Chapter 1
Disclaimer – I do not own Harry Potter
Remus Lupin felt immense relief upon finding an empty carriage onboard the train. He knew it was overly paranoid to believe the students would guess his secret on sight, but he couldn't help it. What if they knew? What if they hated him? What if they feared him? What if he got expelled? What if they knew? He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear the door open, looking over he sees a boy with blonde hair looking just as nervous as he felt.
"C-can I sit here? Everywhere else is full," The boy asks cautiously. Remus wants to say no, but he knows what it's like being afraid of rejection, so he nods his head and the boy enters the cabin proper, "I'm Peter, by the way, Peter Pettigrew."
"I-I um…" Remus worried, what if people knew Remus Lupin is a werewolf and by telling the boy his name he gave himself away? You can't go through school without telling anyone your name, that's ridiculous! He tells himself strongly…Maybe I'll just give my first name though, there are plenty of Remus' out there after all, "Remus. My name is Remus."
"Nice to meet you. First year?" Remus nods awkwardly, unfamiliar with carrying on a conversation for so long. What if Peter caught on? What if he realised the truth? Remus feels himself beginning to panic and tries desperately to calm himself, "Me too. Might not be so bad if I had siblings, then I'd know what to expect. My parents decided not to tell me much about what starting out is like in case it's all different from when they went to Hogwarts but I still think it would have been better than nothing and I'm sorry I ramble when I'm nervous feel free to stop me in fact I'm just going to stop anyway."
Remus doesn't think he's ever heard so many words spoken to him, let alone in one breath. Much as he wishes this ride would be over and the conversation ended, he couldn't just leave the boy freaking out. He knew fear, he would never forgive himself for leaving another to dwell in it for his own comfort.
"M-My Father told me that we'll get taken to Hogwarts by the groundskeeper to make sure we don't get lost. As first years, we'll get to take the boats instead of the self-drawn carriages. Then we meet Professor McGonagall, my Father says she's strict but if you get on her good side she'll look after you. Then it's the sorting, we'll get our houses, then we eat," Remus quietly says to the boy, trying to remember how to emphasise words without sounding like a weirdo, where and when to breathe, for how long. What if he took too long a breath and Peter realised he's a werewolf? That's entirely ridiculous! Get a hold of yourself dammit! Remus hoped his nerves would calm down, but part of him knew this would last the next seven years, and then there's getting a job and keeping a job and a house that he'll grow up in alone and scared assuming he hasn't lost control and hurt someone and been thrown into Azkaban before then or-
"That doesn't sound so bad. I like boats. Do you?" Remus takes a deep breath. Boats he could handle, he knew how to answer this as easy as breathing.
"I've never been on one," He replies, feeling more in control.
"I have, once. It was fun. Though I don't know how to row a boat, do you think we'll have to row the boat?"
"I-I um I don't know."
"Loads of people can't row boats, surely they won't expect us to, right?"
"Probably not," Remus tells him, hoping this is the answer he was looking for. Maybe Remus couldn't handle boats after all.
After what felt like a lifetime of awkward silence continually broken by equally awkward largely one-sided on Peter's part conversations, they arrived.
Peter and Remus lose each other in the crowd when they get off the train, Remus isn't all that disappointed. After all, the boy was better off away from him.
The gamekeeper called the first years to follow him, Remus spends the short walk keeping his head down and trying to stay out of everyone's way. Remus stands at the back, intending to wait for everyone else to get on and then simply join whoever had room, but he accidentally locks eyes with a boy wearing glasses and sitting in one of the boats who waves him into it. He walks, rather stiltedly, over and clambers into the boat.
"Hi, I'm James Potter," The boy tells him before nodding to the only other occupant of the boat, "That's Sirius Black." Remus had, of course, heard of both families, but he knows what being prejudice does to people and automatically decides to ignore their family names.
"Hello. I-uh, I'm Remus," He says awkwardly, cursing himself internally for being like this.
"Any idea what house you'll be in?" James asks, Remus bites his lip but shakes his head, "I think I'll be in Gryffindor, my whole family has been. What do you think, Black?"
"I'll probably end up in Slytherin," Sirius replies with a surprising amount of disgust, "Just like everyone else in my family." Remus continues biting his lip before once again deciding he can't just let someone be miserable for his own comfort of silence.
"If you dislike your family being in Slytherin, it's probably because you don't share the attributes that landed them there," He says nervously, hoping his attempt at comfort won't be taken badly. Sirius' hostility seems to drain away somewhat, replaced with a look of fear.
"Maybe," He says, then he composes himself, back to the cocky smirk he had been wearing when Remus had boarded the boat. "Does anyone know the spell used to make these boats move themselves? It seems like it could be useful."
"Probably the same one that pulls the carriages," Remus says with a shrug.
