The Pop-Tart Fortification
By: Leese
Rating: T
Summary: It's Sunday morning, Leonard and Penny are alone, and marrying Leonard isn't the only smart decision Penny has to make about her life. (Set between Seasons 7 and 8, references quite a lot of Lenny history generally.)
A/N: A big THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed my stories so far! I really appreciate all the positive feedback. It's been a few years since I wrote FF and I forgot how fun it was!
With this fic, I also wanted to address one of the main criticisms of the show - that a (terrible) waitress couldn't possibly afford to live in a one-bedroom apartment across from two guys who have to live together to afford the rent. I hope I do some justice in reply.
Also, I have a short list of ideas for future stories up my sleeve, and so hopefully there will be more to come! Enjoy :-)
****
'I need to start making some smart decisions with my life.'
Penny had not forgotten the words she had spoken less than two weeks earlier. They were the words that had led to her engagement to the man who was still sleeping in her bed. Before he woke up and asked her what she was doing, Penny was taking the time to sit quietly at her dining room table, laptop open, to contemplate the big fat zero in her bank account. Getting fired from Serial Apist 2 had been the kick up the pants she had needed to finally, seriously, ask Leonard to marry her, but losing that job had not been the best move financially.
Penny looked over her transaction list online, and she felt sick seeing that most of the deposits since quitting the Cheesecake Factory had come from Leonard and her father, mostly her father. She was a kept woman.
Penny sat back in her chair and sighed. She glanced down the hall towards the soft sounds of Leonard's breathing. He had started snoring just in the last few days, and while he wasn't snoring right at that exact moment, Penny made another mental note to talk to him about it. He didn't usually snore badly even with his asthma; she was sure something wasn't quite right for him. She just had to work out what to say so that it came across as sensitive and concerned as she meant it to, and not defensive and insulting, which is what happened when she panicked or got too worried about something important.
And on the thought of importance, Penny returned her attention to her bank. Being supported by her family and friends had not seemed like that big a deal when she first moved to Los Angeles; temporary assistance until she made her way in Hollywood. She had boyfriends who were happy to help, and she was more than willing to pout and play up to them to make it happen. Her parents had given her some money at the start, but her dad had continued to give her a secret top-up once a month. She had never asked him to do it, she knew her mother knew nothing about it, but she had never told him to stop.
Still, it had been more than seven years. She was engaged, and there on her online bank statement was proof. Beside her father's deposit, paid on the day she had called to tell them the good news and sent them photos of her ring, her dad had written in the notes: LAST ONE FUTURE MRS HOFSTADTER.
Penny smiled emotionally as she read it again. Her dad had a love-hate relationship with the caps-lock key, but he also knew how to spell Leonard's last name. That was pretty great.
Mrs Hofstadter. Penny had thought about it before, even as far back as just after she met Leonard and he was dating Leslie Winkle, and Penny had found herself wondering about this shy, smart, kind-of-cute guy across the hall who clearly liked her. She had dreamed in that immature, jumping-to-conclusions way that young girls did about what life might be like if she was with him, what their children might be like, and then she had freaked out at her own naïve whimsy and her feelings. She had been jealous of Leslie, a little sad. Her heart had quickened. This guy Leonard, she had barely known him but he had some kind of hold on her. There was something there, and there still was.
Getting engaged was a really grown-up decision, probably the first truly adult life choice that Penny had ever made, but with any further help from her parents unlikely, at this rate Leonard would be paying for the entire wedding and the honeymoon and their home. Penny had signed him up to pay for all of that and it wasn't fair. He had even inadvertently paid for her brand new haircut the day earlier. Those last couple of hundred dollars in her account had come from him, and it was all there glaring at her in black and white on the computer screen. Penny was nauseated by it; she wasn't the go-get-'em, independent, wholly self-sufficient woman she had always imagined she was.
She tapped her fingers blindly on the keys. It had no effect on the screen but it felt and sounded satisfying. What to do? What to do?
It wasn't as though her agent was kicking her door down with possible roles. The auditions she went to were usually just for one-time-only extras, and at every audition there were fifty other women all vying for the same part. Some were blonde, some brunette, some thinner, some with silicon, some with more interesting faces, or funky glasses, or an unusual voice…and some were just visibly younger. Penny couldn't compete with that; she was sweet-and-simple, girl-next-door Nebraska. Her face was symmetrical and her eyes were big and earnest. She sucked at being inauthentic. She was athletic and strong, she ate food (always) and she wasn't quirky or unique. She certainly fit into Los Angeles, but she didn't fit the sorts of girls they were currently after for film and TV. Her look just wasn't 'in' anymore. Had it ever been? She didn't know.
Also, she wasn't twenty anymore, she wasn't a 'girl'. She was nearly thirty.
"Faaaaaar out," she said under her breath when that little fact of life hit her; it was happening more and more often.
