A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry for the long time without updates, but I had this story bouncing around in my head, in large part because of EightofSwords and Alicia Blade, whose stories have inspired me a lot. If you haven't read works by either of them, go and read so you may be enlightened. Anywho, I hope you guys like this story...not exactly the way I thought of it, but oh well. Let me know what you think!
(side note):I know that in the anime Mamoru was a college student, but in the manga, Mamoru clearly states that he's in 11th grade at the high school when he shows Usagi his ID. It says on there that he's in 11th grade at Juuban High, I believe.
Disclaimer: Despite all my efforts and fundraising, I still don't own Sailor Moon, nor have I received enough money to go meet the Creator. Poo.
Don't Forget Me
Usagi spun around and around, giggling uncontrollably. Her arms were flung out from her sides like a helicopter and her hair was swirling down around her like two beautiful golden ribbons spiraling with her movement. Her laughter filled the air around her, warming the deep cold of the winter. Eventually she stopped spinning and tilted her face up to the dark sky. Her breath steamed out into the day as she grinned open-mouthed at the cloudy sky above. A slender pink tongue emerged from that mouth, and she giggled again as a perfect snowflake landed on her tongue and melted, giving its short life for her laughter.
Beautiful, he thought. Absolutely beautiful. As the snow really began to fall, flakes caught in her hair and dusted her clothes, melting on her face and outstretched hands. She fell over laughing into some deeper snow and promptly began making a snow angel. He smiled warmly. Why not take a picture instead of lay in the snow? Your face is more beautiful than any angel that could be made, and would last so much longer. He sighed longingly and forced himself to turn away from her.
She was all that Mamoru had ever wanted. She was beautiful (obviously), cheerful, funny, and she always had a smile for everyone – except for him, that was. His smile slowly faded into a frown. She always made his heart so light and warm, so filled with raw emotion that it kind of frightened him, which was probably why those smiles never were for him.
He had a problem. He had spent his entire life alone, distanced from people as much as possible. After his parents had died, all her had known was to be alone. He had learned to live by himself and to keep to himself. It honestly frightened him how much he cared for her, how much he wanted her in his life. Unfortunately his desperate want for her caused him to push her away every time they spoke. It killed him every time to see the hurt and anger in his eyes when he made fun of her, but he felt as helpless to it as she was.
Now he was walking away from her, preventing her from ever seeing his gaze so filled with the longing and adoration he felt each time he saw her. His heart ached for her, and unbidden tears tried to well up in his eyes. He knew he couldn't stop caring for her, and that he could never have her. One hand went to his heart, and he sighed. Dreams were supposed to be achieved and realized, not torn apart and thrown away.
Mamoru glanced up at the cloud-filled sky, imagining his arm wrapped around her as they would walk together through this very park, if she was his. He could almost feel the warmth of her soft body pressed up against him. He closed his eyes, trying to inhale her intoxicatingly sweet scent. That's when it happened.
By closing his eyes, Mamoru completely failed to notice a patch of thick ice directly in his path. As he was imagining the feel of his little bunny pressed against him, he stepped directly onto the ice. His eyes shot open as soon as he had done it, and he knew he couldn't catch himself this time. His feet went flying out from under him and for a brief moment he felt he was suspended in the air. Then he was falling and air rushed out of him in what might have been a yell. As he landed, he heard a sickening thud, most likely his head, and the darkness enveloped him completely.
Usagi bolted up out of the snow when she heard a man's voice yell briefly before being violently cut off. Her eyes instinctively searched over the mounds of snow filling the park. Her hand went to her locket only to drop away quickly when she saw a man lying motionless on the ground. She gasped and raced over to him where he lay on a patch of ice on one of the semi-clear paths. She expertly dodged patches of ice, for a wonder. As she drew near, she had the shocking realization that it was Mamoru laying spread out on the ground, but she never hesitated.
She knelt next to his still form, biting her lower lip. She knew she couldn't move him on her own, but he looked so still and it seemed like he wasn't breathing, or that it was too shallow or something. Her eyes widened even more when she noticed a small, dark red pool underneath his head. Not knowing exactly what she was supposed to do, she did the only thing she could do – she called the girls.
