Pokemon Mom Version
"Hello there! Welcome to the world of Pokemon. My name is Oak! People call me the Pokemon PROF!" the old man in the lab coat began to speak to the ten year old boy. "For some people, Pokemon are pets. Others use them for-"
"FUCKING HELL!" He was interrupted by an exasperated voice. Its owner stomped downstairs wearing nothing but a large beige towel wrapped around her body. Oak stared confusedly for several seconds as she stood seething with rage.
"Why, uh…do you only have a towel on?" he finally brought up.
"I was taking a shower," she snapped.
"…Where? The only thing upstairs is your son's room. This house doesn't even have a bathroom! And you're not even wet!" the professor suddenly became immensely proud of himself for his use of logic. All those years of schooling had certainly not gone to waste.
"That's not important! Why are you even in my house?!" the woman walked briskly towards the old man and her son, the towel desperately clinging to her body. She picked her son up, pressing his chest to hers as she glared at the professor. "I told you to leave my son alone!"
"You don't understand!" Oak protested. "He's TEN YEARS OLD!"
"GET OUT!"
"NO!" Oak said with his hands up in exasperation. "I meant that ten is the perfect age for young boys to start their Pokemon journeys!" He glanced at the boy being held up by his mother like a baby. "Your boy, um…what was his name again?"
"Get out before I hurt you," the mother said. She turned her attention to the boy who had remained incredibly calm throughout the exchange. "Red, are you okay?" she cooed. "Did the scary old perverted man hurt you?"
"I'm not perverted!" Oak interjected. The child remained still and seemed to blankly stare into space.
The boy's mother quickly turned back to face the Professor. "You don't even know his name and you're trying to kidnap him and force him to go off and enslave dangerous creatures! And what is this nonsense about ten being the perfect age for Pokemon journeys. Have you ever met a ten year old in real life?"
"As a matter of fact, I have," Oak said with a hint of pride in his voice. "I have a grandson the same age don't you know? He's been your boy's rival since they were babies! Erm…what was his name again?"
The boy in his mother's arms seemed to break out of his seeming trance and uttered one word before resuming his almost vegetative state. "Dildoface."
"That's right! I remember now!" Oak said. "His name is Dildofa!" The mother stared blankly.
Oak began to address the boy again. "Red! Your very own Pokemon legend is about to unfold! A world of dreams and adventures with Pokemon awaits! Let's go!"
"Did you hear anything I said?" the mother said. "You're not going near my boy! Get out!"
The professor left the house grumbling. The mother set her child down. "Okay sweetie, now wait while mommy finishes her shower okay?" She unraveled the towel and let it fall to the floor as the boy continued to blankly stare. She strutted up the stairs determined to finish what she had been doing before the interruption.
Red walked out the door as soon as his mother was out of sight. He soon found himself in front of a grassy area. He took one step forward.
"Hey! Wait! Don't go out!" Red turned back towards the source of the voice.
Oak slowly walked towards him in a strange zigzag pattern. "It's unsafe!" he told the boy sternly. "Wild Pokemon live in tall grass! You need your own Pokemon for protection. I know! Here, come with me!"
He led the boy to a building a couple of steps away from the only two houses in the town.
Red soon found himself in front of a table with three Poke Balls on it. There was another boy with spiky hair waiting near it.
"Gramps! I'm fed up with waiting!" the spiky-haired boy said.
Oak looked puzzled. "Dildofa? Let me think… Oh, that's right, I told you to come! Just wait!" He turned to Red. "Here, Red! There are 3 Pokemon here! Haha! They are inside the Poke Balls. When I was young, I was a serious Pokemon trainer. In my old age, I have only three left, but you can have one! Choose!"
"Hey! Gramps! What about me?"
"Be patient! Dildofa, you can have one too! Now, Red, which Pokemon do you want?"
Red stared at the three balls in front of him. He reached his hand out and firmly grasped a ball, getting used to the smoothness in his palm.
Oak smiled. "So! You want the-"
The lab door fell to the floor with a crash. Red's mother burst through, now fully dressed with a loose-fitting tank top that showed off her midriff and very short denim shorts.
"I volunteer as tribute!" she yelled. She rushed over to the group, picked her son up, and ran back out the door with her son under her arms, Red clutching the Poke Ball the whole time.
Silence filled the room. The three lab aides took a single step back and forth but there were no words spoken.
Dildofa walked toward the table with the two remaining Poke Balls. "I'll take this one, then!" he said as his fingers wrapped around the smooth ball which grew in size at his touch.
"Okay! I'll make my Pokemon fight to toughen it up! Gramps! Smell you later!" he walked out with an arrogant swagger.
Oak had not moved since his lab door had been broken. He finally looked around and found himself without an audience and screamed in frustration.
Red and his mother were back in their home. His mother had been staring at the Poke Ball in her son's hand for quite some time now. It's over, she thought. My boy's life is over. He's already gotten a Pokemon registered under OWN in the PokeDex he hasn't gotten yet.
She looked sadly at her son. "Right. All boys leave home some day. It said so on TV."
A thought suddenly came to her. She did not know why she had screamed what she had back at the lab. It was as if some cosmic force had obtained a hold over her, causing her to say that. But she realized, it was true! She could volunteer herself for this dangerous journey in place of her son!
"Okay!" she said. "Sweetie, Mommy is going to go on this nasty journey for you. You stay right here at home and when I finish, I'll come straight back and we can spend the rest of our lives together forever! No ten year old boy wants to spend his time traveling and capturing Pokemon after all."
She wrestled the Poke Ball away from the crying boy. She took the boy's hat as well for good measure and stepped outside, ignoring the wails of her son. She looked at the grassy area that awaited her and took a deep breath. She put her son's hat on which somehow fit her head perfectly and turned it backwards. "Get ready world," she said. "Mom's coming!" Poke Ball in hand, she stepped into the grass.