Penny was nearly thirty, she was getting married, she wanted to have a family and she wanted that with Leonard. Most of all, she wanted their relationship to work. They had worked so hard since getting back together nearly three years earlier. They were so strong, and happy, and they had plans. Not the set-in-stone kind of plans, at least none they had spoken about together out loud, but Penny knew that there were some plans, and they had consequences. For example, as soon as she got pregnant (and she would, she wanted to) she could kiss goodbye any acting job more intensive than the odd commercial. Who was going to hire her for one of those anyway, when they could have one of the young, interesting-faced, other women she saw at every audition? Penny had one commercial under her belt.
One.
What Penny had said to Leonard was true: she did not need to be famous and successful in acting to be happy. It would just be nice to get paid once in awhile and to not have to rely on the two sweetest, most generous men in her life to support her. She didn't want to lose either of them, and she didn't want to be a burden. She wasn't an idealistic, opportunistic kid anymore, and Leonard and her dad had been carrying her for years. They deserved a break.
That, and the zero on her online bank statement only meant one thing, really. To take ownership of this, proper ownership, she had to go back to work…which was terrific because she was just sooo super-qualified. Not!
Penny rubbed her face and groaned softly. She really did want a job. She wanted something that left her feeling satisfied at the end of the day, and she wanted something that she felt safe doing, that was stable. She wanted a job that she would be proud to tell her currently imaginary future child about, maybe as she was preparing to leave for this job that she had once loved so much she was returning to it. Penny just wanted to be fulfilled, like all her friends with their jobs, and maybe she could even enjoy herself for those forty hours a week that would allow her to have a decent life the rest of the time.
Shutting down her bank account on-screen, she pulled up a new window. She thought she might as well find a jobs website and see what was listed in the Pasadena area, even though in the pit of her stomach she dreaded the idea of having to type up a resume and hand it around, or email it through the site. What did she have to put on a resume? It would be one page, and really spaced out. Someone was also bound to ask her what she had been doing since quitting the Cheesecake Factory, the only real job she'd had for longer than a few months since she was a teenager. Her answer? Uh…not much.
Way to go, Penny, she thought on another sigh. This was going to be embarrassing, and maybe if she was lucky the minimum wage she was going to be able to earn from whatever new job she found would just allow her to pay her rent and fork out for some humble pie. So much for making people like Leonard, her parents and possible-future-maybe-offspring proud of her!
There was just one thing Penny would not do. She was not going back to the Cheesecake Factory. Hell no.
It was half an hour later that Leonard padded out of her room in his shirt, shorts and socks. He had fixed his glasses on his face and ran his hand through his disheveled, curly hair. Penny glanced at him from over the top of her laptop and forced herself to smile. He was a cutie, after all.
"Morning sleepyhead," she said.
"What's the time?" he asked. "I must have really slept in if you're up before me."
"Very funny," Penny said with a smirk. "It's ten past seven."
"Oh my God, that's like, the middle of the night!" Leonard said in a high-pitched and weary voice, playfully mocking the many, many times she had proved to him that she was not a morning person.
"I couldn't sleep," Penny huffed, though her smile betrayed her. "Nice impression, by the way," she told him.
"Thank you," Leonard replied with a grin and a half-skip. He wandered into the kitchen for a glass of water, and then stopped. "Oh my God," he said again, this time in an awed whisper.
"What?" Penny asked. She turned around on her chair and looked back at him. He had stopped in the kitchen at the sink. "Leonard?"
"I just realised," he said with a grin. "It's French toast Sunday, and I don't have to make French toast! There isn't going to be a knock on the door in exactly eighteen minutes, and I won't be harassed until I go across the hall, put clothes on, and make His Highness his breakfast just the way he likes it!"
"Yay," Penny said with a quiet laugh.
Sheldon's absence was still somewhat of a novelty, even though Penny knew that deep down they both worried a lot about him. Penny was the one who had convinced Leonard to 'let him go', to let Sheldon get onto that train and leave with barely any possessions, and if something happened to him… No, no, he would be fine! Nothing bad would happen, and if it did then Leonard would be the first person Sheldon called; she had to trust in that.
"I wonder what he has for breakfast," Leonard said thoughtfully, more seriously.
"Not French toast just the way he likes it, that's for sure," Penny said. "What should we do for breakfast today? Unless you actually want to make French toast…I won't stop you. You can make it however you like it."
"Or, I could make pancakes?" Leonard asked. "Got any chocolate chips?"
Penny glanced at him with a sly grin.
"That's a silly question," she said, eyebrow arched. "They should be near the flour and sugar. I was thinking of making cookies, but this is fine too."
Leonard chuckled and went hunting through her cupboards as Penny returned her attention to her computer and chewed on her bottom lip. Now came her dilemma. It would not be long before Leonard woke up properly and asked her what she was doing. Penny didn't know whether to explain it all to him and 'tell him the truth', for lack of a better phrase, or whether to just say she was shopping for shoes, which Leonard had no interest in and would just kind of accept as totally normal behaviour. She sighed and leant back in her chair.
"Hey Penny?" Leonard said before Penny could make a decision.
"Yeah?" she asked slowly, eyes wide as she stared at the jobs website in front of her. She held her breath. Don't ask, don't ask, pleeeease don't ask, she wished.
"Is it okay that I slept over last night?"
