Hi everyone, just got a new inspiration, I had been turning this in my head for a few days, lingering and thinking about how things must've been for Tommy after having seen Kim after their infamous brake-up(if you can call it that). This is a oneshot exploring what I dubbed "The Talk" which pretty much means what I think happened when Tommy and Kim saw each other again. Now, for all readers out there, I have established myself as a Kat/Tommy shipper, but I love exlporing Tommy's feelings for Kim, this is just a way to do that.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
"Tommy?" Kat asked as she gently lay her hand on his shoulder, "are you ok?" Even at times like this Kat seemed to be thinking of what was wrong with him, but for once he wished she would yell in his face or slap him, unwillingly he shook the hand away and stood up.
"I need some alone time Kat." Was all he said, he wasn't sure why he was lashing out at the one person who had helped him out the most.
As he turned to look at her to ask for forgiveness, he felt a slight pain as her eyes showed sadness, he wanted so much for her to be getting worked up about all this, but if he knew anything was that Kat was always kind, gentle and most of all accepting of his parade of mixed emotions. The slight frigid jolt he felt when he caused her to feel that way made him realize that's not what he wanted to do, but he wanted her to be different, to say something, for goodness sake's why couldn't she react like any normal teenager, then at least he'd know that what he was feeling was wrong.
"Call me if you need anything, I'll be waiting." She smiled her perfect I'm okay smile and then turned and left him. His outstretched hand toward the now closed door lingered on her presence, of course she'd wait, she was that good of a person, he didn't deserve such a noble spirit. He closed his eyes and thought of the first time he kissed her and how right it felt to do so, suddenly he felt the urge to call her back to make him feel better, but he wasn't that brave, instead he promised himself that he'd make it up to her, maybe, one day he'd really make it up.
Being all alone in the Turbo Megazord's engine room made him feel at ease somehow, being around machines, especially cars, over the summer had made him feel more relaxed and let him find some peace within the hard pressing reality of having to lead a team of rangers. Defending Earth while trying to maintain solid, healthy relationships with those around him had been hard since Freshman year and he'd gotten better, but just when he thought things would get better, things changed, new evil foes arrived and devastatingly enough, the supposed best year of his life was ruined by yet another hard fact, Kim's letter.
And now, having just rescued her and having seeing her again made him wonder about the way things had been before and how much he had loved her, which made all the things with Kat that much worse, because at this point all he had with Kat was the beginning stage of a potential of something great, but with Kim there was the established old realtinship.
As if by pure chance, the door slid open and through it came the air of grace that only Kim could carry around. His weight shifted, she still held some power over him, which he'd thought he'd gotten in control of, but now seeing her so close, all by themselves he felt the need to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. He felt weak and defeated, he dropped his head, her shoes reminded him of something, pink, just like Kim, but amazingly just like Kat. He shrugged that thought away as he met her eyes.
"Hi," she began, "Katherine told me you were here, said maybe you'd want to see me." His heart ached at the thought of Kat having done that, he wondered how much she was suffering, he rolled his fists and felt angry at himself. I'll make it up to her, even if it takes my whole life I'll make it up to her.
"I wanted to be alone." The cold demeanor he said the words pierced the air and he knew he'd hurt Kim too.
"Oh, I'll just leave then." She turned, his heart skipped a beat, he caught himself by surprise as he grabbed her arm and turned her, their eyes met for only a second but that was enough for him to take her face in his hands, he traced her bottom lip with his thumb, gently he caressed her cheeks and then leaning down his lips met hers, it had been a few months but it was as if they've never been apart. Their lips moved achingly, trying to find something that had been there once, before, but as he pulled her closer, something seemed wrong and out of place, something had changed.
It wasn't her body, it still fell into place comfortably into his arms, it wasn't her skin, it felt as soft as he'd ever felt it, and it sure wasn't her kiss, but deep within him, something had changed. His heart wasn't being mended as he had thought would happen, were she ever to be around him again, instead it felt like the kiss they had just shared was like someone punching a stab.
