, and thinking...well, imagining, more like, really hot acts of getting her out of her clothes in the bathroom.
Whoa, what the shit? Where did that come from? Yeah, I check her out every day - you'd have to be blind if you didn't do the same with that body of hers - but I've never, ever thought anything like that before. I just spent two hours of splashing water and soap at her amidst pulling her into a million playful hugs of apology, and these thoughts were the result. Can you imagine what it'd be like if we were really together, if she was really my girlfriend? With any luck, I wouldn't have to be content with just imagining anymore.
My thoughts were interrupted when she came out in red board shorts and a black tee. I stared at her for a while, wondering which other girl wore board shorts when she came and hugged me around the middle with a grin on her face. "Thanks for helping out."
Although surprised, I put an arm around her shoulders. "No problem," I answered confidently, and did something I thought I'd never have the guts to do - I planted a soft kiss on her head.
I was about to apologize, but she didn't even react. If anything, she snuggled closer, and all I could do was cherish the warmth from her body so close to me and savour it while it lasted. That's when I knew that I had to end things with Kee, because I just wouldn't be able to handle my feelings and love for Sakura after today.
So that's what I did - I broke up with Akira, apologized, told her the half truth of my feelings for the one I really love had come back, and then said goodbye. When I told Sakura, she was shocked. 'What? Why?! What happened? Are you okay? Oh my god, is SHE okay?!'
I bit my lip. 'The feelings for the one I really love came back,' I replied vaguely.
'Well, at least you were honest with her...' she replied almost immediately. I smiled a half smile - that was just so her, to see the bright side of a depressing situation. I was about to answer with a snarky comment before she sent another message. 'But this girl must be something. Who is she?'
Crap. Damn, maybe I should've foreseen everything before telling her something like that! You idiot, you knew she'd ask! Dumbass, I scolded myself sheepishly. Well, might as well finish what you started, however badly it might end, I thought sadly with a sigh. I had a bad feeling about this. 'Do you really wanna know?' But no one ever said I couldn't stall.
'Yes, I do! Tell me...' she demanded.
I sighed, and took a heavy breath. What am I going to do? I love her so much, why can't she see that? And the way she acted today, she doesn't know how much it hurt and affected me, acting like she was my girlfriend...
Please don't freak out, I though desperately. 'She's you,' I typed carefully, and holding my breath, hit Send.
It felt like hours before her reply came back, even though it was only three minutes. 'Oh, Syao...' I couldn't see her, but I knew her more than well enough to know she was furiously blushing and biting down hard on her lower lip. 'Syao, how long has it been?'
'Six years,' I told her truthfully. 'Six years. I got together with Kee thinking I could get over you, but...I thought wrong.'
On the other end, Sakura breathed carefully. Shit, I should've seen this coming earlier. The fight started when she replied. 'Syao, I...I'm sorry but I just don't feel the same way about you...'
'I know I'm not good enough.'
'Syao, no, it isn't that...my ex made me a promise, Syao. He told me he's coming back for me when I graduate, and I believe him. I promised, I swore I'd wait for him.'
'You swore.'
'Yes, Syao, I...I swore...'
'But...But I love you...Great. You know what, that is just...great.'
'Syao, I'm sorry.'
'...I waited six years for this. Guess I gotta wait again. How long this time? Another six years?'
'Syao, I am sorry...I'm so sorry...'
No. It's fine...but just, if anyone messes with you, hurts you, they'll have to face me. Including your boyfriend. And I'll always be here for you. Always, alright?'
'Syao...thank you, but...why can't you move on?'
'I just can't, alright...you know what, forget it. I have to go. Bye.'
'Syao? :( alright. Take care...bye...'
Like a baby, I curled up on the bed and started to cry yet again. She drove me insane, this girl. Why? I don't understand. It's like I need her. Yes, that's it - I need her in my life. Because I love her. Yes, I still so fucking love you, Sakura. But you won't love me back. Which just proves to show that I'm just not good enough for you, am I? No. I never was. I have to move on. But I can't. Not from her. Damn it, why? Why?