Penny let out the breath she had been holding and frowned.
"What?" she asked. She was so relieved and surprised that she abandoned her computer, pushed her chair back, and walked barefoot quickly into the kitchen. "Sweetie, why would you ask that?"
"I don't know," Leonard said, his face scrunched up in confusion as he looked at her. She was still in her own pyjamas, one of her pairs anyway; a pink tank top and pink and white shorts. She smiled at him hopefully as he tried his best to explain. "I know that with Sheldon gone it's weird," he said. "The two of us being in two different homes right across the hall. I know we're not ready for living together yet, and when Sheldon comes back it's clearly something that's going to need to be put off, or orchestrated carefully. He just…freaked out, Penny. We'll have to do it gradually. I just…I know us moving too fast can be a sensitive subject and I don't want you to think that just because Sheldon is gone, that I'm trying to use it as an excuse to secretly move in here and spend the night without you knowing it."
"Leonard, honey," Penny said with a kind smirk. "I know you stayed the night, it wasn't a secret. You can't hide it."
"That's not what I meant," he said with a heavy sigh. He looked at her so sincerely, but he also looked a little scared, and Penny pouted sadly. Her heart sank.
Leonard was always brave enough to start conversations with her that really scared him, even if they could end badly, and Penny admired him immensely for it. She always tried to soak up some of that courage when she recognised it, only to later model it herself in their relationship, but Penny hated that she was one of the reasons he was scared in the first place. She hadn't been so brave in the past.
Leonard also made himself afraid by not believing in himself or in how important he had always been to her, even when she had pushed him away. It wasn't his fault, his family didn't love him in the same way hers had, it wasn't said, but after all the times he had told her how much he wanted to marry her, Penny was still the one who had to convince him to believe that she believed he was good enough for her. Leonard still didn't get it, not entirely.
Penny walked around the kitchen bench to where Leonard had gathered the ingredients for pancakes. She threaded her arms around his soft waist and enjoyed the cosy warmth of his t-shirt and torso. One of Leonard's hands came up to her back and held her against him, and Penny smiled as she felt her body mold to his, she felt his heart beating solidly against her chest.
Time for some honesty one-oh-one, she told herself.
"Leonard," she said seriously as she looked into his eyes. "Do you realise how long ago that fight over us living together actually was?"
"Oh um…a while?" he asked. Penny grinned and leant her head forward to brush her nose against his. Her cheeks just touched the edge of his glasses and she quickly pressed her lips to one of his cheeks before pulling away.
"Well I remember. It was more than a year ago," she said. "When you got fed up with Sheldon and came over here declaring you were going to stay, I felt like I had only just said 'I love you', and there was that whole thing with Alex at your work where I thought I might lose you…I thought that if you moved in with me, you'd very quickly realise how boring it was and how stupid I was and you'd start looking for someone better. You have to understand, every guy I've ever moved in with for longer than a week – and it hasn't been that many, but I mean all of them – as soon as that happened they started looking for someone better. And a heads-up on the ending; they always found her."
"Penny that's-"
"Shh, I'm not finished," she whispered kindly. Leonard shut his mouth. "My point isn't any of that stuff. My point is that the last time we talked about this was a long, long time ago. We're engaged, Leonard. I love you. You're right; when Sheldon comes back we won't be able to live together because he's going to need you with him longer, but that doesn't mean I don't want you here. It doesn't mean you should feel guilty about staying the night here now."
"You…you want me here?" he asked. Penny chuckled and squeezed his waist.
"Yes, and I need you here, and not just for your chocolate chip pancakes."
"It's my cute tushy, isn't it," he said in mock wisdom.
"That's right," Penny said with a whisper and a coy smile. She touched his lips with her index finger before leaning forward for a lingering, close-lipped kiss. She hummed into the kiss briefly before pulling away. "Now get to work," she said, slapping his ass before walking to the fridge for the juice.
"Thanks Penny," Leonard said as he watched her with a smile on his face.
"Pfft," she said, waving her arm about. She took the juice from the fridge and sat on the stool at the bench to watch him. "Listen," she said. "You and I are going to be waking up together and doing all this every day for a really long time. In my opinion, we don't need to rush it, and I don't want to. But I spend the night at your place when Sheldon is around all the time and it's never been a big deal."
"Well, not for me," Leonard said with a smile, clearly thinking about Sheldon. "You're the one that got added to the roommate agreement-"
"And taken off it, and added again," Penny said proudly, teasing him about the progression of their relationship. Leonard was undeterred.
"Sheldon even put tampons in the earthquake survival kit. It is now a two-man and one-woman kit. If you're not careful you're going to be included in a fire drill one night."
Penny grinned.
"One day Sheldon might have to get used to the idea that just because we don't live together, it doesn't mean we can't have sleepovers at my house."
She took a drink from the carton as Leonard watched on with a proud grin. She frowned at him suspiciously though, because she was being gross and not using a glass and he was looking at her like he thought it was adorable.
