Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
This is your Captain speaking. We are beginning our descent into SeaTac, the current temperature is a comfortable 85 degrees. We'd like to thank you for flying US Airlines and hope to fly again with you soon.
I slid the manuscript I had been reading into my bag and noticed James in the next seat shutting down his laptop. My boyfriend James and I worked for one of the largest publishing houses in the nation, Twilight Books. James was a Vice-President over talent acquisition and I was a junior editor in the Fiction group. James was headed to a conference for new authors in Seattle and I had been practically forced by him to tag along.
"Are you excited to be home?" He asked with a hint of a smirk on his lips.
"Not really, New York is home. If I had wanted to spend time in Washington, I probably would have made it back sometime in the last 7 years, James," I replied with a pout.
"Come on baby, don't be like that. I know you haven't been back to see your family since you went to college, but aren't you even a little bit pleased to be here? Not even a small bit anxious to introduce them to your boyfriend?"
I rarely spoke of my roots, so I knew James had no idea how coming back to this place made me feel. I gave James as much of a smile as I could manage at that moment. "You know I want them to meet you, that isn't what this is about. I'm just not the same girl who left Forks all those years ago. I don't belong here anymore."
"Everything will be fine, Isabella. You'll see. It's just a weekend visit, you will survive. And sometime this weekend I want to revisit the conversation we started regarding our living arrangements."
Of course he wanted to talk about me moving into his place in New York. Since I told James I was not ready to move in with him, he had become ridiculously insecure about our relationship. He would stop by my desk multiple times per day, call and text at odd hours to see what I was doing and now he was insisting I take him home to meet my parents who he had never met in our three years of dating. I guess he thought that not having met my parents said something about my level of commitment to him, but it had more to do with the fact that I could not stand my hometown.
Forks, Washington is the definition of boring, small town life. I hated living in a place where everyone knew everyone's business. Nothing exciting ever happened in Forks. It was a 90 minute drive to anything remotely worth visiting. A flannel shirt was considered acceptable formal wear in Forks. As soon as I got my scholarship to NYU, I knew I would be leaving Forks permanently. I loved my parents, and tried to persuade them to come visit me several times over the years. However, the idea of visiting New York City was as objectionable to them as coming back to Forks was for me. They loved living in my hometown and I always wondered if they weren't secretly disappointed that I left to go to school and start a career instead of getting knocked up and staying in town like half of the girls in my graduating class.
I suppose I couldn't really blame my parents for their reluctance to come to NYC. I know that I was completely overwhelmed when I came to the big city to start school. If I hadn't had Charlotte as a roommate, I'm not sure I would have survived. Charlotte's family was part of the New York elite, and she had no qualms about making over my hick image and introducing me to the club scene. I was adopted by her fellow socialites and never looked back. I loved the pace of the city now. It was so full of energy and life. With Char's help, I became the girl I always fantasized I would be. I was now fashionable, sophisticated and connected to important people. I couldn't imagine ever living anywhere but New York City.
A busy airport, a cranky rental car agent, and three hours of driving and we were nearly to my parent's place. I decided it was probably time to give James a little background on my family.
"You know my family is different than yours, right?"
"I should hope so," said James. James' mother was an oil heiress, with more money than sense. She was a moderately successful model before she married James' father and still had her celebrity connections. She spent her days lunching with the ladies and drinking like a fish. She had an amazing penthouse uptown and was regularly cited in the gossip rags for her fantastic dinner parties. I actually met Robert De Niro at one of her soirees last year.
"No, I mean they are really different."
"Ok…are you worried about what I am going to think of them? I know you don't come from a wealthy background, I am not with you for your money," he said with a cheeky grin. Of course he could joke about that, since he stood to inherit the entire Winthrop fortune. Assuming his mother didn't drink it away, that is.
"I don't just mean that they are not rich. My family is a little more, um, rural that you might be expecting," I said with a blush. "I hope you aren't too disappointed when we get there."
"Oh baby, this is where you came from! How could I be disappointed?"
I turned to my window. "We'll see. Turn left at the stop sign."
We turned and headed through the gates. "Silver Forks?" he read in an incredulous voice.
"Yeah, there used to be some mining that went on in the area. I guess someone thought that it was a clever name for the park," I sighed.
"Your parents live in a park?"
"That's their place on the right."
James pulled the car to side of the gravel road and stared at the home before him.
"So, yeah, this is where I grew up."
I could tell James was trying to control the stupefied look on his face, and while I appreciated the effort, he was starting to make me a little uncomfortable.
"You grew up in a…trailer park?" he asked, his voice squeaking at the end of the question.
"Yes."
I didn't feel like answering any more of his questions. I got out of the car, thinking I would give him a moment to process things and hopefully wipe the shocked look off his face. I straightened my black pencil skirt, ran my fingers through my hair and turned on my Manolo heels to grab my carry-on out of the trunk.
"Bella, baby!"
The screech made me drop my bag on my toe, and I was nearly knocked to the ground by my over-enthusiastic mother who was currently trying to hug the life out of me.
"Mom, it's…good to see you."
"I knew you would be back! Your daddy said that we'd never see you again, but look here you are! And you look so beautiful sweetie. Although, you could definitely use a few more pounds. That ass is practically nonexistent!" she squealed as she spun me around and gave me a smack on the butt. "I can't wait to tell you everything that has happened since you left! Peter West just left his wife last month. For his seventeen year old cousin! Now, you know I have no problem with cousins together, after all your Aunt Beth did marry her cousin and that turned out fine, but seventeen does seem a little young for a forty year old man. You remember the Wests don't you? You used to babysit for them…" Mom continued to rattle on about everything that changed, who was sleeping with who and what was going on behind closed doors in Forks, as I rolled my bag up to the front porch. This was exactly why I had never felt comfortable with the people of Forks, everything you did was everyone else's business. And my mother was the queen of the gossips.
