Things that Star Trek characters would never say
By Captain Delyon
Disclaimer: Star Trek = Paramount. Happy, lawyers? Oh, and I really do like the characters here.
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Picard: Okay, let's go by the Prime Directive and not save that guy down there.
Beverly: Yeah, we all hate Wesley.
Riker: And I hate Deanna!
Worf: So do I!
Troi: And I! Hey, wait a minute… Actually, this crew is a bunch of slime.
Data: Oh yeah! I'm emotional now!
Geordi: What a nice day… the warp core's about to breach. I'm glad! I never liked it anyway.
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Guinan: Hi, Q!
Q: Hi, Guinan! What about a stroll on the holodeck?
Guinan: Sure!
Everyone: Hi, Q! Want a cigar? Can I get you a drink? (etc.)
Q: No, actually, I was about to go out with Guinan.
Data: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Q and Guinan! What a pair!
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Geordi: It's a good time for necromancy, isn't it, Cap'n?
Picard: Sure!
(Geordi and Picard chant weird death chant)
Picard: Hi!
Geordi: Hi!
Tasha: Who are you people? Just a minute ago, I was whizzing through space in a torpedo thingy.
Data: Now that you're back from the dead, we can sing karaoke to our heart's content!
BABE! I GOT YOU BABE! I GOT YOU BABE!
Picard:
I AM A ROCK! I AM AN I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ISLAND!
Q:
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR INTERESTS LIE!
Tasha:
WON'T YOU STOPAND REMEMBER ME? AT ANY CONVENIENT TIME?
Guinan:
THE S-O-O-O-O-O-OUND OF SILENCE!
Beverly:
I'M A SLA-A-A-A-A-A-AVE 4 U!
Picard: Good. Swab the decks!
Riker: Don't interrupt our karaoke fest.
I SAW HER FACE! NOW I'M A BELIEVER!
Everyone:
NOT A TRACE! OF DOUBT IN MY MIND!
Data:
I'M IN LOVE! NOW I'M A BELIEVER!
Troi: My turn!
SHE'S SO LUCKY! SHE'S A STAR! BUT SHE CRY-CRY-CRIES IN HER LONELY HEART!
Picard: Eeew, Britney Spears!
Troi: You didn't say that to Beverly!
Picard: That's 'coz she's my girlfriend!
Everyone: Eeew!
Q: I'm outta here!
(Q disappears)
Narrator: Next… Voyager!
TBC with Voyager.