"I love you," he said. Penny was sure the sentiment had less to do with her drinking, and much more to do with what she had just said to him. She felt herself smile again as she nodded, and she sat quietly for several minutes as Leonard began to prepare the pancake batter. "Here honey," Leonard said softly as he handed her the packet of chocolate chips. "Can you open these?"
"Can I!" Penny said with a laugh. She opened the packet and then immediately poured a handful into her palm (for eating, not for cooking), which she knew was exactly what Leonard had expected her to do. "Do you want any?" she asked. "Melts are totally acceptable pre-breakfast snacks."
"A handful in my pancakes will be enough for these intestines."
"True that," Penny said. She leant her elbows on the bench and rested her chin in her hands. "I'm sorry I really scared you off with that whole moving in saga all that time ago."
"That's okay," Leonard said after a few seconds' hesitation, time in which Penny wondered if he had been about to say 'you didn't', but stopped himself, because in fact she really had. "I get it," he added. "I really do. And I promise I'm not going to get bored, or wake up one morning and decide you're 'stupid' or that there might be some mysterious girl out there who's better. No one's better, you're not stupid. You're perfect Penny, with all your imperfections."
"You really think that, don't you," Penny said with a quiet smile, then smirked. "We've had a conversation like this before, haven't we?"
"Yeah," Leonard said with a smile. "The first time you kissed me. I'm surprised you remember, because you were druuuunk and we barely knew each other."
"I don't actually remember," Penny admitted, blushing, as Leonard laughed at her. "It was just déjà vu, all of a sudden. That was a reeeeally long time ago."
"Oh yeah," Leonard said under his breath.
"So what are you doing today?" Penny asked.
"Uh, I have to clean the apartment and I want to do a bit of research on this paper I was thinking of writing. It might involve watching Star Wars so that I can distract the conscious critical side of my brain with light sabers and free up the other side to make unconscious creative decisions on my paper without having to consciously think about it."
"That's a good make-believe plan," Penny said in a drawl, with a skeptical smirk. Leonard laughed.
"No it works, I swear it. I got it from X-Files. Fox Mulder, season seven."
"O-kay," she said. She popped another small handful of chocolate chips into her mouth before handing them to Leonard. If he did not take them away, there wouldn't be any left to put into the pancakes. He immediately upended the bag over the bowl of batter and stirred them in.
"You were saying you couldn't sleep?" Leonard asked.
"Mm," Penny hummed, not immediately realising they had very quickly veered onto the topic she had been hoping to avoid. "I've just been restless lately."
"Spontaneously cutting your hair yesterday and then waking me up for round three of new-haircut-sex in the middle of the night was a big clue, though I do love it; the hair and the wake-up call," Leonard assured her. "Is it Sheldon?"
"No," Penny said with a scoff. "I mean I do worry about him, a lot…almost constantly-"
"Me too," Leonard said. "He's not even our child."
"Oh, but he is," Penny said, leaning back in the stool and laughing. "In a good way…most of the time."
"Some of the time," Leonard teased. More seriously, he then reached over and lightly touched the top of Penny's hand with his fingertips. "Are you restless because of the engagement, Penny?" he asked in a whisper.
"No," Penny said with a soft smile. "We still have a lot to sort out, I do anyway, but now that I've said yes I'm really set on this engagement thing. I like it."
"Good, me too," Leonard said more surely, grinning. "And I mean it when I say there's no rush. Let's take our time and enjoy being an engaged couple."
"Agreed." Penny took another sip of juice from the carton and went back to watch Leonard cooking. His back was to her as he began pouring the batter into the hot frying pan on the stove. The lean muscles in his arms flexed as he poured and balanced and moved things around, and Penny was content just watching him, strong and confident in his own little world. Ten years earlier, she never would have thought she would end up with a man like Leonard. A nerdy guy, who was her height, shy, kind, a brilliant mind, with curly hair that wasn't short but it wasn't long either…God, she loved that hair…
Get a grip Penny, she told herself. She cleared her throat and looked down at her clasped hands on the bench. She could not remember clasping them and now she thought about them clasping Leonard's hair and she blushed.
"What?" he asked warily, pleasantly. Penny really wasn't good at hiding her feelings when she wasn't using anger as a shield.
"Nothing," she said. "Just hungry." It was kind of true, after all.
"You're thinking about round three, aren't you," Leonard said. He teased her with his eyes and chuckled as her blush deepened. "What can I do to help?"
Penny pursed her lips and smirked.
"Not about that!" Leonard insisted as he waved around the pancake flipper in a hurry. "Trust me, I've only just recovered."
"Do you think the sex is better since we got engaged?" Penny asked suddenly. Leonard shrugged and offered her a genuine, loving smile.
"Yeah," he said simply.
"Hmm," Penny responded as she nodded. Fair enough then. She did too, but she hadn't known how to bring it up. It had been less than two weeks, after all, and it wasn't as though they were doing anything different. She felt different inside herself, though, and maybe that was the biggest difference.
"Penny?" Leonard asked, jolting her from her daydream. She glanced at him and he pointed the flipper at her. "It's not just the ring on your finger, you know?"
