I don't know why or how it started, but once it started, I remember every vivid detail, and it took long enough to start, and it didn't last long. I also don't know when I realized what was happening, and I suppose she realized it all along, and just didn't care. Nothing out of the ordinary cause it, but it happened. I haven't bothered remembering the exact dates, and nothing up until the point that it truly began is clear, or understandable, but once it started. The vivid and strange rollercoaster didn't ever stop with her

I do know that it didn't start from when we very first met, in first year, nor did it develop over the years, directly following and it definitely didn't begin with the smack she gave me in third year, that was no infatuation in the making. I hated her more and more, and it kept going well through the Yule ball and tournament of 4th year.

Fifth year was the very begging, I guess, she was the only person who was as studious as me; therefore we visited the library regularly. Everyone in a while we would exchange notes, books, and even study advice, it was the fraternizing of two scholars, enemies was no longer relevant. O.W.L's came, we stopped our friendliness, we where competing for the best grade, and afterward neither of us visited the library again for the rest of the year. Any groundwork that started off died with our testing. Then she had her 'obligation to potter' and his beloved godfather. She had to help him, and to do that they had to get through Umbridge; I was on the enemy side once again. They got past quickly, with her brilliance at good use.

Beyond that point in the year, there is little to say, she went her way with Potter, and her doing so got my father sent to Azkaban, not the best thing to happened to me. Subsequently, the Dark Lord saw it fit that I should simply replace him, thus the task of murdering Dumbledore was bestowed upon me.

The next year I was in the library studying, for my classes and researching it kill the old fool. She was spending just as much time in the library, studying, and she had taken a liking to historical fiction, she spent hour pouring over books at 'her' table in the back of the library. I learned many things about her that year, one being that she didn't sit a table, she sat on top of it, or laid on top, I haven't the slightest clue why, but she did.

Everyday, by the time the clock struck 8 the library was empty or close to it, other than her and me. It was a day in early November, the first time. She had just been asked out by Justin Finch-Fletchley, she had politely accepted, but didn't seem all to excited about it. That was an eventful day; it's the day that when I passed by her desk, as she was taking down notes for a class, she said something startling.

"I know what you've been trying to do," she said clearly, without looking up.

"And what do you think I'm trying to do?" I responded, advancing on her, and she wasn't fazed, I knew she was well aware of my approach, but wasn't the slightest bit scared.

"Murder him," she stated simply, without the slightest bit of indignation, or malice on her voice. It was then that she finally looked up, and saw me directly I front of her, with raised eyebrows, and obvious curiosity as to how she found out.

What was I supposed to do next? Kill her, oh yes, kill the brains behind the golden trio, which would go wonderfully. The next moment began the best year of my life, she let her hands slip around my neck and pulled my face close, as my hands found their way to her legs and wrapped them around me, and then made their way to the small of her back.

Only after this, while staring into each other's souls did she initiated a soft, sensuous kiss, something I never would have expected from her, except she knew, and that was surreal, not as surreal as the kiss, but close.

When we broke apart I asked "what are you going to do about it then?" She responded with a passionate kiss, and whispering "nothing" into my mouth. The passion was endless,

I could say we made love, but we weren't in love, and we didn't fuck, nothing quite so vulgar, nor did we shag, it's a meaningless word. We made lust, we where in lust, and we showed it, therefore that's what we did, and we lusted right there on her usual desk, and it ended on top of a pile of clothes, and us naked underneath my cloak, lying there. There really is no site like the one of a girl you just had sex with in your arms, content.

Then she turned to face me, with a questioning look in her eyes.

"so you know what I have to do?" she nodded "and you aren't going to do anything about it?"

"I don't intend to." She replied

"why?"

"Does it matter?" I shook my head. That left me in deep thought, not quite knowing what to think, but trying to get to some conclusion. Then she decided it was time to speak again "I have to go," was all she said as she shimmied out of my arms, and pulled her clothes on sloppily. When she finished dressing she grabbed her books, and shoved them in her bag before walking away, not looking back once.

