Chapter one

Bellamy has done a lot of reading.

Years on the Ark gave him ample time to learn about a range of topics he never even knew existed until he cracked open dusty books that he had found carefully stowed away in the library. With Octavia sitting across from him at the table, her eyes carefully watching the way her needles weaves in and out of the material she's patching up, Bellamy read aloud.

He never pre-selected any of what he read about, but after a few trips of surreptitiously stuffing the books into his bag after a long day of training, his arms stiff and sore, he started to realize that he was mostly taking them from the history section.

He liked history, though, and so did Octavia. They weren't on the ground, but sometimes, as Bellamy's voice retold old stories about fallen kings and wars that would never be won, they almost felt as though they could be. Bellamy always hoped he could walk right out of his flat and instead of being on the Ark, he could be on the ground, leaving a classroom.

One book in particular stuck out to Bellamy. While Octavia huffed in that way he knew met she was bored with this one, Bellamy kept reading to himself. It was a Napoleon Bonaparte biography. They had only made it through the preface and the first few chapters about his childhood, but Bellamy was transfixed.

According to the readings, Napoleon was obsessed with power, and even felt as if he was nothing without it. One of his teachers even said that Napoleon could do great things as long as he was in favorable conditions.

Even with his training for the guard, Bellamy only had little moments of power. They were enough, though, to make him crave more. They were enough to take these things Napoleon felt and compare them to himself. They were enough for Bellamy to want his own favorable conditions.

Everything fell to pieces after Octavia was discovered. All hopes of becoming someone with power and making a difference in the guard were dashed by his thoughtlessness and a solar flare. He traded in his gun for a mop and got pushed around by everyone. Not only was he guilty for the death of his mother and the imprisonment of his sister, but he was also a nobody.

It only makes sense for him to shoot the chancellor, to protect his sister. He didn't think that after everything (namely the way his hands shook when he felt the familiar metal trigger against his finger right before he pulled it) he would end up finding his favorable conditions.

The ground is everything he dreamed of, not that Bellamy had ever really been very passionate about going home. The fairytale ends after a few days, though. It has to end because the world isn't beautiful, and Bellamy has known this since he held his younger sister and realized she was a secret.

People listen to Bellamy, though. He finally has power and he's with his sister. These should be his favorable conditions and he should be happy, but it's not like how he expected. He can't make these decisions without upsetting half the camp, or at least Clarke.

But life keeps going and the grounders keep harassing them, and the events unravel quicker than Bellamy can keep up. He doesn't feel like a leader anymore, not with the way that he's trekking through the woods with only a few of his people, the rest seemingly disappeared. It doesn't get any easier when he's roaming the halls of the fifth floor of Mount Weather, his uniform too big for him, scratching against his skin uncomfortably. And even when things seem like they might work out, it's Clarke that has to ruin the peace.

Everything is difficult and Bellamy just wants for things to finally be simple in his life.

It used to be easier, when it was just them, the first hundred and those few blissful days when they didn't know about the grounders, or the few blissful weeks they didn't know about the mountain men. Now, they know everything, and the earth isn't what it used to be.

Those pictures Bellamy used to see in the books he stole from the library, the one's with the suburban homes and roaring cities isn't the earth he's living on. Everything is darker, including Bellamy and, as of recently, Clarke.

Despite it all, Clarke is the thing that surprisingly makes things a little easier. She's smart, and every word out of her mouth is something that Bellamy thinks makes sense in the end, even if he can't find the logic at first. It's almost irritating how she's always right, and the way that she does things for the ones she loves so easily.

And that's why Bellamy can't let her go off by herself, especially when he knows—when they all know—what is waiting for her in those endless woods.

He's following behind her, close enough to see her a few hundred feet ahead, and he can see that with every few steps Clarke is touching the base of her gun, as if she's worried it's gone. Bellamy knows then that this is the right thing to do even if it was hard to leave, especially without Octavia.

He had made sure that she was the first person he found before rushing after Clarke. She was waiting by the gates, eyes peering after Clarke, but mostly searching for someone else. When he tried to convince her to come along, and maybe get Jasper or Monty to come too, she forlornly shook her head and tried to explain to Bellamy what Clarke had done. He still hadn't told her it was his own doing, as well.

It was only after she stayed firmly on the ground, eyes still looking for Lincoln, did Bellamy know that this was useless. He might have been able to get Monty to come along, but even that seemed like a lost cause, so he hugged her, noting that their separations were growing longer and longer, and then went to find rations and more bullets for the gun he had on him perpetually.

Making sure not to step on a twig as he follows Clarke, he knows Octavia is going to be fine without him. She doesn't need him anymore, and that's why Bellamy is trying to help Clarke. He tells himself that that is the only reason, that there can't be more to this than just wanting to help people that matter to him.

It only takes Clarke a few hours for her to realize Bellamy is following her.

There's a single misstep, one where Bellamy is in deep thought about what comes next, when his foot catches on a tree root and he doesn't recover fast enough. His knees collide with the ground accompanied with a soft groan. Just as Bellamy is trying to jump up and make sure Clarke doesn't see him, she whirls around and goes, "How long were you planning on follow me?"

Bellamy is still on the ground, eyes watching as Clarke comes over and inspects him for injuries like the good nurse she's always been. She doesn't offer him a hand up, though, and instead rests them on her cocked hips.

"You can't just leave," Bellamy tells her matter-of-factly once he's finally off the ground.

Clarke doesn't look as shaken as she was before, and simply shakes her head with a morose expression on her face. "I can't go back. Not after what I did."

"Then I can't go back, either," Bellamy tells her sternly. He walks a little closer before going, "I did the same thing as you, Clarke. You're not alone in this."

She refuses to hear this, and turns away, walking back on the trail she was going.

"Clarke, you don't even have any food. How many bullets do you have left? You can't just wander through—"

Clarke swiftly turns around again, face close to his when she nearly shouts, "I know how to survive, Bellamy. I'm still here because that's the only thing I know how to do." Bellamy tries to place a hand on her shoulder because he doesn't want to fight, but she shakes him off and steps backwards. "Follow me all you want, but I'm not going back."

I need you is on the tip of Bellamy's tongue, but all that comes out is, "We need you."

Clarke just purses her lips and continues walking. Bellamy figures she just needs time. After a few days she'll be ready to come back. She'll miss her mother and everyone else back at camp. All Bellamy has to do is accompany her for a few days until she's ready again.

After everything they've been through, this should be easy.