"I know," she said softly. Truthfully, the sex had been better ever since she started saying 'I love you'. Huge breakthrough for her. Gigantic leap of faith. Leonard was trying to remind her of that without laying it on her as some kind of guilt-trip. None of that, 'oh, it could have been better if you'd said it sooner'. No, he really had done his best to understand. She thought that he did.
"What I was saying," Leonard continued, not one to lose track of a conversation even when she wandered off in search of the shiny, distracting, token-thoughts. "Is there anything I can do to help you to feel less restless?"
"Well…" Penny hesitated. Did she tell him? Did she just proclaim that she didn't understand it herself yet? Would he see through that? She felt as though he probably would. Oh just say it Penny, she told herself in a sudden huff. "Can I talk to you about something?" she asked Leonard.
"Of course," he said, as though it was obvious. "Do you mind if I'm back and forth over these pancakes, or do you want to wait until we're sitting down at the table?"
"Um…we can talk over food," she said. That would at least give her time to beat down on her pride a little bit and summon up her bravery to assist her, or to nab some of his from earlier. "I'll set the table and move my computer."
"Cool," Leonard said, distracted by the sizzling of pancakes and the warm smell of chocolate wafting around the small apartment. Penny was distracted by it too. Her stomach grumbled as she cleared the table, then put on the coffee pot to brew, then set the table with cutlery.
"Oh my God, hurry up already!" she groaned in the direction of the pan when she passed it for the final time, preparing their morning coffees. The pancakes were a golden brown and smelt so decadently yummy. Leonard stood beside the pan looking cocky at his efforts and shooing her away.
Penny sat at the made-up table and twiddled her thumbs, literally. She was aware that Leonard was watching her, in between serving up two plates of chocolate chip pancakes. She was sure that he was stacking her plate with the pancakes that had the most chocolate in them, both to save his lactose-intolerant insides and also because she liked them best.
"Here we go," he said generously when he finally brought the plates over and placed hers in her eagerly outstretched hands. "A Sunday breakfast."
"Thank you," Penny said with a smile. She nudged his cup of coffee half an inch closer to him. "Coffee."
"Thanks."
They sat and ate for several seconds before Penny took a breath. Leonard was not going to press her, she had to actually open her mouth and say the words. You can do it Penny, she thought. Leonard was not going to laugh.
"So…I'm thinking about looking for a job," she said as quickly and firmly as possible. "I've decided I need something to fall back on, something that isn't the Cheesecake Factory and isn't you and dad."
"That's great!" Leonard said with an encouraging smile.
"That's what I was doing up, thinking about it and doing some job searches."
"And?" he asked.
"And I'm probably only qualified for the Cheesecake Factory," Penny said with a glum pout. He chuckled and shook his head. "I mean it," Penny continued as she ate a forkful of pancakes. "That's the only thing I can put on a resume, other than a few acting jobs, and the whole thing basically screams, 'Hi there, I'm trying desperately to be famous so I'm not going to be very committed to you!' And I'm not even totally committed to that dream anymore either."
"Well…a little, yeah," Leonard admitted cautiously. Penny sighed and fought the urge to become defensive. She was right, he was right, what was the point of arguing about it?
"What should I do Leonard?" Penny asked softly.
"Well…"
"Wait," she said quickly. "Can I ask you something else first? I've always wanted to know this, but I guess I was just always afraid of the answer. I think I'm ready to hear it now."
"O-kay," Leonard said warily. She could see the fear in his eyes and she offered him a hopeful but curious smile.
"Um," she began. "Okay. See, I'm not actually stupid, I know you've been putting money into my account every month ever since you helped me out with a few bigger bills when we were going out the first time. And I also know that I've never properly said thank you and we just haven't talked about it, but I want you to know one of the reasons I am going to seriously start looking for a job is because I want you to stop doing that. Dad stopped once I told him we were engaged, but you need to stop as well and for that to happen I need to start making smarter decisions about work and money. We can figure long-term stuff out later on, of course, but in the meantime-"
"It's two hundred dollars a month, it's-"
"It's more to you than you're about to make it seem, but it's been really helpful to me Leonard, so thank you."
"You're welcome," he said with a soft smile. Penny bit her bottom lip before she broached her actual question.
"My question though, is how come you kept doing that even when we were broken up? Did you ever think about stopping? And you're still doing it now, and I really should have got you to stop when we started this relationship again but I didn't know what to say, and I was afraid if I asked you why, you would just tell me it was because you loved me and wanted to take care of me, and I reeeeally didn't want to hear that from you for a long time."
"Do you want to hear it now?" Leonard asked with a quirk of his brow. Penny smirked.
"Try harder. Why have you kept doing it all these years?"
"Okay," he said seriously as he put his knife and fork down. "I'll tell you."
He made her wait a second longer as he took a sip of his coffee, and their eyes met as Penny smirked. He was such a tease sometimes!
"I wasn't necessarily doing it because 'I looooove you'," Leonard said as he rolled his eyes and drew it out drolly. "It's actually more simple than that. You're my friend, Penny. I care about you. That's never changed. So when we broke up it never occurred to me to stop helping you…and I suppose the fact you never said anything about it to me let me know that you were okay with it, and it made me feel like maybe there was some hope for us again."