I don't know how long I cried. I love her, so much, and the thought of losing her kills me. The thought of someone else holding her in his arms, kissing her lips, holding her hand, saying I love you. I can love you more. Whatever he's doing now to make you happy, I can top that. I won't leave you the way he did, won't find another girl to love because ever since meeting you, you're the only one I've been able to love.
Whenever I see her, my heart beats faster, skips a beat, and stops. Just seeing her. Around her, I lose my cool, lose my confidence. I stammer around her, unsure of what to say because of the way she so unknowingly makes me feel. When she's next to me she fills me with a warmth I've never known with anyone else, a warmth so comforting; and yet at the same time, she sends electric shocks down my body with every gentle touch of hers. No, I can never let go. I can never move on. I'm 15, but so what? This is love, this is real love and you only feel it once in a lifetime. And I feel it with her. I just wish...I wish she feels it with me too.
I must've fallen asleep, what with my eyelids feeling so heavy and my body exhausted from the tears, because the next time I woke up, my cheeks were feeling somewhat tight, and when I looked at my clock, it was 11. I stopped talking to her at around 10. Damn it. Even when I wake up, she's the first thing I think about.
Every thought of her, every minute spent with her, in her company; her wonderful smile, full, pink lips, adorable laugh...everything about her sends my head reeling and hell, we're not even together and I already can't get enough. I stare at her pictures on my phone, and give up trying to act like she doesn't affect me, like it's not a big deal. Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh. Feeling guilty, I open a new message. 'Hey, I know it's late. But I just wanna say that you are everything. If you give me a chance, I won't mess it up. I promise. That's all. Bye.'
It was innocent enough, I guess. I tried to get some sleep after, but the tears kept threatening to fall. My heart was...being ripped apart. I couldn't stand it anymore. I whispered into my pillow, imagining it was her, and even though I felt incredibly stupid, I willed her to hear it somehow. "Sakura Kinomoto, I love you. You are the world to me and you have been for the past six years. You're all I've ever know. You are undoubtedly the one and only for me, and that is something I can promise you won't ever change. I love you so much. If you give me a chance, I swear to you, I won't screw it up. Please, just...just think about it."
And I gave up on keeping in the tears.
That Monday (that whole incident was on a Saturday, and we had a very awkward text conversation on Sunday), she approached me, looking sad and guilty. I was in the locker room, alone. As I watched her near me from the corner of my eye, I felt my heart beat faster. God, Sakura, if only you knew what you do to me.
She finally stood next to me, and I was so...so hurt, I ignored her until she spoke softly, barely above a whimper. "Syao?"
I sighed a moment and paused before turning to her with sadness in my eyes and hurt in my voice. "Yeah."
She swallowed and her eyes reddened. I saw a clear film stretch across them and her lower lip began to tremble. Shit, she was going to cry. Damn it, I hadn't meant to hurt her..."Syao, I am sorry, I...I'm so sorry..." she murmured, holding the sides of her arms and looking at the floor as if her feet were the most interesting thing in the world.
My throat was constricting and I could feel wetness behind my eyes but it didn't matter. She was here, now, apologizing, and about to cry, and that was all I cared about - her. I sighed deeply and pulled her closer into my chest. "It's okay," I said shakily, even though we both knew it wasn't. "It's okay, please just forget about it, okay?"
I kissed her forehead gently and I felt her lips brush against my cheek, followed closely by another apology. The ecstasy that flooded my body when she kissed me was almost overwhelming, but with her in my arms right now like this, I chose to ignore it instead.
I wanted to lift her off the ground and swing her around in a tight hug but the situation barely called for it. Strangely enough, the locker room remained empty for more than long enough for us to be in each other's arms. She let go first of course, and I was left with a sad longing, but it didn't last long before she gently placed a thick piece of folded paper into my hand. "Please understand," she whispered, looking like she was about to burst into tears. She kissed me one more time on the cheek, and it felt so much more intentional than accidental, and left me standing in the locker room longing to hold her in my arms again.