Usagi sat on the floor of Mamoru's apartment. She was chewing nervously on her bottom lip. She had been here for a couple of hours already, but she refused to leave. She had been by his side since she had found him in the park, and stubbornness had kept her here. She had nearly memorized the way the living room of his apartment looked – from the soft beige carpet to the full bookshelves to the black leather couch that Mamoru was sleeping on.
A worried frown crossed her face. He still hadn't stirred in all this time. Ami had said that he didn't have a very bad concussion and that all he needed was to rest, but something felt wrong. He hadn't moved, even when Mako-chan had laid him on the couch. Ami had assured her over and over again that he would be ok, but her stomach felt like it was tied in knots.
Why did she feel this way? She couldn't ever remember being so worried about him. She had kind of liked him since they had first met, but he was always so mean to her. But now, seeing him lying there, so defenseless and open, her heart went out to him. Without his "cool" façade he always tried to hold up he seemed so vulnerable, and she kind of liked that in him.
Her eyes traveled along his strong features, so softened by the fall he had taken earlier. They traversed his soft black hair, down the gentle curve of his nose, his closed eyes, his long lashes, over his strong cheekbones and finely chiseled jaw. Her lip slid from between her teeth as her gaze landed on his mouth. His lips looked so soft and inviting, and they were opened just the slightest bit.
Her heart raced as the thought of kissing him surfaced in her mind. She gasped and pushed the thought away as quickly as it had come to her. Here she was, sitting completely alone in the apartment of a man three years older than her that she barely knew and thinking about kissing him – while he was unconscious, no less. She silently scolded herself, but her heart didn't want to calm down. She wiped her palms, which seemed to have acquired a fine sheen of sweat, on her pleated skirt and went back to chewing on her lip.
She idly began to study his face again when she realized that his eyes were open and studying her. She nearly jumped out of her skin. He began to sit up but fell back onto the couch with a loud groan and clutched at his pounding skill. Usagi stood up quickly and walked over to him, removing the cold cloth from his forehead.
"Wha…what happened? What happened to me?" He sounded groggy. She gently laid a hand on his chest and pushed him back down as he tried to sit up again.
"You fell down at the park, baka. Don't you remember anything?" A slow frown made its way across his face, and he winced at the pain in his head.
"Remember..." Now it was her turn to frown, but it quickly perked back up into her cheery smile.
"You must have hit your head harder than I thought." He slowly shook his head, and she paused, a strange feeling building up inside of her. Her hand was wrapped around the cold cloth, having intended to re-wet it. The corners of her eyes crinkled with concern, and she walked slowly toward him and kneeled next to the couch. She peered into his slightly dazed eyes. Something in her heart twinged, and she knew something was wrong. She smiled bravely at him, hoping for the best despite the ache in her heart.
"Mamoru-san, are you ok?" He blinked slowly, his face not measuring mild surprise. When he spoke, his voice was thick and his words almost carried a hint of slurring.
"Mamoru? Mamoru…" He paused for what seemed an eternity. "Mamoru…Is that my name?" Usagi's eyes widened in shock. She fell backwards onto her bottom, and her mouth hung open. She found that words were eluding her at the moment.
"What's your name?" he asked, his eyes clearing a little. "You seem nice. Are you my girlfriend?"
Her mind couldn't handle it anymore. Her eyes rolled up in the back of her head and she fell backwards, plummeting into blackness.
She awoke a few seconds later, sprawled on the floor still. Her vision was slightly hazy at first, but then she made out the form of Mamoru trying to pull himself upright on the couch again. Instantly she was there, pushing him back down while he struggled feebly against her. She made sure that he lay back against the pillows strung along the couch and his body had relaxed before she let go of his shoulders. An attempt at a warm smile crossed her face, and she looked down at him.
"To answer your question, I am definitely not your girlfriend, and my name is Usagi. Mamoru-san, don't you remember anything from before you fell in the park?" He looked up at her, frowning and biting his lower lip. When he opened his mouth to speak, his gaze shifted to the wall behind her, and his eyes acquired a far-away look.
"The park? I fell…I don't remember falling…in truth I don't remember the park. I don't remember anything…I had these strange dreams before I woke up…but I can't think of anything before that…" He looked up at her again; his eyes now filled with panic, almost pleading to her. "I don't remember anything! Where are we? What day is this? Who am I?" Mamoru began trying to sit up again, and when Usagi tried to push him back down she found he had tapped into some unknown strength.