"Oh c'mon! You have to be more excited by this. I grew up in a pureblood family surrounded by magic and even I this is cool." Remus wonders if James said that to make his point or just to throw around the fact that he's a pureblood. His mother had warned him people might do that, and those that did tend to look down upon those that aren't human. Not that she'd ever say it like that. No, I'm too delicate to take that, I'm merely…not quite as human as others, He thinks angrily before immediately feeling guilty. His Mother did so much for him despite his…condition. She deserves better than having him as a son.
"I guess I'm just not fond of sitting in a boat I have no control over," Remus responds awkwardly, James just shrugs and goes back to admiring the view, but Sirius looks him over with a contemplative look that instantly has him on edge. He thinks back over the conversation, how he sat, how he looked, his facial expressions, breathing pattern, everything because oh god he knows, how does he know. But then Sirius speaks.
"You're kind of cute when you bite your lip like that." Remus blushes, looking down and stuttering out a response.
"T-Thank y-you."
"You are most welcome," Sirius replies with smirk.
Unlike Peter had after the train, when they disembark, the two boys stayed close to Remus. Though they mostly talked to each other, they would look over on occasion for his input, to which he would shrug, nod, or answer with the least amount of words possible without being rude or arousing suspicion. Eventually they get to the castle and are lead in by Professor McGonagall who looked rather terrifying, he can only hope his parents are right about her.
After she leaves them, telling them to smarten themselves up, Remus hears a familiar voice calling his name. He turns around to see Peter making his way over and resists the urge to just burst into tears at his name being said so loudly because people could know, they could know! "Hi Peter," He says as the boy reaches him.
"I couldn't find you after the train."
"Sorry, got lost in the crowd I guess," He replies, Remus notices the expectant look on James' face and clears his throat awkwardly, "Um, Peter this is James Potter and Sirius Black." While Remus would prefer to leave off their last names in case it made Peter uncomfortable, he knows that one's family is a big part of pureblood society. Despite Sirius seeming unfond of his, it's unlikely either would appreciate it.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Peter Pettigrew."
"Nice to meet you too, Pete," James replies, shaking the boys hand. Sirius just sort of nods at him and Remus can't tell who seems more arrogant. At least Peter doesn't seem to mind the shortening of his name, and neither seems to be doing it intentionally. Remus things it's probably just from growing up rich, which isn't necessarily a bad thing he's quick to remind himself, as though he could offend the others merely by thinking such things, "You two meet on the train?" Peter nods.
"Yeah, we shared a compartment," He says, like that was an important piece of information. Maybe Remus was missing some key component of social interaction and it actually was. He just nods, unsure what else to do.
"Well, welcome to the group," James tells him with a wide smile, Remus wonders when they became a group but decides it's better to just go with it, "Who is that?" James asks suddenly, Remus looks over to see him staring at a red-headed girl standing beside a pale dark-haired boy by the railing.
"No idea, so it can't be anyone important," Sirius tells him, James rolls his eyes as Peter and Remus exchange uncomfortable looks, unused to such self-importance openly on display. Again though, he didn't seem to mean to be like that, it's just how he's been raised.
"Maybe not, but she looks like an angel." Remus almost tells them that Muggles are superstitious about Red-heads and think they have no soul, but decides it's probably not in his best interests to bring up muggles to two high-class purebloods. Not that they'd necessarily be mean or cruel, it's just best not to risk it he thinks. Eventually they get called in.
When McGonagall starts calling out people's names in front of everyone Remus panics again before telling himself to relax. He hears Sirius' name be called and gives the boy a reassuring smile, or what he hopes to be one, when he looks back at Remus as though his words earlier made Remus his comfort in this.
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouts a few seconds after it lands on his head. The hall goes silent, Slytherin's sneering at Sirius, Remus worries that perhaps not going into Slytherin isn't so good for Sirius after all. But despite that, Sirius has the biggest grin and look of utter relief on his head after the hat is removed that he practically skips down to the Gryffindor table.
As the names get closer and closer to 'Lupin', Remus begins to panic more and more, but he's being ridiculous! No one is even going to have heard of you and everyone here is nervous, no one will suspect a thing so CALM DOWN! It occurs to him that shouting at himself internally is probably not the best way to calm down about half a second before he hears his name be called.
"Lupin, Remus," McGonagall calls out, Remus' breath catches in his throat, but his name is an order to move toward her and he always does as he is told. So he walks forth, stiff as a board, and takes a seat on the very edge of the stool.
Hmm, where to put you little wolf. Oh don't worry, I won't tell anyone your secret. Keeping such a secret for so long though, rather a Slytherin trait but…no, not Slytherin. No, you keep it out of fear for others, not yourself…yes, yes, a perfect fit.
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouts, Remus still feels like he can't breathe, THE HAT KNOWS! Is all he can think until McGonagall places a hand on his shoulder, gently urging him forward. Something about the way she looks at him has him giving her a small smile of gratitude as he gets up and walks to the Gryffindor table, sitting in the seat Sirius shifts over to give him.