"Mom, wait just a minute. I'll be here for the next two days, we have plenty of time to catch up. Mom, this is James. James, this is my mother, Renee."
James had finally made it out of the car and was slowly making his way up the path to the trailer. "Mrs. Swan. It's a pleasure to finally meet you," he said as he took her hand.
"Oh baby, this one is a charmer! No wonder we can't get you to come home. You couldn't make me leave the bed of a fine piece of man-meat like this one," she said with a wink.
"Mother!"
"Hush, Bella! You know I didn't mean anything by it. Now let me take a look at the boy my baby brought home."
My mom held James at arm's length to get a good look at him, but it was James that was getting an eyeful. Renee had on glittery flip-flops, black capri pants and her signature animal print-this time it was a cheetah print tube-top with a wide stretchy belt across the middle. Her skin looked tanned within an inch of its' life and I could see the Charlie tattoo over her heart peeking out the top of her shirt. The teased hair on her head was tilted to the side as she appraised my boyfriend.
"He's so handsome Bella! Come on, you need to introduce him to Daddy." Renee grabbed his hand and began dragging him around the back of the trailer. "Daddy! You need to meet Bella's new man!"
We rounded the trailer to see my Dad sitting on a cut-off piece of a log. He was in his worn flannel shirt, a trucker hat and a black pair of jeans. I'm pretty sure it was the exact same outfit he was wearing when I left town 7 years ago. He was tying fishing flies, as always, and lifted his head as he heard Renee approach.
"Dad, this is my boyfriend James. James this is my father, Charlie."
James held out his hand, "Mr. Swan."
My father didn't even raise his eyes toward James, but acknowledged him with a grunt and a twitch of his bushy mustache. James lowered his hand and gave me a confused look.
"Daddy doesn't talk much, and I talk twice as much as anyone should! It's how we have stayed together for so long," Renee told him in an exaggerated whisper. She grabbed his bicep and started crossing the courtyard with him, my father left to his fishing gear. "I can't wait to introduce you to all of Bella's friends. ROSIE!" James cringed away from her booming voice. "ROSIE! BELLA'S BACK!"
"Renee, what are you screeching about?" I saw a screen door swing open and out stepped one of my high school friends, Rosalie Hale. Rosalie saw me and her jaw dropped. "Bells?"
"Rosalie? When did you move here?" Rose hadn't lived in Silver Forks when we were younger. Her family had lived in one of the few middle class neighborhoods in Forks, closer to the center of town. She had always been somewhat of a princess, completely spoiled by her parents, and it was clear that hadn't changed. The color of her hot pink terry romper was perfect coordinated to what appeared to be Lee Press-On nails with rhinestone appliqués on her fingers. The rhinestones matched the clear Lucite on her dangerously tall heels. If the gold-tone necklace over her excessively large implants hadn't proudly stated her name as Rosalie, I might have mistaken her for trailer-trash Barbie.
"It's been years since I moved here. I guess you might know that if you ever came home, though," she said with a pout and a toss of her peroxide treated locks.
I knew that Charlie and Renee had missed me, but I guess I hadn't taken the time to recognize others might miss me, too. I couldn't deal with her emotions now, so I decided to pretend I hadn't noticed her hurt expression.
"Rosalie, this is my boyfriend, James."
"James, eh?" Rosalie gave him a critical, and definitely disapproving glance. "Oh, Emmy-bear, come meet Bella's boyfriend, James."
James slid closer to my side, obviously somewhat overwhelmed by the introductions. I grabbed his hand, gave him a loving look and squeezed his hand in a show of solidarity. I felt a little bad for him, being here was so outside of his realm of experience. "Isabella…" His hand started to shake in mine just a little, so I glanced in the direction he was looking. I must have looked like a cartoon character with how wide my eyes were at the sight before me.
"Emmett McCarty? What the hell happened to you?"
I clapped my hand over my mouth to try and stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but it was too late. Emmett's face broke out into a huge smile and he rushed over to crush me into a huge, sweaty bear hug.
"Hells-Bells! Where have you been? We've missed you!" his boisterous voice rang out.
"I've been in New York City since I left, Em. What have you been up to?" I made my query, hoping that this was a nicer way to ask what the hell had happened. Emmett was a normal 6'2" high school football player when I left, and now he looked like the poster child for steroid use. His muscled arms were bursting out of the sleeveless tee he wore and his neck had gotten so thick it was visually indistinguishable from his shoulders. His spandex workout shorts appeared to be stretched so tight they were testing the laws of physics. Ugh, that is just a little more of Emmett McCarty than I ever wanted to see. Or a lot more, I guess would be a more appropriate description. Rosalie is a lucky girl, I mused. I was broken out of my thoughts by the sound of James clearing his throat. I blushed bright red at the realization that I had been checking out Em's goods. James was giving me a dirty look, and his fingers were gripping mine much tighter than was really necessary to keep our hands together. Emmett gave me a cocky smirk, and Rosalie look just as pleased.
"That's my monkey man," she said with a lick of her overly glossed lips.
I felt the shudder move through James' and my body at the same time. Just because I had noticed how the man was well-endowed, doesn't mean I needed those thoughts running though my head. It's not like I could help it, he was completely putting it out there with his junk-hugging shorts. Mental bleach, please!
Rosalie folded herself into his side and the visual was something like King Kong holding the gorgeous heroine from an old movie.
"I've been doing heavy physical training, Bells. I've finally found my calling. UFC!"
"UFC?" I said. I'd never heard of it.
"You know, UFC? Ultimate Fighting Championship? Cage fighting? Two guys locked in the octagon until one beats the piss out of the other. You have to have seen it!"
I slowly shook my head. Why would anyone watch something that sounded so violent? "I haven't seen it, Em, but I am sure you are an excellent fighter."