"You say my name is Mamoru, but how do I know that? I don't even know what year this is! Why can't I remember?" Usagi grunted and muttered under her breath and threw herself at his shoulders. The weight of her bore him back down onto the couch, and he suddenly found his arms full with a very attractive, very soft blonde young woman. He blinked. "Are you sure you're not my girlfriend?" Usagi jumped away from him, giving an exasperated sigh.
"No, I'm not your girlfriend." What on Earth was she going to do? Ami hadn't prepared her for this at all. "In fact, you've always been quite mean to me." She couldn't just stay here, could she? She had obligations, like oh, um, how about being Miss I-Save-the-World-Daily? There was no way she could just stay here.
"I'm sorry." She looked up from her thoughts and saw Mamoru laying there, his eyes bright with unshed tears. Her worries drained out of her, and she knelt beside the couch with a new kind of worry dawning in her.
"Mamoru-kun, what are you sorry for?" She didn't even notice that she had said "Mamoru-kun" instead of "Mamoru-san", but he did. He remembered what that meant, at least. His heart leapt a little to think they were at least friends, perhaps.
"If I hurt you, before. I don't know why I ever would have." Her heart felt weird. It felt hot, and her throat felt like it was closing off. "You seem like such a nice, sweet person. I don't want to be mean to you anymore." Her eyes stung. She didn't know what was going on, but she believed him.
All of the sudden, it really hit her. He didn't know who he was, or anything about himself or anyone else. She couldn't leave him here, not like this. He would be as defenseless as a kitten in a room full of hungry, over-sized dogs. Someone had to take care of him, and she knew he didn't have any family around. She nodded to herself, and stood up.
"Mamoru-kun, please stay where you are. I need to re-wet your cold cloth and make some calls. I'll make you some lunch if you're hungry." She began walking toward the kitchen, swooping down to pick up the cloth she had dropped earlier on her way. "And don't worry about before." She turned to him and smiled warmly. "I'm going to take care of you." She walked confidently into the kitchen, and as soon as the door swept shut she collapsed into a chair.
As of yesterday she had been bitter enemies with Mamoru, whom she had always had a small kind of affection for. An affection which she constantly tried to stomp out, to no avail. He had always been so cruel to her that it was hard for it to grow. Now she was here in his apartment, caring for him because he couldn't even remember his own name. She sighed, stood up, and went for the phone.
"Motoki-kun please! I don't know what to do!"
"I'm really sorry Usagi-chan, but I can't take him in. I have all kinds of relatives over and I would have no place for him to stay. I can't go over there because I have to work and then come home and manage the house here with everyone in it. I really am sorry. I know you'll do just fine."
"But Motoki-kun! He doesn't remember anything! What about work and school? I don't even know where he works, and neither does he."
"Well, if you get a pen, I can tell you all of that, and you can just call them and let them know what happened. He'll probably have to go see a doctor to be excused until his memory comes back. Do you have a pen?"
"Amnesia?"
"That's what it sounds like to me. You should probably take him to see a doctor though. It could be serious, or it might fade away with time. Motoki-san might be able to help him with his memories."
"No such luck, Ami-chan. He's really busy right now with some family and work and stuff. I guess I'm kinda stuck with him, but it's ok. I'd better call Mom."
"Don't worry, Usagi-chan, I'll call her and tell her you'll be over here for awhile. Better yet, I'll tell her you're staying the night, so if you get finished with Mamoru-san you can just come over here."
"Thanks a lot Ami-chan! You're the best!"
Three hours, a fumbling, difficult trip, a long waiting room sit, and mounds of paperwork later, Mamoru and Usagi were sitting inside an exam room at the hospital. The doctor, an older man, had been in to run some tests, taken Mamoru away, come back with him, and left again. Mamoru was sitting on top of the table, looking perfectly miserable, and Usagi sat in a chair off to the side, lost in thought.
He watched her, thoughts racing through his head. His feelings for her were so obvious and glaring in his mind that he wondered how he could feel this way and never have told her, but it didn't seem like they were together in any way other than perhaps tentative friends. Why would he have waited to speak to such a lovely, beautiful creature, who was obviously so gentle and caring to put her life on hold to help him out? He knew there had to be some reason, so he had kept to himself about it until he could figure it out. Maybe she had a boyfriend? A horrible thought popped into his head. What if I have a girlfriend? He gasped. Could I have been considering breaking up with her to be with this…Usagi?
