AN: Nothing more than a one shot but it gripped me and wouldn't let me go. As I'm not sure where to go with '12 Months' or when I'm going to continue it, I let myself write this; felt the need to write this. The pure optimist that I can be wishes that Ruth really wasn't dead after 10.6 - that somehow in a pure Spooks fashion it was all a big plot. Though not one Harry was involved in because I don't think he'd be able to fake his grief that well.
The envelope made him pause. Not that it had almost magically appeared on his desk nor because it was even an envelope. But because of the writing upon it. He'd know that writing until the day he died. It was writing he never thought he'd see again. As he reached for it his hand shook and he briefly wondered if this was someone's idea of a bad joke. Envelope in hand he paused a moment and wondered if it was worth putting himself through this. But curiosity got the better of him and he slowly opened it. Unfolding the single sheet of paper, he read.
Dear Harry;
By the time you read this I'll be gone. Not from this life as so many have been lead to believe but gone none the less. How I wish things could have been different; that we could finally have had our chance at happiness. But it was never meant to be. No matter how much I might have wanted it; come to accept it; we were never meant to be together. These last five months in hospital have shown me that.
I really don't know what to write but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. Not this time. Though I knew if I saw you again I'd not be able to leave and that wouldn't be fair to you. Not when you've moved on and found some semblance of happiness. I should thank you for being with me that first month. I know I was unconscious the entire time but they told me you stayed with me for those long days until it became to much to bear. You don't know what it means to know you were with me through those difficult times. They told me you only left once they told you there was no hope. That you couldn't bear to see me in that comatose state.
I won't lie and say it didn't hurt that you didn't come back once I awoke from the coma but I've come to understand your reasoning. Know I don't hold it against you. I never could. Because in the same situation I don't know how I'd respond. They've told me you've found someone else and your happy. That's all I've ever really wanted for you. While it kills me a little inside, I'm happy for you and I wish you the best. Please enjoy the time you've left and don't let another moment pass you by. I think that's part of the reason I refused the chance to see you one last time. I can't take away your happiness. And I know you. You'd put aside the happiness you've found to be with me. But eventually you'd grow to resent me and I don't think I could bear to have you walk away.
Please know I'll always love you. I know we've never really said it but know I have since that night so many years ago when we had dinner that first time. Those three years I was away, I never forgot about you; never once loved you any less. So many people assumed I blamed you for not only my exile but what happened with George. Know I don't. In a way I blame myself.
But I digress. This letter isn't about the past. It's about the future. Please be happy. And forget about me. Move on with this new woman. Love her. Be with her in ways we could never be.
I know you and please don't worry about me. I've done this before. Started a new life away from England and from you. It won't be easy and I know it's going to be difficult to start but I'll be okay. Unlike the last time they've given me everything I need to start a new life. I'll be able to settle so much faster and there won't be the constant fear that someone is looking for me. I'll be content in my new life. That's all I could ever hope for anymore.
I'll end this here as I really don't know what to say. Please promise me you'll be safe.
Love Always;
Ruth
P.S. Please don't look for me. For once forget the noble man that you are and don't give up your own happiness. Let me go.