The paper felt so thick, it must be at least four pages, whatever she wrote in it. The urge to read it bugged me all day, but with a miracle, I managed to hold out until the end of the day when I got home. "
'Syao, I know we're not really talking right now...but I'm so sorry. Please don't think that I don't wanna be with you, I just can't be with you in that way. Please forgive me. I know things are rocky with my ex right now, but I do believe him. I don't wanna tell you maybe we'll be together if things with my ex don't work out, because what if they do? I'd hate myself to the point of no return if I gave you that much hope then crushed it. You deserve so much better than this, better than me. I'm sorry the six years wasn't worth it. I'm sorry for everything, please forgive me. If you hate me and/or don't want to have anything to do with me again, I understand, but please know that if you need anything you have me. Don't let this friendship crash and burn. If there's anything I don't want to lose with you is this amazing, friendship. Please understand, and just think about it. I'm sorry.'
What. The. Fuck. I was feeling alright when she met me in the locker room today, but...jeez. Thanks, Saks - how do you manage to make me feel like this? So in love and desperate and crazy about you but so hurt and heartbroken at the same time. I don't understand, because all I know is you. I wish I could make you mine. I wish I was good enough for you, that I made a move sooner before he got to you, whoever that lucky bastard is. I can't do this anymore, Sakura. I just can't. I'll back off. But if anyone messes with you, screws with you, hurts you, they're answering to me. I'd do anything for you. Including this, including letting you go if you're happy. But just know...I'm never going to let you go; I'll always be here for you, to take care of you, to protect you, to love you. I promise you that, Sakura...
I promise.
That entire stretch of end of year holidays, my days were filled with texting her to no end. She replied like hours late sometimes but I didn't mind. For her, I'd wait years. Oh, wait - I have. But anyway. The first thing I did, every morning without fail, was texting her. It started off innocent, like 'Oi, kaijuu,' and 'Hey, morning,' but as we spent our Saturdays together for three hours for badminton - a sport I only played because she loved it - we...it became more intense and harder to control myself around her. She didn't mind, not even when I hugged her tight every time I saw her and kissed her head, or held her hand by accident one time when we were 'arguing', to the point where I started greeting her in the mornings with 'Hey beautiful,' and 'Morning, angel.' Again, she didn't ask me to stop.
The holidays were also spent with depressing times. Once a week at least, she'd call, most of the time in tears, to complain about her ex - how he treated her now, how he's changed from the apparently 'loving' boy she fell for, how he was hurting her...and I felt like beating the shit out of him. When I asked why she let things like this happen to her, things like this which she didn't deserve, she kept quiet. Damn that bastard! He couldn't see what the hell he had with him. If she leaves him - and I hope she does - I want him to suffer and realize he just lost the best damn thing he could ever have gotten.
She knew me too well - every time I got mad, she knew exactly what to say to calm me down, and eventually I did. I just couldn't believe that I was still falling deeper and deeper in love, more and more head over heels crazy about her. I realized I just can't keep away from her. Well, there goes that plan, now doesn't it.
One day, nearing Christmas, I asked her, 'What would you do if I kissed you when you gave me my present? As in on the lips. You gonna slap me?' Okay, admittedly, I added that last part so that to make it sound more innocent than my actual intention of actually kissing her straight on those pink lips of hers.
'Lol, no, I won't slap you...do you want to? I won't mind ;) :P' came the cheeky reply.
My breath caught. I continued teasing her about it but my mind was - unbidden - conjuring images of us liplocked, in each others' arms, hands roaming all over the place...not the most innocent first kiss with the girl you love who isn't even your girlfriend proper, but no one ever said we couldn't dream. It wouldn't be my first kiss, and I know it wouldn't be hers, but if I do it, it'll be our first kiss. Wow, that sounds even better. I found myself look forward to Christmas Day celebration.
