AN:

Hey guys so... i'm back! *ducks behind all the damn things being thrown my way* Yeah i'm sorry! Let's just say I had to deal with some really bad stuff, I ended in hospital and then I moved countries for a little while and finished College! (Junior and Senior for all you Americans out there :D) But i'm back and i'm getting into writing again! Please guys if you want more Rate and Review :) Advice is of course welcome, flames will be used to keep my fire warm as there's a storm going on outside right now!

Regarding the story:

This is AU as the Sectumsempra incident has already occurred (in the book this happens around May time. In my story it's only November) I am however trying to keep the rest of the story in the correct order it should be!

Snape I guess is a little more... weary, and a bit nicer in my story then I guess he would be 'irl'.

Chapter 1

Sixth year was just getting under way for Harry. He was sat in the great hall during lunch on a Tuesday afternoon, he'd finished long ago and looked at everyone else. They were silent… everyone in a similar state to him. The darkness pressing their hopes down too. Everyone could tell Voldemort's presence was growing and it scared them. No one talked beyond what they needed to, no one shared secrets anymore. No one dared to, anyone could be an enemy.

Another thing weighed on Harry's mind… Snape. The memory he saw in the pensieve last year had shaken him. His father was cruel to Snape and it was hard to see the man in the same way. He pitied Snape. Harry wanted to know more. He saw one little glimpse, without context, he needed to know WHY his father had bullied Snape. I mean sure the man hated Harry with a passion and tried to make his life a living hell, but even Harry could see that all he saw in Harry was a certain James Potter. He also noticed a certain fact: he never said anything bad about his mother. He must have known her. The irony was, maybe if the two actually talked about it, maybe Harry and Snape could come to an understanding instead of passing snide remarks to each other in the halls or in the classroom. Frankly Harry was tired of it, he has enough to deal with, without Snape on his back all the time.

Dumbledore also was keeping things from Harry… he knew. Two of his 'lessons' with him had gone by, delving into the past of Tom Riddle. He could however tell something was wrong with the Headmaster. What was the point in lying to him, he could help, he was useless uninformed! Dumbledore didn't need to fear telling Harry the information he was clearly keeping from him. He would regret it if this information could prevent a serious problem from arising. Not only that but it irritated Harry to no end. He knew the headmaster only did it out of protection, but that protection could potentially get him killed if he didn't know a vital piece of information.

He needed to get through to both of them…but in the middle of the great hall with everyone here… how could that be possible.

Finally after a sigh he got up, turned and walked to the Slytherin table. Right along until the blond hair of Draco met him. Tentatively he patted him on the shoulder. He had noticed that Draco was fighting with some internal daemons this year, he didn't pretend he was blind to it. Draco was scared this year… he barely even bothered to insult Harry anymore. The boy was, it appeared, lost. Draco soon arrogantly brushed Harry's hand of his shoulder soon after it landed. Harry just merely let his hands return to his side. He then bent to whisper in Draco's ear.

"Whatever you're going through this year, Malfoy. Don't go through it alone"

Then Harry hurried his way to the defence against the dark arts corridor, his next lesson, before Draco had a chance to reply.

He arrived a little early and decided to get his things out ready. Students trickled in and soon he was sat next to Ron and Hermione. He smiled at them in greeting and they beamed back at him, Ron patting him on the shoulder.

"What were you doing talking to Draco about?" Harry was about to reply but the infamous Severus Snape entered. He naturally stayed silent. Snape walked to the front of the classroom.

"It's time for more non-verbal spells. Pair up, you know what to do." He then proceeded to sit at the desk, conjuring papers out of nowhere which he started marking. The class got up and then pushed the tables aside. Ron paired with Harry.

"You go first mate" Ron grinned. Harry prepared himself, focusing on what spell he wanted to use, a simple disarming spell.

"Right, focus Ron, yeah? See yourself blocking the spell, think the words of the spell" Feeling the spell grow in him he let it go in Ron's direction, it fired and hit! Ron's wand would have flown across the room but Ron successfully blocked it. Non verbally too.