"About what you said before, I guess you were right. Thank you," Sirius tells him quietly. Despite him having done so twice now in the short time Remus has known him, he thinks it's a rare occurrence for Sirius Black to show such true emotion and smiles at him so that he knows there is no judgement from him. Maybe things won't be so bad after all.
James and Peter are sorted into Gryffindor as well, and after a feast that Remus stays mostly quiet for, they are lead back to the common room.
"Boys Dormitories are down that corridor, Girls are down that one," They are told, the boys moving as one body up the stairs and immediately looking for their names.
"Oh my god, we're all in the same dorm, what are the odds?" Sirius asks when he spots his and the others' names. Remus can't help thinking though, what are the odds?
Inside Remus sees his things beside the bed against the left wall, next to his is James' bed, then Peter's, then Sirius'. For some reason, their dorm doesn't have five beds like Remus had been told it would. He wonders why.
The others decide to go to sleep immediately, tired from their long day now that their beds are in sight, but Remus can't help but worry. He spends a while unpacking his things before he sits by the window, looking out to the night sky, instinctually looking straight at his worst nightmare. That, he thinks, is the worst part about this. It doesn't stop after a full moon, not completely. He falls asleep staring at the moon and wishing his instinctual exhilaration and eerie calmness at the sight of it would just go away and stop haunting his nights. And his days. His always.
"Remus, wake up." Remus wakes to being shaken and opens his eyes to see Peter looking down at him and flinches away violently, what if he can see it in my eyes or on my face? He thinks before calming himself again.
"Sorry, um, thank you." They head down to breakfast together, being the last ones to leave the tower, and find that Sirius and James have saved them seats across from them.
"Morning sleepy-heads," Sirius says cheerily, throwing them a cheeky smile, "We were worried you and your beds had melded into one and we'd lost you forever." Peter laughs at the words, Remus unable to help the slight upwards twitch of his lips. Apparently, knowing he would never be in Slytherin was enough to perk the rather mysterious boy right up until he no longer seemed so mysterious. Remus looks beside Sirius and sees James staring off to the side and follows his gaze, landing on the red-headed girl he'd asked about the night before. Remus looks back at Sirius questioningly.
"He's been doing that since she walked in and sat down. Apparently, them both being sorted into Gryffindor is a sign of their future or something."
"Does he even know her name?" Peter asks, Remus had been wondering the same thing but hadn't wanted to come off as judgemental.
"That was my question to him, apparently he'd paid attention to the entire sorting to make sure he didn't miss her. Ignoring the fact that her last name starts with an 'E' and would have been soon after mine, it's sickeningly sweet." Remus debates whether to ask his question, he doesn't want to call attention to himself, but he can't just go through school and never speak.
"So, what is her name?" Peter asks, Remus quietly breathes a sigh of relief, not wanting to attract attention but unable to fully hold it in. That was the second time this morning Peter had helped him out unknowingly, Remus thinks he should buy the boy chocolate as a thank you, even if he won't know why and Remus can't tell him why without giving too much away, he'd surely still appreciate the chocolate.
"Evans. Lily Evans." Remus doesn't think it all that surprising that at the mention of her name James turns around and notices them for the first time.
"Oh, morning you two! How'd you sleep? You didn't seem very comfortable Remus, but we didn't want to wake you."
"I slept fine, thank you. You?" Remus asks, not really wanting to continue the conversation but not wanting to be impolite.
"Okay I guess, I never really sleep well first night in a new place. Even when I've done it before, so first nights back after holidays are always going to be annoying," He explains, Remus wonders what it's like to be able to say so much about yourself so freely and without worry. He'll never be able to do that. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's everyone else that could suffer because of you that matters. "We have Transfiguration first, right?" Remus nods without checking his timetable. He had memorised it soon after he got it, just to make sure he wouldn't be late somewhere and have to walk in with everyone staring at him and annoying the teacher.
"With Professor McGonagall, right?" Sirius asks, again Remus nods, "My parents told me she was a useless teacher and a Mudblood lover," He says quietly as though he doesn't really trust it, Remus thinks it's source has a lot to do with that.
"Hey, don't call them that," James tells Sirius sternly who just seems confused.
"Who, what?"
"Muggle-borns," James replies, speaking quietly after checking that no one else heard Sirius speak.
"Oh…I've never heard Mud…erm…Muggle-Borns…called that before. Sorry." Peter looks as shocked by that as Remus feels, though he knows it doesn't show on his face. He never really seems anything but disinterested from what his parents say. James doesn't seem so surprised, more sad than anything.
"It's fine, just understand that no one will appreciate a comment like that, least of all Muggle-borns themselves. It's really offensive."
