Shinji's eyes slowly blinked as he stared at the ceiling fan. His bedroom was scarcely decorated with only a few CDs and magazines in the corner by the window with broken shutters. Shinji was still awake, thinking. Although this usually led to unpleasant thoughts and dreams later on, he didn't mind. At least he could remember. There was a time in Shinji's life when he was incandescently happy. He was bombarded by love, and as swiftly as it came, it left almost without a trace: Kaworu.

Nothing quite compared to his touch, his voice, his presence. It used to make Shinji blush awkwardly to think about Kaworu in such a way, but now it felt like it was completely normal. However, that's not how he felt when Kaworu stormed out of the apartment three months ago. Shinji still couldn't remember how their fight started, though he could still hear Kaworu saying, "You are trying to be something that you are not. I cannot be with someone like that." Shinji clutched the bed sheets closer to his face. He wanted to forget what he said next. The memory came anyways.

"Leave me alone, Kaworu. I don't need your pity."

The look of sorrow in Kaworu's eyes was one Shinji would never forget no matter how many lifetimes he lived. Yet again, Shinji pushed the ones closest to him away. His breathing was getting heavier by the minute. He tried not to panic because he knew was simply getting worked up over his thoughts, but the fact that he no longer had someone to curl up against to soothe him increased his anxiety. Shinji wanted to make things right with Kaworu. He wondered if Kaworu felt the same. If I call him, he'll probably ignore it. Shinji rolled to the other side of the bed closer to his phone charging on the bedside table. There is a slight chance that he will answer it. Shinji longed to hear his voice. Reaching for his phone, he checked the time: 3:26.

Most of their memories were made around this time of night. Something about the night relaxed Shinji or maybe it was Kaworu lying beside him that made him feel at ease. Shinji stared at Kaworu's name in his contacts list for a few minutes before calling. It rang four times before he answered. Shinji's breath hitched for a moment.

"Uh…hello?" Kaworu groggily asked. Shinji struggled with how to respond. Damn, I should have thought of some kind of speech beforehand or written some notes. "…Shin…ji?"

"Yeah, it's me. I…was just wondering about some stuff and I'm just, I don't know, I…sorry it's late," Shinji stammered.

"I thought you would never call."

"Well, I…you know I don't like not being near you anymore and maybe…"

"You were wondering if I felt the same way." Kaworu stated. He knows me too well.

"Yes. I just can't forget you. You're too important to me." Shinji got out of bed to pace around the room waiting for a reply. He could feel small tears starting to stain his face. There was a moment of silence before Kaworu answered.

"I do not think you know the depth of grief you have caused for me. I tried to help you in everything you did, but that was not enough to make you happy. I tried to learn what was making you suffer so, but that was not enough to make you happy. I tried to hate you after I left, but I loved you too much to do so. I am unable to discern what the best choice is for both of our lives." Shinji could hear the pain in Kaworu's throat. It was sometimes hard for Kaworu to express his own emotions due to his far too logical reasoning. Logically, it would have been better for Kaworu if he hadn't stayed on the line once he realized it was me. Then he wouldn't have to go through the same kind of pain as I am.

"I'm sorry, Kaworu…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you I just, didn't know what was going on. We were so close to each other. I think I just got scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared of being loved. And by you, too." Shinji chuckled sadly. "You're so perfect in every way and it was so hard for me to imagine someone as extraordinary as you could love someone as stupid as me."

"But you are perfect to me, Shinji," Kaworu insisted. Shinji imagined Kaworu's twinkling eyes and soft mouth saying this which left him breathless.

"I love you, Kaworu. I love you so much it hurts. Please forgive me for all the awful things I said before. I was a coward." Shinji put his head against the cold wall and closed his eyes. "I want to be with you…forever." He thought he heard some sniffling before Kaworu responded.

"I too want be by your side forever. I have decided. Any other route would not lead to your happiness or mine." Shinji let out a light gasp. Is this really happening?

"Can I see you tonight?"

"Do you not mean this morning? I want to see you sooner." Why does he take things so literally all the time?

"That's what I meant, sorry."

"Okay, I'm coming over. And, Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"You are not stupid. You are only human."

"Thank you," Shinji chuckled. "See you soon."

Author's Note:

I hope you guys enjoyed this! :) I'm working on the next chapter where Kaworu arrives at Shinji's apartment. Don't really know where I'm going with this, but I have my fingers crossed (though that makes it quite difficult to type)