"You bet your ass I am! I'm in an amateur division now, but I'll get my chance in the big ring soon enough. Let me demo some moves for you with your pretty-boy over here. Bet you've never been in a fight before, have you?"
Before James had a chance to respond, he was hoisted over Emmett's head. Emmett was holding James by the thigh and the shoulder and James was flailing like a fish on the deck of my fathers' fishing boat.
"Put me down!" James shrieked in a high-pitched, far-from-masculine voice that I had never heard before. "Help!" James latched onto Em's arm, and suddenly James was lying on the ground gasping and Emmett was the one screaming.
"He bit me! That piece of shit bit me!" Emmett wailed.
Sure enough, there was a red swollen bite mark on Emmett's wrist.
I jumped over James and began poking Emmett in the chest, backing him away from my boyfriend. "What do you think you are doing? You could have seriously hurt him! I don't know when Forks turned into a place where this type of behavior is acceptable, but…" My screaming tirade was interrupted when I felt him behind me. My heart was accelerating to a rapid pace and I felt flushed all over. Apparently, I could stay away from Forks for 7 years and my body still reacted to the presence of Edward Cullen.
I spun around to find him watching me with an amused expression on his face. He looked the same, still in his uniform of a black tee and black jeans with the same red-brown unruly hair, yet he looked older, no longer the carefree boy I left behind in my journey to find myself. His bright green eyes looked aged and wiser.
Every good childhood memory I have stars Edward Cullen. I was a quiet, friendless bookworm of a child until Edward moved to Forks. With his similar shy nature, we became best friends. Edward was my better half in every sense of the words. He protected me from kids who thought it was fun to pick on the mousy, smart girl and he encouraged me to write when I thought it wouldn't be any good. Eventually, we became a romantic couple and everyone assumed that we would marry right after high school (or sooner) as was the custom here. He was the center of my universe, but I threw a wrench into our future together with my starry-eyed dreams of moving to the big city and becoming a famous author. I left for NYU right after high school graduation and he had been planning on attending the University of Washington's music program. I hadn't heard from him since I left.
"Edward." I whispered.
"Bella."
"What are you doing here?" I said. I had assumed he had escaped Forks at the same time I had. I'd hoped he had been a success with his music, he played the piano and the guitar, but I didn't want to encourage match-making Renee by asking about him.
"What do you mean? I'm right where you left me. I live here, remember?"
My eyes snapped to his eyes that were no longer crinkled in amusement, but appeared to be darkening with some unnamed emotion. Was he upset with me? There had always been a draw between us, a magnetism that brought us closer together. I felt it now, every fiber in my being somehow connected to his. I stepped in his direction, feeling the pull stronger as I got closer to him. I wanted to question his statement, but James had recovered the wind that had been knocked out of him when Emmett dropped him on the ground and was standing and reaching for Edward's hand.
"James Winthrop, and you are Edward…"
"Cullen." Edward returned his handshake with what looked to be an unnecessarily firm grip.
"You're Edward Cullen? The Edward Cullen?" James asked incredulously. Had James heard of Edward? I knew I had never mentioned my past with Edward, I never talked of the time before I moved to New York.
"I'm not aware of another."
"Bella never mentioned anything about you..."
"Funny, I haven't heard much about you either. Renee never mentioned Bella was seeing anyone."
I had to put a stop to their pissing match. James looked murderous at the idea that I had not mentioned him to anyone. I found the perfect diversion standing 10 feet behind Edward.
"Jasper!"
Jasper looked toward me. Jasper had moved to Forks from Alabama when we were in high school. "Well, if it isn't Bella Swan, back from the big city." I guess he hadn't lost the southern accent. He had on his "Southern Pride" ensemble today- well-worn cowboy boots, tight-as-hell Wranglers and a Confederate flag tee with the sleeves ripped off. He tipped his cowboy hat to me as he walked to my side.
"Jazz, you haven't changed a bit! Where's Alice? Is she here?" Alice had been inseparable from Jasper from the day he started school here. I was sure they must still be together. Alice and I became friends in high school on the long bus ride from the trailer park to Forks High. She was one of the few people I really wanted to catch up with as long as I was here.
"Nah, I was just here to speak to Edward for a minute. Ali and I moved to town when I bought the bar. You should stop by tonight and see her, I know she would love to catch up with y'all."
"Oh, I will. James and I are planning to spend the night here before heading into Seattle tomorrow for his conference. We should have plenty of time to stop by and see her." I looked at James to confirm this was ok. "Baby, are you alright?"
James was locked in a staring contest with Edward. Edward seemed amused, but I could tell that James was becoming more and more agitated. His face was nearly purple by the time I made it back over to him.
"Isabella, I just remembered a meeting I scheduled with Victoria from the office for tonight. It is imperative that I connect with her before the conference tomorrow."
"How come you never mentioned the meeting before now? I thought we planned to stay here tonight. Are you sure that it was for…" My voice trailed off as he dragged me into my parents trailer, for what I assume he thought would be some privacy.
"Bella, you can't be serious about staying here."
"What? Why not?"
"These people are insane!" he hissed, glancing out the window to make sure no one had followed us.
"These people? What the hell, James?"
"Listen, your parents are perfectly nice and I am really happy I got the chance to meet them, but there is no way I can stay here tonight. A Winthrop does not sleep in a trailer! You'll come back to Seattle with me, and we will have a romantic night on the town."
"After your meeting, of course."
"Uh, yes. After my meeting. We'll need to be leaving soon so we can make it back."
"James, I know that I wasn't eager to come here, but now that I am here, I can't just leave after an hour! My parents haven't seen me in seven years. When am I ever going to make it back here?"
James snorted. "Um, never if I have any say in it!"
I didn't want to stay in Forks any more than he did, hell I had been avoiding it for years, but something about the judgments he was making was really starting to rub me the wrong way.