"That doesn't really surprise me," Sirius admits, looking rather annoyed. Remus would probably be just as annoyed if his parents hadn't given him the skills to survive in a basic social setting. At least his had tried, Remus just tended to rather avoid socialising than learning how to do so. Sirius doesn't seem to have been given much of a choice, only exposed to what his parents think and say, things he clearly doesn't agree with, "Could you…um…"
"What?" James asks patiently, Sirius seems very uncomfortable.
"Just make sure I don't offend anyone? I want to be different than them." Remus doesn't think Sirius would ever have admitted that had he felt like he had a choice. Sensing the need to lighten the atmosphere and realising no one else knows quite how to respond, Remus decides to take a risk. He takes a quiet but deep breath before plastering on a hugely amused smirk.
"He doesn't seem like the best person to ask for help on that, no offense Potter. Don't worry Sirius, Peter and I will help you, won't we Pete?" Remus asks Peter who nods happily as Sirius laughs at Potter's disgruntled look, though he too seems amused. Remus keeps up the over-exaggerated look on his face until they go back to eating, then he gratefully drops it and returns to his quiet demeanour. Unbeknownst to him, James and Sirius both notice this and realise exactly how far he'd gone out of his comfort zone just then, they exchange looks and nod to each other. While James had definitely taken Sirius under his wing, they both plan to do so to Remus. He seemed the type that is too used to coping on their own yet still doesn't cope well on their own.
"Remus' Dad said that McGonagall is strict but she'll look after you if you get on her good side. We should probably make sure we do that," Peter tells the boys, Sirius smirks.
"Having a teacher looking out for us could be a very good thing, because lads, we're gonna have fun this year," He declares, Remus looks at him, wide-eyed and nervous. Peter does too but with a hint of excitement that Remus thinks is purely from being invited along with this, James just smirks and nods his agreement.
Their first lesson was off to a great start…sort of. They and Evans (And her friends, not that James noticed they were there) seemed to be the only ones not to get lost. The only reason they didn't is because Remus seemed to have memorised the map of the school despite it's moving staircases and trick walls/doors and such. Sufficed to say, James, Sirius, and Peter were impressed and told him as much. He seemed distinctly uncomfortable with the three of them looking at him at once, so they turned away and focused on McGonagall.
Finally, some other students began trickling in, apologising for being late, some seeming on the verge of tears. McGonagall simply waved them off and assured them that no punishment would be handed out by her for lateness for the first two weeks. After that she expected them to know the way to her class and would be severely disappointed if that were not the case.
"Something tells me everyone is going to learn the way here very quickly," James mutters making Sirius laughs, Peter smile amusedly, and Remus acknowledge that he spoke. James gets the feeling that's his version of a big reaction and takes it as a success. McGonagall does a roll call, James smiling, happily answering his name. Sirius winks at her when his is called, she doesn't seem surprised to the others, but Remus thinks it amused her though it surprised her. Remus barely reacted to his name, a slight nod of his head in her direction made him the only one in class to not give a verbal answer. He hated that he stood out like that even though it seemed no one else had noticed.
A few minutes into the lesson, McGonagall asks them a question which Lily puts her hand up to answer, what happens next…well Sirius swears it was merely a moment of opportunity, but Remus and James both saw his flinch as the hand was raised and he hastily acted, James can't work out why he reacted like this, Remus is pretty sure it was his way of reassuring himself that what he thought would happen wasn't happening. Sirius high fives her from his seat beside the girl who seems shocked, taking in Sirius' smirk she looks at him in annoyance as many in the class chuckle, McGonagall again seeming unimpressed, but Remus just knows that the boy has already been taken under wing in her eyes.
They get told to turn a match into a needle, Sirius manages it on the first try, for some reason that sets Remus on edge though he doesn't know why. Halfway through the lesson James manages it, joining Sirius in quizzing McGonagall about random things instead of doing the worksheet she gave them. Remus manages it next, he too ignores the sheet given to him, instead moving closer to Peter, who was sat next to him anyway.
"Want some help Peter?" Remus asks, he could see how upset Peter was about not being able to do this when the others could. The boy nods gratefully and Remus knows he has done the right thing. Remus spends the rest of the lesson trying to help Peter, the two trying different things to make it work and Remus just saying encouraging things. Eventually the rest of the class leave, since it had been a double they have a break now.
"You guys coming?" James asks as he walks to the door, Remus notices Peter's dejected look at the match and shakes his head.
"We'll catch up."
"You can go with them if you want, I just want to try a couple more times," Peter tells him, Remus just takes a seat beside him again.
"Try thinking of something happy while imagining the match as a needle?" Remus suggests, Peter tries it, it doesn't work.
It's ten minutes later when the problem becomes clear to Remus, "Peter, look at the match. Ignore its existence."
"What?" Peter asks, looking over Remus sees McGonagall at her desk and looking curiously at him. He feels bad that she's stuck here while they work on this, but Peter is intent on finishing it.