Ron looked shocked.

"Well done mate!" Harry announced, Ron had found it hard to do non verbals before, his spells either failed or were too weak to do anything.

"Bloody hell! How'd I do that?" He stared at his wand, as if looking to see if something had changed.

"That Mister Weasley would be because of you current state of mind. You are, for lack of a better word, focused. What you needed to be the whole time. Spells will never work said half-heartedly." Snape had this tendency to appear at the most awkward of moments. Harry expected it and didn't flinch, Ron however, quite a different story. Yet at hearing what the 'greasy git' had said he stared at Harry again, a smile again splitting his face.

"I can't believe it!"

Ron pulled him in for a 'bro' hug then said, his face appearing serious.

"Let's do it again!" Harry laughed, not caring that Snape was nearby.

So that's how the entire lesson continued. Ron switched partners halfway, letting Hermione be partners with Harry. The bell rung, signalling the final lesson. People began to grab their bags and head out. Harry however was stopped by a voice sounding from the desk.

"One moment Mister Potter, I need a word" He turned to Snape, who else would it have been, and went to stand in front of the desk. People left and Ron and Hermione gave Harry the typical "we'll wait for you outside" look. Once everyone left, the Professor put his quill down, pick up his wand, swishing it, causing the desks to return to normal. He then gestured to the desk infront of his own teachers desk.

"Sit Mister Potter" Harry obeyed, questioning in his eyes.

"Now, I have been wondering of late if you have some sort of fascination for me, you keep staring at me, I assure you Mister Potter, I can find you something else to stare at," he began.

"Sorry sir, I was just thinking about last year, apologies. Occlumency, the Memory…" Harry trailed off. He couldn't be bothered to lie to the man. He always ended up figuring it out anyway…

"Indeed… what business you have in my personal life I'll never know, but you have a way of… being where you should not," he sneered. Harry tried to speak but was stopped by the Professor.

"You saw a memory of mine you should not have and now you suddenly think you know all about me. Sadly that, even the boy who lived, can't accomplish. Did you ever think, maybe there are things you CAN'T know? It would endanger your precious life to do so. " Harry couldn't hold his mouth any longer.

"I'm sorry okay! Really I am. Yes I saw a memory I should not have. I apologise for what I did but…" he paused and when he spoke again it was barely a whisper.

"That memory affected me too, as much as it did you at the time. I never knew my father and there he was, alive, with friends, and… bullying. That's what it was Professor. Sheer bullying. What he did was wrong but he's still my father. He made mistakes, like everyone. You hate me because you hate him. He hurt you, I understand Sir, I do. Yet please, no more. I can't stand it. My father was human, like you, like me. I'm not perfect either. My hair never stays in place, I'm too emotional to master Occlumency, I suck at potions and death follows me wherever I go. I'm not the boy who lived Sir, I'm the boy who got lucky. I'm the boy who was loved. My mother… you never speak badly of her. I won't ask you to say why; I know you must have known her. Everyone says I have her eyes and her compassion. You called her a mudblood… a mistake. You regretted it ever since." A single tear ran down Harry's cheek which he quickly wiped on his cloak sleeve.

"That's enough potter." The voice wasn't harsh; it was merely requesting he stopped before he lost it completely. Suddenly a box of tissues appeared on the desk and Harry gratefully took one. A silence engulfed the two for what seemed an age.

"Your mother…" The Professor stopped, and then tried again, "She was an exceptional witch Potter, know that. That's all I'm willing to tell you on that subject. I also accept your apology regarding the memory. Yet let me correct something. I do not hate you. You disappoint me sometimes. You have the potential to be an extraordinary wizard yet you hold yourself back. If every person let their blood boil at the mere mention of their father we'd be in world war 3 right now. Your father was cruel to me as you said, yes, yet what you saw was but one memory of a whole plethora I could show you. You father took an immediate dislike to me, and I to him. Let's just leave it at that. You remind me of him, you are much like him."

"I would never hang you upside down and remove your clothing" Harry retorted, "I am James Potter's son, not James Potter himself." He muttered.