Usagi looked up at his gasp and he blushed. He saw her head tilt from the corner of his eye and her mouth opened the slightest bit as if she were going to ask what was wrong. Then she shook her head and began staring off into space once again.
He frowned. It was all so…confusing. He couldn't remember anything about himself, thought bits and pieces would surface every now and then. He would feel emotions when he looked at things, and occasionally he would see a person and have the slightest twinge that he knew them. Other than that, he felt lost. The most he could manage was to find things in what was apparently his own apartment. He was extremely grateful that this golden-haired savior had decided to stay with him, to help guide him where he needed to be. He shook his head, and as he was thinking of something to say to her the doctor walked back in again.
"Well Mr. Chiba," the doctor began, leafing through his chart, "it would seem that you have a case of amnesia. Unfortunately there is no cure for it, as we do not yet understand its complexities." He looked up and gave Mamoru a comforting smile. "The most I can tell you is to go back home, get some rest, and keep those you love around you. In time, your memory should come back, but right now we just have to hope for the best. Now if you'll just wait a few moments the nurse will be in to put a couple stitches in that gash on the back of your head and it'll heal up in no time. Take it easy, son." He smiled again, and walked out of the room. He stared after him in disbelief. Was there no hope for him at all?
"This is stupid!" Usagi spat as she helped him along the icy streets toward his apartment. She had been fuming since the doctor had walked out of the room. "I mean, what kind of answer is 'I don't do anything to help you so go home'? What a quack! Ami is more of a doctor than that guy and she hasn't even gone to medical school yet!"
"Usagi-san." She looked up at Mamoru, whose arm was very comfortably draped across her shoulder as she helped him along. "Please don't yell. It's not his fault."
A blush crept across her cheeks as they reached his building, and it occurred to her just how close they were. Her small body was pressed tightly against his as she steadied his walking on the ice. Stop it, Usagi, she told herself. You're just helping him out. You don't need to be feeling this way – he just needs somebody right now.
He needs you. She stiffened momentarily as that last thought echoed through her mind, and her heart began to pick up a very quick pace. Where had that voice come form? Was it her own? Did she really think that? She returned to her shuffling, supporting step before he could notice the change in her posture. Her heart was pounding now, pounding so hard she didn't think she could slow it down, but she forced it to all the same. I only feel this way because he's not being a jerk. He probably just forgot that he hates my guts. She shuffled her feet and just kept moving, ignoring the small light that had been born in her heart.
Up in Mamoru's apartment, Usagi had to help him into bed. She was still trying to quell the butterflies in her stomach, which was none too easy, especially when he took his shirt off before lying down. She gasped and turned away, violently pushing down the strange feelings in her heart and the sudden tightening of her stomach. She knew her face had to be bright red. She cleared her throat with a note of uncertainty, hoping for the ability to breathe. Again she found herself wondering what in the world was going on.
Usagi was finally able to look up as her mind registered the sound of him climbing into bed. He had slid underneath the blankets and his eyes were closed as his head rested on the pillow. It was time for her to leave. As she turned to go, her heart heavy with…something, his voice stopped her.
"You're leaving?" He sounded sad, almost needy. Her heart ached. How awful it must be to be all alone and not even know who you are. Putting on a smile that felt braver than she did, she turned back to look at his still-closed eyes.
"I have to go home and sleep before school tomorrow. I'm going to leave my number as well as Motoki-kun's by the phone for you if you should need anything. Motoki-kun is a good friend; he'll help if you can't find me. Oh, and I already called the school for you and told them what happened. I'll be back tomorrow after school." With that, she turned again and walked out the door.
"Usagi-chan? Earth to Usagi. Hello, this is reality calling, may I speak with Tsukino Usagi please? Usagi!"
Usagi nearly jumped out of her skin, almost causing her mostly untouched bento to topple from her lap and spill on the pavement. She blinked, and then looked accusingly at Naru, who sat beside her with a look of deep concern on her face.
"What is it, Naru-chan?" Naru frowned.
"It's you, Usagi. You've been acting weird all day. You've been spacing out more than usual; you've not paid any attention in class at all, when I was calling you just now you didn't even seem to hear me and worst of all you've barely touched your lunch at all!" Naru paused, inhaling deeply, and Usagi frowned. She hadn't been acting weird, had she? "Look, I really wish you'd talk to me about what's going on. The only time I ever see you anymore is at lunch and now you're not even spending that with me 'cause your mind is off in la-la land. What's wrong Usagi-chan?" Usagi shook her head.
