Day One: Nighttime

The weather was shite all last week and now it's clear skies and fair winds. Funny how this shit works out, and by funny I don't mean funny at all. Everything's gone mad: the mages, the Templars, the world— even myself, I think. Hawke fixed all sorts of things for us, and then that bastard Anders went and threw the world into the shithole. I swear on Andraste's cherry arse, if I ever see that fucking asshole again I'm going to shoot a cannonball right through him.

Maker's balls, writing has already taken it out of me. Never took much of a liking to writing things down like this; I only ever bothered with the ship's logbook. I'm giving it a shot now because this journal's the last gift Hawke ever gave me, and it only seems fitting that I record what's about to happen in it.

Tomorrow, me and two of my most trusted crew members disembark the ship. The Weisshaupt fortress is about a day's walk inland. The plan is for me and the twins, Gus and Neddic, to go to the Grey Warden fortress and find Hawke. The crew's supposed to wait at the port until we come back. I'm leaving Rigger in charge. Honestly don't know if I can trust Rigger or the others not to stage a coup or take off altogether while I'm gone, but what choice do I have? Varric's letter said Hawke was at Weisshaupt, and that Hawke had just barely escaped a battle in the fucking Fade of all venues to endanger herself in. There's no way I'm letting Hawke get away from me again. Last thing I want is to leash her, but it seems if I leave her to her own devices she'll just stick herself in front of a stampede.

I... I don't know. If I have one favor to cash in, it's that Hawke and I get out of there— together. People have been saying funny shit about the Wardens. Varric's letters have never seemed so hesitant. Was like he almost didn't want to tell me Hawke's location. Probably knew I'd kill him if I found out he left me in the dark.

Well, these daggers aren't going to sharpen themselves, and somebody's got to remind the twins to bring extra underpants.

Day Two: Midday

We're taking a break. We've been trekking for hours and hours. I could tell Gus and Neddic wanted to stop a moment ages ago, but I ignored them. Part of the reason I chose to bring these two with me is because I know they're not the type to complain. They also have the closest thing to loyalty I've ever seen in a raider. And since I don't know exactly how things are going to go down at Weisshaupt, at least I have these two at my back; they're real tempests in a fight. You should see them board an enemy ship.

"You." Huh. Sweet thing, I don't know if these are just my thoughts or if I'm writing a letter to you. Feels like this is the only way we can talk. I miss you, Hawke. I can't even put a funny spin on it anymore. I've had this plan for when we reunite. Shit, I've been revising this script in my head for months. I'd walk up to her, flip her around arse-to-navel— doesn't much matter where we are— and I'd say something witty, like, "I'm not letting you get away again. In fact, I'll be tying you to the bedpost first thing." I wasn't serious about it! Well, maybe I really did consider it for a bit. Mostly it was just to make me laugh when being apart started to make my soul ache.

Leaving the ship this morning was easier than I thought it would be. Rigger was trying real hard to reassure me that everything would be in the condition I left it when I came back. I couldn't tell if the honey was to blind me to his schemes or if he really was just trying to reassure me. Things aren't like how they were before where I knew I could trust my crew. Before Kirkwall, I had this wonderful frigate with men and women who'd jump in front of a saber for me. They were pirates, too, not any royal navy with some sworn oath bullshit foggying up their judgment. It was a real rarity. Don't think I'll ever find another crew like it. I suppose Merril and Varric were the next closest thing. But they were Hawke's crew, really. We all were. Oh, Kitten... I hope Aveline's protection extends all the way down to the alienage.

Better get moving again or else the twins might take a nap; they're toddlers that way. Neddic likes to say his lethargy is on account of his missing right eye, not aging. Bullshit, if you ask me, but the man makes me laugh.

Day Two: Nightfall

Gus's mage-iness came in handy with giving me some firelight to write by. Presently, I'm hold up in a cave by myself while the other two find dinner in the woods. I wouldn't normally risk the light, especially since I'm alone, but this journal's become something of a... comfort to me. And I'm anxious like a virgin on her wedding night. I can see the watchtowers up in the mountains. The fortress has got to be no more than a two hour walk from here. We want to approach during daylight, though, to avoid seeming suspicious. That's why we stopped walking for the night. This also forces me to go a longer amount of time with this... nervousness buzzing around inside me. Tomorrow's the day I've been waiting for. Tomorrow is what I risked being abandoned by my ship and crew for. Maker's arse, I don't want to be stranded in fucking Weisshaupt of all places. Antiva or even goddamn Orlais would be better than this; at least there's something fun to do out there. Figures that Weisshaupt would be a bore; it's home to some of the most boring people in the world: Grey Wardens. More I think about it, the less sacred the Wardens seem. They go toting around their righteous agenda during the Blights, but if you stop and think a moment, they're fucking crazy. I mean, Anders was a Warden, right? Fuckin' Anders. I might believe in the Maker if he'd deliver that shitbag to the end of my dagger.

I'm too tired and anxious to write more. But I have very mixed feelings about the forecast for tomorrow, so I suppose I'll say this: let it be known that Leisha Hawke has one of the best arses I've ever seen, and that I love her dearly.