"Look, I know this probably isn't what you expected. I would never make you stay somewhere you feel uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable here either, but tonight I am staying. You can drive back tomorrow night after your conference to pick me up. We'll spend Friday together in Seattle and fly home on Saturday."
"That doesn't work, the cocktail party is tomorrow night. I will be there until late, I couldn't possibly make it all the way out here. You know I need to be at the party to make contacts."
"Fine, James. Pick me up Friday night. We won't be able to spend any time together in Seattle, but I guess it isn't a huge deal. Our flight doesn't leave until Saturday morning anyway."
"Baby, I am not sure I am comfortable leaving you here. Are you sure it is safe?"
"Seriously? I lived here for the first 18 years of my life, I am pretty sure I can handle it."
"Ok, Isabella. I'm going to take off then. Give your parents my regrets, I am so sorry that I scheduled a meeting for tonight."
"I'm sure you are sorry. James, since you will have some time after your meeting tonight, would you take my manuscript with you? You promised you would read it on this trip."
I worked in publishing, but my true passion had always been my writing. I had finally finished a book I was truly proud of, and I was really looking forward to sharing it with him. James was respected in the industry and had a knack for finding new writing talent. If he liked what I had written, I knew it was worth something. I had asked him to read it several times, but he was always so busy with work. He had been working a lot of late nights with Victoria, a fellow VP at the firm. I hoped that this small break from the office, even though it was work related, would give me an opportunity to expose him to my work.
"Of course, I'll make sure I look at it tonight. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
He gave me a swift kiss on the lips, and dashed out to the rental car. He started it up and pulled out so fast, gravel sprayed the garden gnome next to my parents' mailbox.
I stepped onto the porch and watched him drive away. I am not sure this could have gone any worse. My born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-his-mouth boyfriend had been accosted, glared at and assaulted in Silver Forks. No wonder I never came back here. No wonder he couldn't get away fast enough.
I pulled up a milk crate and plopped down on it. I leaned forward to rest my head in my hands and saw a glimpse of red in the yard. My suitcase! I guess I hadn't gotten far enough past Hurricane Renee to actually get it inside. I went down the steps to pick it up. Next to my suitcase was my carry-on. I pulled both bags up to the porch and opened the carry-on to find what I should have expected. The portfolio containing my novel was still there. James hadn't paused long enough in his escape to take it with him. Sigh. I set the portfolio on the milk crate and began hauling my bags to my childhood bedroom.
Nothing had changed in the room. It had the same twin bed with the same worn purple comforter. The bulletin board on my wall held pictures of my high school adventures. I looked at the pictures of Alice, Rose and I on a day trip to Seattle, Edward and I at my Senior Prom, Jasper and Edward playing their guitars at a bonfire party in La Push. I was exhausted by the day already, and I had promised to stop by the bar tonight to see Alice. Maybe I could squeeze in a nap…
'*'
After my altogether too brief nap, I had an awkward early dinner with Charlie and Renee. Charlie grunted his responses and Renee wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to answer her questions. After that, I got ready for my night out. It was just a night at a bar in Forks, but I thought that I would wear something nice. No one in town would recognize the designer labels, but I knew I looked good in the navy wrap dress and suede heels.
I had Charlie drop me off outside of Jasper's bar. I figured I could catch a ride home with someone or maybe crash with Alice. I stepped through the door and waited for my eyes to adjust to the dim, smoky light. Jasper was behind the bar serving drinks and chatting with some men I didn't know. Alice was standing next to him. She had a baby resting on the hip exposed by her low rise daisy dukes and tied up flannel top. She was shoeless and was yelling at two more children that were climbing on the stage in the corner.
"Jasper! Jasper! Get off the stage, it's almost showtime! Don't you make me come over there!"
She turned to me, and grabbed me in a hug with her free arm. "Bella! I can't believe you are here!"
I returned her hug. "Look at you! You have a baby…in a bar."
"Actually, I have three! Boys, come over here and meet my friend." The two rambunctious boys finally made it to her side. "Bella, this is Jasper the Second, Jasper the Third and this little guy is Jasper the Fourth," she said as she gave the baby a little squeeze. "I wanted them all to be just like Jazz, so they all have his name!"
The boys names were a little crazy, even by Forks standards, but both Alice and Jasper seemed to light up at the sight of their children. I felt a twinge of envy seeing the two of them watch their boys adoringly.
"Wow, such handsome boys! You look really happy, Alice."
"I am, girl, but enough about me! I wanna hear about the big city and the handsome man Renee says you brought home with you. Where is he?"
"James needed to head back to Seattle for business, he didn't stay too long."
"Well, sounds like a girl's night then! Let me take the boys over to Maria's and we'll get started!"
Alice took the boys around the corner to her mother-in-law's house and then guided me to a table near the stage. She set up three shot glasses and poured some whiskey into each. "Rosie will be here in a couple minutes, but I say we toast now. To finding what makes us happy, and holding on to it with both hands!"
"I'll drink to that," Rosalie said as she slid into the seat next to me while downing her shot.
I downed the shot and thought about what she said. I liked my job and I was moderately successful. My happiness really was my writing though, and I vowed to pursue it fully when I got back to New York. Starting with making James read that manuscript.
As if my phone could read my mind, it began to vibrate and the display showed James name. I turned my back to the table and answered, "James! How did your meeting go, baby?"
He didn't respond. I could hear his muffled voice, he must have forgotten to lock his cell phone and butt-dialed me. I was about to disconnect the call when I heard a laugh. A distinctly female laugh. I could hear his voice again, but I couldn't make out the conversation. Was he still with Victoria? If he had needed to rush back to Seattle for their meeting this afternoon, would they still be together after ten at night? I disconnected the call and placed the Blackberry back in my bag. I really didn't want to hear any more.
