Chapter 1

"So, you're asking for my blessing, is that it?" Jim sat back in his chair and sighed in frustration. His mother had contacted him half an hour ago for what he thought would be one of their regular 'catching up' conversations. Yeah, not so much. Instead he got slammed with the news of his mother's engagement to her long-time prick of a boyfriend. So far, all attempts to persuade her otherwise were met with opposition and anger.

"Is that too much to ask?" she blurted out angrily. "He's been in both our lives for most of a decade, Jim! He's taken care of us, loved us. And I love him in return. I know the two of you haven't always gotten on…"

Jim snorted. "We never got along, mom."

"Sweetie, you never gave him a chance!"

"Yeah, because he was a jackass!" Jim ran his hand through his hair in irritation. "He didn't treat you right, and unless he's changed dramatically in the past year, I doubt he treats you any better."

Winona glared at her son. "He treats me wonderfully, Jim. You're just too stubborn to see it."

"That's a load of crap, but you never listened to me about him, and you're not going to start now," he sighed for at least the fourth time since this conversation started. "I don't want to hurt you, mom, but…you have to understand that I can't give you my blessing. I don't think this is a good idea," he said hesitantly, waiting for his mother to throw an epic fit.

But no fit was forthcoming. Just resignation. "I thought as much. But I had to try. You're my son," she looked at him fondly, but Jim could see the sadness reflected in her eyes. Sadness he had caused.

"What does Sam think about this?" he asked when the silence became too much.

She grinned slightly. "He approves, of course."

"He was never around, of course he approves," he remarked a little heatedly. He couldn't believe Sam gave the 'ok' when he'd told him over and over how much of a dick Stan was.

"Jim," she said with the tone. The tone she used when her son was becoming more than she could handle. More than she wanted to deal with. The tone that made Jim shut down when he was around her. The tone meant he was doing something that reminded her of his father. Her dead husband.

"I apologize, I shouldn't have said that," Jim said quietly after a quiet and tense-filled moment.

Winona shook her head. "It doesn't matter," she said distantly. "I shouldn't have contacted you," she muttered under her breath. Jim heard her.

He sighed. That made five. He was on the verge of ending the conversation when he saw someone outside of her window. Probably Stan, the little prick.

"Mom, someone's outside," he said.

She met his eyes briefly before looking away. They were closed off. She was angry at him. He wondered what it was he'd done or said that reminded her of him. He was about to apologize again but she'd already gotten up from the kitchen table, she always set up her computer console there, and was looking out the living room window behind her.

"Did he move towards the door?" she asked, obviously thinking it was Stan, too.

"Yeah," he said. "Mom…"

She wasn't even acknowledging him now. Wonderful. It would be another month before she got in contact with him again.

He heard her answer the door and start talking with someone, though he couldn't understand the words. He waited for her to come back and say goodbye to him. Five minutes passed and he started to get annoyed. It wouldn't be the first time they'd gotten into an argument and she'd just abandoned the conversation and him without saying another word. But it was odd that she hadn't come back to disengage the connection.

Two minutes later he was pissed enough to just disconnect himself when his communicator signaled. "Yes?" he asked a bit more harshly than was normal.

Uhura sounded cautious when she answered. "Captain, you're needed on the command deck."

He sighed. Make that six. "Understood." He snapped his hand down on the disconnect button and left his quarters.

………………………

Two weeks later…

"What's our status, Mr. Sulu?"

Sulu swiveled his chair around to face the captain. "We'll reach Korvin in approximately two hours, sir," he informed before turning back to his station.

Jim nodded, tapping his fingers idly against the arm of his chair. Korvin was a densely populated planet that had no real developments to speak of in the past, but they had contacted Starfleet with intentions of joining the Federation. That was all the prompting they needed to send out a ship for negotiations. The icing on the cake was the mention of recently developed technological advances. Unfortunately, the Enterprise was the closest vessel and was dispatched to the planet.

Political missions weren't exactly Jim's forte. Speaking diplomatically with world leaders took some getting used to. Plus, they were boring. They took hours, sometimes days, and if they were successful, awesome. If they weren't, he'd just wasted those previously mentioned past few hours or days that he would never get back.

"Captain?"

Jim glanced up and saw Spock standing next to him. He had a funny way of just appearing when Jim wasn't looking. Stealthy. And kind of irritating when he thought about it.

"Yes, Mr. Spock?"

"I was curious if you had chosen your members for the delegation yet," he inquired, standing completely rigid with his hands crossed behind his back. Jim wondered if he ever cramped up doing that.

Jim looked up at him. "Why do you ask?"

"I wish to attend."

Ah, well that was no shocker. What Jim found yawningly boring, Spock found enticing. Of course he wanted to come.

