As a solitary tear tracks down my face, I close my eyes in an attempt to dam any more errant tears. The distinct sound of ruffling feathers and the palpable emptiness in the room alert me to Castiel's departure. The unbearable weight of my guilt presses me further into myself where I have neither the strength nor the desire to ever leave.
This is all my doing. How can I face Sam now? I berated him about using his powers, sliding into the darkness, and yet I'm the one that has set the events into motion to unleash hell on earth. I'm the one Dad should have been worried about, the one that had to be saved.
After a lifetime of self-sacrifice, after all we have worked for - and this is what I have brought on the world. More pain and destruction than any human should ever have to endure.
As I lie in this bed, with nothing more than the muffled voices in the hall accompanied by the various beeps and clicks of medical equipment to keep me company, a hopelessness I have never felt before threatens to drown me. How can I end it, especially when I have no idea what it is? How can I save the world when I can't even save myself?
The only thing I have left is Sam, and I'm not even sure I'll have him for much longer. Every day, he drifts further and further away. The secrets, the lies, and Ruby. It seems each day is a battle just to figure out which end is up.
We're fighting a losing battle with the damn seals. Hell, if the angels haven't gained any headway, how can we?