Spock looked at the list on his computer. The items were definitely from Vulcan, but they were not addressed to him. They were addressed to Captain James T. Kirk.
Spock's eyes slid sideways, away from his viewer, to survey his Captain, then back to the viewer. The manifest clearly listed the recipient as James T. Kirk, but the notation beside the items was 'personal.'
Spock stood up and wandered down to the Captain's chair, putting a hand on the back of the chair.
"Problem?" came the quiet voice. Kirk had not looked up, nor glanced back to see who was approaching. Spock wondered briefly if the human's hearing was good enough to distinguish his footsteps from the other eight members of the crew currently out of the Captain's line of sight and on the bridge. The first lunchtime relief shift crew were gathering inside the turbo lift doors.
"No, sir," replied Spock.
The voice was pitched low, "You're curious, aren't you?"
"Never, sir."
Kirk chuckled, and said, "I'll tell you later. Not on the bridge."
"You are making numerous assumptions… sir."
"That you're curious about the Star Base parcel manifest, and the items that we picked up that came from Vulcan?"
"And you assume that my curiosity would drive me out of my chair to stand beside you, yet not bring me to the point of asking?" Spock was getting huffy, "That would be illogical."
Kirk looked up and gave Spock a twinkling smile that did nothing to improve the Vulcan's equilibrium, and Spock retreated, still in a huff, back to his station.
The faint smile that played over Kirk's lips and lit his eyes for the remaining few minutes of the morning shift was devilling the Vulcan by lunch time.
Kirk stood and stretched, and Spock's eyes flicked over to him and back. The Vulcan stayed stubbornly at his station.
Kirk strolled over to Spock's station and said so that only Spock's keen ears heard, "I have things to do right now, but I'd like you to have dinner with me tonight, Mr Spock." He turned and headed for the turbo lift without waiting for an answer. Spock frowned, spent about five more minutes glowering at his station while he worked, then flicked a finger at his relief, who was standing beside his station.
"I will be in Scientific Laboratory Three until 1500 hours," he said briefly, then left the bridge.
After Spock disappeared out the door, Sulu looked over at Uhura, who was watching the turbo lift doors close. She turned back around and asked, "What's with those two today?"
Sulu muttered, "If you haven't figured that out by now, Nyota, I'm not telling you."
Chekov raised a puzzled eyebrow at them, then shrugged.
Back in his cabin, Kirk was pleased to see that his yeoman had placed the parcels from the Star Base on his desk and that they were still sealed. He ordered a coffee, then turned to the parcels and carefully opened them.
There was a computer disk, which he placed aside. Then he reverently opened a slim Padd. It powered up automatically and asked him to name a password, "Spock," he smiled as he said it.
"Password not secure. Suggest a new password," demurred the Padd. Kirk glared at it, then said, "Project Spock."
"Password not secure. Password must be both random and complex."
After about ten minutes, Kirk told the Padd through gritted teeth, "Where's the logic in asking me for a password that's too damned random and complex for me to remember? I'd have to write it down, which obviates the purpose of the password in the first damned place!"
"Recipient is exhibiting the use of increasing profanity and both volumetrically and tonally textured speech. Is recipient Human?" asked the Padd, deadpan.
"Yes!" growled Kirk.
"Is password intended to protect contents from other humans, rather than Vulcans?" asked the Padd innocently.
Kirk hesitated, but affirmed, "Yes."
"Then password 'Spock' is acceptable," said the Padd.
Kirk debated throwing it out the nearest airlock, but then it made a cheeky musical noise at him and displayed a list of entries in bright yellow lettering on a red background. Kirk began to read.
About two minutes later, Kirk was staring incredulously at his screen, "Wait. WHAT?"
The Padd intoned tunelessly at him, "Does reader require clarification? Please specify. What did you not understand?"
'There's a language?" Kirk was nearly speechless.
"Please specify. Do you require translation to Vulcan language?" the Padd asked tonelessly.
"No. The hand gestures, translate the hand gestures to Standard. With pictures."
The Padd's response seemed a little less toneless the more Jim listened to it. He must be getting used to the monotone, "By 'hand gestures' do you mean one of the fifteen dialects of the hand depicted in this book?"