"Very well," Jim had no problem with letting his second in command joining him on the mission. Maybe he could even convince him to take over a few meetings for him.

Spock nodded his understanding and quickly walked back to the science station. Jim watched him go. It had been a year since what he personally referred to as the "Nero Incident". He had expected Spock and him to become fast friends. Well, that hadn't happened, but at least they didn't hate each other any longer. They were civil and friendly, but that was about the extent of it. He wondered if 'older' Spock had been wrong.

It wasn't uncommon for Spock to join him on away missions. Especially lately he'd noticed his first officer had felt the need to accompany him planet side. In their professional relationship, they were growing. He just couldn't understand why their friendship wasn't moving as quickly.

"Captain, I have an incoming transmission from Starfleet Command," Uhura had her hand held against the communications device in her ear. "It's Admiral Pike."

"Put it on screen," he ordered. He turned in time to see Pike's face flash up on the previously blank surface. "Admiral Pike, it's good to see you," he greeted. It had been nearly three months since their last conversation. The man was interesting. He enjoyed their talks, when they had them.

"Captain Kirk," he smiled gently. "I'm glad to see you're doing well," he said after a moment's pause. The tone in which he said it made Jim a little suspicious. Why wouldn't he be well?

"How can I help you?" he asked when Pike seemed a little uncertain on how to proceed.

"Jim, the authorities in Iowa have asked for your presence. Starfleet agreed considering the circumstances. The Norway is in route to Korvin to complete your mission," he said, but Jim didn't understand why.

"Why do they need me in Iowa?" he asked. He couldn't believe they were being pulled from a mission, even one he wasn't too thrilled about, to help the Iowa police. This was ridiculous.

"Jim," Pike leaned over his desk as if he could get closer. He softened his voice. "They think you might have caught a glimpse of your mother's murderer."

Everything on the command deck went completely silent. Jim felt like his legs were about to give out. This didn't make sense.

"What?" he asked harshly.

Pike looked confused then extremely worried. "Jim…you were told about this, two weeks ago."

Kirk shook his head so quickly he made himself dizzy. "I wasn't told anything! What are you talking about?" Someone took his arm but he didn't care to look who it was.

"You weren't told?" Pike looked absolutely stunned.

"Told what?" he hissed out venomously, slowly. The hand on his arm grasped tighter as another was placed against his back. Support. Oh shit.

Admiral Pike took in a steady breath. He obviously hadn't expected to have to give Kirk the bad news. "Your mother was killed two weeks ago, Jim. She was strangled. The authorities were called out by a neighbor who found her."

That time Jim's legs did buckle. The arms holding him dragged him to the command chair and he slumped in it. He could feel the eyes of his entire bridge crew boring holes into him.

"Son of a bitch," he whispered warily. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. This couldn't be happening. Two weeks ago. His mother had been dead for two weeks.

"Someone dropped the ball, Jim. I'm deeply apologetic. You should have been told immediately."

Jim ignored him. He stood, nearly fell, tried again. The hand holding him up, he discovered, belonged to Bones. He tried to shake him off without any luck. Whatever, he needed off the command deck. Away from all the prying eyes. If Bones wanted to be dragged along for the ride, so be it.

He started towards the lift. Bones came with him. He wasn't surprised.

"Do we set a course for Earth?" he heard Chekov ask quietly in the background.

Jim stopped. The dead silence returned. He turned and glared up at the screen. "How the hell did I see the murderer?" he finally asked, remembering Admiral Pike's original request.

"Just prior to her death you were having a video conversation with her. When the authorities reviewed the recorded conversation, they heard you say you saw someone at her window…" Pike trailed off. "Jim, are you all right?"

Dear God, he'd seen the man. He had thought it was Stan. As much as he hated Stan, he knew the man wasn't a killer. Was he?

He registered McCoy's grip on his arm tightening and felt numb as he was pulled again towards the lift. "Now isn't the time or place for this conversation," he said harshly to the Admiral. "I'm taking him to his quarters. You can discuss all the damn technicalities with Mr. Spock."

As soon as the lift doors closed he sunk down onto the floor. How had this happened? He'd just been talking to her when she was killed. Had it been Stan? He honestly didn't think the man had it in him to kill anyone, let alone his mother. As much as Jim hated him, he knew Stan seriously loved his mother.

Bones knelt down in front of him. "Jim, what can I do?" he asked.

Jim stared at him. "Nothing." He stood up; wallowing on the floor wasn't going to help anyone. And certainly not his mother. She was already dead. He stared at the wall until the doors opened for their exit. He mechanically walked the hallway until he stood in front of his quarters.