My headache from earlier in the day returned, and although I wasn't much of a drinker, I had Alice refill my glass. I was going to need a buzz to dull all the questions in my head. I heard Jazz on the stage announcing the entertainment for the night, but I really wasn't paying attention to what he was saying or the conversation between Rose and Alice. The strum of a guitar and a deep, gravelly voice that I would know anywhere brought me out of my daze.
Edward. He was sitting on a stool on the stage singing softly into the mic. All the noise of the bar faded away, and all I could hear was the sweet words he was singing and the notes from the guitar. I couldn't look away from him if I wanted to.
The lyrics were amazing. I knew immediately that this wasn't a cover, this was his music. He'd written this song.
…She's got these big brown eyes, and they're as wide as the moon.
They can take you to bed without you leavin' the room.
I would kill just to be her man,
but she's too cool to give a damn.
I'm falling in love for the last time.
I'm falling in love forever and ever.
Falling in love with a girl that ain't mine.
I'm falling in love for the last time…
It made me ill to think of him singing about another girl. I had always hoped he had written songs about me when we were in high school, although if he had, he never shared them with anyone. This song was so intimate, you could feel the love and longing in every word. Edward hadn't been mine for a very long time, but a tiny part of my heart was jealous of the girl who could make him feel this way. Who am I kidding? A large part of me was jealous of whoever inspired these lyrics.
Alice's voice brought me back to the conversation at the table. "You know, he went up there? New York?"
"Who?" I said, "Edward?"
"I'm not supposed to know, but Jasper let it slip once."
"When?"
"About a year after you left. He told Jasper he'd never seen anything like it. He knew it would take more than just showing up to get you back. He'd have to conquer the world first. He's been trying ever since."
I was silent as I pondered this new information.
"You know, he's been successful with his music? Not his performing yet, but his songwriting. You'd never guess it because he's still here. You should ask him about it."
Right now, I was sure I didn't want to talk to Edward about any of his songwriting, including his inspiration for this song, whoever she was.
"Hit me, Alice." Alcohol would be my friend tonight.
I lost track of how much whiskey I consumed, I never was good at holding my booze. I was feeling buzzed and happy, my concerns forgotten, when Alice tucked me into Edward's truck for the ride home. Rose and Emmett had left together earlier in the night saying something about keeping up his early morning training routine.
"Take care of her, Edward. Make sure she drinks a glass of water and two Tylenol before she gets in bed. Girl can't hold her alcohol, I guess not everything changes."
"I'll take care of her, Al," he replied.
Edward pulled out of the lot, and was silent for the first few minutes of our drive.
"Are you ok, Bella? I've never seen you drink that much." He took one hand off the steering wheel and tucked my hair behind my ear.
"I'm fine, Edward. Just fiiiiiiiine…" my statement is interrupted by a loud hiccup. His laugh at my obvious drunkenness is musical. I realize I have missed it.
"Who is she?"
"Who is who?"
"She. The girl with the brown eyes. The girl you fell in love with."
"Bella…we shouldn't talk about this now. I'm tired. You're drunk."
"Why not? I think this is the perfect time."
Why doesn't he want to tell me about her? The song said that the girl wasn't his, I'll have to suck it up and ask Renee tomorrow about any rumors going around Forks starring Edward. I know I shouldn't care-I have a boyfriend and a life that exists outside of this place, but I care. I am intoxicated enough to admit that, even if I will only admit it to myself.
I turn to the window, pouting about him not answering my questions, and the next thing I am aware of is strong arms lifting me out of the cab of the truck. I lean into the warm body that is carrying me through the chilly night. He smells familiar, clean. Like soap and boy and man, so many memories. Edward.
"Edward. Where am I?" I mumbled through my sleepy fog.
"Hush, love. I'm taking you to your bed."
"Ok, s'good idea. So tired."
He set me down on my feet just long enough to slide back my comforter then he lifted me again and placed me gently in my childhood bed. He'd been in my room many times, first as my childhood buddy, then as my boyfriend. It felt right for him to be here. I wanted him here.
"Stay."
"What, Bells?"
"Stay, with me. Tired, need you." I was slurring my words at this point, my eyes were shut, and my brain was unable to connect successfully with my mouth.
He didn't answer for a few moments. I opened my eyes to see if he was still there. He was. The lamp in the corner of my room lit up his features, making them stand out even more beautifully than they normally did. His jaw was strong, his brow defined. His dark green eyes were gazing at me with an unfathomable look.
"When you mean it, love, really mean it, I will stay. Not tonight though."
He tucked the blanket around me, placed a soft kiss on the top of my head and walked out of the room without a glance back.
What did that mean? I wanted to contemplate the meaning of everything I had learned tonight, but my mind was so heavy, my eyes were so heavy. Tomorrow…
'*'
I wake in the morning and can feel precisely how much I drank last night. I note that the clock on my nightstand says it is after noon. Ugh, what was I thinking? Oh, that's right. James and his giggling female companion. Edward and his brown-eyed muse. Edward leaving me. I was trying not to think. My brain may possibly explode if I don't get some caffeine and painkillers, immediately.
I drag myself out of bed, change into my 7 For All Mankind jeans and a NYU hoodie- possibly the most casual clothing I own, and walk to the kitchen. I grab a Diet Coke and a Little Debbie snack. Mmm, my mother's idea of a balanced breakfast. I don't hear either Charlie or Renee in the trailer, so I decide to go outside for some fresh air. Maybe the air and the ibuprofen I am gulping down with my Diet Coke will help stop the pounding between my ears.
I plop myself down in the aluminum lawn chair at the end of the porch and decide to rip open my Honey Bun. Hey, if I am going to puke, I may as well have something in my stomach, right?
"Bella, what is this?"