It was two days away, and I was so damn impatient about it, but when it came, it was more than worth it. She came later than I did, because I had to come early to set up the sound system. When I saw her later, my mind literally just went blank. I forgot what I was telling Eriol, what I was doing, and just stared. Holy hell...I've never ever seen her looking that beautiful. She was gorgeous, just like the angel she was. The dress was a mixed combination of grey, silver, cream and champagne, sleeveless and reaching just above her knees, and damn did it hug all the right places. Her long auburn hair was tied in an elegant half-ponytail style and silver bangles adorned her wrist. In a word, gorgeous.
After assisting Eriol with the sound system, I went out to find her. Then she found me. "Hey," she said, somewhat breathlessly, blushing slightly. God, she looked so cute.
"Hey," I said shortly after, smiling, unable to believe she was actually here, standing in front of me. Damn, her lips looked so damn inviting...
"Merry Christmas," she said shyly, handing me a small box wrapped ever so neatly in black and white wrapping paper with a tiny envelope attached, no doubt containing another note. It snapped me out of my daydream of kissing her, and I grinned cheekily. "Thanks," I said, and hugged her tightly to me. When she was moved away, I was about to kiss her out of the blue when I heard screams and squeals.
We both turned in the direction of the sounds, and saw three kiddies running towards us happily, obviously on a sugar rush. I sighed - one of the sensei's kids. Great. I turned back to Sakura, whom I was holding very close to my body at the waist, and shrugged. "Can't do it with the kids here," I pointed out, somewhat disappointed. She smiled at me sheepishly with her pink cheeks. She looked disappointed too. "Yeah," she said, giggling a bit.
She's too cute for her own good. My smile widened; I bent down and kissed her at the corner of her mouth, as close to those probably very kissable lips of hers. She giggled again - she was definitely a bit high on something - and kissed my cheek. "Merry Christmas, Syao," she said, turning red with the sweetest smile on her lips, and then slowly removed herself from my embrace. I held her hands briefly before she went with a wink, a playful grin and another flying kiss in my direction.
I watched her go, speechless, as she went off with her friends. That entire night up til next morning, she was all that was in my head - the way she looked at me, with so much...interest, the way that dress hugged her body so perfectly, that smile, and oh my god, those lips...I chided myself, irritated, for thinking these thoughts, but I swear, that night, the way she looked, so beautiful, so submitting to me, it really, really felt as though I had just succeeded in making her love me. It was the most amazing feeling, and the best time of my life.
Who knew, five days later on December 31st, the last day of 2012, I wake up to my phone buzzing insanely. It was 10 something, and I was usually awake by then but I was umm...well, out clubbing the previous night with a close friend I hadn't seen in a couple of months. Bordering on irritation, I grabbed it from underneath my pillow and checked the caller, ready to kill it.
It was Sakura.
Sakura? Calling at this time? Something must be wrong. Without any further delay I hit the green icon at the bottom of the screen. "Hello?" I said groggily. "Sakura?"
"Syao..." she whimpered.
I was awake instantly. "Sakura? Sakura, you're crying. Wait, I'm coming over..." I was up and out of bed, pulling on a shirt when she answered.
"Syao, no. No, I...I just need to talk to you..." she sniffed multiple times and I could hear her coughing and wiping away her tears.
I stopped, and sat down on the edge of my bed, prepared to listen to what she had to say, when something occurred to me. "About what? Shit, it's your damn ex, isn't it? What the fuck is his problem?" Damn that fucker, he treated her like she didn't mean shit!
After a moment's pause, she replied shakily, "Yes. Yes, it's my ex...Syao, I...he left, Syao, he's...remember I told you last month that he had a side crush, right? He just...he just made her his girlfriend a month ago. And he...he told me he would, but he said he'd tell me when. He didn't, and he told his best friend he's not planning to come back. He's not planning to come back..." she coughed again.