"Are you going to go in?" asked McCoy after they'd been standing there for a moment without any movement on his part.

He supposed so. He walked forward and triggered the doors. They slid open and he walked inside. The room was dark. Bones stared at him. He could feel the exasperation coming from him. Bones was a good friend, but he wasn't big on patience. Especially when he didn't know how to help someone he cared about. "Lights," ordered Bones gruffly. "Go lay down," Jim was manhandled over to the bed and directed to sit before Bones pushed his shoulders down to the pillows. "Rest."

Normally this kind of behavior from his CMO would have annoyed the crap right on out of him. But not today. He just didn't care. His mother was dead. He'd been right there. And yet he'd been light years away. He wouldn't have been able to save her. But that didn't stop the 'what if's' from traveling around in his head. He should have known something was wrong when she didn't come back to the consol after five minutes. She always terminated the line. Always. But she hadn't that day. He should have known!

"How long until we reach earth?" asked Jim after he'd been laying there for a few minutes. He wanted to know how long he had before he had to deal with things on a professional level. To say he wasn't looking forward to dealing with the authorities on earth would have been an understatement. At least he would get to speak to actual detectives, not the robotic beings they had out on patrol. They were a pain in the ass at the best of times.

"I'd guess a day or two. I can find out for certain later. You just rest now, Jim. That's an order!" Bones roughly grabbed the edge of the blanket he was laying on and pulled it until it covered him. He felt him grab his boots and pull them off, followed by the socks. "Should I sedate you?" he asked. He already had a hypospray out and was aiming for his neck.

Jim instinctively flinched away before actually giving it thought. Sedation might be a good idea if he didn't want to spend the next few minutes, hours, whatever, thinking about how he could have saved his mother. Even though he couldn't. He hadn't stood a chance in hell of saving her.

"Yeah, maybe you should," he said softly.

Bones looked marginally surprised. Considering he abhorred hyposprays of any kind, Jim wasn't. Bones put pressure on the side of his face until he got the drift and tilted his head so the CMO had access to his neck. Ouch. There was a reason he hated those things.

It didn't take long for the medication to take affect and he started drifting. And then he was out completely.

When he next awakened, it was the following afternoon and Bones was no longer present. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He wanted company. But on the other hand, he wanted to be alone. But he was beginning to realize he needed someone there to help keep his mind off of things.

Sitting up, he swung his legs off the side of the bed and stood. Best to keep himself busy, he figured. So, he went about his regular morning routine. Never mind that it was late afternoon. He brushed his teeth and then got in the shower. A full-on shower, too. Toweling off, he stepped into his bedroom and found that his shirt and pants were already laid out on the bed for him. But no one was in the room. Bones. The man must have had triggered the sensors in the room to alert him when he woke up.

He didn't give it much thought, but appreciated the gesture. He got dressed, ran his fingers through his hair, and walked out the door. And straight into Bones.

"Bones," he greeted without any real fervor.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, almost clinically.

Jim looked at him weirdly. "You sedated me," he answered. "How do you think I slept?"

"It's not uncommon to experience bad dreams while sedated. I should have thought about that before I gave you the hypospray," Bones roughly ran a hand through his hair.

"No bad dreams," he reassured. "At least none that I can remember."

Bones let out a deep breath. "Thank God! I was worried all damn night that you were having horrible nightmares and you wouldn't be able to wake up."

Jim looked at him stoically. "I was fine."

That didn't seem to reassure him. "You want to say that with a little more believability?"

"My mother is dead, Bones. How the hell do you expect me to be?"

McCoy stopped and stared at him. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" he asked. He crossed his arms and his stare became a little disconcerting.

Jim turned on his heel and walked away from his chief medical officer. He hadn't noticed it before, but quite a few people had stopped and were watching the interaction between the Captain and the CMO. He almost glared at them, but figured that wasn't behavior befitting a Captain. They immediately stopped staring once they realized he was watching. One young ensign almost tripped over his feet in his rush to get away. Jim almost laughed at that. Almost. But, it wasn't that funny in retrospect. His mother was dead.

"Captain."

Jim barely managed to stop from running head on into Spock. The man had materialized in front of him before he'd gone ten feet down the hallway. "What can I do for you, Mr. Spock?" he asked politely. No need in taking his grief and frustration out on his crew.

"I would like to give my condolences regarding the death of your mother," he said, stoic as always.

"Would you now?" Jim was irrationally annoyed at the calm disregard Spock seemed to always convey. It was normal, true. But, in this instance, it just really pissed him off. He really wanted to rethink that whole 'not taking his grief and frustration out on his crew', thing.

