HOPE'S DROWNING

Title: Hope's Drowning, "That Sinking Feeling"

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Buffy and company belong to great and powerful Joss and the genius that is Mutant Enemy.

Author's Note: This is the first FanFiction I have ever posted, but NOT the first I've written. I've been writing FanFiction since 6th grade, and started a club at my high-school for readers called "FanFic's Anonymous" (for people who were so hooked that their grades were dropping there were about 8 of us). Please tell me what you think; flames about grammar and spelling will be used to roast marshmallows! So don't bother sending them:-P

Distribution: Take it! Read it! Love it, or Hate it! I don't care, and don't tell me (I don't want to be a controlling writer), but don't try and pass it off as your own stuff . . . that's all I ask.

Setting: Takes place right at the end of "Bad Girls" (Starts with the lines the show ended on)

"THAT SINKING FEELING"

Buffy didn't know what to do. She had never seen Faith like this; so cruel, so heartless. It was quite unnerving for the blonde.

"You don't understand Faith! You killed a man!" The petite blonde yelled, trying to use the 'volume' angle to squeeze logic into the younger Slayer's brain.

"No, you don't understand!" Faith said putting her most convincing face on. "I don't care."

The truth was; she did care. She cared a great deal . . . for Buffy. All her actions were for the older girl's good, and here she was trying to ruin it. Faith had never known love, but if she had to guess what she felt for her fellow slayer, it would be the label she'd put on all her feelings. The heat she felt from a touch, the joy she found in her company, even the shaky knees she got from her smile. Faith knew what she had done, and she had plans on how to fix it. She had always known she was worthless, but she wasn't willing to drag B down.

"Faith!" Buffy begged tearfully, "How can you say that?" Faith knew she had to ditch the blonde because the waterworks would surely do her in.

"Look B," The brunette answered, looking strictly at the ceiling. "I did what I had to do. Now if you don't mind I have some more work to do."

With that she walked over to the door and opened it. When Buffy didn't budge she walked over to her, grabbed her by the collar and pushed her out, slamming the door in her face.

Faith leaned against the door and slowly slid down, head in her hands.

I may never hear you say "thank you" B, but knowing that you're safe will let me sleep at night.

Buffy walked home slowly from Faith's motel in a daze. She couldn't remember ever having seen the brunette act so mercilessly before. It was unsettling. The young girl's passion for life had been one of the things Buffy admired about her.

"How could she say such things?" Buffy asked herself, totally oblivious to the fact that she had walked right past her house. Suddenly there was a hand on her

elbow. Willow was looking at her with a worried expression. Buffy quickly shook off her self-imposed haze.

"Buffy? Are you alright?" Willow asked slowly pointing over Buffy's shoulder, "Your house is that way."

"Oh!" Buffy answered, surprised at how deeply distracted she had become. "Sorry, I was a little preoccupied."

"Last night's fight?" Willow asked playing the best friend.

"Actually," Buffy started slowly, "I was thinking abou-..."

"Faith?" Willow asked, a slight edge to her tone.

The attitude did not go unnoticed by Buffy. She winced internally at realizing how poorly she treated her best friend after the young slayer's arrival.

'That's all gonna stop!' Buffy told herself. 'I'll explain everything and do whatever it takes to get my best friend back!' Buffy looped her arm through Willow's and led her back to her house.

"Will?" Buffy said urgently, "We need to talk."

She quickly pulled Willow through her front door and into her bedroom. She had no idea what she was going to say, but she knew it would have to be the truth. Willow deserved nothing less.

"What's the matter Buffy?" Willow asked, worried there was another Angel crisis.

"I have a problem Will," the slayer answered slowly, not sure what to say or how to say it. "But I know that if anyone can help me, you can."

"What's the matter? 242-year-old vampire problems?"

"Not quite." Buffy answered carefully, "More like Slayer problems . . . "

"Oh." Willow answered in a business-like tone, "Is there a Scooby meeting?" she asked eagerly.