Edward is sitting on the milk crate, holding my portfolio. He looks exhausted, but his emerald eyes have a brightness I've never seen in them. Where did he get my portfolio?
"Who wrote this? Is it an author you are editing?"
"Why? What's it to you?"
"Answer the question, please."
He is pinching the bridge of his nose. I know he's losing his patience with me, but I am not sure I want to discuss it.
"We aren't discussing this, Edward. You are tired, I'm drunk, or hungover, anyway," I said, throwing last nights' words back in his face.
"Look," he starts softly, "this story is you. Everything about this story screams you. Isabella Marie Swan is the only person who could have written this. I recognized your 'voice' right away. It's amazing, Bells."
"You read it? All of it?"
"I couldn't put it down. I probably shouldn't have opened the folder, I would never want to violate your privacy, but it was on the porch and I didn't know if it was important."
"So, you read it?"
"I did. Stayed up all night. Is it going to be published?"
"Um…I'm working on that."
"What do you mean 'working on it'? You working publishing, your boyfriend is a talent agent for a publishing firm. What did he have to say about it? Didn't he like it?"
I was starting to feel a little defensive. Of course I wanted my book to see the light of day. I was truly proud of it.
"James loved it! Or he will love it, I am sure."
"Will love it? He hasn't read it? When did you finish this?"
I wouldn't meet his eyes, so he placed a finger under my chin and tilted my head up.
"Bella, how long has this been completed?"
"Six months," I whispered.
"Six months…six months! He has known about this for six months and hasn't read it! I figured he was a complete asshole after he made up that 'meeting' so he could leave, but this is a much higher level of fuckery than even I would have expected!"
"Now wait just a minute, Edward. You don't know him or my relationship with him! Who are you to judge? You haven't been a part of my life for a very long time. You don't know anything about me anymore!" This last statement is the one that pricks the tears in my eyes. For so long, he was the only one who truly understood me, the idea that he doesn't is crushing.
"Bella, I know every important thing there is to know about you. The amount of time spent together recently means little. Nothing has changed about you, not on the inside. You may dress better than you did when you lived in Silver Forks, but you are still the same smart, funny, talented, amazing brown-eyed girl that I fell in love with so many years ago." His hand is now on my cheek, his thumb brushing the tears off my face.
Brown-eyed girl, wait, brown-eyed girl? Love? No…it couldn't be me in the song, we were together so long ago. I am not ready to think about any of this.
"I need to go."
"What? Where?"
Sentences are escaping me at this point, so I give him what few words I can come up with. "Going, now."
I dash down the steps, grateful that I put on some slippers before I stepped out the door. They are probably getting shredded from my mad dash across the trailer park and into the adjacent woods, but I just don't care. I run until I reach the river, and turn and head north along the trail. I have travelled the path hundreds of times, but I am not reliving my old memories. I am not thinking about the present, either. I am just running, as much as one can on a path in the woods in rapidly deteriorating slippers.
I eventually make it to one of Charlie's old fishing spots. I sit on a large rock just back from a bend in the river. It is relatively shallow and calm here, a good spot for fishing and hopefully a good spot for thinking.
What is going on with me? I have the perfect life. I have a loving boyfriend who wants me to move in with him, a fantastic job in an industry that I love and I live in the most amazing city in the world. Why does coming back here jumble up everything in my mind? I was so clear about where I saw myself going in life about 24 hours ago. I shouldn't be comparing James to Edward. James is busy with work, it's not his fault he doesn't have time to read my book. Like Edward, who stayed up all night to read it…and may have written a beautiful song about me.
I'm confusing myself again. I need some clarity, and I know who can provide it. I take the Blackberry out of my jeans pocket and click on James contact information. I am grateful this spot on the river isn't so far away from the cell tower they built right behind the trailer park.
"Hello?"
"James, how is the conference?"
"Fine, I have actually made contact with a few people I have really wanting to get in touch with. I had lunch with one of the authors, and I'm just heading to the afternoon conference session now"
"Really? That's great. How was your night last night? I'm sorry I left you in Seattle alone."
"That's ok, Isabella. I was exhausted after all that driving and my meeting last night. I was in bed, asleep, by 9."
"That early, huh?"
"I know, really unlike me. I guess all the extra work at the office and the travelling finally caught up with me."
"Hmm, I guess so. Did you start reading my book?" I know he didn't, but I want to see what he'll say.
"I did, only a few pages. I'm really looking forward to finishing it. I've got to run, baby, the session is about to start. I'll see you tomorrow night?"
I purposely don't answer his question. "Have a good afternoon, James." I disconnect the call and stare at my phone. I pull up the history and note that despite my intoxication last night, I was correct when I remembered James' accidental call was after 10.
I sit on my rock for the next couple of hours. I'm not really thinking, I'm trying to absorb everything that has changed in the last 24 hours. Nothing is drastically different, except the way I am viewing things now.
James. I have been dating James for nearly 3 years now, since right after I started working at Twilight Books. I wasn't ready to move in with him, but I thought that we had a good relationship. I trusted him. The ease with which he has lied to me multiple times this week has certainly made me question this. I am sure he didn't have a meeting scheduled with Victoria before he came here and saw my family. The call log on my phone disputes the idea that he was in bed at 9 last night. I know he doesn't have a copy of my book to read, I have never sent it to anyone electronically and the one print copy is back at my parent's trailer with Edward.
Edward. My thoughts about him have certainly changed in the last day. So much of my past is wrapped up in him and I am a little confused about how I feel about him now. I am kind of surprised at how wonderful it has been to see him. Seeing him play his music was amazing. That man was born to be on the stage and his song was so soulful. He totally has that sexy singer/songwriter vibe going on. Then he took care of me when I was drunk. He didn't have to do that. The man hasn't seen me in seven years, but he was so tender when he carried me into my room and tucked me into bed. And then, he read my book. He stayed up all night and read my book. And he was so upset when he found out James had known about it for so long and hadn't read it. I wonder why he cares so much?