"I'm just confused right now. There's this guy…" Naru broke out into a grin and jumped up.
"So it's a man! I knew it! Ooh who is he? Is it Juubei from class 5? I hear he's available and has a crush on a certain meatball-headed beauty." Naru giggled and Usagi stuck her tongue out at her.
"No it's not Juubei and it isn't like that at all anyways. This guy I know is really sick and I'm taking care of him. I was just worried about him, that's all." Naru grinned even wider.
"Awww! How cute! You're his angel-in-disguise nursing him back to health! True love has to come from this!" Usagi yelped and jumped up after an already running Naru, who was also laughing wildly. They chased each other around until the lunch bell rang again.
Mamoru tossed and turned in his sleep. His dreams were filled with strange faces of people he didn't know, people he couldn't remember at all. And then there was her, f course. She filled his dreams, beautiful and kind. Her smell was sweet and her smile was like the blessing of an angel. Her hair was soft and silky beneath his fingers as he played with it as he had longed to. Her lips were full and soft as he reached down toward her face and someone was knocking on the door.
Wait…what?
He blinked. Usagi wasn't in his arms. It was dark. His head hurt. Pounding, in fact. Or maybe it was just the door that someone was pounding on. He blinked. Someone was at the door – that meant he needed to get up and answer it. Oh.
He got up, bleary-eyed, and stumbled to the door. He didn't even notice that it was broad daylight and that he had slept though half a day already. Grumbling to himself he opened the door after stumbling a few times over furniture that had apparently moved around during the night.
Usagi gasped when Mamoru opened the door. Apparently he hadn't been up since last night because he was still without his shirt and looked very groggy. A deep, rosy blush covered her cheeks as she felt the sudden urge to intently study the floor at her feet.
"Oh. Uhm, hello Usagi-san. Thanks for coming over this morning." He blinked, slowly seeming to come to the realization that it was late in the afternoon, he wasn't wearing a shirt, and he was just standing dumbly in the doorway while she was forced to stand out in the hallway. He moved back inside and motioned for her to come in. "Please come in. You can wait out here while I go get dressed."
Usagi nodded and sat down on his overstuffed couch. For the second time in as many days, she found herself examining his living room. Her stomach was fluttering again. She ignored it, studying a painting of a moonlit landscape directly across from her. She had an idea of what to do today since Mamoru seemed to be feeling better. Not for the first time, she wondered why she was helping a guy who had always been nothing but mean to her. She sighed. I guess I just can't get away from my need to help people when they can't help themselves. And besides, maybe if I help him get his memories back he'll be nicer to me. Somehow she doubted that, but it was worth a try. And even if he was mean to her, she couldn't just leave him alone when he had no one else. It seemed right now that all he had in the world was her.
Before that could really register in her head, Mamoru came back out of his bedroom, now fully-dressed. He had his jacket slung over his shoulder, and his hair was still a bit tousled, but he looked much better than he had been. It's amazing what a good night of sleep can do, I guess. Usagi smiled as she stood up. I'm going to be nice to him today if it kills me.
"Well, now that you've managed to find you some clothes, let's head out!" she said in her usual cheery voice. Mamoru stopped, somewhat surprised.
"Where are we going to?"
"The Crown, of course! It's like everyone's second home. You hang out there all the time with Motoki-kun, so I figured it'd be a good place to help you remember. Let's go!" Before he could say a word, he was dragged out the door.
Motoki was just looking up as Usagi came barreling into the arcade, dragging a wide-eyed Mamoru behind her. He grinned, walking around the counter to meet them as they were walking over.
"Good afternoon, Usagi-chan! I was expecting you. And Mamoru! You look much better than I thought you would, old boy. How are you feeling?" Confusion filled Mamoru's eyes. Usagi turned to him with a smile.
"Mamoru-san, this is Motoki-kun. You two are very close friends, and you come here every day to see him. You usually sit at the counter and order a soda and sit there reading books and papers and stuff like a stuffy old man." She presented him to Motoki, who was frowning a little. He had known that Mamoru was having trouble remembering things, but he hadn't known how bad it was. He smiled and held out his hand.