"No," Buffy said, delicately. "I meant slayer problems as in 'Problems With Slayers' . . ."

"Oh. Well don't you think that Faith would be better-"

"Faith is the slayer problem . . ." the blonde interjected.

"What do you mean?" Willow asked slowly, taking a seat on her best friend's bed.

"Well," Buffy began, trying to express her feelings with some degree of subtlety. "Faith is a slayer and she's causing problems." Buffy said hoping for Willow to understand her instantly.

"Buffy," Willow said, becoming a bit exasperated with her friend beating around the bush. "I know what you meant, the point of my questions was 'What problem is Faith causing?' Just yesterday you wouldn't shut-up about her." Buffy shot the red-head a look. "Sorry, but it's true." Willow responded, "You're acting like you did when Angel first came around." Buffy blushed profusely.

"I'm sorry Will," Buffy told her friend sincerely, "But I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused!" Buffy said wavering between frustration and sorrow. Buffy sat on the floor with her back supported by the bed.

"Buffy, just tell me what's wrong! What's confusing you?" The red-head pleaded apprehensively.

"Everything was as perfect as it could be," Buffy said in a whisper, "And then Faith shows up and turns my little world up- side-down."

"What do you mean?" Willow said, slipping down on the floor next to her friend.

"Life was good enough to work at, and I had family and friends worth fighting

for. I had a boy-friend like no other in existence, and a job I was born to do and did better then anyone else."

"What changed?"

"Everything." Buffy stated quietly. She looked at Willow and knew she could trust her. She deserved truth, and that's what she would get.

"Will?" Buffy asked slowly, her voice shaking from fear, "Remember how you said I acted around Faith; the same way I used to act around Angel?"

"Yeah?" Willow asked slowly.

Buffy looked Willow in the eyes and just let it all go. Her hurt, her confusion, and everything else she felt came through in her eyes, on her sad face. The witch's eyes widened in surprise. This was not the problem she had expected, and then Willow knew.

"You mean you..." Willow sputtered.

Buffy nodded.

"And that's why you..."

Another nod from the blonde, and Willow needed a moment to take it all in.

'That explains a lot.' The red-head told herself.

"Buffy?" Willow said slowly, as though she was afraid of the little blonde running away from any harsh words she might say.

"Would you mind explaining it a bit more?" she said with a worried smile.

Buffy just looked down at her hands, deep in thought. She had never been very good at expressing her feelings, and right now she was feeling a lot.

"Do you remember Kendra?" Buffy asked, not looking up.

"Yeah."

"When she was around, I felt different. Like maybe the world was a livable place. Like, maybe, I wouldn't always have to feel so alone. Even after she went back home from our encounter with Spike and Drusilla, just knowing there was someone out there like me was a great comfort. After she died I felt so alone. I never thought they'd send another Slayer - - at least not until I died! Well, you know, permanatly…"

Buffy took a deep breath and sighed. "All the Slayer lore tells of 'One girl in all the world' and so on and so forth, and no matter how many times I hear it and no matter how much I try and block it out . . . it starts to get to you after a while! My destiny was to be alone, and the little relief I experienced when Kendra was around died with her. I started to believe that solitude was my destiny."

"But?" Willow asked slowly, urging her friend to continue.

"But," Buffy said, unable to suppress a small smile.

"Then there was Faith. Part of being a slayer is being able to sense Vampires, and for some reason (since Kendra was supposed to be the first time there's been two Slayers existing simultaneously) we can also sense each other. It's a different kind of tingle though. Vampires make the hairs on the back of my neck vibrate (not a pleasant feeling), but sensing another slayer is like a power boost."

"Everything is more intense, and suddenly your whole body kicks into slayer-mode." At this Buffy started to speak more softly, as if saying it too loud would make it all disappear.

"I felt her Willow. That first night at the Bronze I could feel her. At first I thought it was me, like maybe it was my body's way of telling me 'Hey! It's time to Slay!'; but then I saw her. And the power boost was so intense. There was no mistaking it, the girl was born to slay."