"Just trust me. Forget the match is there, imagine it is already a needle. So just look at it, and think, 'That's a needle.'" Peter looks uncertain but does so, happy when it works. He turns around and hugs Remus quickly, so happy to have done it. He immediately looks embarrassed, Remus just smiles at him, clapping him on the shoulder and looking unbothered by the hug despite being extremely uncomfortable.
"10 points to Gryffindor each for hard work and perseverance," McGonagall tells them, Remus seems confused.
"But Professor, Peter is the one who did it, I didn't do anything." She smiles slightly at him.
"I think your friend there would disagree," She tells them, the two pack up and leave. As they go, Remus can't help but ponder what the Professor had said. 'friends' she'd called them. Is that what they are? Is Peter his friend? Is Sirius? Is James? Remus doesn't know and is far too afraid to ask. So long as they never find out his secret, he thinks maybe it doesn't matter either way.
"What do we have next?" Peter asks, "We don't have much left of break so we should probably go straight there."
"Charms with Professor Flitwick. I think we should try to find James and Sirius first, otherwise they might get lost on the way there."
"But where could they be? This place is huge." Remus thinks about everything he knows about them, it's not much, but it's enough.
"I think I might know." Peter shrugs and follows him, slightly doubtful.
Eight minutes and forty-five seconds later they found the two and Remus knows how long it will take to get to the Quidditch stands for future reference. The two were watching as older students flew around playing a half game of quidditch just for fun.
"How did you know they'd be here?" Peter asks as they get close.
"I thought Sirius would want to go outside and Potter loves flying, it was logical," Remus explains, uncomfortable with the awe on Peter's face, "Hi, we, uh, came to make sure you didn't get lost on the way to class."
"Oh, thanks! Actually we were just trying to remember what we have next, we both forgot our timetables so…that would have been awkward," James tells them with a grin, "Did you manage it?" Peter nods happily, both Sirius and James congratulating him.
"And we got twenty points for Gryffindor," Peter adds, Sirius claps him on the back.
"Good on you!"
"How long until we have to head to class?" Peter asks Remus, "I noticed you counting on the way here," He explains when Remus looks at him questioningly, Remus internally scolds himself. Way to look like a freak.
"Three minutes. Though I'm not entirely certain of exactly how long it will take. I haven't been there yet," Remus mutters his answer, looking at his feet while he speaks. He doesn't want to be late and stand out, but that's not why he counts. He's never even mentioned to his parents nor his…anyway, that the counting calms him, gives him something to focus on instead of the fear constantly shadowing everything, everything but the counting.
"Might as well go now then, good one Remus," James tells him, Remus nods to him as they all move off.
It's a few minutes later, they walk through a corridor, following Remus' directions, when Sirius turns to said boy.
"Do you count how long it takes to get everywhere?" Remus looks surprised and embarrassed at the question, but nods nonetheless, "Do you remember everything you count?" Again, he nods, "How long exactly did it take us to walk to Transfiguration from the great Hall?"
"Five minutes and fifty-seven seconds."
"And from our dorm to the great hall?"
"For Peter and I it took eight minutes exactly, but that will change depending on how many people you are walking with and who those people are."
"Can you tell how long it would take another person to walk a place?" Remus thinks about that before nodding slowly, still confused about why he was being asked and feeling awkward about being the centre of attention.
"If I've seen them walk in different moods and know what mood they are in or if they are injured and such, yes."
"Boys, I have an idea. But first, which bloody staircase do we take?" Sirius asks, Remus turns his attention to the staircases, seeing them move. He observes for a moment before leading them away from the stairs, the others are confused but follow. They end up going up different stairs before walking back to the first stairs from a different floor just as a staircase arrives there. They get on and walk up it, straight down the corridor Remus was aiming for. Less than a minute later they make it to class.
"Something tells me this skill of yours is working brilliantly into Sirius' plans, my friend," James tells Remus with a grin, Remus smiles back slightly. James thinks it looks sort of like he's not quite sure he's doing it right and makes it his mission to ensure his friend gets plenty of practice at smiling. Meanwhile Remus heads into the classroom contemplating James' words. Now he is calling them friends too.
Charms goes well. Again, Sirius is the first to manage to levitate the feather, the teacher congratulates him thoroughly and he seems like he doesn't know how to handle the praise. The Slytherins give him sneers and disgusted looks that make Remus glare at them every time. He doesn't want Sirius to see, though he thinks there's a chance Sirius would enjoy it. Lily Evans is the second person in the class to manage the spell, but Peter is the second of the group Remus has found himself in. Then it's Remus himself, James doesn't manage it. He's so excited about their next lesson being their first flying lesson and gets distracted by Lily's success that his feather disintegrates into ash, Professor Flitwick isn't entirely sure how it happened and merely advises James to pay more attention from then on.
After charms, the boys head out of the classroom and hear the pale black-haired boy Lily is with complain he doesn't know where to go while looking at his map dubiously.
"Remus memorised the map, you can come with us if you want?" James immediately offers, Remus blushes at that which Lily notices and giggles at.