Spock, of all people, knew what he was feeling. Knew how it felt to lose a mother. He'd like a little emotion, thank you very much. But, it was unreasonable to want that. From Spock, especially. The one person he could relate to in this situation. Maybe he wanted someone to talk to after all. A person who damn well understood. Like that was going to happen. It was kind of hard to talk to someone about something like this, especially if they weren't even friends yet.

Spock was still looking at him stoically as ever, but the tilt of his eyebrows showed his confusion at the Captain's continued silence. "Yes, Captain, I would," Spock replied, still with that look.

Jim sighed and reigned in his temper. He had no reason to be angry at Spock. And his first officer was 'giving his condolences', emotionless though he may be.

"Thank you, Spock," he finally muttered. "I appreciate that."

"It was the least I could offer," Spock nodded his head once in Jim's direction. "I was on my way to the bridge if you and Dr. McCoy would care to join me."

Jim nodded and fell into step with him. "How long until we reach Earth?" he asked.

"We will arrive in Earth's orbit in approximately 24.7 hours. Admiral Pike expressed his desire to meet you at the space dock. He requested a private communication with you when you were available."

"I'm surprised he wants to talk to me at all after going bat-shit crazy on the bridge," remarked Jim. They turned the corner and waited with two crewmen from Engineering for the lift to arrive.

"Bat-shit crazy isn't what I'd call your reaction, Jim." McCoy, who had been keeping relatively silent during their walk, finally entered the conversation again. "You were upset. It was perfectly understandable," he said roughly. "The Admiral will understand."

"Or you'll make him understand?" asked Jim, hearing the unspoken threat in the words.

"You're damn right, I will."

"I do not believe your reaction on the bridge is what Admiral Pike wishes to discuss." Spock said as he waited for the two Engineering crew members to board the lift.

"Oh, and what do you think he wants?" asked Jim. "Bridge," he instructed the lift.

"I do not wish to speculate."

"You overheard the communication between the Admiral and Uhura, didn't you?" McCoy was glaring at him.

Spock remained silent. But the raised brow totally gave him away.

"What did he say?" asked Jim, curious.

"The Admiral and yourself will not be the only ones to convene at the space dock," he answered cryptically.

Jim stared at him. "Did you hear who else was showing up?" he asked, having a sinking suspicion he knew who it would be.

"I would not know, Captain."

"But you overheard the damn communication! You have to know who else is showing up," said Bones heatedly, not liking the look Jim was now sporting. He looked resigned. As if the man didn't have enough on his plate already.

Spock gave Jim a look. Jim chose to believe it was a look of regret. "You know all which I do," he answered.

"Damn pointy-eared hobgoblins and their damn habits of being no help whatsoever!" muttered Bones angrily as Spock walked towards his station as soon as the lift doors opened.

"I know who it is, in any case," Jim mentioned when Bones' face looked a little too red for the Captain's comfort.

"Then who is it?" Bones asked, obviously in an extremely craggy mood that morning.

"Well, there are two possible people I can think of, actually," he mentioned monotonously. "It's got to be either Sam, my older brother, or Stan, the jerk-off who was engaged to my mother."

Bones looked surprised. "I didn't know your mother was engaged," he said carefully, not wanting to tread on dangerous ground.

"I only found out on that last call. And we argued about it. She wanted my blessing…I didn't give it," he stared straight ahead, which happened to be the wall beside Spock's head. Spock seemed the feel the sudden tension and turned to look at them. McCoy grabbed Jim's chin and regained his attention.

"I take it you didn't get along with Stan?" asked Bones. It was obvious he was angling towards more information on the 'jackass', as Jim so lovingly referred to him as.

"No. Definitely not."

Bones sighed and gave Jim a half-hearted glare. "Any particular reason?"

Jim glared back. "Any particular reason you're prying into my personal life?"

"Dr. McCoy's behavior suggests he is attempting to garner information about this man to whom you openly show such negative emotion towards. It indicates his need to protect you during your time of vulnerability," said Spock, startling both of them.

"Could you stay out of private conversations!" spat Bones, giving Spock a look that could kill. At least, it appeared that way to Jim.

Spock raised his brow. "I apologize, Dr. McCoy. I did not realize you were having a private conversation."

Pure exasperation was radiating from Bones. "Honestly, man? Are you dense?"

Jim placed his hand on his best friend's shoulder in a calming gesture.

"Were you not aware that the entire bridge was able to hear your 'private conversation?'" asked Spock, completely serious.

"We weren't that loud!" shouted Bones.

"I assure you, you were."

Jim decided to ignore the two bickering idiots and headed towards the lift again. "Lieutenant Uhura, please patch a secure line with Admiral Pike to my direct line. Mr. Spock, you have the conn," he said quickly and left before anyone quite had a chance to realize he was leaving.