Title: All I'm Asking For
Author: Crysta Novelli spacecase_7@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Archiving: Sure, if you want it, but please ask first so I can live the short thrill of someone actually wanting my fic :-)
Category/Keywords: D, vignette, implied MSR
Summary: Doggett reflects after saving Scully in "Roadrunners"
Spoilers: Season 8, up through "Roadrunners"
Author's Notes: This is my very first foray into writing X-Files fanfic. I usually leave the XF writing to my roommate, but the Doggett bunny bit hard and wouldn't let go. And I absolutely adore feedback... *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
Disclaimers: My name isn't Chris, it's Crys. I don't own 'em, I just play with them a little and then give them back when I'm done.
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I am not a spy.
I am a police officer, a marine, and an FBI agent.
And now I am your partner.
Because I am the first three, I wasn't hurt when you told me you didn't need my help, despite the tone of your voice that implied you didn't want my help. I am not a child. I also know that I am not Fox Mulder. But I am your partner.
I know you think Kersh sent me to spy on you. I know you don't trust me. I know you don't think you need me, and most of all I know you don't want me here. However, I find myself wondering now what Fox Mulder felt when you were first assigned to the X-Files. Could he possibly have seen you in the same light that you see me? As a young, inexperienced skeptic sent to shut him down? Did Agent Mulder see you as a spy, Agent Scully? Sent to watch over him, making sure he stayed out of trouble? There to tear apart his theories like they were made of tissue paper by applying scientific fact to disprove his paranormal diagnoses? Did he trust you, Dana Scully?
From what I've read and heard about Mulder, I would venture to guess that the answer to that final question is no.
I do not need to wonder what it would be like to be in your shoes at that time – sent to work with an agent everyone swears is crazy, wondering if it's going to hurt or help your career, unsure why exactly they chose you to work on the X-Files. I don't need to wonder because I'm pretty sure I'm standing in them right now. No matter what angle you hold the page at, there are only so many ways to describe what happened in that Middle-of-Nowhere, Utah town the other day. No matter how much science and logic you throw at it, one can only describe pulling a foot long worm the size of a child's arm out of his partner's back with a pocket knife incision to the back of her neck in so many terms. The words that spring immediately to mind are "weird", "bizarre", and "you must think I'm a total nutcase if you expect me to believe that." I know what I must sound like to skeptics reading that report because I felt that way regarding many of the X-Files stored in those cabinets in that basement office. The thought of the things happening that you and Agent Mulder reported as "fact" in your reports is absolutely ridiculous, but I cannot deny what I have seen since I've been assigned to you.
After writing this report I even faintly wondered how much you saw that never made it into your reports. I have found myself wondering if I should include some small detail or another at the expense of angering Kersh. I know that I am in a tight spot. Anger the wrong people and I could get shipped out, but at the same time I am an FBI Agent and I have a duty to uphold that includes finding the truth. Though Deputy Director Kersh may not like it, it is my duty to be truthful in my reports, and if that truth includes multiple Scullys in the same room, Mulder falling from a hundred foot cliff and then walking away, giant vampire bats that hunt by scent, and extracting large worms believed to be Christ reborn from my partner's back, then so be it.
We will find Agent Mulder, Scully. That is why I am here, and that is what I will help you do. The facts regarding his disappearance do not add up, but there are several that I cannot deny, all of which only make me more curious and more determined to find him. I have read about him; talked to other agents about him; even visited his apartment to get to know him better, but more and more I find myself wanting to meet the man who has stolen your heart.
Yes, Dana, I know you love him. I would have to be blind not to realize that. I will never forget the day I caught you "feeding the fish" in his apartment.
I have read your file as well, Agent Scully. I talked to the other agents about you, too. When you threw your glass of water in my face and stormed off you showed me yourself that you were not a woman to be trifled with.
They call you the Ice Queen. I understand why you act the way you do. You have to protect yourself and Mulder, and that is entirely understandable considering the line of work you are in. Hell, the line of work we are in. It's a dog-eat-dog world, and there is no room for weakness. You are a woman in a man's world, with a partner whose nickname is "Spooky". It's no wonder why, after 7 years with him, you're as hard as nails.
But you are not invulnerable. You made a mistake, Agent, by not calling me in to help you. It was almost a fatal mistake. You keep trying to push me away, but I will not leave that easily. Not only is it my duty to work with you, Agent Scully, but it is my desire to, now. "Incredible" was the word used by several testosterone-marinated male agents to describe you, but if they only knew what I am beginning to see they would be so much more respectful. Your beauty, strength, determination and will power alone are enough to earn you the title of "incredible", but that fire inside you cannot fight all your battles for you. It may very well be the key that will help us find Mulder, but it could not protect you from those demonic worm-worshipers. I will never forget how helpless you looked, tied to that bed in that god-awful place, or how fragile you felt cradled in my arms.
I'm actually surprised you lived through that hack-job I did to your neck. I'll never forget the doctor's expression when he saw both holes, then looked up at me and calmly asked what happened. If I hadn't been so worried about you then I might have laughed, but at the time all I could think of was getting you to the hospital. I figured wringing your neck for ditching me could wait until after the slice in it healed.
Now I sit here beside you in this stiff-backed chair, watching you rest. You're beautiful when you're relaxed, Agent Scully. It's a pity that I have to watch you lying in a hospital bed though. I'd get up and leave, except my curiosity keeps me planted firmly in this chair. I can't help but wonder what your smile looks like. I know you have to have one, and that Fox Mulder was the recipient of it more often than not.
And I know this because at last, I have finally figured out your modus operandi, Agent Scully. When the doctor wasn't looking, I peeked at your chart and found the truth I was looking for. Though the evidence is inconclusive and wouldn't hold up in a court of law without further tests, it is all I needed to know to understand why it is you want to find your partner so badly.
I haven't decided yet if I will share the fruits of my questionable investigation with you when you awaken, but I already know that no matter what I will not share it with anyone else. Especially not my Deputy Director, whose motive for assigning me to work with you I have yet to discern. It's obvious you don't want anyone to know, and I will not betray your confidence.
What will it take to make you trust me, Agent Scully? What did it take to make Mulder trust you? If the answer is love then I am afraid I am sunk, because I know to whom your heart belongs. I do not ask for that much from you, Agent. I only ask for a chance to be trusted. I guarantee I will not fail you, and that we will find the father of your child.
If the answer to my question is time, then I pray that the time will come soon, because until it does I'm afraid that there is little I can do, other than to be here for you. And I promise to be here from now on, whether you want me here or not, until we have found Mulder and he is able to resume his position at your side, because that's what partners are for.
~*~ Fin ~*~