I look at my hands, tears blurring my vision. Im sitting at the desk in the study of my victor's home, the one I used to share with Finnick. Three year old, Kai ,sitting by my feet playing with a toy trident. I smile to myself. Annie, you need to do this. I take a deep breath and look back at the empty sheet of paper in front of me. I allow a single tear escape my eyes before grabbing the pencil. I need to let Finn go. For me. For Kai.

Hey Finn, Its been a while, hmmm?

I stop for a minute. How am I supposed to do this? What do I tell him? Kai squeals happily. I suck in another deep breath and find the courage to go on.

You have no idea how much I have missed you. Every since I got back to District 4, everything here reminded me of you. The smell of sea salt. You're trident. The ocean. Our home. The only thing that kept me here is Kai. He looks so much like you Finn...He has your golden hair, stunnimg green eyes, even you charm. Johanna moved in a few weeks after he was born. He calls her Aunty Jo. You wouldn't belive what hes learned...

Tears escape my eyes and I choke back laughter.

He strikes provocative poses and says "Do you find this...Distracting?" Thank you Finn. Thank you for not leaving completely. Thank you for giving me Kai. He brings me back from the dark. Even, when he was just weeks old his soft cries kept me sane. And when I get lost, hes the only one who can bring me back. When I do, his comforting green eyes are there and its as if you never left. Oh, and hes a fish out of water, just like you! Ever since he learned how to swim, He could never get enough of the he turns 14, im thinking of giving him your trident. He claims that he swims with 'mermaids & mermans' he has quite the imagination. Its adorable. Though sometimes I question myself cause you always seemed like you were half-fish.

I laugh softly.

I love you Finn. Remember Finn, Im always with you. Where every you are...Be careful.

I put the pencil down and stare at the distance. I love you, Finn. I feel a tug on my shorts and look down. Kai gives me a goofy smile and I pick him up.
"Hey, Kai."
"Hi, mama." He stares at the paper and points at it. He tilts his head to the side. "Whats that?" I sigh.
"Its a letter for Daddy."
"Daddy? Isnt daddy there?" He points up. "Far away?"
"Yeah baby. Daddy is far away. With all those heroes. Watching over us." I recall all the bed time stories I have told him. I told him everything but I removed the details for now. He only knows the basics but I dread the day I will have to tell him more. He knows about the bad people, otherwise known as the old Capitol. He knows Finnick was forced to do bad things. He knows his dad was famous. He knows that the Capitol would hurt people. He knows that I feel in love with Finnick. He knows there was a war. He knows Finnick is gone...
"How will he get the letter then, mama?"
"Well baby, we are going to put the letter in a bottle and ship it out to sea."
"And he will get it?"
"Yes Kai. Daddy will get it." Silence takes over for a minute and Kai puts on a thinking face. He stares back at me.
"Can I make one?"
"Sure. When your a little older you can make one and send it to daddy."
"Ok."
"Want to come with mama and Aunty Jo to go send it out to sea?"
"Yes, mama."
"Lets go then."
I roll the letter up and slid in in the bottle, sliping the top on moments after. I carry Kai in one hand and he holds on to the bottle, my other hand holding his back. I walk on to the porch where Johanna sits on the swing set. She sees me and stands up.
"You ready?" Her voice is shaky and tears are forming in her eyes. Finn was her best friend. I nod and we start to walk onto the beach. The sun is going down and I stare out at the ocean. Johanna stays on shore because her fear of water hasn't completly disappeared. I walk into the ocean with Kai at hand. When im waist deep I stop.
"Let go now, buddy."
Kai puts the bottle in the water and It starts to drift away. Silent tears start running down my face. I bottle disappers from sight the moment the last ray of sunshine disappears. I hug Kai. I feel like some of the weight has lifted from my shoulders. And before turning around and heading home, I say the words I have been building up strength to say for years...
"Good-Bye Finn."