"That's cool, come on Severus let's go with them."
"No Lily, we don't need their help," The boy, Severus, says with a sneer in James' direction. James seems confused by it, Remus notices the attitude bothering Sirius more than James and steps in to avoid a confrontation.
"It's no trouble, really," He assures the boy who turns his glare on Remus, Remus feels his wolf's instincts flare slightly in response to the perceived threat, but not nearly strong enough to cause a problem so he ignores it, merely taking a deep breath quietly.
"I think I know the way," He all but spits, "Let's go Lily."
"But, Severus we're heading in the same dire…" She trails off when she notices he's ignoring her as he walks away, "Thank you for the offer. I'll see you in class," She says, hurrying after her friend.
"What was his problem?" Sirius asks the group while Remus starts panicking because if they don't leave in the next forty-five seconds they'll be late.
"Who knows, let's just get to class," He says a tad too quickly, James looks at him considering.
"You're counting again and we're about to be late, aren't we?" Remus nods, "Time to go." They head off and Remus is grateful. Another to buy a chocolate frog for.
"So I was thinking, we should do something to celebrate our first week here. Mark our time here in history. And then at the end of our last week in our last year, we should do the same thing except grander because we'll know the place and magic better by then," Sirius tells them, they all consider it, James immediately on board and Peter smiling broadly.
"Sounds epically fun," Peter tells them, James and Sirius agreeing with his assessment, the three turn to Remus who shrugs.
"Okay."
"And after a rousing endorsement from Remus, I'll start planning," Sirius says in a joking manner, Remus managing a small smile at it while James rolls his eyes and laughs at the two of them. Secretly, Remus thinks it's probably best they aren't around him that long, but he'll worry about it later.
They're waiting for their teacher when Sirius turns to Remus again.
"Can you do me a favour? Work out how long it will take all the Slytherins to get to the Slytherin common room from the great hall after dinner."
"Sirius how would he even know where the common room is? The other houses common rooms aren't on our maps." James points out, Sirius considers this for a moment before grinning.
"Anyone here good with potions?"
"I suppose we'll find out next lesson?" Peter suggests when none of them answer, they all nod.
"Good, good. Everything is coming together." Remus looks to James who shrugs but looks excited, he turns to Peter who looks nervous and finds he can breathe a little easier knowing someone else is as uneasy about this yet to be revealed plan. Maybe that's an upside to having people around him, not that he can let them stay too long but…maybe he can wait a week before putting in the necessary distance to protect his secret.
After their flying lesson, during which Remus found out he absolutely despises flying while James and Sirius love it and Peter is surprisingly good at it, they head to lunch.
"You know, this school is pretty amazing," Peter tells them, they all agree.
"Certainly a step up from Muggle Primary School," Remus replies quietly, they look at him in surprise.
"You went to muggle primary school?" Remus nods nervously, "Oh, are you a muuuggle-born then?" Sirius asks curiously, catching his slip…just, and looking frustrated with himself for having it at all. James puts a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.
"No, my mother's a muggle. I guess she just wanted me to know her world too," Remus lies, really it had just been safer, no Muggle was going to realise he's a werewolf.
"That's cool, what was it like?" James looks a little surprised that Sirius was asking about this but nods for Remus to answer when he looks at him questioningly.
"Boring. I grew up hearing stories of this wonderful and magical world but didn't set foot in it until I was getting everything on the list I needed for Hogwarts." Remus doesn't mention that he had, in fact, set foot in it, just not since he was four-years-old. He thinks that might open up a line of questioning he isn't prepared for.
"You should come over to my place sometime, we have loads of magical stuff there. Even though I can't do magic yet, it's still cool to be around it," James tells him, Remus smiles slightly at him giving James the impression that while he genuinely appreciates the offer, he's not going to take him up on it.
"I'd invite you over to my place but…well even I don't want to be there," Sirius tells him, he smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring way.
"You know all three of you should come over to my place during the holidays." James tells them, thinking Remus might be more comfortable if the others were there too. To his surprise though, there's a flicker of sadness on the boy's face before it goes back to his usual quiet disinterested look James knows better than to believe despite only knowing the boy for a day. While Remus would love to accept that offer as quickly as Peter does and Sirius says he'll write home and ask about it, the full moon will be in the middle of the holidays, he knows his break won't really be a break. Besides he has to get back to his…he sighs internally, now's not the time, she made her decision.
"I would but, my family is going on a holiday to visit my Aunt," Remus tells them, all three can very easily tell it's a lie, like seriously this kid is terrible at lying. Peter looks hurt at that fact but hides it in his food. James and Sirius exchange a look, silently agreeing that Remus really did want to come but for whatever reason couldn't and can't tell them why. While Remus may have considered Sirius the mysterious one when they first met yesterday, it was quickly becoming apparent to the others that it was Remus who was mysterious.