"Even when you were with Priya and she asked you not to see me anymore?" Penny asked. "Did she know?"
"She didn't know," he told her. "This was my thing, and I want you to know it was never meant as a bribe or as something that I was going to hold over your head. I know how much borrowing that money from Sheldon really annoyed you and I'd actually been prepared for you to storm over one day and demand that I stop because we were broken up…when I was with Priya I was hoping for it actually, because I missed you and things were awkward between us, but you didn't come to complain or try to pay me back-"
"Augh, I feel like such a spoilt user all of a sudden. I'm so sorry Leonard!"
"Early on, I was happy for you to use me…for lack of a better phrase," he added as Penny snorted. "But," he continued. "It obviously became more meaningful than that for me. I guess it was another way for me to make you think I was a good guy to have around, and it gave me a reason to think about you, about how you were and what you were doing. It was stupid perhaps, selfish, but I never saw it as a risk and I never really thought of you as using me, and you were never just a friend. You're my best friend. I'd like to think I'd do the same for Raj and Sheldon if they were in a bind…Howard has his mom. But the way I saw it, and I don't know if I'm explaining this well at all, but if it helped you buy food or pay for petrol or even a fashion magazine, I just…"
"You didn't want me to think you stopped caring? Or you didn't want me to move out because I couldn't afford to live across from you?" Penny guessed.
"Those reasons too," Leonard said with an easy-going laugh as they grinned at each other. "It worked, didn't it?"
"Shameless," she taunted. She cocked her head to one side and added, "But I do understand why. Like I just said, I didn't want to hear an answer like that when we were broken up, and then it just felt strange to ask when we got back together…because this sounds awful, but I didn't want you to feel like you had to stop. I was scared you would. I take better care of your money than anything dad gave me. I tend to use it for gas and bills, and I do rely on it, which I hate but…thank you Leonard, very much. I really appreciate it, I do."
"You're welcome," he said softly. "I've got your back."
"Go team," she whispered with a gentle smile. Leonard grinned. "So," Penny went on more seriously, her eyes suddenly wide as they both returned to eating. "What do I do about this job thing? I mean, do I try and get another waitressing job, which is minimum wage, though the tips can be pretty good on the right shifts. Or do I go for retail? Or, I dunno…all the jobs on the websites I found were things you need a degree for…unless I want to be a telemarketer or a bus-driver, which I do not."
"Yeah, one day you might get stuck with Sheldon on your call, or your bus."
"Dear Lord!" Penny said with drama, fanning her face. Leonard chuckled.
"Here's what you should do," he said. "Why don't you make a list of what you think are your strengths, and the things you've enjoyed in previous work. What parts of all your other jobs have you actually liked the most? It's probably likely that you'll have to start at the bottom and work your way up-"
"I know how to do that. I got fired from an ape movie two weeks ago. At the bottom, I am."
"The other thing is if you can narrow it down to an area you'd enjoy working in, like admin or retail or sales, or an industry like fashion or finance, then you can focus your searches on those types of roles and businesses, and you can talk to people and ask for work experience, or if they know of any positions…it might make the search easier if you have a goal in your sights."
"Okay," Penny said. "I think I can do that. I don't really know what I'm passionate about besides, you know, 'life'-"
"At your service," Leonard said with a wink and she laughed. "Okay," he continued. "Tell me three things that you liked most about working at the Cheesecake Factory, and three things you hated and don't want to do ever again. Even if you think they're stupid or insignificant, list them."
Penny sipped her coffee and hummed. It seemed like so long ago since she quit waitressing to focus solely on her acting career. Fat lot of good that had done, and she was playing fast and loose with the word 'career' too.
"Okay," she said with a thoughtful smile, aware that Leonard was watching her carefully. She could feel his hope that her answers would be useful to her, but Penny just rattled them off without putting too much thought into what she was saying. "I liked being able to take food home, bringing you guys cheesecake and leftovers. I really liked being tipped for doing a good job, when I bothered to do a good job. And I guess I liked talking to people when I worked behind the bar, seeing if they had a good day, or if I was in the restaurant and a little kid was upset or there was a birthday, I liked the feeling of being involved in that."
"That's great," Leonard said encouragingly.
"What I didn't like…I didn't like the shift work. I hated missing out on dinner with you guys, and spending weekends without you. I didn't like cleaning up after other people; I can barely do that for myself. And thirdly, I didn't like actually taking orders, especially from the really picky people."
Leonard coughed and spluttered out, "Sheldon".
"No, that's different," she said with a smile. "He's a friend…he's like my baby brother. I actually really love him, I think. Scary. Anyway, I have a hard enough time with friends and family telling me what to do and how to live my life, and I don't like it when it comes from strangers. There, that's my list."
Leonard hummed and collected their plates, as Penny stood and followed him over to the kitchen. She leant against the bench and put her head in her hands again.
"I want to call my dad," she said softly. "I don't know what to say."
"Can I ask what brought on this epiphany?" Leonard asked as he looked over his shoulder, while washing up their plates.
