It was a dark and stormy day in Germany's sad mind. It was actually sunny, but the storm in his mind was too harsh for him to notice. Germany slowly slicked back his hair with strawberry scented hair gel and a hello kitty comb. He gently put on his fedora. It was a sad day for him. Well, after the divorce, every day was sad. But today was especially sad. Today was prom.
And also the 1 year anniversary of the divorce.
Germany sighed and spritzed gnome pheromones on the lapels of his jacket. Maybe he'd meet someone nice tonight. Maybe. Did gnomes go to prom?
Germany slammed the rickety door of his trailer home and opened the door to his monstertruck. It took him 4 tries to get in the drivers seat. Once he was in, he put in his hello kitty themed keys and started the car. He was determined. Tonight, he would have fun, despite what this night signified.
When Germany arrived, he was turned away at the door for wearing heelys. But that didn't stop him. He wouldn't let the door guards put a damper on his evening.
He went into the sewers. After getting lost, becoming aroused by the putrid stench, and wandering around in the muck, he found where he needed to be. He climbed out of the toilet in the restroom. He tried to press his erection down, but he failed. He thought about gnomes and came immediately. He walked onto the main dance floor, covered in shitwater. He sighed and went to sit by the punchbowl. He spiked it with more gnome pheromones, hoping to attract someone he could spend the evening with, to ward away the negative emotions he felt when he thought about the divorce. He scanned the room for Italy, but didn't see him. He sighed; he must not be here.
Little did he know he was fucking Romano in the back closet.
Germany was walking to the bathroom to leave, but something caught his eye. Something. Beautiful. Something more beautiful than a gnome, which was rare.
He slowly walked over to the shitty cover band that was playing on stage. Horrified by his stench of shit and Germany, they fled, the whiny voice of the lead singer fading out of the room. However, they left the beautiful acoustic guitar behind. He picked it up. Germany felt it's strong, oak neck in his hands. He could feel himself getting the desire to fuck this object in some way. He unzipped his pants right on stage. right on stage and stuck his dick in the hole of the guitar, loving the scrape of the strings on his mutilated penis. Oh yes, this was pure heaven he thought. As the ushers evacuated the guests, and Italy called 911, but Germany was in pure heaven, and didn't notice. He had to grip the back of a chair for support as he vigorously fucked the guitar, the rough strings slowly scraping off his skin.
After 6 seconds, Germany came. After 8 minutes, the police came.
Germany was taken to a hospital for psychiatric evaluation, but he had a new obsession, a new passion. a new joy. What was lost that fateful day the year prior was being rekindled, but not in Italy. In that lovely acoustic guitar. Because after all, the notes of a guitar ar E, and that can be rearranged to spell bad gee. or age deb. Very arousing acronyms. Prom started out hopeless for germany, but turned out to be the best day of his life after the divorce.
Moral of the story: Theres always hope. Never give up. Search for your own guitar in life.
Unfortunately, 3 days later, Germany's lovely guitar was smashed in a random act of vandalism. There is no hope for Germany.