"You speak the truth Potter, but you have to go to your next lesson, here take this it's a note saying you were needed to stay behind, give it to McGonagall, she'll wonder why you're late" He dropped a folded piece of paper on the desk, which Harry grabbed and raised to a standing position.

"Thank you" he muttered, rushing out of the room. He hurried down the corridor turned the corner and just stopped. He fell against the wall and sunk down, hands over his face. It was then he cried into his cloak, mourning the loss of his parents all those years ago and the fact he'd gotten back to decent terms with the former potions master. He's finally said what he needed to say to Severus Snape.

5 minutes later he pulled himself together, sniffling, and stood up, heading towards Transfiguration on shaky feet. He entered the classroom, walked to Professor McGonagall, handing the note wordlessly. He sat next to the space Ron had left, who was gazing at him curiously. He didn't acknowledge him. He just needed time to himself. The lesson ended and they were dismissed. He travelled next to Ron and Hermione to the Gryffindor common room. They were free until dinner. Once in the common room Harry pulled out his DADA textbook and looked over it:

Dementors and how to overcome them

When learning about dementors it is important to understand what they are. A dementor is…

Harry slammed the book shut… he knew more about dementors than this textbook could ever mention. He took out his potions book, his proper one, not the half-blood prince's one. Ever since Snape found him after attacking Malfoy, he refused to use the book anymore and he'd been once again struggling in potions. He turned to the page on Felix Felicis and read it. The ingredients were strange in name and he couldn't remember what they looked like. He tried to think about what he had had on his desk when trying to make it. That purple round thing… what was that? He mused to himself. He remembered how he'd failed the potion; it went a sickly green colour, not the typical golden colour. Where had he gone wrong? He sighed. If Voldemort didn't kill him NEWTs would! He couldn't fail potions if he wanted to be an Auror, and he couldn't ask Slughorn for help… that would be embarrassing and the old man didn't have the time. Maybe Snape…

Harry sighed.

"Damn it" he muttered as he got up and travelled out of the common room and down down down to the dungeons. He stood outside the Professor's office, which was still near the potions lab and knocked.

"Enter," came the brisk answer. Harry took a deep breath and pushed open the door, stepped inside and shut the door again.

"Good afternoon Professor." He meekly said.

"Potter… you for once have no detention, what do you require?" Snape asked. Who was standing in the corner of the room, brewing a potion.

"I… I was wondering if you could help me" He stuttered. This caused Snape to face him properly, an eyebrow raised.

"With what may I ask" He enquired, not giving away his emotions.

"Potions." This made the Professor completely stop what he was doing, leaving the potion boiling, walk over to Harry and look down at him.

"and why would you need help in Potions? You according to Slughorn have been doing well these past 2 months" He smirked, knowing Harry's secret.

"I...I'm finding it hard. I tried to make Felix Felicis the other day and it went green, not gold" He muttered.

"You left it brewing for too long before stirring" Snape replied coolly, answering Harry's earlier question as to why he'd fail this potion.

"ahh, I see" was all Harry could say in reply. He began fidgeting with the sleeves of his robe.

"It's just sir, I… I want to be an Auror when I leave here and I can't do that if I fail potions and right now I just look at Advanced Potion Making and could swear it's in another language. Slughorn is too busy to bother with me and well, to be honest it's embarrassing to go to him after he thinks so highly of me and… please. Help me." Harry muttered. Snape was silent for a second, gazing at him.

"I can assure you Mister Potter Advanced Potion Making is written in perfect English, although in debatable detail." He remarked. "However it has come to my attention of late that you're under an enormous amount of pressure. The Dark Lord moves every day, not many people could deal with that and also keep up straight O's in their NEWTs. With me you were achieving roughly a P grade, with elements of Exceeds Expectations. This would be almost a pass at NEWT level. An auror needs at least an E to be considered. You are not as far off as you may think. The trick is passing the exam. For the exam you will be required to identify 3 potions laid before you, make a given potion and a written exam explaining the uses, benefits and drawbacks of a given potion. Get the exam out of the way Potter, pass it, deal with the dark lord, and THEN worry about being an auror. One step at a time." With that he swiftly turned back to his potion and with a flick of his wand the contents vanished. He then sat at his desk, inviting Harry to sit in front of it in the chair there. Harry did so slowly.

