A/N: In my real life, I write a lot of scripts. It only seemed fair to write one for my fandom.
Have I mentioned how much I love the Ukraine/Lithuania/Russia threesome? Have I mentioned how much I love Darker and Edgier Ukraine? ((Go to TVTropes and look up Darker and Edgier, if you don't get that.))
Also... Have I mentioned my fanfics are really pretentious? They are. Like this one.
(Morning. A kitchen. In the background, birds chirping. Lights up on LITHUANIA, making breakfast. The clock chimes six. ENTER UKRAINE, limping slightly.)
LITHUANIA: Ukraine. Good morning. (looks at her legs curiously) What happened?
UKRAINE: What do you mean?
LITHUANIA: You're limping.
UKRAINE: You're awfully nonchalant…
LITHUANIA: Well, most people do at some point in their lives. Especially around this house. But, truth be told, I didn't know he preyed on his own family…
UKRAINE: He didn't prey on me. Don't make it sound like he had the reasoning to do that.
LITHUANIA: Oh. Did he make you think he was crazy? That's his favorite ploy.
UKRAINE: He didn't make me think anything.
LITHUANIA: Then what did he do? He didn't leave any bruises, that's a first.
UKRAINE: It wasn't worth it to fight. You shouldn't have been mean to him.
LITHUANIA: Don't blame me.
UKRAINE: He does.
LITHUANIA: I thought you were smarter than to follow him.
UKRAINE: Toris, he's my little brother. I have to follow him. You would support Latvia, wouldn't you?
LITHUANIA: Not if he was raping for the sheer sake of it.
UKRAINE: Don't call it that!
LITHUANIA: Oh, right. That makes it sound dirty. Do you want cheese in the eggs? Or I guess it doesn't matter. You usually give your food to him, anyway.
UKRAINE: Lithuania…
LITHUANIA: What? I'm just being honest.
UKRAINE: You're being cruel for no reason.
LITHUANIA (sighs, furiously scrambles the eggs on the pan, and bites his lip): I just feel like… One of us ought to stand up to him.
UKRAINE: It won't be me.
LITHUANIA: I know. Me neither.
UKRAINE: So what do we do?
LITHUANIA: Help me with breakfast?
UKRAINE: Alright. What else do you need?
LITHUANIA: There's pan-cake batter in the fridge. I made it last night. I couldn't sleep.
UKRAINE: How late were you up?
LITHUANIA: It was an on and off thing. I went to sleep at nine and woke up around one… About the time he had his way with you, I think?
UKRAINE: I… (she sits down and bursts into tears)
LITHUANIA: Oh, damn it… Ukraine… I'm sorry. (He sets the pan of eggs on a different burner and goes to her, kneeling next to her and taking her hand) Listen. I know what he did was horrible.
UKRAINE: You don't know a damn thing!
LITHUANIA: No. I probably don't. (He hugs her awkwardly and she stands up slowly, wiping her eyes.)
UKRAINE: He… He looked so lonely and tired and… What could I do? (She goes to the refrigerator and takes out the batter, then finds another pan in the cabinets and begins making pancakes) He said I was beautiful. That I was the only one who loved him. Maybe I am. Maybe I am, god-damn it.
LITHUANIA: He says that.
UKRAINE: No! Not the way he said it to me. And it only made it harder and… You aren't related to him, Lithuania. You didn't grow up watching him follow you blindly. He would have died for me when he was little. He would have done anything.
LITHUANIA: So you'll just return the favor?
UKRAINE: What can I do?
LITHUANIA: You ask me like I know.
UKRAINE: I'm sorry. He just… (She bursts into tears again, flipping a pancake and sobbing) He was drunk, that's all. He didn't know what he was doing but he told me I was beautiful and loyal and he needed someone and… (she picks up a kitchen knife and unbuttons her shirt frantically, beginning to make a cut on her left breast)
LITHUANIA: Ukraine! (grabs her hand, twists the knife out of it) What's gotten into you? You're bleeding now.
UKRAINE (still sobbing): He wasn't even gentle about it. He took me without thinking about it. Don't I mean anything to him? I love him. I do. I love him so much I could die but I don't feel clean. God, I don't feel clean at all. I just need to make a new layer of skin, you know? To cover up the things he's touched.
LITHUANIA: Ukraine…
UKRAINE (frantically): The eggs are burning. So are the pancakes. He'll kill us if we ruin the food. (turns the stove off) But he'll kill us anyway. He'll be hung-over. It won't matter, will it?
LITHUANIA: It never matters.
UKRAINE: Why? Why does he do this to himself?
LITHUANIA: What? Why does he do it to himself? Think about us, Ukraine! Why does he do this to us? Why should we have to suffer after he drinks himself stupid and beats us bloody and takes us without asking and isn't even… Ukraine. We're the victims! (he grabs her arm, and turns her to face him, slowly re-buttoning her shirt) Look what he did to you.
UKRAINE: What I did to myself…
LITHUANIA: You didn't do anything to yourself. He did it to you. (finishes buttoning her shirt and sits her down again) And that's the only person you have to blame.
UKRAINE: But I love him. If I don't blame myself, I'll hate him. And I can't hate him, Lithuania. He's my brother. And he told me I was beautiful.
LITHUANIA: Oh, Ukraine… I could have told you that.
UKRAINE: I know. But you didn't.