A/N: This story is based on the assumption that Regina does not speak to Emma at Granny's after she reacts to seeing Henry.
Total crack. I own nothing but my words; a vague disclaimer is no one's friend. Enjoy!
Regina turned the tumbler of cider in her hand, watching the transparent liquid swirl around in its depths. She sighed before placing it back down on the counter. How many refills she had had since her lonely dinner for one was beyond her, but she figured she was entitled to a little excess drinking at this point. Seeing Henry at Granny's had shaken the former queen more than she'd like to admit. No amount of preparation could have readied her for that moment — for the total absence of recognition in his eyes when he looked at her. And what did Emma think she was doing, bringing Henry to the diner without even informing Regina that they were in Storybrooke?
"Idiot," She muttered to herself, before throwing back the contents of the glass. Her eyes narrowed at the sound of knocking that echoed through her giant, empty home. It wasn't exactly early and no one had visited her since the curse had been mysteriously reenacted. Regina made her way slowly down the hall, with slightly less grace than was customary. It was only as she approached the door that she thought it possible an angry mob could be on the other side, waiting to unleash their rage and blame her for this new curse. "Pffft. As if they could take me on. I have magic – all the magics," she slurred to herself quietly. "Team queen versus the town imbeciles," she laughed.
"Regina? You know I can hear you, right?" came a voice from the other side of the door.
Regina rolled her eyes. Well, if it wasn't the blonde wonder herself.
"Regina? Come on, open the door. We need to talk."
Since when did anyone make Regina's decisions for her? She swung the door open, attempting to exert some authority. This might have worked had she not stumbled sideways in the process. She straightened up to face Emma, hands on hips. "Shiss Mon," she said haughtily. "Why're you here, bleating at my door like a sheep?"
Emma raised her eyebrows. Regina hadn't referred to her as Miss Swan in some time. As for Shiss Mon, well, that was a first. "We need to talk about Henry," she said slowly.
Regina squinted at her. "Baaaaaaa." A throaty laugh escaped her scarlet lips.
"Regina, what the hell?" Emma cried out, throwing up her hands. "Seriously. Can I come in?"
Regina tipped her head to the side, eyeing the blonde carefully. "Your hair is ricidulous, y'know," was her response.
"Thanks, but not really the issue here, you know," Emma scowled. "Are you going to let me in or not?"
Regina lifted her fingertips to her chin. "Hmmm. I d'know, sheep, are you housetrained?" She laughed again.
Emma rolled her eyes and pushed past Regina, into the hallway. She could not ignore the stench of cider that rolled off of the brunette in waves. "Regina… Are you drunk?" she asked, eyebrows lifting again.
"How share you — a queen noes dot get 'drunk'." Regina frowned, her hands still placed on her hips.
Emma pursed her lips and nodded. "Hmm. Stone cold sober, huh?"
"Pfffft," Regina huffed and looked away. "S'not what I said."
Emma sighed. "So, what, this is how you're dealing with things now? Drowning your sorrows in cider?"
"It's just sho much fun watching them thrash aroun' in there, crying 'help me, help me!'," the brunette smirked.
"Ever think of doing yourself a favour and throwing the self-pity in there too?"
"Only when the alcol supplies run low, dear."
Emma shook her head, fighting the faint smile that threatened to invade her lips. She wasn't sure whether to leave, or start filming the show. Intoxicated Regina was nothing if not amusing. And yet, Emma found it hard to ignore the part of her that truly felt for the former queen; if it were her Henry had no recollection of, she would be devastated. She sighed again. "Regina, are you okay?"
Regina laughed a little too loudly. She then stopped abruptly and stared at Emma for several seconds, attempting to focus her blurred vision. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, Regina, I'm fine."
"Then p'haps shoo yould stop using ny mame in every sentence, Shiss Mon."
Emma smirked. "And perhaps you should learn how to pronounce words, madam mayor."
"I'm-try-ing-but-your-id-i-o-cy-is-dis-trac-ting-me," Regina enunciated carefully.
"Say what?"
"You heard me," Regina snapped, channeling the Evil Queen death stare. "'S there a reason you're here? For a night cap, p'haps? Because I drink alone. No cider for you, Shriff."
"You know I'm not the sheriff anymore, Regina," the blonde said slowly.
"You weren't a real shriff anyway," Regina muttered.
Emma's eyebrows met above the bridge of her nose. "Excuse me?"
It was Regina's turn to smirk. "Oh please, di'you even go to cop school?"
"'Cop School'?! That's not even a thing!"
"Y'know what I mean!" Regina retorted, waving her hand dismissively.
Emma crossed her arms over her chest. "Yeah, how was mayor school, by the way?"
"Wonderful — I esselled in all classes." The brunette turned and wobbled gracelessly down the hallway, in search of more cider.
Emma rolled her eyes and followed. "Can we talk about Henry now?" She asked Regina's back.
"No." Regina turned around to face the blonde and handed her a tumbler of cider.
"Just like the old days. Thought you liked to drink 'alone'?" Emma sipped the beverage, refusing to acknowledge that it tasted as good as she remembered.
"I do, an' yet here you are." Regina threw back most of the cider in one hit. Though she would never say so aloud, Emma's company was actually somewhat comforting. The brunette had been alone in the giant house since her return to Storybrooke — she feared the lack of human interaction was starting to chip away at her sanity.
Emma sat down in one of the plush chairs, watching as Regina refilled her tumbler before turning to face her. "I know it must be awful — seeing him and knowing that he doesn't remember who you are."
Regina sighed. "'Course it's awful. Worse curse imago– imageni – y'know what I mean."
"I do," the blonde said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a heads up before we arrived. I didn't think."
Regina averted her gaze, unable to keep the tears from pooling in her eyes. Stupid, idiotic tear ducts. She blinked and swallowed hard.
Emma hesitated, unsure of what to say. "We don't have to do this now. I can come by tomorrow… Maybe in the afternoon," she said, watching the inebriated brunette sway on her feet.
"Might be best," Reginna nodded. "I fear the cider's working 'gainst me," she added in a conspiratorial whisper. A hazy half-smile graced her lips.
"You might be right about that. Go to bed, Regina. I'll let myself out." She placed her tumbler on the coffee table and stood up slowly.
Regina nodded again. "Tomorrow, Shiss Mon," she murmured.
"Tomorrow," Emma repeated and exited the room.