"How do you do, Mr. Chiba Mamoru? It is lovely to see you this fine day. Please step up to our royal bar and I'll fix a root beer float for you, which is one of your favorites." Mamoru nodded and allowed himself to be led to a stool at the counter.
"It's nice to meet you, Motoki-san. I mean, it's nice to see you I guess." He grinned sheepishly. "It's sort of confusing. I really do feel like I know you, like I've known you my whole life practically. I just…it's so hard to remember anything." Usagi took a stool next to him as Motoki was making up some drinks.
"Motoki-kun, can you do me a favor? Mamoru-san was asking about his family, but I don't know them or about them at all. I was hoping to take him to some places he's familiar with and meet people he knows, but I guess I don't know that much after all. Can you tell us about his family and some of the places he likes to go and all that?"
Motoki stopped, his back to them. He had paused in the middle of filling the glasses containing ice cream with root beer. This wasn't going to be as happy and easy as he thought. He turned around with a somber look after he filled the cups. He handed one to Usagi, one to Mamoru, and kept one for himself, and let go of a heavy sigh.
"Mamoru, I know this is going to be hard to deal with, and I hate to be the one who tells you." He paused, and Usagi's eyes grew worried. Had she missed something? "Mamoru, you don't have any family." Usagi gasped, hey eyes getting wider by the word. "Your parents died when you were very little, and you grew up in an orphanage because nobody could find any of your family. I'm really sorry." Usagi's hand went to her mouth, and she looked at a strangely calm Mamoru who was nodding.
"It's ok Motoki-kun. I think I knew that, in some way…I don't exactly remember it, but I felt it all the same. When you first started talking about it, I knew. It doesn't hurt, I think because I must have finished grieving a long time ago." He smiled genuinely, and Motoki was glad. It was hard to tell your friend that his family had been dead for years.
"As for places you like to hang out, the park was always one of your favorites. They have this lovely rose garden there in the summer, and you always used to read books there and stuff, even in the winter. You usually went for a walk there after you left here, which was right after you got off school, I believe. Speaking of school…" He looked at Usagi, who was already nodding.
"I already called them and told them what happened, and I even spoke to his teachers today– they said Mamoru-kun is excused until he feels better, so he can get lots of rest and so we can help him get his memories back." She smiled at Mamoru. "Which we're going to do today, right Mamoru-kun?" He smiled back at her. Motoki saw this exchange, and a secretive grin spread slowly across his face as the two talked.
"Thanks again, Usagi-san. You've been so nice to me about all of this. Um, since we're done, why don't we go walk through the park?" Usagi nodded and stood up. He motioned for her to go one. "I'll be outside in a minute. I just need to ask Motoki-kun something." She nodded again and headed out the door to wait in the sunshine. After she was gone, he turned back to Motoki, who was still grinning from ear-to-ear. "What's the grin for?"
"Oh, nothing at all. What did you want to ask me?" Mamoru cleared his throat, and his cheeks turned a light pink color.
"Um, well, I was just wondering…" he trailed off, fiddling with the straw in his glass. "Well, do I happen to have a girlfriend?" Trying not to laugh, Motoki shook his head. "Oh…um, that's good to know…um…well…" he was turning redder by the second. "Well, I was also wondering if…if…ifUsagi-sanhasaboyfriend." He was blushing furiously, and ducked his head after the last bit came out in a rush.
Motoki shook his head again, knowing he couldn't trust himself to speak anymore. Mamoru muttered an embarrassed thanks and slid off the stool, still hiding his tomato-red face. As he exited out of the arcade, Motoki couldn't help it anymore. Laughter burst out of him, and he was bent over, holding onto the counter for support. They were just so absolutely perfect for each other. He had the sudden feeling that maybe this whole "amnesia" thing would be good for the both of them.
"It's about time," he said when he could speak again, wiping the tears from his face.
They walked through the park together, their breath steaming out into the air. The snow had been melting slowly over the past week or so, and the air was warming up little by little. The weatherman had said that spring was coming, and Usagi was sad to see the snow go. She was excited about the cherry blossoms of course, but she so loved to play in the snow. She looked up at the cloudy sky and smiled; it looked like snow.
They walked together through the park, careful to avoid patches of ice, and she pointed out most of the places of interest. They walked under the trees, beside the lake, and past the birds and couples that occupied the park. I wonder how many girls are out with their amnesiatic guys. The thought made Usagi start to giggle and though she didn't see it, Mamoru gave her the warmest of smiles.
