Gogo has a hard position. He/she/it is such a mysterious character that imagination about who he/etc really are can get pretty free. I'm sure there's plenty of fics similar to "Gogo's secret", where he is Daryl. Or he could be... this. But what the heck, he has a secret; he's hiding his face, and he's got a reason! Poor guy, having to put up with mad fanfic authors' ideas…
Gogo's secret; another face
(Originally known as Three stories of Final Fantasy; Part three: Gogo's Secret II, but don't you bother about that, peeps.)
How much is a friendship worth? Is it worth a soul or a face?
I hide my face. They don't know the reason, but they are polite enough not to ask. I am grateful for that. Because I fear that if anyone of them asked, I maybe would reveal the truth. I'm actually not afraid to do it. I used to be, but not anymore. Now, I fear their reaction. And that is much worse.
As they entered the zone eater and found their way to my cavern, I was amazed. I hadn't seen a human for surely at least ten years. They were just as puzzled to see me, ready to fight if I should attack.
I asked them who they were, and they told me. Those who brought me out of my cavern were Cyan, Setzer, Mog and Terra.
Terra.
Her name sent claws through my already tormented soul. But I hid it. I thought that it couldn't be her.
Not her.
Not that Terra.
Impossible.
But it was her. As I got to know for sure later on, I hardly could believe it.
As those four people found me, I asked them what they were doing there. They told me that they were looking for friends that had been thrown away at the end of the world.
I didn't even blink.
I only told them that I could sense that they were fighting to right the wrongs. I told them that I thought that it would be fun.
I lied.
As I heard Terra's name, the suspicion began to grow. But it was so horrid that I refused to believe it.
Nothing could have prepared me for what my eyes should suffer outside of the zone eater. I had remembered the world so beautiful… but it was destroyed. Slowly fading away. I didn't ask why. I only watched in terror.
They brought me on board the Falcon.
Shadow.
He was there. We both pretended that we hadn't ever seen each other, but as soon as there was a moment when we could speak unseen and unheard, we took the chance.
He told me what had happened. I told him no, it's impossible.
He told me that it wasn't.
I held onto something. I don't even remember what it was.
I had to ask him about Terra. He told me that it was really the one I had thought about.
He told me that I had to tell the others. I nodded. I understood that.
I told him that I would. Later on. I told him that it was better to wait until they knew me a little, so that they would trust me.
He said that he understood my reasons.
I wish that he had persuaded me, from that very first moment. Then I wouldn't feel so guilty now.
He left me alone, to sort out my chaos.
I thought that no, I can't believe it. It can't be true.
But Shadow wouldn't lie to me.
There were still a few friends that they had to find. I agreed to help, but I had no thoughts of friendship. Something had gone terribly wrong with the world, and I felt that I was the one who should mend it, nobody else.
I only thought that these people also had suffered, so they had the right to fight too.
I only thought that they were temporary allies. Seriously, did they really have to know?
That's what I thought in the beginning. But then I began to watch them closer, without really wanting to. They told me about themselves, and I listened.
Listened, without telling them anything in return.
Celes who had been a magitek knight. A beautiful woman that should have a whole life to look forward to. But she had no interest in her own life, only thinking about Locke, who we still hadn't found when I joined the group. And Locke, the "treasure hunter"… we all knew what his real profession was. It puzzled me that he didn't seem to really understand how much Celes loved him. Maybe he didn't dare to see it.
The bitter Cyan reminded me of myself. His feeling of loss was something I shared, but I never told him. I came to feel a little jealous at him, who found peace of mind.
Gau and Relm fascinated me. They could even make me smile. Two such young children were fighting for the world, as brave as any adult. The wild boy even had something in common with me; his way of using the attacks of monsters he had seen was much like my mimicking. And Relm, that little girl with the foul mouth and the fantastic talent of painting… not to forget her eccentric grandfather. He looks like he's as old as the world itself, but gods, he can fight!
I was amazed as I met Mog for the first time. As far as I remembered, moogles didn't talk or fight. Or dance either, for that matter. And they definitely didn't command seven feet tall yetis. But as Mog gave him orders, Umaro growled obeying and happily ran into battle. Incredible.
Setzer, a gambler living with his loss of love. Even though his eyes turned dark whenever something made him think of his Daryl, his unbelievable optimism always became victorious.
I already knew Shadow. He hadn't changed at all, really. But there was more life in him now; as if he had found something to live for again. That was the first thing in ages that made me feel a rare sparkle of tiny happiness, or maybe it was compassion. I had thought that all those feelings were long dead…
Edgar, that smooth talking mechanic king, who had left his kingdom to save the whole world. His brother Sabin … they weren't very alike. Like day and night, and just as close. The way that they worked together was admirable.
