Dwarf Feud

Hello! This is a Red Dwarf version of the Family Feud! If you haven't seen the show...don't panic! The 'host' explains everything!

Um...I'm American, and I don't know British money, so what is mentioned is American money.

I don't own Red Dwarf, or the Family Feud. I'm not making any money. And, since the characters are not real, they don't get any real money, either.

"Hello, and welcome to the special episode of the Family Feud, Dwarf Feud! I'm your announcer!"

"Today, two families are here on the good ship, Red Dwarf, to fight for $20,000!"

"We have the Dwarf Posse Family!" 5 Contestants clap and jump up and down.

"And we have the Different Dimension Family!" Other 5 contestants clap and jump up and down.

"And here is the host of our show. Taking time out of offering toast, so it could host. Made by CRAPOLA INC. The most annoying product on the shelf, but will always get you a piece of toast, whether you want it or not...Talkie Toaster!"

Light comes on the newer recreation of Talkie Toaster. Bright red, with knobs, and the eject lever moves down every time it talks. "Howdy doodly do! How's it going? I'm Talkie -- Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?"

"Ah...no. Not right now. But, we do have two families to meet!" The announcer replies uncomfortably.

"Well, I can't really shake your hands, so just go down the line, and say who you and your team are. The Dwarf Posse Family first, please!" Talkie chirps.

A Scouser, with a rock outfit, and long dreadlocks. "Lister." Lister points down the row. "And this is our resident Smeg Head, also dead, the hologram Rimmer." Rimmer is wearing his emerald green suit, (3rd Series) which flickers to his red suit (5th Series). It seems like the hologram is having a bit of trouble with his hard light drive.

"A bit of technical difficulties." Rimmer mutters in his microphone.

"And that is the best dressed person that is in here, Cat." Lister says dully, as if it was written down and rehearsed, which it was. Cat is wearing his white and black zebra coat, with the pinkish and black slick suit underneath (Like in the 4th Series).

"That is our computer, who is senile, but had an IQ of 6,000, Holly!" It is a boy head, that is balding and has gaped teeth. (2nd Series)

"And, bringing up the rear, is our mechanical service droid, Kryten!" Kryten is...Kryten. (In the 5th Series).

"And how about the Different Dimension Family!' Talkie shouts.

A blonde, with a sweep of fringed hair, is wearing a pilot outfit. "Hello, Talkie!" Ace Rimmer waves to the toaster, then smiles to the camera. The girl part of the audience, with a few men, start to go crazy.

"Howdy, Ace! Thanks for taking time out of saving the universes and dimensions to take part in our game! Please, introduce us to the rest of your family."

Ace points down the line. "The gorgeous, delicious lady standing next to me is Kristine Kochanski. Hopped another dimension to be here today!" A tall girl with long brown hair curled up, waves shyly. She is wearing tight red leather.

"Now, we are the only ones from different dimensions, but we brought 3 other people with us today." Ace continues.

"That stunning dork, but the cutest guy on the market, Duane Dibbley!" A geeky guy, with a plastic green jacket, and short hair, with bucked teeth waves back, with a silly smile on his face.

"And that beautiful hologram standing next to him, top of the line flight coordinator, now in hard-light form, Nirvanah Crane!" A pretty woman who is wearing a red uniform, waves at the camera. She has long red hair that is pinned up, and a large 'H' in a large circle, on her forehead.

"And last, the best green blob anywhere, but can also be the image of your perfect mate. To preserve the sanctity of the show, she will appear as her real form. I give you...Camille!"

A large green blob with a stalk with an eyeball on the end, waves it's tentacle at the crowd.

The camera swivels to see 3 members of the Dwarf Posse looking at the Different Dimension Family with their mouths open. Lister raises his hand and says, "That's not fair! You got our girls over there!" Rimmer and Kryten nod furiously. Camille, Kochanski , and Nirvanah smirk.

"Well, we met our families, and now it's time to play the Feud!" Talkie chirps!

I got some funny things planned! And new, you get to decide who wins! You let me know what team you want to win, and who ever gets the most 'votes', will win!