author's note Hello people (and soon to be reviewers?)! Things you need to know: One-shot. Lily/James. Irrelevant but the title of this fic is a line from the British mini-series North and South, which is amazing. Moving on..
disclaimer I ownZilch, zero, nada, nil, nothing, naught.. (my computer's thesaurus works!)
dedicated to my (bubble-headed) beta, sarz!
look back at me
There was always a moment where James would wonder whether he was doing the right thing. In that moment, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Lily's, would berate him for the horrible thing that he was planning.
He often tried to tell this voice to be quiet but this proved to be fruitless as all he did was attract the attention of those who were concerned for his sanity. Sadly, he was too busy arguing his sanity with the voice, to actually disprove these rumors. As a consequence, many people thought he was going slightly out of his mind.
"You're in for it this time." Sirius whispered to James evilly.
"Shut up, you idiot! She doesn't know it was me!" James whispered back frantically, glaring.
"James Potter, you will die for this!"
"You wanna bet she doesn't know?" Sirius said, grinning.
"What's up Lily?" James said casually.
"Don't what's-up-lily me, you jerk! Where are my things!" Lily shouted.
On cue, a second year Gryfinndor girl approached, confusedly holding Lily's hairbrush. "Are these yours?"
"Yes, that's mine. Thank you." Lily said politely and then turned to James and whacked him with the hairbrush.
"Oww!" James whined. He put on his best hurt look. It hadn't really hurt but maybe he'd get lucky and Lily would care, or ever better, apologise.
"I hope you die sometime soon." Lily said, quite calmly although the angry glint in her eyes was quite indicative of her real mood. She made to leave the Gryfinndor Common Room, as she was still in desperate need of the rest of her belongings.
"That wasn't very nice, Lily." James said cheerfully, giving up his false attempt at pain and following Lily out. Bang. The portrait hit him, having been flung hard.
"Careful, dear." Said the Fat Lady, disgruntled.
Outside the Common Room, Lily ran into a fourth year Ravenclaw, who James could remember vaguely as having a bit of a thing for him.
"Are these yours?" She asked, holding up a pair of robes (on which Lily's initials had been stitched on by her rather domestic mother), and staring all the while at James.
Lily grabbed the robe and stalked off, muttering a quick "Thanks" before she left. Bloody James Potter. Now she'd have to spend all day tracking down all her missing things. The least he could do was help her but no, he had to go flirt with randoms. Lily glanced back to confirm this and was rather (extremely) surprised to see James right behind her.
"You're following me now?" She asked angrily.
James shrugged modestly. "Maybe. Does it matter?"
Lily stopped. "Yes it matters! Why are you following me? Actually, why did you even steal my things and distribute them to the general school population?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." James explained. This explanation did not prove to be adequate for Lily.
"Do you even have a brain?" She hissed and made to walk away.
"Of course I do! What kind of question is that now?" James asked, going after her. "I'm top of the grade."
"Second." Lily corrected.
James seemed surprised. "Really? To who?"
"To me, you moron." Lily said, feeling wickedly gleeful.
"Ah, I should've known." James said, not particularly surprised by that. Though, if an idiot like Snape had beaten him…
A fifth year Hufflepuff boy dumped another set of robes and her bag of female necessities on her.
"Thanks," Lily called after him.
"Is this it?" She asked James.
"How should I know?" James asked.
"You're the one who hid all my things!" Lily said exasperatedly.
"Really now. Well …I think that's about it then," James said, looking at the items Lily was carrying. "Oh, wait, there's also your diary."
Lily glared doubly hard at him. "You gave someone my diary??"
James shrugged. "It might have been Bella."
Lily prayed it was Bella, who was her best friend and unlikely to read it.
She returned her items to her room using a spell and huffed off to find Bella.
"Hey Lily, wait." James called, hurrying to catch up with her.
Lily did not wait. She stormed around the entire castle, locating Bella in the library.
"Bella." Lily called, trying to ignore James who was right on her tail.
"All the copies of Hogwarts: A History are gone!" Bella said in greeting.
"Do you have my diary?" Lily asked desperately.
"What? Why would I have you-Oh! Yeah, Sirius gave it to me to look after. He said he found it lying around." Bella produced the diary from her bag. Lily grabbed it from her.
"Sirius had it?" Lily pronounced in dismay.
"Yeah. Don't worry, he wouldn't read a diary. It's personal." Bella placated although secretly, she knew that Sirius just might have read the diary.
Lily ground her teeth. Now everyone would know private, personal, unknowable things. She whirled on the source of her troubles. Goddamn James Potter.
"I am going to kill you." Lily said, angrily to James. "This is all your fault!"
"How?" James said blankly. He backed away slowly; he didn't want to be near Lily when she blew.
"Why do you do this to me! Why?" Lily asked, upset. "Is it funny?"
"It was just for fun," James said quickly. "You've got everything back now so.."
"That's not the point! The point is, you go out of your way to annoy me for no reason!" Lily yelled at him, earning a glare from the librarian, who gestured for her to leave. She stomped out.