At one certain point my thoughts are always being shattered. My soul begins to twitch in agony and memories, I have to sit down or lean onto something. In those moments, I turn my mind towards Terra. It's almost just as painful, but it helps.
Once upon a time I was sure that she was a doomed girl. But as I see her now, knowing what she has gone through but still standing strong… I feel a little less disgusted.
I often remember that moment when she talked to me, holding a piece of magicite in her hands. She was talking about Locke. She was also worried about him. I don't know why she talked to me about it, probably only because I was the only one around for the moment. Setzer was concentrating on driving the airship, too far away to hear a word.
She said that she owed Locke so much, and that he was a dear friend. She also worried about Celes. If something had happened to the thief, Terra didn't know if the blond magitek knight would be able to take it.
And she was worried that she wouldn't ever be able to feel what Celes and Locke felt for each other. I thought that it really must be nagging her since she told me, a silent, veiled creature, such a thing. I hadn't been around for such a long time back then.
I only said that I was sure he was alright. I had never even heard about him before I met these people, but I had the idea that Locke was such a man who isn't very easy to get rid off. Or maybe there was something else that made me try to calm Terra.
Yes.
It hadn't anything to do with Locke or Celes. It was only about Terra, and the bond she didn't know she had with me.
She smiled a little at me, but the smile faded quickly. I wondered if I'd ever tell her my secret. My life had been destroyed long ago, so what did I really have to loose? But I knew I wouldn't tell her. Not in that moment. She was troubled enough.
Then she turned my poor soul inside out. She held up the magicite and told me, bitterly, that it was her father.
It still surprises me that I didn't faint dead. Somehow I managed to just look at her, puzzled.
She said that she was an half-esper. She couldn't know that I already was well aware of that.
I had already had the explanation about the magical creatures and the magicite; even begun to learn a few spells. It felt hard at first, but I knew that it was the right thing to do. Only with magic could the wrongs be turned right.
But nobody had told me that he, Maduin, was among the espers that now helped the world by lending their powers in death.
When I was alone later on, I broke down crying. Like a baby. And I'm not ashamed about it. There were so many things that were lost, that I couldn't do anything about. The tears were stained with rage too. A pure rage that filled my soul. I had to do what I could. I wasn't born a warrior, but I had acquired some skills down in the zone eater. I was a warrior now, and I would fight.
I never dreamed that I would find friends. They weren't merely my allies anymore. To my surprise, they had become my friends. As we finally found Locke, deep down in the Phoenix' cave, I shared their happiness. And I shared Celes' shock as she realized that Locke's lost love Rachel maybe would return to him. The poor woman didn't know what to feel about it. She wanted Locke to be happy, but she wanted to be the one who made him that. And she felt guilty about it. A blind could see. But Rachel wasn't to be saved; she relieved Locke from his feeling of blame and then died peacefully. Celes was waiting for Locke, and he was grateful for that. I and all the others watched, happy with them.
I should have told them. Before we entered the tower and began fighting our way to the madman. I should have told them.
But I didn't. I was a fool.
They called me Gogo. Even Shadow did. He respected my silence, even though he didn't like it. He also thought that I should have revealed my face before we entered the tower. Before it was over. But I didn't. I couldn't! They were my friends, I couldn't do it!
That was a year ago now. The world is recovering. We won.
I should have told them. Before it was too late.
A whole year…
I'm in Maranda, of all places. Just walking around deep inside of my own thoughts. My chocobo is walking after me, since I'm holding the rope around his neck. If I should let go, he'd run away, back home. Even though we've been companions for almost a year. The stupid animals are only true to the place where they were born.
When I'm lost in thoughts, I begin scratching my cheek, rubbing the cloth covering it. I have a scar there. Got it during the final battle. It's become a habit to scratch it. I don't know how it came to that.
Suddenly, somebody say my name. The name I told my friends, not my real name. Even though he knows it. He is the only person alive knowing my secret, except myself. I turn around and face Shadow.
He says that it's time.
I sigh, knowing that it's true.
He doesn't have to tell me that I should have spoken earlier, because we both know that it's so.
Interceptor is making my chocobo nervous. I unclench my hand, and the rope hits the ground. For a moment the bird seem confused, then it warks and runs. Leaves me there.
He was only an ally, nothing more. I wish that my friends had stayed like that. I wouldn't dread telling them the truth if they never had become friends.
In fact, the only thing I'm not afraid of is Shadow. Many others are afraid of him, wisely. But he already knows, so I won't have to bear his horror.
I tell him that he might have to force me. He grimly says that he knows that.
I reach into a pocket, telling him that I have a job for someone like him. It's not a joke, it's a bitter conclusion. I tell him that I need to be brought to Mobliz, in chains if needed.
Shadow takes the small bag of coins and nods. He knows that I don't want to go, that he has to help me. And so, our journey begins, the journey I've dreaded for so long.