The rustling behind me breaks me out of my musing. It's Charlie. He's carrying his fishing gear, probably just back from a morning spent fishing on the river at a different spot.
"Hey kiddo, thought that was you." He sits down on the large rock next to me.
"Hey Daddy."
We sit together in comfortable silence for awhile, no noises but the river splashing down its' path and the forest around us.
" I forgot how beautiful it is around here."
"Guess it doesn't take much for you to forget a lot of things," he replies.
"Daddy, it's not like that."
"No, I'll tell you what it's not like. It's not like your mother and I were the only ones 'round here that you run out on. You know, he's been waiting on you a long time."
I don't have to ask who "He" is. Charlie's right. Everyone I love I left behind when I went to New York. I was so proud of being there and living my dream, I decided that nothing and no one else mattered. Now that I am back here…I see that it matters. He matters.
"Thank you, Daddy."
"Anytime, Bella. Your Mama and I are proud of you, you know?"
That's the first time he has ever said those words to me, but somehow I always knew he felt it.
"I know, Dad. I'm gonna go, I've got someone to see."
He nods his head and I start walking back the way I came.
'*'
I've been standing outside Edward's trailer for the last 15 minutes. I should knock, but I lost my courage about 10 minutes before I got back to Silver Forks. He's probably out now, doing whatever it is he does, I'll try back later. I turn around and am quietly stepping away from his place, when his voice stops me.
"All that time standing in front of my door, and you're just going to walk away?" He's standing in the open door now, watching me with an amused expression.
"Well, I…I wasn't sure you were home, and …"
"I suppose knocking might have answered the question."
"Right."
"Would you like to come in?"
"Sure. That is, if I am not interrupting anything."
"Nope, come on in."
I follow him inside and it looks different than I remember. This was his family's place when we were in high school, but it is changed now. The furniture is obviously new and there are three guitars on stands in the corner. A huge flat-screen television is mounted on one wall of the room. There is soft guitar music playing in the background. This is obviously a bachelor pad now. I'd heard what happened to Carl and Emmy, his parents. Two years ago a logging truck had lost control and hit them on Highway 101. They were killed instantly. Renee told me what happened, but not in time for me to make it back home for the funeral. It is one of the few things that would have brought me back here.
"I was sorry to hear about your parents. I would have come back, but…"
"Thanks. I know," he interrupted, "Renee told me she didn't talk to you until after. It was a shock to lose them."
"You must miss them."
"I do, they were amazing people."
"They were."
As we talk, I am circling the room looking at his things. You can tell a lot about a person by what they have in their personal space, and I am way too nervous to sit still and have this conversation.
I stop at the large bookcase in the corner of the room. Every shelf but one is filled with books, reading was one of our shared passions. That one shelf with no books has some framed photos and other memorabilia. I pick them up one by one to get a closer look. There is one of Edward and his parents, one of Jasper and Edward playing guitars together at what must be the bar, and one of Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Edward and I on our graduation day. I shake my head at the hideous yellow Forks High graduation gowns. I'm placing the photo back on the shelf when I see a small, gold flash at the back of the shelf. I reach up and grab the heavy, metal award.
"Edward, what is this?"
I look over to him, and he is staring at me with a grave expression. I look back down at the award. It's a Grammy. It is inscribed:
Edward Cullen
Best Song Written For Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media
All I Am
All I Am was a huge song last year. It had been featured in a small film about a vampire love story that had exploded in popularity. The book the film was based on had an extremely loyal following. The soundtrack was filled with young, hip artists, but none of the songs got as much attention as All I Am. The romantic song had been sung by Irina, a singer from the Ukraine. You couldn't turn on the radio for a good 6 month period last year without hearing that song.
"I didn't want you to hear about it like this…"
"What? You won a Grammy and this is the first I am hearing about it?"
"It wasn't a big deal. It was supposed to be a small film soundtrack. I had no idea it would get picked up like it did. I've sold a bunch of my other songs, too, because of the exposure created by this."
"This is amazing, Edward, really. Congratulations."
"Um, thanks."
Edward stands behind me, so he can take the award out of my hands and place it back on the shelf. He isn't touching me, but it feels like he is surrounding me. The tension between our bodies is palpable. His heat is practically singeing the length of my body and I am surrounded by his masculine scent. He pauses just for a moment after he places the Grammy back on the shelf with his other mementos, inhales deeply, then crosses the room and sits on his couch.
I'm feeling a little weak after being so near him, and so I flop onto the other end of the couch.
"Edward, why are you still here?"
"What?"
"Why are you still here? You have a Grammy and you are selling your songs, surely you can afford to go somewhere else. Anywhere else! You could go to L.A. and perform or New York. There is an amazing music scene there. How are you going to be a success when you are living in a trailer in the middle of nowhere?"
"I have left here, Bella. I couldn't wait to escape this place, just like you. I spent years in Seattle finishing my degree and playing music there. Seattle also has a thriving music community, you know," he said with a wink. "It's where I made most of the contacts I have for my songwriting. When Mom and Dad died, I started to think about things. Living in a big city wasn't so important anymore. People are more important, and most of the people I love are still here. So, I came back."
"Most of the people?"
He doesn't respond to my question, so I try a different one.
"Why did you read the book, Edward?"
He doesn't respond to this one, either, so I scoot closer on the couch and ask again. I'm not sure it's a good idea to get this close to him. The energy is vibrating between us and it gets stronger the closer I get. I scoot again anyway and tuck my leg under my body so I can angle myself toward him.
"Why, Edward? When you realized what it was, why did you read it instead of leaving it there?"