I was silent awhile. "You know something?" I asked softly. My temper was rising and it took a lot to keep it down.
"What?" she murmured.
"He was an idiot to lose you," I told her honestly. And he was. He really did not know what he had, because if he did, he would've done everything he could to keep her by his side always. Sakura was a one of a kind girl, the type you'll only meet once in your lifetime and when you do, the logical thing would be to take advantage of the fact that you knew her, let alone was loved by her.
His simple statement was met by silence, so he continued. "Why do you do this to yourself? You deserve better than this, you know it. He's an asshole, hurting you like you don't mean shit. Damn, if and when I see him, I'm gonna beat the fuck out of him personally."
To my surprise, she actually chuckled. "Relax, Syao, you haven't heard the good news yet..." Oh, so there was good news? Surprising. When Sakura was this upset, she doesn't make jokes, and there is no sense of an optimism at all.
"What's the good news then?" I asked bluntly.
"Remember how I told you, how I asked for some time to make up my mind? To try and give up and move on from him?" she asked suddenly.
Ouch...that memory hurt. I'd asked whether there was any chance of us getting together and her reply had given me so much hope - 'I don't know, Syao. Can you give me some time? I need to figure things out. Please.'
I swallowed. "Yeah." I hadn't meant that much hurt to show, but...when you were in love with someone out of your reach for this long...
"Do you have any idea how desperately I wanted to be your girlfriend then?"
"Yeah..." I said absentmindedly, and then realized what she'd just said. "Wait, what?"
Sakura laughed, not humourlessly, and I had to surpress a smile. "Yeah. Syao, I've had feelings for you for four years...never said anything because I thought it was just a crush. And when I got together with Yukito, I thought I got over you, but...I didn't. I still looked forward to seeing you, hoping to catch a smile in my direction or even a 'hi'. The reason I rejected you is because I've been through a lot with Yukito that I wasn't willing to let go. But I've always felt secure and safe and happy with you. The past two months have been...special, feeling that feeling I've always felt when I was around you."
I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath. "So what are you trying to say?" I hadn't meant my voice to be that guarded either, but I didn't want my hopes, which were already rising, to fall and be crushed yet again.
She paused. "I love you," she breathed softly, stopping my heart. "I love you. It just took me too long to realize it and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you go through what you went through all those six years of waiting for me to love you back; I'm sorry that I talked to you about my ex, knowing the way you felt about me." She was crying again, and I had to hold back my own tears.
"...forget about it," I said gently, trying to comfort her.
"No...no, I can't...and I know there's only one way to make it up to you...that's why...that's why I'm telling you now that I love you. And I don't wanna lose you. You mean...you mean everything to me. Please, don't think you're the rebound guy. I mean what I'm saying. This isn't to get over this faster. I really love you and I do want to be with you. You said you would wait. Would you...would you even consider taking me as your girlfriend?"
Are you frigging kidding me right now? Did those words just come out of her mouth? What the hell! I was half so bloody happy that they did, and I was doing flips - on the inside, of course - but another half was damn irritated that she asked that stupid question, I mean, hello! I waited for you for six freaking years, remember! I actually had to take a while to calm down before I answered her, in the sweetest, most soothing voice I could manage at that state.
"Sakura...I waited for six years; when you told me about Yukito, it broke my heart and I had to be admitted to the hospital because I stopped eating; before the operation last year the last thing I wanted to do was to see you and tell you how I felt about you because I was scared I would never get the chance to and you would never know; I cried for days over the letter you wrote me, fine by day but yelling at night and crying to my sisters about how I didn't wanna lose you, how I couldn't let you go; I felt like finding your ex and whacking the shit outta him every time you called crying to tell me how much he's hurting you; I didn't believe in love at first sight until I saw you six years ago; I couldn't stop looking at you every time I saw you, and when I did I treasured the smile that came after; I hurt every day of the six years of loving you with all my heart. And now you think that I'm not going to take you as my girl." I said it all very calmly and by her silence, I don't think she heard the smile on my lips.