That's how our relationship began. I had a dark past, and it would keep unraveling in the same fashion, while she would go on to good and great things. We should want to destroy each other, be each other's demise, but instead all of it disappeared in the others presence. We needed something on the outside, completely unrelated to our own worlds. We where polar opposites, and we needed each other

Over time things changed, but only slightly. We where secret lovers, meeting late in the libraries, and as the 2 most studious students, Madame Pince didn't question us. It was our oasis, we talked, helped eachother, and we had pashion.

Outside of our oasis she was dating Justin and rumor had it that I was perusing Cho Chang. You could call it a disguise, I suppose that's what it was in essence. She would often ask how my pursuit of my rumored love affairs where going, and I would joke back asking about her wild sex life with Justin, I never explained my love affairs, and she never explained her boyfriend. That was just about the only thing we avoided discussion. We talked about everything and everything, it was cliché but it worked for us. It was months before our stance was ever brought up. I blame myself for it entirely. I had to ask

"Why haven't you told anyone?" that's how I began, it blurted out, in the middle of a heated kiss, her hands working on my belt, and I just had to ask about it.

"Told anyone what?" she's playing dumb, she knows what I'm talking about.

"About my mission." I replied shortly.

"Do you want me to tell the whole world?" she shot back, sliding away from me, obviously displeased that I chose to being it up.

"No." I said shortly, and we drifted into our own thoughts, at some point she started taking notes, and I just sat there, staring at a knot in the table. Thn I spoke again, I don't know why I chose to now, but I did, I never said that I made any sense. "I didn't choose to do it, you know."

"Then why are you."

"Because I was chosen"

"Doesn't mean you have to do it"

"Just like obligation doesn't mean you have to support Potter."

"This isn't about me"

"It is now."

"No-"

"What would happen if say… you went missing? And showed up in my mansion, with me forever, you wouldn't have to be on a side, you'd be with me."

"Draco, don't, it isn't worth even bothering."

"Why not! Because you're scared what will happen, well ill tell you what will happen, NOTHING! That's right because we can't do anything, because your too bloody stubborn.

"Stubborn! About what! To do WHAT Draco?" she shot back, and began to put her things together; to leave him after another pitiless fight, but this time it was about something.

"Why. Why won't you come with me?"

"Come with you to what? To the evil, that you live inside, well that's not me! This was stupid, just leave me alone. It will all be fine, don't come back." She screamed before leaving him, deserted in a library, left in furry.

She didn't try to talk to him the rest of the year, and he wouldn't do so either. It wasn't until after Dumbledore was dead, that Draco spoke to her again.

"I didn't do it in the end," He spoke from behind her

"I know you didn't Draco."

"Then why won't you talk to me!"

"Because you would have, had you been given enough time to mentally prepare yourself, you would have done it. Now I need to get going Draco. Harry and Ron are waiting"

"oh yes, go running after them, but you know what? He didn't save him, where was Potter when your beloved headmaster was brought down, he was being a coward, hiding from us." He shot venom at her, wanting to sting, make her feel pain, like he felt from her rejection

"No. He had to stay safe himself, so HE wouldn't die. And you're fully aware of that fact Draco." She responded, ice seeping through her voice, matching Draco's tone.

"why are we fighting over this?" he asked her.

"isn't it worth it, its how we began, remember, when I found out what would happen."

"yes, you knew it would happen all along, and you've been prepared for it, so why are you upset, why are you truly upset?"

"Why Draco? why do you never say my name? Why do you never say that you love me, or care for me, why is the mission more important? Why cant talk to me outside of this place. Why am I a secret that you are ashamed of?" she demanded, tears threatening to fall, but her self-control wouldn't allow that.

"You- and Justin, and you never spoke either, I-!"

"Answer me properly! Tell me why you don't love Draco!"

"Hermione, I do love you, and I never want to be without you." He told her before pulling her close.

The End