Well, this is what you get when you mix 12:45 am + old south park reruns + bored teenage girl. I don't even like this oneshot. I just wanted to get this out of my system. To be honest it's probably one of my worst ones. Well, I'm sure I've gotten you excited. Anyway, please review!
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park
"No girl wants to eat pop-tarts for dinner when she gets married, Kenny." I would always remind my best friend.
My best friend. He was mine. Stan had Kyle, although I have no fucking idea why anyone would ever settle for that Jewish asshole. Those two were completely inseparable since day one. Their little relationship mocked the friendship that the four of us had established long before any drama had ever occurred. Stan always ditched Kenny and I for that little bitch, I swear that the two of them must be fucking or something. I bet they had always just assumed that slowly drifting away from Kenny and I was the best possible solution for everyone. They were leaving me, just like my dad did. Just like everyone did.
But not Kenny. Fuck everyone else. Kenny was all I needed. Well, I guess he wasn't all I needed, considering he was a poor piece of shit. However I had to give it to him, the kid was hilarious. Kenny and his twisted, perverted sense of humor never failed to release a chuckle from my lips every now and then. His way of words was just-astounding. They way they rolled off his tongue just sounded like a perfect melody caressing my ears.
But I mean it when I say that no girls want to eat pop-tarts when they get married. I really, sincerely do. I'm just telling it like it is to Kenny. He deserves to be aware of the problem. But fuck them if they don't find Kenny attractive just because he can only afford pop-tarts. I like pop-tarts. They're fucking delicious. And I think that if no girl out there is man enough to realize what a good guy Kenny is, then maybe Kenny shouldn't be with a girl.
Yeah, that's right. I said it. I know for a fact that there isn't one girl out there that's worthy of Kenny. He doesn't need any of those STD-infected gutter sluts. What he needs is someone that will be good to him. Someone that will constantly remind him of how-how perfect he really is. Even if he is poor.
But I know that's not me. I'm not a man; I'm a pathetic, disgusting loner. I don't even compliment Kenny on his bright blue eyes. Or his toned body… So if there is one thing that money-hungry Jew has ever told the truth about, it's his opinion of me. But what am I supposed to do? Change? Everyone else in my life has abandoned me because of the way I am-except for Kenny. Perhaps Kenny possibly likes me for.. me.
And that's all I could ever ask for.
Review for more South Park fanfictions by yours truly ;D