Hello! \^_^/ Thanks for reading!
A/N: Yeah… So I was in a really depressed state when I wrote this; thus, Neal suffered. T_T
The second part is actually semi-hopeful, though, because it wasn't fair to anyone else if I had left it the way it was, so I wrote it a couple of days later. But if all you came for was angst, skip it. Lol, I wouldn't blame you.
Disclaimer: Just… Don't mention it. It's a sore subject over here *weeping silently*
As a constant preface: I don't have a beta, so I want to explicitly state that if you see ANY mistakes (i.e. to vs. too, their vs. they're, an extra comma... Etc. *no matter how small*) just tell me. I'll try to fix it ASAP. Just give me the whole phrase (for reference) and what needs to be changed in it. There's nothing worse when I see a mind-blowing sentence but my mind focuses on the ONE missspelling... ;) Sorry, I'm kinda OCD about those things.
Summary: Angst. Just pure, unadulterated angst. Really short, dark, one-shot about how Neal feels sometimes, even though he can't show it (Let's just say I had a really bad day)
Forged Feelings
You'd never notice just by looking at him. How sad and lonely and empty he feels on the inside. You'd never think about it if you didn't know him. Just walking down the street, or seating him in a restaurant. You'd never even realize it when you're talking to him. That's what he does for a living: talk. Just words, that's all they are. No feeling or emotion or truth or sincerity behind them. Just empty words strung together to form coherent, elegant sentences, purely built to distract and hide the real issues that lie beneath. All of the: "I'm fine;" "Yeah, doing fantastic;" "Feeling great, thanks," reassurances that spill from his mouth are lies. But who would look further? They're so convincing. And who would want to look further? Most humans crave attention—simply can't live without it—but if you're a conman, attention can get you caught. Attention can get you killed.
So you keep your head down. Suit-up, smile bright, stand tall, and stay with it. Don't lose focus; if you do they'll get suspicious. If you do, you'll go back. The easily plastered on smile fools everyone; after all, he's had years to perfect it. But it's all a ploy, all a great distraction from the pain and suffering he carries with him everyday.
***WC***
But there is one. One man who can see past the mask he always wears. One man who knows everything about him, and is smart enough and cares enough to know how much it hurt when his life began to crumble and burn in front of him. When his life became so meaningless that he was willing to sacrifice himself—throw himself into a raging inferno or go to prison for life.
There is one man who would risk his career daily for someone he spent nearly half a decade trying to capture.
And his friendship and trust is worth more than anyone or anything else in the world. So much that it is worth fighting for; that it is worth finding meaning in life; and it is worth searching for a way to survive. And maybe that one man is all it takes to find the life of someone thought to be lost.
End