At the end of lunch, instead of getting up and hurrying out as the other's expected he would, Remus remains seated. Sirius follows his gaze and grins, making sure not to sit in his eyeline as he sits back down.
"Ohh!" James exclaims when he works out what's going on, sighing and taking a seat on the other side of Remus and pulling Peter with him, "He's counting," He tells Peter while nodding to the Slytherins, he smiles as he understands. Eventually the Slytherins are gone, Remus narrows his eyes at the wall for a moment before standing up and gathering his stuff.
"Ready?" They nod and head off.
"Get anything good?" Sirius asks him as they walk to Potions, the three completely trusting Remus to get them there.
"I need to find out how much the time of day changes how quickly people move. So I need to watch while people leave dinner." He tells them quietly, the others aren't sure they really understand but they accept his words. They walk into the dungeons, nearly at potions when James chuckles.
"It's down here."
"Potions? Yes Potter, that's why we're down here," Sirius replies, Peter snorts, Remus' eyes glittering with amusement though his facial expression does not change.
"No, the Slytherin common room. It's in the dungeons."
"What makes you think that?" Peter asks, James nods his head to Remus who was currently putting on his cloak.
"The Slytherins came to breakfast wearing their cloaks. We had them on outside but took them off when we came into the castle because it's warmer, we come down here and put them back on because it's cold in the dungeons."
"Even if you are right, the dungeons are big, we'd never find the entrance," Remus comments quietly as they enter potions, not all that surprised to find they are some of the first students here despite having left the great hall last.
"We could follow a Slytherin student after dinner?" Peter suggests.
"They'd notice," Remus tells him, pausing just long enough for the others to wonder if he was planning to say something different, James privately wonders if he has a setting with louder volume before remembering him trying to cheer up Sirius at breakfast and deciding it may very well be a good sign if he's quiet. He decides he needs to get to know the boy better to understand why he's so uncomfortable all of the time.
"I think you've all forgotten that I have a plan."
"That relies on one of us being good at potions."
"Not necessarily Potter, merely our ability to get on Professor Slughorn's good side."
"Who's Professor Slughorn?" Peter asks.
"Potions Master and the Head of Slytherin," James responds distractedly as he sees Lily enter the room, Sirius rolls his eyes, shoving his shoulder to get him to turn around.
"Let's take a seat," Peter suggests, they all agree. Sirius sits on the desk next to Lily and Severus' with James beside him. Remus and Peter on the table beside James.
When lesson begins, Slughorn introduces himself before diving right in which, Remus has to admit, he appreciates. He's never really been one for time wasting, but he supposes his was a special case, as it often was, in that he never really had much time to do things with the full moon constantly looming overhead. He asks a question and, unsurprisingly, Lily raises a hand to answer it, Sirius high-fiving her again. She silently fumes at him before answering the question while James and Peter snicker, Remus shakes his head and sighs quietly. James thinks it's the most disapproval he's ever shown and still it's barely and while he thinks no one is watching him.
As it turns out, James isn't terrible with potions. None of them are really, but to be fair they were all trying very hard to get on Slughorn's good side the entire lesson. Sirius didn't do so well at that bit on account of him continually high-fiving Lily whenever she raised her hand to answer a question. Remus thought it had to count for something that she didn't ever raise her other hand instead.
After potions was Defence Against the Dark Arts, it wasn't something Remus was looking forward to, though Dumbledore had assured him and his parents that Werewolves weren't touched on until third year. Not that any of them would use that word around me, He thinks snidely. He spends the majority of potions brooding about this in all honesty and only comes out of it when he hears Slughorn angrily say "Fifty points from Gryffindor for such foul language, I expect better from you, from every one of you and I will not have that word spoken in my class, or ever. Fifty points from Slytherin for the exact same thing! Albeit a different word. Mr Black, your head of house will be hearing of this. Class dismissed." It's not until they are out in the hall that Remus notices Sirius looking miserable and guilty and like he had just torn the essence of life out of someone's chest. Then he sees Lily storm off, leaving behind an angry Severus.
"I wasn't paying attention, what happened?" Remus asks, the others are surprised given how much attention Remus seems to pay to everything.
"Well, Lily's friend made a comment about the state of Peter's shoes, which look fine by the way Pete. To which I called him Snivellus and pointed out the state of his greasy hair. He said better that then spending time with a blood traitor like him while pointing at Sirius who stood up and said…" He trails off awkwardly, Remus looks to Sirius who still seems miserable but answers his unasked question.
"I don't know where you get off calling me a blood-traitor when your only friend is a mudblood." Remus' eyes widen in surprise, Sirius flinching at the look, "I didn't mean it like that though, and I wasn't trying to offend her. I only meant to point out he was being a hypocrite so that he'd back off. I just…forgot how it would be taken, I guess." Sirius looks up to see a chocolate frog being held out to him.
