A short Cosima/Delphine drabble I wrote after a really long time of not writing anything.
Hope it's not as bad as I think :)
You're dying. You're not the one whose coughs echo around the house every night. You're not the one whose blood decorates the sheets every morning. You're not the one who's sick, but you're dying. You're dying, and you don't know what to do.
"Cosima," Every day it's the same fight. "Cosima, you have to eat" A fight, you know you're losing. "I'm not hungry" She's never hungry, but she eats anyway. She eats for you, and that kills you even more. She's hanging on because you're hanging on, and you're dying. So what does that mean for her?
You're supposed to be the strong one, but you don't feel strong anymore, you just feel drained. Like every time you touch her, her illness creeps through her skin, right into yours, and it rots you from the inside. You're supposed to be the strong one, but you're dying.
"Did you sleep ok?" Every day she asks you that. "Yes, of course I did" And every day you smile, and lie to her. You can't tell her you lay awake most of the night watching her sleep. You can't tell her you lay awake, waiting for the coughs to come. You can't tell her, and you wont. You're supposed to be the strong one, remember?
So you smile, and cook, and clean, and you pretend that you're not dying, because she is. She's dying, and your job is to keep her alive. And every morning that you wake up and she's still breathing gives you a little hope. And every time that she finishes a meal gives you a little strength. Because, yes, you're both dying, but you're not dead yet, and that's something that can keep you going.
So every night, when she says "I love you" and you hear the weakness and the hopelessness in her voice, you say it back. You say "I love you too", and you mean it.