"Oh it's that stupid comment I made to you when I proposed," she groaned.
Leonard laughed and suggested, "Was it, 'let's get married'?"
"No!" Penny said as they both laughed. "You're in a good mood this morning!"
"Sex three times last night? I'm ecstatic…and a little wheezy."
"Yeah…I'm feelin' pretty good," Penny admitted with a cheeky smile as she ruffled her short hair. It still had that salon shampoo smell and she sighed happily, before realising that she hadn't answered Leonard. "The comment I meant was about making smart decisions with my life. I woke up this morning in a panic thinking I'd overdrawn my account with my haircut yesterday, and I better log on and check before I got slogged with a stupid fee…turns out I now have twenty-four cents left in my account, and then I saw that the only reason I wasn't overdrawn was because your two hundred dollars went in a week ago, and I'd been using it, as well as my dad's last payment, and I didn't even notice. That's not a smart decision, that's just lazy. I'm so sorry!"
"Stop apologising," Leonard said. He put the dishes in the drying rack and turned to face her with a sigh. "In fact, I'm sorry. I should have broached this with you a long time ago. I just thought that you needed it, and you didn't want to talk to me about it because maaaybe it's a bit embarrassing, but I just knew one day we'd get to where we are now and I hoped it would matter less then, if that makes sense. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Penny. I wanted to stay connected to you. I'm the one that should be saying sorry."
"You knew we'd end up together?" Penny asked curiously. "Forever? Even when you were dating Priya?"
"Well…I really tried with Priya, you know that, and I really thought that I loved her but I suppose in the back of my mind…yeah, I still thought somewhere down the line maybe I'd end up with you. That's what I wanted most of all."
"So you were never going to propose to her?"
"Um…I thought about it, at one point. A part of me really wanted it to work, but things kind of fell apart and there was always this thing in the back of my head, where during the day I'd find myself thinking, 'God, I miss Penny', or, 'I want to tell Penny that', and every time I saw you I was just happy."
"Oh Leonard!" Penny whined softly. She walked around the bench and hugged him tightly. She didn't know what she had been worrying about with Priya all that time. She had always thought that Leonard chose Priya because she was so different from Penny and he had wanted to get away from Penny and all women like her. But if Priya not being Penny had been the problem with the relationship all along, then she'd had nothing to worry about.
"I was happy every time I saw you too," she whispered into his ear. "I tried to pretend not to be. And I was so incredibly jealous, I cried and I missed you."
"It's over now," Leonard assured her. "I'll never leave, Penny."
Penny giggled and jabbed their engagement ring into his back as she held him.
"What was your first clue?" she teased. "You're stuck with me now!" She smiled as Leonard pressed his lips to her cheek and held them there. "Oh, we have got to stop being so mushy," she whispered to him. "Even if it is nice. I don't want to have to take you to the ER later today and explain that your asthma attack is the result of having sex for the ten millionth time in twenty-four hours." She pulled back and looked at him, eyes raised and lips pursed. "Let's sit," she offered. "Talk to me about my list. Has that genius brain of yours processed anything that I said and come up with actual ideas yet?"
Leonard released her from the hug and Penny walked over to the sofa. She took a seat and Leonard followed suit. He plopped down on the other end of the blue chair and extended his sock-covered feet, resting them in Penny's lap. She was turned towards him, and while one of her arms lay along the back of the sofa, the other fell onto the top of his feet. She massaged the toes of his right foot and he wiggled them playfully inside the sock in reply.
"Here's what I heard," he said. "You want a job where you're respected and not looked down on, where you've got some independence and choice about what you say, how you deal with people, how you work, etcetera. You also are going to do better in a job where you get to meet lots of different people, so there's some variety and socialisation. You want to feel like you're making a difference to someone, even if it's us: your friends and family. You want regular hours or hours that you can set yourself, and you like being rewarded for your hard work; getting tips is like getting a bonus, or a commission."
Penny stared at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. Leonard was so randomly spot-on that it was creepy, and her stomach flip-flopped. He was talking about adult things, bonuses and commissions. He was picturing her in some kind of grown-up, proper job inside his head, and it sounded terrific, but also terrifying. How was she ever going to get a job like that, and if she couldn't even get a whole lot of tips as a waitress some nights how would she ever do well enough in a job to earn a proper bonus? She wanted to, though.
Just as the urge to cut off her hair had come on suddenly, this did too. Things had to change; they couldn't stay the same. Penny didn't want to be that totally stay-at-home kind of fiancée, or wife, or one day maybe a mother, and she wanted that damn imaginary bonus. Dammit, she wanted lots of them.
Just as she was thinking that she might be able to do this, though, her mind was still also on Leonard, and his ability to figure this all out from a few comments she had blurted out about working at the Cheesecake Factory.
"Leonard, honey, you got all that from what I just said, while we were talking about sex, money and Priya?" she asked.
"No," Leonard said with a smirk. "I got it from what you said while you were saying it. And I know you, Penny. That helps. Trust me, when we're talking about sex that's what I'm thinking about."