"I had no idea you felt so alone." Willow whispered softly, a little hurt, but glad the blonde had finally told her.

"I'm not alone anymore." Buffy smiled. "I'm no longer 'The Chosen One' but rather the Ying in the slayer Zen. I'm glad she's here Wills . . . 'cause I don't think I could do this alone."

"Does she know?" Willow asked slowly.

"No." Buffy sighed. "She and I are having problems right now. We're having a heated debate over what a slayer can and cannot do."

"Well, as always, my suggestion would be to go talk to her." Willow didn't know what to do in this situation, so she tried to go with what she knew. All she wanted was to see the slayer happy, and Faith seemed to do that.

"I think you're right Will." The Slayer said with quiet determination, "I'm gonna go talk to her! Try and sort a few things out." she turned to her best friend and said happily, "See! You always have the right answers." Buffy gave her friend a hug and walked with her to the front door.

"You'll call me later to tell me how this goes right?" Willow asked nervously, anxious to hear the end results of their conversation.

"Call you as soon as I can."

"Are you going now?"

"Well," the blonde replied gradually, "I guess there's no time like the present."

Faith had finally finished the last of her laundry. Most of the afternoon had been spent packing up what little stuff she had, and getting ready to leave. She didn't like what she had to do, but it was the only choice she could think of. The dark slayer had made a decision about working for the mayor. If she switched sides maybe it would help her deal with her problems. She could be as bad as she wanted to be, and not have to worry about breaking the law.

With that kind of power she could properly dispose of all the evidence of her murder, and make sure Buffy was safe. She could keep an eye on the people watching the Scoobs, and make sure she was kept out of harm's way.

"But then why," Faith quietly asked herself, "Does it feel so much like betrayal?" Faith didn't know what else to do, and this was a plan that made sense. 'like Mom always used to say "You always hurt the ones you love" . . . I just wish I didn't have to hurt her so much.'. Faith quickly packed the last of her weapons and grabbed the money she hid in the lamp. Just as she was stuffing it into the front of her shirt she heard a knock at the door.

Faith froze. She was 2 weeks past due on her rent and if the manager saw her getting ready to bolt she'd never get out of there in time. She was quickly shoving her bag behind the bed when she heard a voice accompanying the second knock.

"Faith? Are you in there?" Buffy called.

"Shit!" Faith whispered, 'I wish it had been the manager!' She slowly made her way over to the door and opened it a bit. Outside stood a blushing Buffy with an anxious look on her face.

'She's even cute when she's nervous' Faith thought fleetingly.

"Hey Faith?" Buffy asked quietly, "Can I come in? I'd really like to talk to you."

She was so cute Faith forgot about the state of her room and let the little blonde in. Buffy looked around and her facial expression changed from one of nervousness to one of concern. She could tell Faith was getting ready to run away again.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Faith asked trying to ignore the tension in the room.

"That's not really all that important right now." Buffy said sternly, "Were you planning on leaving?"

"Maybe." Faith whispered.

"And you weren't gonna tell me?" Buffy whispered.

"I wasn't gonna go far!" She quickly defended herself before she realized she couldn't explain it to Buffy.

"Is this because of me?" Buffy whispered.

"No!" Faith quickly rushed over to her, "No Buffy it's not because of you at all!"

'Actually,' Faith thought, 'It's all about you, just not the way you think it is.'

"Faith," Buffy started slowly, fighting back tears over the thought of Faith leaving, "If this is about that guy, I'm sure we could just talk to the Counsel, and they'll help us! It was a mistake after all, and one I could have made just as easily as you. They're watchers, and their job is to watch us. Who are they without us? They'll have to help us Faith, cause whatever happens to you happens to me too." She pulled Faith into a tight hug.

'Wow . . .' Faith thought 'That wasn't the answer I was expecting!'

"B?" Faith whispered, "I don't want to run anymore." They stopped hugging, both a bit teary-eyed.

"Then I'll take you to the place you are always welcome to run to." Buffy picked up one of Faith's bags and motioned for her to do the same.