He abruptly let her go and felt disgusted at himself for having thought he'd be better with her again.
"Tommy, I'm sorry. I know this is really late, but I wanted to end things the right way with you, I've wanted to face you and tell you how much I truly am sorry."
He turned to her, "Kim, you were the one of the upsides to being a ranger. You made me feel better when things had gone wrong, I confided in you, every thought I'd ever had about the way I led you guys. You hurt me, so deep, I thought I couldn't get over you..."
"But you did, didn't you?" Her face wasn't too sad as her words registered in his brain.
"No, it wasn't like that, believe me, I'm not in love with her."
"You're not?" Her words now pierced his heart, the sudden realization of the statement he'd just made ached him more than before. He'd hurt himself again in the process of trying to tell her he wasn't in love, yet it was all wrong, he didn't want to admit to something just to get back at Kim, he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't just want to say what he felt for Kat to her because that was for him to figure out and for Kat's ears to hear, as if now she'd ever hear what he'd have to say to her.
"I can see you do Tommy, its ok, I hurt you first, there's no need to deny it."
"No, its not like that, I'm not in love with Kat, sure I love her but its not like that. I don't want you to think that the second you left I went and found myself another, I didn't replace you." The moment those words were out he knew they were wrong, her face dropped and her lips trembled.
"Its okay, take it out on me, after all I did leave you, I deserve whatever it is you have to say. In the end it wasn't worth it, he was just a jerk."
"That jerk being Jason." He stated, but again he was wrong, her head shook for a few seconds.
"Nope, last fall I met this boy he was a Sophomore in college, he was a trainer, he was really nice, he was an even better charmer. I tried to avoid him from the beginning, he was constantly trying to get my attention, which he eventually did, and Tommy I'm sorry but I began to feel something different than what I had ever felt with you." Her hands began to interlock and then come apart, her nervous twitch. "It didn't help matters to know you were here and I was all alone, with no one to help me cope of being away from you, my friends and school. Its hard being a gymnast and having to leave everything behind. I found something with Blake, I found comfort and companionship. Before I realized what I'd done I was head over heals in love, or so I thought, that's when I sent you the letter. I didn't want to continue lying to you or for that matter never letting Blake have a real chance, so we began dating, after a few months he did what was expected. I found him with one of the other girls, before practice, they were just there in the middle of the floor having sex and all I could do was leave. I wasn't even brave enough to face him, I'm a coward that way Tommy, you deserved much better than that. At that moment I thought of coming back, but the fact of having come face to face with you made me uneasy. Jason and I are taking things slow. When I first saw him I wasn't sure if it was complete love, or if I was just that desperate to have someone love me, no matter the form. Jason and I have always loved each other, as friends, it was amazing to see that, that could turn into something more."
His head dropped as the new information hit him, so she'd been just as miserable, at least at some point since they had been apart. The one thing that did help him was to hear Jason's name though, like a reassurance that things would be okay, still he wondered. "Why didn't you just call me, come back or at least send a letter..."
Her tears began streaming down, "I couldn't, I didn't love you and that's something I want to say to you, I got over you because of Blake, its probably the worst thing I've ever done, but I also know that Jason has helped me these past few months and that slowly he's been healing my heart. Tommy all I ever came back for was to tell you that I was sorry and that I want to move on, but it might be difficult when you'd seen me with Jason."
He could take Jason in the mix, in the back of his head he had always wondered why Jason and Kim had never dated, but now seeing the way Kim described their new found relationship made sense to himself, but still it bothered him that she hadn't tried. "You could've come back, you know how long I waited before I even dared to ask Kat out?"
"That's why I didn't contact you, for sure I'd thought you'd have someone new, moved on, and Jason told me that when he had left, you were seeing Kat and I didn't want to ruin things for you, after all I've already broken the heart of a fellow ranger, I didn't want to go on a brake Kat's heart."