"I'm always kept out of the loop regarding what you know who is up to. I just get told when I have to be told. Just take my fifth year. I was kept at the Dursley's, no contact with anyone. In that hell hole for most of the summer. Then dementors attack, I save myself and my cousin. I get home and I get told I'm being expelled. Yet again I'm kept in the dark about what is going on until I am somehow not being expelled and I'm to stay inside and will be collected in a few days time. Only then do I find out what everyone has been up to, reforming the order of the phoenix. I was only told because I had messed up the plan by casting a patronus to save my own soul and the soul of my cousin. I screwed up the plan and so I had to be taken away from the Dusley's early and informed of what was going on. It's me he's after, me, I should know what's going on. Everyone just keeps me in the dark all the time and never says to me what they really want and need to. I find out everything when it's too late or it's become too dangerous." With that Harry got up from the seat, turnt and headed for the door, only to find the door locked.

"Alohamora" He muttered, but the door wouldn't budge still. He wizzed back to the Professor who was standing, wand pointing towards the door.

"Open it" Harry forced out, curtly.

"Hardly, Potter. Sit back down." Sighing, Harry sat back down, he knew it was futile to fight Snape, he never relented.

"Good. Now let me start by saying this: the fact you can cast a patronus in itself is an amazement. I know it was you who did so to protect Black. If you can do that, you can pass my DADA class. Second… I admit the headmaster felt it wise to keep you out of the loop so to speak, first because he didn't want to worry you, and then because of the connection between the Dark Lord's mind and your own. It would do no good, Potter, to tell you things if the Dark lord would just use Legilimens on you to find it out. It's why I was attempting to teach you Occlumency. We had no desire to form a plan, for it to immediately be found out and defences put in place. So regretfully you had to be informed of as little as possible." Harry stared at the man before him, speechless. He didn't think of it like this, he has just though they thought him too immature or too young to handle the truth. He didn't suspect that this was the reason and a twinge of guilt hit him.

"I didn't think of it like that" He admitted.

"That wouldn't surprise me…" The Professor sneered. This caused Harry's hands to clench tightly in annoyance, anger rising in him all too quickly. He knew however it would do no good so tried to calm his breathing to a more acceptable rate.

"Now regarding potions… I will help you, but I expect you to for one be on time and second to actually want to improve and put effort in. Fail to do so and the time I put into teaching you would be wasted and I will cancel the lessons. Second, I think it's high time you resume Occlumency, if you want to be more involved and not be "kept in the dark" as you put it but this time we will try a different attempt at it. If this is what you want of course." Harry lifted his gaze to Snape, a curious expression planted on his face, not amazement, and not suspicion… maybe a cross between the two.

"Thank you, I would like that, both the Potions and Occlumency. I appreciate it." Snape nodded at the thanks.

"Very well Potter. Two times a week for Potions, once for Occlumency. Monday and Friday Potions, 7pm, Occlumency Wednesday, also at 7pm. This fits into your timetable I assume?"

"Yes sir, thank you" The boy muttered again.

"Good, oh and don't think this will allow you to slip on any of your homework. All is to be completed and to a good standard or I will put a stop to these lessons. I will be checking with your other Professors to make sure you are keeping up, so be warned. Now you may leave." At this Snape rose, headed to the door, holding it open, waiting for Harry to leave. The Gryffindor hurriedly exited and headed down the hall, back to the dorm room. It was almost curfew and he didn't want to get in trouble so early in the year. He got back to the dorm, sat on his bed and thought about tomorrow. Wednesday, that meant Occlumency. He thought about his last lessons with Snape. Constantly being told to empty his mind of emotion. He closed his eyes trying to do just that, but with such little direction it was near impossible. How does one simply… not feel? Sighing, the 16 year old changed into his clothes for the night and feel asleep soon after, having had an interesting day.