"Usagi-chan." She turned to look at him, still grinning. It faded a little when she saw how serious his face was, and when she realized how personal he was being with her. "I know I've already said it, but thank you. You've really helped out a lot." He reached out and took her hands in his. "And most of all, I truly am sorry if I have ever hurt you. You've been nothing but wonderful to me for as long as I can remember." He chuckled, and gave her another warm smile.
His hands were so very warm. Usagi looked down at her hands in his, blushing. Her pulse was racing, and her heart was beating so hard she thought it must be close to popping out of her chest. She looked back up at him and was startled to see him staring intently at her. She sucked in a quick breath. He's going to kiss me, I know it. Almost unbelievably, her heart seemed to stop. The world stopped. And then he gave her hands a squeeze and turned away, pointing to the lake.
"Would you like to go watch the birds on the lake?"
Her sudden disappointment was shocking to her. Had she really wanted him to kiss her? She nodded numbly as they began walking toward the lake, lost in her own miserable thoughts. Maybe she had wanted him to after all. But wasn't that supposed to be impossible? Only three days ago she had come close to despising this man for the way he always teased her, and now she was hoping for him to kiss her. Even if she had always harbored the tiniest of crushes, this was almost too much.
They reached the lake, and she leaned against a tree as he looked out over the lake where the setting sun was turning the water into pure gold. She stared at the ground, puzzling over these feelings. Even if she did like him, and even if she had wanted him to kiss her, what would it mean? He wasn't himself, after all.
Mamoru looked back at her, leaning against the tree and chewing her bottom lip in thought. The gold of the sun's last light caressed her face, lighting it magnificently. Her hair was highlighted with a rich golden color, and her face was painted with a golden beauty and grace that he didn't think many if any people had ever seen in her. He crossed over to her, placing his hands squarely on her shoulders.
"Usagi-chan." She looked up, wide-eyed and startled for the second time that day from his sudden touch and from calling her Usagi-chan. Before she had more time to react, he leaned forward and pressed his lips on hers gently. Her kiss was as sweet as any candy, and as soft and delicate as flower petals. He savored that kiss as though it was his last breath, and felt it thrill through him; this was right.
He looked down into her pretty blue eyes as he pulled away, meaning to smile down at her, to share in these warm feelings with her. Instead, she looked up at him with first shock, and then tears. He frowned, but had no more time to react. She slapped him. Hard. Stunned, he could do nothing but keep his light grip on her shoulders.
"How dare you!" She spluttered. "How dare you play with my feelings like this? You're still the inconsiderate jerk who's done nothing but be cruel to me since the day I met you! You have no right….you have no right to treat me this way!" She pushed him away from her and ran off, tears streaming from her eyes. He stood there, his mouth working as though he was going to say something, watching her hair streaming out behind her as she ran away from him. It was hard to be sure, but he thought that wasn't how such things were supposed to go. Wasn't she supposed to be happy?
Usagi ran to the other side of the park, far away and out of sight, before collapsing on a bench and crying. How could he? He made her think she wanted to kiss him so badly, and then he didn't, and then he did when she was unprepared! How could he toy with her like that? Why was he making her feel this way? She had never felt this way about anyone, and she shouldn't be feeling it about someone who had always been a complete creep to her anyways.
A sudden, horrifying thought occurred to her. What if he got his memories back and he changed back to how he was? She had suddenly discovered a wealth of emotions within her reserved specifically in his name and now she was faced with him refusing them even as he was now encouraging them. What if he gets his memories back and he goes back to teasing me, instead of kissing me?
This was all so confusing. Did she want him to kiss her or not? She couldn't sort it out. She thought she did, but when he had done that just now, it kind of hurt her heart in a strange way. Fear made her want to push him away. If she let herself feel this way, and he went back to the person he was before, what would become of her? Or what if he got his memories back and he changed, and she didn't care about him in the same way? She couldn't let that happen.
She bit her lip a little too hard and whimpered, touching it delicately, feeling for blood. It wasn't good to worry this much over something. Maybe she should talk to Naru. She knew a lot about stuff, so maybe she could help her out. She would know what to do. She could tell Usagi how to stop feeling this way, or how to do…something. It was all so confusing that she couldn't even seem to sort out how she felt, or how she wanted to feel.