"You'd think I'd take you back?" His sudden burst of anger and frustration made her step back. He couldn't believe how bold she was, where was her kind spirit, where was the selfless person... He mirrored her actions and took a step back from her, a thousand things ran through his head a million miles, he couldn't believe how much of an idiot he'd been.
"Tommy, that's not what I meant. I mean, I knew you had two choices, but there was only one that I could live with. The choice I made was not to let you see my face, the person who hurt you the most and to give you the chance of being with someone truly good enough for you."
He managed to calm himself down, he felt sad for Kim as the last words abandoned her lips. "Kim, I've never thought I deserved you, you were too good for me, do you get it? I'm the one that was the most devastated because there was no way that someone like you could have ever looked my way, yet you did, and now you're telling me this?"
She wiped tears away, but they just kept rolling, instead of wanting to comfort her, he felt the need to leave, to let her have her time, but he couldn't do that. "Tommy, I just wanted you to know that yes I did love you, I made a mistake by being with Blake, but I know this much, if it hadn't been for Blake I don't know if Jason could ever make me feel the way he does now, and that is something I do not want to take back. I came to tell you that I am so sorry, but I do not want to leave Jason, I am in love with him. Unlike you, I know what I want and that there is another who helped me and I would never let him down, I could never hurt him."
He hated when the truth cut at you, especially when it came from someone who had hurt you and humiliated you. "Just go Kim."
He heard the door open, "Tommy, just so you know, you were my first love, and you are much more than you know. I know how things began as a ranger for you weren't exactly like it was for us, but Tommy that's all in the past, look at you, Jason left the reigns to the best man for the job and that was you. You were chosen and if anything I was lucky to have you."
He turned as she slipped through the door, "Kim?" He called out, she ducked her head in, smiling, sad but smiling. "I was lucky too."
"Thanks Tommy," she smiled warmly at him now.
In the process of having come to terms with the fact that Kim no longer loved him, he had felt a change, he wasn't sure, but maybe he'd just been given the proper act of closure and maybe just maybe that was enough to start clean with Kat.
Everyday he'd make it up to her, maybe just like Kim he'd begun to see what had always been there, but one he had never bothered to see before, Kat was the one for him.
He smiled as he knew that life went on, sure he was still sad, but it wasn't as bad as it had been those first few months when he thought for sure he'd never make it through, yet Kat was there and she had helped him look a the brighter side. He wondered why he had never bothered to look at the way things were the way Kat saw them, but he knew this much, he was glad she had been there, and patiently waited for him to see thing the way she did. If a lifetime was long enough, he'd make sure to let Kat know that she was the one and that she was, unlike Kim, the best thing that ever happened to him.
As he made his way onto the Megazord's cockpit, where he was sure everyone was at, he felt almost excited for this new part of his life to begin.
Before he had even reached the door of the cockpit, he heard Kat's reassuring voice along with that of Kim's.
"Is he okay?"
"Yes, he's better."
"Are you going to be okay, Kim?"
"Yes, Katherine, I will. Thanks for caring." He turned to see Kim rub her hand across Katherine's back, "now all he wants is to be alone."
"Yeah, no problem, will you check back with him though, I am worried about him."
"Kat stop worrying, Tommy just needs to get his head together, its just that sometimes the obvious is hard to miss, especially when its right under your nose."
"Okay, I'm going back, can I have my helmet?" Kat extended her hand and Kim placed the Pink Turbo helmet on her friend's hands. They way they interacted was so natural and neither held resentment, just the way he felt when he'd seen Jason with Kim, just because it made sense.
Kim's eyes caught his for a second, he was surprised when she stopped Katherine, "oh, wait Kat, uhmm, I think I need some water, can you go get me some?"
"Sure." Kat began walking in his direction, her head hung low, desperately he searched for her eyes to meet his, and then as if by pure chance, the deep sapphire eyes looked up, a smile, and then life went on.