"Sakura...I would love to have you as my girlfriend," I said finally, anxiously awaiting her response.
She let out the breath she was apparently holding and laughed aloud. "Really?"
Her contagious laughter made me smile wider. "Yes, really."
When silence met my ears, we started to laugh, giggle, chuckle, talk about nonsensical things. We didn't know what else to do. All we did know was that we finally had each other and for the moment that was all that mattered. The next 25 minutes were one of the most amazing of my life, talking to her, comforting her and assuring her that even if we did break up along the way, I would never treat her like her ex. I knew she didn't believe, but I just wanted to say it, make sure she heard it so that she would always remember it. Though breaking up with her - or doing anything stupid to allow her the opportunity and reason to break up with me - was something I would never, ever let happen.
That 25 minute talk ended too fast when Sakura said, "Oh my gosh, it's been 25 minutes."
"So?" I asked, too happy to care about anything else.
"So..." she said, smiling, "I have to go. I'm on postpaid, remember?"
I felt so deflated, but I knew she was right. I should have some breakfast and start studying as well. "Okay, angel," I 'accidentally' let slip, smirking. "Take care, okay. Text me if you need anything."
"I need you..." I heard her murmur, and my heart just melted. "Bye..."
"I love you," I said softly. And I felt so relieved - finally, I finally said it to her.
She chuckled, too cutely. "I love you, too...bye..."
"Bye, angel," I said one last time - I loved calling her that - and put down the phone.
I sat there in bed, breathing heavily with a stupid smile on my face. Finally. I finally did it. Sakura Kinomoto. After six years of pain and desperation and trying to make her fall for me...I finally did it!
I laughed aloud, just as my mom came into the room.
"Syao?" she asked, confused at my sudden outburst.
"Mom!" I exclaimed, sitting up. Damn, that was embarrassing.
"What's the matter?" she asked, still with her eyebrows knitted together.
I surpressed a wide grin. Oh, nothing. Just that the girl of my dreams finally said she loved me and became mine. "Nothing, Mom, just...got a weird text from a friend."
She seemed to accept that. "Oh, okay. Just came up to tell you your breakfast has been waiting for you for about an hour in the oven." And with that sarcastic statement, she left, closing my bedroom door behind her.
I laughed aloud again. And again. And again. No words could possibly describe how happy I was, how happy and relieved to know that Sakura - my Sakura - was finally, officially, mine.
I felt my phone vibrate in my hand, and opened a new message. 'Hey, baby(:' was all it said, but it sent my heart flipping and somersaulting.
'Hey, beautiful,' I replied immediately, not even cringing at the corniness of it all - two best friends, a secret love, finally finding love in each other. Damn, it sounded like a sitcom. But what the hell, I finally got Sakura Kinomoto.
I grinned and laughed and smiled all at once all over again, my heart bursting with what I felt for her and feeling so happy. This moment just replaced Christmas Day. Today, the 31st of December 2012, was officially the best day of my whole freaking life, the day it wasn't Syaoran Li and Sakura Kinomoto anymore - it was us.
Finally.
A/N: Yes, it's finally done! To all my readers, I hope you enjoyed this. To my supporters, I LOVE YOU ALL, and thank you for everything, especially Miku88. In this Six Years sequence, this would be the second installment. The third would be their marriage, a shorter, plain old sweet and romantic one. I'm not sure whether I should write about their first night, because that would be my first MA rated fanfic; I don't want to screw it up because so far, this series is my best one yet. So please, send it your input about that and this latest story, whether via review of a private message, because I really wanna know. So, until then, be patient with me until their marriage chapter. Once again, apologies for any mistakes whether in the story, grammar, spelling, etc. because they were accidental, not intentional. A last shout out to all readers and supporters, thank you so much for everything. Ciao.