"Eat, you'll feel better," Remus tells him, he smiles slightly in return.
"Just tell Lily that. I'm sure she'll forgive you," Peter suggests, James nods encouragingly at Sirius who seems wary but nods.
Determined, the four head off to their next class, taking a short cut that Remus remembered meant they got there the same time everyone else did.
"Evans, wait. Can I talk to you for a second?" Sirius asks awkwardly, Lily looks like she's about to go off at him when she sees his face and slowly the fight seems to drain out of her, though the defensiveness remains. She nods and walks up the corridor a bit with him.
Peter and James wait out side for them while Remus walks into the classroom and saves them seats by a girl Remus remembers Lily speaking to at breakfast. He's fairly certain she isn't going to want to sit with Severus at the moment. When the teacher asks where the others are, Remus tells her that there was an incident in potions that involved a lot of deducted points and that they just need a few minutes to solve it and make sure it never happens again. The teacher doesn't seem too convinced until Lily's friend, who is technically sitting four seats away from him, confirms his story.
"Hi, I'm Marlene McKinnon. I'm assuming they're fixing this mess out there and I didn't just help you cover up them making it worse?"
"Remus, and yes, they're fixing it," He tells her, both leaning over the seats to shake hands. Remus makes four copies of his notes for the beginning of class that the others missed, handing it to them when they do enter. When Lily raises her hand to answer a question, Sirius high-fives it and she glares at him, silently fuming as she had now many times before, and nothing had changed. He was glad.
"These are good notes, thanks erm…Remus, wasn't it?" Lily asks, he nods.
"Got a last name Remus? Just realised I gave you my full name and you only gave your first," Marlene points out, the boys get curious/suspicious looks on their faces, turning to Remus.
"You did the same to us. Even introduced us to each other using full names but not your own. Hell, you even call me by my last name."
It's not like it's a secret, Professor McGonagall literally called it out in front of the whole school, it's not my fault you weren't paying attention, Remus thinks defensively, but bites it all back. He didn't want to be short tempered or cruel and knew that his own words showed his stupidity of not giving his name despite it being used in front of all the school. So instead of his defensive mini-rant, he simply mutters a quiet "Lupin." And goes back to his note taking.
"Remus Lupin. Do you realise what your name means?" Lily asks ten minutes later, Remus looks at her questioningly, "Well, in mythology a man named Remus, along with his twin, was abandoned in infancy and raised by wolves. Lupin is derived from the word Lupus which I'm pretty sure in Latin means wolf. Not to mention the constellation Lupus or Lupi, the wolf constellation."
"Ha, your parents basically named you Wolf Wolf," Sirius says laughing, the others laugh too, Remus forcing out an amused smile while he internally screams at all of creation. He hadn't known that. Apparently though, he was destined for this hell from the very beginning. Do his parents know what his name means? How could this happen to him? Why is it always him?
After what feels like an eternity the class is over, Remus sees Severus leaving the classroom and has an inspiration, "I'll meet you guys back at the common room later," He tells them, leaving before anyone could ask any questions. One of which would have undoubtedly been 'How do we get back to the common room? Come on man, you are our map!'
Remus follows Severus as he heads back to the Slytherin dormitories, as he enters he sees Remus standing in the corridor a little ways behind him and turns sharply to face him.
"What do you want?" He demands snidely, Remus puts his hands up in a placating gesture.
"I just wanted to apologise for earlier. I realise I didn't actually do anything but, I'm with them so I still wanted to say I'm sorry. I know Sirius offended your friend deeply but they seem to have made up. And I apologise for what Potter called you and said about your hair, it was juvenile and petty," Remus tells him, Severus looks at him, calming down by the second.
"They're purebloods, why do they hang out with you?" It comes out harshly, but Remus can tell he just doesn't understand, he shrugs.
"They might be purebloods, but they don't care. They certainly don't care that I'm not."
"For now maybe, sooner or later there will be pressure from home and they'll turn on you. Watch yourself Lupin," He suggests before entering the common room and leaving Remus standing in an empty corridor. He quickly makes his way up to the Gryffindor common room, contemplating his own words along the way. They don't care. Would it stop there? With blood purity? Or might they accept other things too? Don't be an idiot. They can't know, no one can. For their safety as much as yours, probably more so. He reminds himself sharply. He walks into the Gryffindor common room and easily spots the group, gaining eye contact with James and nodding his head up to their dorm. James nods, getting Sirius and Peter's attention, the four head up to their room and close the door.
"I found it."
Chapter note:
I…may have changed the timeline on certain things, and then had to make a bunch of shit up to make said certain things still make sense. So little will have changed eventually but the stepping stones may have changed quite a bit. You'll understand, it'll all work out in the end.
Now, this story will end up in the right place for the Harry Potter books to continue as you know them, more or less. It won't seem like it at times, but it will, so if that's what you want, I do suggest sticking with it.
Thank you and I hope that you enjoy my story