"I wanted that little piece of you. I told you I could hear your 'voice' in the writing and it is true. When you write, you pour every ounce of yourself into your work. It's like taking a little glimpse into your soul. If that was all I can have of you now, it's what I was going to take."
"Why do you care? I haven't heard from you in years! You didn't even try to contact me when you were in New York!"
"Who told you about New York?"
I decided to give him the same treatment and I don't answer his question.
He sighed. "I went to New York because I missed you. I'd been miserable my first year in Seattle. It felt like half of my self had been taken away when you were gone. I don't know what I wanted, I couldn't stay in New York and I never would have asked you to give up your scholarship and come home. I guess that I just wanted. I went to your dorm, Renee had given me your address. I got in late, but I went straight to you, I couldn't wait to see you. I got there and I saw you. You were dressed for a night on the town. You were with a tall, blonde girl and two men. You were laughing and happy and I just couldn't interfere. I thought you must not be missing anything like I was. Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?"
"I left the next morning. Knowing you were at least happy helped some. I threw myself into my music and I have been busy with it ever since."
'I wish I'd known you were there. Edward, I love my life in New York. It is an amazing place, and I have so many people I love there..."
He glanced down at his hands in his lap.
"but not everyone I love is there."
"No?" his jade green eyes meet mine.
"No."
I'm not able to resist his pull any longer. I tilt my head toward him and meet his lips in a soft kiss. I can feel the spot where his lips met mine, even after I pull away. Then, Edward leans over to me and places a second kiss on my lips. This kiss, even sweeter than the first, I am not going to break. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his body closer. His hands move up to my arms and then begin to descend down to my shoulders, along my body and around my back as we continue to kiss. His lips are so soft and when I open my mouth for his tongue, the kisses begin to turn from sweet to heated.
Before I know what has happened, he has pulled my body over to his, so I am straddling him about halfway up his thighs. My arms are still around his neck and my fingers slide up to run through his hair. I love his hair, it looks wild and unruly, but feels so soft. Edward's hands are running along the waistband of my jeans, then he slips them up under my sweatshirt. His hands are strong and sure as he moves them up my back. In some ways this feels so familiar, the attraction always burned hot between Edward and I, but in many ways this is new. Neither of us are unsure teenagers any longer, and there is definitely no awkwardness in this exchange.
Edward's hot mouth starts a path down my neck, sucking and grazing my flesh with his teeth. I grip his hair tightly in my hands and a groan escapes me. He grabs my ass firmly with both hands and slides me up his thighs and my body is now flush with his. He pulls the neck of my sweatshirt toward my shoulder and his mouth continues along my collarbone.
I can't stop my hips that have begun a slow rolling motion that is bringing me into delicious contact with his hardness underneath me. He grunts and loosens his hold on me, pushing me back slightly. I pause, only to realize his hands are removing my sweatshirt. He tries to bring my body back his, but I stop him. I reach down for the edge of his black tee and pull it over his head, tossing it across the room. He growls and he pushes his hips up into me. I resume my previous grinding motion. He is pressing at just the right spot and his hot skin against mine feels incredible.
He is holding my lower back with one hand, pushing me into him just a little harder and the other hand is drifting up my torso and grazing the side of my breast. I push my chest into his hand and he palms it and returns his mouth to my neck.
"Ugh, Bella…" he groans into my neck. His voice pushes me closer to the release that I am fast approaching.
"Edward… more."
His hands move up my back and release the hooks on my bra. He yanks it off my shoulders and it disappears over the back of the couch. His hands replace the cups of the bra, rubbing and gently squeezing. The sensation pushes me over the edge and I begin to cry out his name. The orgasm is so intense my vision blurs and my body shakes violently.
"Bel-la, oh!" I feel him jerk underneath me and I know he has found his release, too.
Our bodies finally still and his arms wrap around me, pressing me tightly to his chest. We stay together this way for an indeterminable amount of time. We don't move until he feels me shiver from the cold room. He pulls us down to lie on our sides on the couch and covers our joined bodies with a knit throw from the back of the couch.
He brushes my hair away from my face, my head is resting on his shoulder. Exhausted, I start to drift off to sleep. Just before I finally succumb, I hear him.
"Love, I've waited so long for this," he whispers to me.
'*'
I wake a few hours later. I can see that it is dark outside now. I'm on Edward's couch, still in his embrace. I get up as carefully as I can, so as not to wake him and begin to retrieve my clothes. When I am dressed, I softly kiss Edward goodbye and slip out the door.
I hope to sneak into my parent's place unnoticed as well, but I'm not so lucky this time. Renee is sitting at the kitchen table, obviously waiting for me.
"You're leaving aren't you."
"Yes."
"Now?"
"As soon as I can get a ride, yes."
Renee rises, gathers me into her arms, and hugs me tight. "I hope you realize what you are leaving behind this time." She releases me and walks to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
I call the cab company, offering a huge tip if they can get someone here first thing in the morning. They agree to have someone there at six am. I wasn't able to reschedule my original flight home since it was in James' name, so I have to buy a new ticket. I don't care if it costs a small fortune for my last minute, one-way ticket home. I am not waiting for James to come get me and I am definitely not flying on a plane with him. I have too much to sort out where he is concerned and I need some space. He left me several text messages last night. I'm not going to return them now.
I gather the few items I have unpacked, and go outside to wait for the cab. It isn't six, but I know I won't be able to sleep with all the thoughts swirling through my head.
The cabbie arrives just as the sun begins peeking over the horizon. He loads my bags as I get in the back seat, and we are on our way. He's unusually talkative for someone at this hour of the morning.
"Where you headed?"
"Home."
"Where's home?"
"Originally here, but now it's New York City."
"Ah, The Big Apple! What is someone from NYC doing back in middle-of-nowhere Forks?"
"I realized I forgot something when I left," I said.
"Oh yeah? Did you find it?"
"Yes," I whispered. "It was right where I left it."