But was that really true? She didn't think so. She thought that somewhere inside, she knew how she wanted to feel and that she knew what it was she really wanted. She wanted to believe that when he got his memories back, he would be the same person in any case, that he would still like her, and that she would still want to be with him. Because she did. She really, really did want to be with him. She was just so afraid. It was too much to be hurt by something like this.
Pulling her jacket close about her, she decided she should just go home for now. Maybe she would go to see Mamoru tomorrow, and maybe they would talk about it. As for right now, she just needed to go home and rest. Sleep on it. Maybe she would feel better after that, and less confused. Standing up, she tucked her hands into her pockets, trying to warm them up. As she turned to go, she saw Mamoru standing about five or ten feet away from her, watching her. She looked down at the ground, unsure of what to do. Luckily he spoke up first.
"Usagi-san, I'm sorry." He sounded hurt. She looked up again and saw that he was close to tears. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me." Her heart twinged. She took a step toward him. He started to turn around, but she ran over to him and grabbed his arm.
"Look, I'm sorry too. I didn't…I didn't mean to slap you like that, or to run away." She was blushing, but she didn't care. He looked back at her, and her vision was filled with those deep blue eyes. She felt like she would give everything in the world to see those unshed tears go away; tears that she had caused. Had she ever made anyone cry like that? "I didn't mean it, honest. I was just surprised, that's all." He looked at the ground, and started to turn away again, presumably to go home.
Usagi took a deep breath, cursing herself mentally for what she was about to do. She tightened her grip, and as he looked back at her she launched herself into him, pressing her lips quite firmly against his. At first he was surprised, but then he relaxed into her kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist as her wrapped around his neck. They stood that way, embracing and softly kissing for what seemed like hours to them. Finally Mamoru pulled away, breathless and dazzled.
"Usagi. That was…different." She rested her head on his chest and nodded. She was as surprised as he was, in all honesty. She looked up at him suddenly.
"I need to confess something." He looked down at her, brushing a hair from her face with a tenderness she hadn't known was in him. She took a deep breath. "The reason why I was so afraid…well…I feel like the only reason you kissed me earlier was because you can't remember who you were before. I was afraid that…well…that once you got your memories back you'd go back to teasing me all the time again, and you wouldn't want to kiss me anymore." He gave her a fond smile and chuckled.
"Usagi-chan, I wouldn't give up that kiss for the world. Even if I get my memories back, I'll still care about you, I promise. And I'll try not to tease you." She smiled gratefully, feeling relieved.
"So, what should we do now?"
"Well, why don't we go back to my apartment and have some hot chocolate? We've been out here in the cold for awhile." She nodded, and they turned to go. She nervously snaked her hand up to his, but relaxed when his fingers laced through hers. Maybe things would be alright after all.
Then she felt her foot sliding. Then she felt herself falling. Then she saw the ground rushing up to meet her. That wasn't a very good thing. Suddenly she felt someone pull on her arm, hard. She swung around, losing her balance, and she saw Mamoru try to catch her. She stumbled into him hard, and after he had pivoted to save her from falling he easily lost his balance. They collided, and they both went down.
A couple seconds later, Usagi got her breath back and realized she was on the ground. Rather, she was on top of Mamoru, who was on the ground. And very not conscious. Fear crept into her heart as she rolled off him, and checked his head. There wasn't any blood this time, and she cradled his head in her lap
"Mamo-chan, wake up! Please wake up…please…be ok. Please wake up Mamo-chan. Please!" She pleaded with him, shaking his shoulders a little. He lay there, lifeless. Tears fell from her eyes as she begged him to wake up, but he stubbornly refused to make his way back to consciousness. She leaned down, gently kissing his forehead, and reached to call the girls. It looked like another hospital trip. A hand grabbed her wrist weakly.
"Usagi…" She looked down, and Mamoru's eyes were half open. He blinked slowly, and the seemed to come back to normalcy bit by bit. She cradled his head, stroking the side of his face.
"Are you ok? Do you need me to call the hospital?"
"No, no I think I'm ok Meatball-head." Her heart fell. Then he grinned at her, and she felt a small ray of hope. "Honestly, I'm ok. Don't worry about me." He reached up to her, and pulled her face down to his, kissing her gently. "I didn't forget what I promised you earlier. Everything is just fine." She smiled down at him, and snowflakes began to fall, gently coating everything with their soft whiteness.