"Oops. Damn." James said to himself.
"You really did it this time." Bella said helpfully. She was an excellent source for Lily-related information.
"I didn't mean to make her angry," James said petulantly. "It wasn't my fault that she did."
"That's the spirit. Why don't you just give up?" Bella said mockingly, amusedly.
James glared at her. "I can't give up!"
And he stomped out too.
"Idiots." Bella said to herself.
James did not find Lily in the common room, like he had expected. By questioning a third year student, he found out that she hadn't returned yet.
"Damn," He said to himself.
"Need some help, Prongs?" Remus asked, looking up from the game of Wizard's Chess he was playing with Sirius.
"Do ya know where Lily went?" James asked.
"Try the map." Sirius suggested.
"Down to the kitchen," said Bella from behind him. "Which I would have told you if you'd have asked.
"Thanks Bella." James said and left.
She was leaving the kitchens, armed handful and mouthful with cookies when James found her. Maybe she had calmed down by now. He hoped she had anyways.
"Did you know eating when you're upset is a disorder?" James blurted.
Lily swallowed. "What!"
"Eating. Upset. Disorder." James repeated, awkwardly.
"I like talking to the house-elves! They gave me the cookies, you know what they're like!" Lily explained, exasperated.
"Oh."
"What are you doing here?" Lily asked.
"Ah. Well you see…"
"If you've taken more of my stuff, I swear I'll hex you." Lily threatened.
"No!" James said quickly. He'd been on one end of Lily's hexes before. It wasn't an experience he was willing to repeat.
"Then what?" Lily asked, offering James one of her cookies. He took it and motioned for her to walk.
"I just wanted to apologise." James said. "Sorry."
Lily was silent.
"That was the lamest apology I've ever heard." She told him after a second, although she looked extremely triumphant.
"I aim to please." James said, grinning and taking Lily's last cookie.
"Can I ask you a question though?" Lily continued.
"Sure." James said, through a mouthful of chocolate cookie dough.
"Why did you take my stuff?"
James immediately felt himself grow hot. He ducked his head, suddenly becoming very interested in the floor.
"I just want to know why you do stupid things like take my stuff." Lily continued. "Don't you ever think about whether what you're doing is wrong?"
"I don't know. I just do things. Why are you top of the grade?" James answered, half seriously.
"Because I take my work seriously?" Lily replied.
"No. Because that's just who you are." James corrected her. "You were always going to brilliant and top of the grade, and Head Girl."
"And what? You were always going to be an utter pain in the behind and steal people's belongings?" Lily asked playfully, touched by James' reply. He pretended to think.
"Probably," he answered with a grin.
They stopped just outside the portrait hole.
"It's just every time you do something, I wonder why because it's stupid and pointless and I think I should just leave you to rot. But then I think about it and for some reason, I always look back." Lily said seriously.
He smiled at her and she felt her knees give out. She leant against the wall, disguising her sudden collapse.
"Maybe because I want you to look back." James said, quietly.
Lily felt her breath catch..
"Oh-hey Lily, James." Bella interrupted. "Did you find all your, uh stuff?"
"Uh yeah, thanks Bella." Lily replied, aware of the awkward position that she had just been in.
"Ok, I'll uh, just go back in then." Bella said quickly, cursing herself for interrupting their moment.
"I have all my stuff back right?" Lily asked.
"Yes. Everything. Except for one thing." James said.
"James," Lily said. "Just when I thought you were halfway decent!"
He grinned.
"James, what'd you take? If it's personal, I'll stab you with a pitchfork." Lily warned.
In reply, James reached into a pocket and drew out a long thin chain. Lily's hand went to her neck.
"How'd you get that?" Lily asked quietly. "I've had it on all week.."
"No you haven't. I found it last week." James told her.
"So why didn't you give it back last week?" Lily demanded, pulling her necklace off him and regretting the harsh action.
"Because the clasp was broken and I went to get it fixed." James said.
"Oh," said Lily, feeling herself go red. She held up her necklace and noted a new clasp.. and something else.
"What's this?" She asked him. "It wasn't there before."
It was a tiny charm, shaped like a heart.
"I put it on. Because I think the other charm got lost, I couldn't find it." James said quickly.
"I didn't have a charm on it." Lily said quietly. "But thank you."
"You're welcome." James said, just as quietly.
For a second, they were silent. Lily looked at her necklace… James had pretty good taste. Lily unclasped it and slid it around her neck, fumbling when she tried to do it up again. Almost instantly, she felt James move to help her. She awkwardly moved her hair while he did her necklace.
"Thanks," she whispered, staring at the ground as James had before.
"Lily. Why aren't you looking at me?" James asked her, confused.
"Because. I never know if you're looking back." She said quietly and stepped away.
He took her hand, pulled her towards him.
"I'm always looking." He told her.
And he kissed her.
the end!
Author's note: Wow, I hope you enjoyed that. I definitely loved writing it. Please let me know what you though okay? Thanks heaps! Review!