Penny gave him a coy air-kiss as he wiggled his eyebrows underneath his glasses.
"So, here's a suggestion," Leonard added. "How about something like real estate? You probably have to do a course, but it fulfills all those requirements on your wish list. You'd get to meet lots of people and help them find their dream homes. You're good at talking to strangers and picking up on signals about what they might be thinking. People trust you; you're likeable, pretty, funny and persuasive. I also think your competitive streak would really be a bonus because I hear it can be cut-throat; just pretend it's a football game."
"Really?" Penny asked, stunned, as she processed what Leonard had just suggested. Her hand stilled on his toes and wrapped around the top of his foot instead.
She had never thought of real estate, it hadn't come up on her jobs search, but he was actually completely right. Again. Penny usually hated when that happened but in this case it just made her feel warm and shaky.
"You think I'd make a good real estate agent?" she asked, suddenly nervous.
"I'd buy any house you told me to," Leonard assured her with a grin. Penny rolled her eyes. The first day they met he had gone to her ex-boyfriend's house to rescue her television, and that was probably partly because she had asked him through the shower curtain while she was naked with the water running; she would definitely not be repeating that sales technique again!
Look at me, she thought, already thinking all about 'sales techniques'!
Penny pressed her lips together to try to stop herself from smiling too widely. After the night they'd had, Leonard really did not need his ego stroked any more. His head should have been the size of Nebraska, but he really was a gem, and so Penny happily laid claim to that big head and handsome face, and the rest of him…asthma and shortsightedness and weird snoring and all.
"Thank you," she said softly as her eyes widened and she began to think about the possibilities. "That's actually a really good idea. I'll start looking today. I want to talk to Bernadette and Amy about it too, see what they think."
"And if you don't like property," Leonard continued. "Then there are lots of things you can sell in the same kind of way. You just need to find a workplace, and people and the products that you're comfortable with, and go from there. I know that once you find something you enjoy, Penny, you'll be brilliant at it."
"Your faith in me, when I haven't done very much to earn it, is pretty incredible, do you know that?" she asked, squeezing his ankles and smiling.
"You didn't have to do anything to earn it. It's just kind of there," Leonard said as he shrugged, modest and bashful. Penny smirked at the flush on his cheeks.
"Since when?" she asked.
He looked her in the eyes and hurriedly said on a whisper, "Since I met you".
Penny's eyes filled with tears and she did let herself widely grin, finally. She didn't care about her bank balance anymore. She had a plan, she had something to type into the jobs search, and jobs did exist that might suit her. Leonard had no idea how much he had helped her in just the past hour.
"I take it back," she said.
"Take what back?" he asked, somewhat confused. Penny bit her bottom lip and let go of his feet so that she could crawl over his legs. She straddled his thighs and laid her hands on his chest. Leonard watched her, clearly not sure what she was going to say, but as she felt his heart beating rapidly under her palm she hoped he believed it was good. They were good.
"You," she said softly, recalling their engagement. "Are not a stupid pop-tart. You're not a bran muffin. If I haven't made this clear in the last twelve days-"
"No, no, you've made it clear," Leonard assured her. His hands held her waist and his voice shook as she took off his glasses and folded them up. Penny meant business; she even stretched over to the coffee table to put his glasses down as Leonard held her steady and followed her with his wide eyes. Once she was resting safely on his thighs again, he held a hand to her jaw and brushed his thumb over her cheek and ear. "Penny," he whispered. "I-"
"Wait, I'm trying to think of what you are instead."
"Okay," he said patiently. "Sell it to me baby," he added with a pleased smirk.
Penny rolled her eyes. As if she had to try very hard to sell anything to him! That being said, she had tried pretty hard to sell the engagement to him at first, or her belief in the prospect of marriage at least. 'What do you need?' he had asked. She had shouted, 'You, you stupid pop-tart!' He had started to smile. He was all in. Now Penny just had to find something else she could sell to other people to help her make some money for their life together, for their little family of two. She had to be her own damn 'smart decision' bran muffin.
"You know you don't have to come up with a foodstuff," Leonard said, interrupting her thoughts. "You call me honey, let's just leave it at that and make love. I promise, no asthma attack." His hands were moving in slow, soothing circles on her waist and hips, and as Penny returned her eyes to his and saw them so dark and focused on her, she felt a breathy surge of arousal.
"No, you are a pop-tart," she decided with a grin. "Do you know what type?"
"Chocolate?" he asked. Penny laughed and shook her head. She gripped his shoulders and leant forwards, pushing him further back against the arm of the sofa. Leonard held her waist, clasped at her ribs, and joined her in a chuckle.
"Noooo," she said proudly. "You actually are a strawberry pop-tart - my strawberry pop-tart - fortified with vitamins and minerals, with no artificial colours or preservatives, and made with one hundred percent real fruit."
"You know it's faster just to say I love you," Leonard whispered as she lowered her head and her lips touched his in a brief, affectionate kiss.
"Shut up, you stupid pop-tart," she whispered as she traced his cheekbone with a fingertip and smiled against his lips. "Don't make me sell it to you."