Germany was in the mood for something... Different. Usually Winklebottom, his trusty, sensual lawn gnome, was enough to satisfy his sexual needs, but today... He wanted something less ceramic-y, and more.. warm. He wasn't sure what inanimate object would satisfy his needs.. But then it hit him. He pulled off his bicycle shorts, already getting excited. He walked into the kitchen, his mind set. This was his best idea yet! He opened the microwave, and put in... His own penis. He couldn't really close the door, but luckily his microwave didn't have any safety settings. He set the timer for 30 minutes. Germany hummed as his penis was heated to a nice crispy brown. He ejaculated all over the inside of his microwave. He'd clean it up later.
2 years later he got testicular cancer from the incident. the end :)