"Ah, yes."
"Specify dialect by name."
"I don't know the name. Is there one specific to Shikahr?" Jim asked, peering intensely at the Padd.
"Ten of the fifteen dialects are used in Shikahr. Specify caste of user."
Jim guessed, "Same caste as T'Pau of Vulcan."
"High Vulcan hand dialect, translation only available to readers with top security clearance from T'Pau."
Jim said, "Damn," but then to his surprise the Padd went on, "House of Surak, senior members. Kirk, Enterprise. Are you James T. Kirk, Captain?"
"Yes!" said Kirk, amazed.
"Please position eye for retinal scan," suggested the Padd, and Kirk held the Padd up close to his face.
"Retinal scan confirmed. Kirk, James T. Captain of USS Enterprise. Senior member of House of Surak."
"Wait, what? I am?" asked Kirk, then said, "I am!" to the Padd, not wanting it to change its mind.
The Padd fell silent, and Kirk realised it was waiting for a command from him, so he told it, "Instruct me in the basics of the High Vulcan Hand Dialect."
The Padd said, "Complying," and words and holo images of hands in various positions began to flash at bewildering speed above the surface of the Padd.
"Stop! Restart instruction, at Human instruction speed," said Kirk.
"Ta-al, version one," began the Padd tonelessly.
After version fifteen of the Ta'al, where the little finger was allowed to drift outwards slightly as an expression of contempt, Kirk asked, "How many variations on the Ta'al are there?"
"One thousand, eight hundred and ninety five," responded the Padd. Kirk's eyes glazed over and he asked hopefully, "Can we move onto something else?"
"Specify?"
"Um, what about touching hands?"
"Intimate sexual contact," droned the Padd, "Used only in context of seduction and mating."
"Whoa, whoa, what did you just say?"
"Intimate sexual contact used only in context of seduction and mating."
"That's what I thought you just said," muttered Kirk, and asked, "Is there a code for that?"
"Yes."
Kirk asked hesitantly, "How many variations on intimate sexual contact does the hand dialect contain?"
"Sixteen thousand and ninety five basic gestures."
"Damn," sighed Jim.
"Padd is interactive."
"What?" asked Jim.
"Padd is interactive."
"I don't want to have sex with you, you randy little Vulcan machine," chuckled Kirk.
"Padd is interactive. Demonstrate hand gestures and Padd can translate."
"Oh, cool. Well, here," Jim put the Padd down on his desk and put his hands into the area above the Padd where the images had appeared. Thoughtfully, he mimicked something Spock had done in his cabin the night before, brushing his little finger against Jim's.
"I wish to mate with you," intoned the Padd tunelessly.
Kirk laughed, "Now you really are hitting on me."
"Hand gesture demonstrated translates as 'I wish to mate with you.'"
"Seriously? No, I must have done it wrong. What about this one?" Jim demonstrated another gesture which Spock had used a few weeks before, grasping one arm half-way between the wrist and elbow in an overhand grip.
"I love you," intoned the Padd tonelessly.
Kirk sat stunned for a few minutes. Then he breathed, "What does this mean?" and clasped both hands together over the Padd.
"I am yours," responded the Padd.
"But-"
"-forever," finished the Padd.
"Damn."
After a while, Jim had found out some very interesting things. A touch on the hip indicated a willingness to lay down one's life for a person. A nipple pinch meant that the person doing the pinching wanted to be bound naked on a table and have something called 'mun" poured all over them and licked off by the one they were touching. No wonder Spock kept staring at him oddly for days after that one….
"I love you… I need you… I want you…. please talk to me…. please talk to me…. please talk to me…." intoned the Padd tonelessly at each gesture that Kirk demonstrated for it.
Kirk closed his eyes and whispered, "Damn," again. He picked up the other disc, which was labelled 'Ancient Vulcan courting rituals, (how to seduce a Vulcan)' and sighed. It had cost him a lot of money, and it looked like he needn't have spent it at all.. from what the Padd was telling him, his Vulcan was quite thoroughly seduced already.
Dinner suddenly seemed a long way away.