Two days, two days until I become Mrs. Hermione Weasley. Why do I feel so odd? Why do I feel that this isn't right? I'm losing my mind. I'm thinking of another. During times in which I shouldn't. I dream of another world... another life, another love. It's getting so weird yet I know I could never indulge myself. I can talk to no one either. There are two people I've found myself confiding in and only one listens and he isn't really listening. The other... she's to wrapped up in her own little life that no one else in her non-fantasy world matters. She speaks of only him and no more. It's hard though. There are signs, signs of honesty, signs of his thoughts but it's too difficult to know him. I know him, yet I don't. My mind is so cluttered with thoughts and visions... so cluttered I fall into the thoughts. I care nothing about the world around me; I just sit and walk in my thoughts. I've begun to live this other life. This life that will never happen. This life where the past I loved and the future I wish for molds into one reality. Yet it's no reality at all. Just a story and a future I've made up into my head. Where the man I want and the man I love is the same person. And the girl I confide in, I actually confide in. my thoughts have become this twisted, realistic, love movie. One where people would come to watch and cry while throwing up. But that's only when you mix in my reality and my fantasy. In my mind I talk in only riddles as if I'm some sphinx. As if I'm really that intelligent know it all I was back in school but my intellect has driven me insane. It's no longer my intellect... it's my hope, it's my dreams. I wish this world would come true. I wish I could fall into this dream and stay there... yet it won't happen. I'll sit here though. Ill lie down to sleep and fall back into my happiness. Two days from now I'll marry him and he, the one I love, will walk me down, tell me I'm beautiful and let me go. Does he know it pains me? Does he know I long to be with him? To feel his touch to hear him tell me those three little words back? Right now I'm sitting in the Weasley's kitchen, staring out the window looking into the field behind the house. Ron is next to me, holding my hand. How much I wish it wasn't his, I wish it was my real love. He's here though, sitting across from me. Every once in a while I'll glance at him. He's giving me a look of concern. I must be showing a face of true confusion myself.
Time goes slow as I think. The time when we first met, so different it was then. Voldemort was still alive; Harry had yet to defeat him. When he fell, I died that day I vowed to never love again. When he came back I was already with Ron and now, now I'm scared. Scared I never gave him the chance, us a chance. I remember the day I kissed him, he didn't kiss back and then I tried. I tried to give it all up. I tried to move on and continue to "love" Ron. But no, I don't love him I'm still trapped, trapped in this love I have for someone else. Yet, I'm still marrying him, in two days time. Why did I ask him to walk me down the isle? My father, oh god, my father. I miss him so much. My parents would have wanted me to be happy. I'm not happy. I'm still thinking. Every time we make love, it's not him above me, it's someone else.
"Sirius" I say in a low very inaudible sigh.
"What was that Hermione?" It's Ron's voice.
"Nothing, nothing." I say as I look up and give a small smile to him.
Sirius is now looking at me; I think he may have heard me. His head is turned a little to the side he's looking into my eyes. His amazing beautiful gray eyes. How much I long to look into those eyes for the rest of my life. To wake up with him, to marry him, to have children with HIM. I sigh again. I have to get out of here. I get up. Everyone looks at me.
"I'm going for a walk" I say. They all understand everyone seems to be dealing with the stress of this wedding. I make my way out the door. It's warm outside and sunny. A beautiful day. I'm making my way to the willow, my favorite tree. It's on the very edge of the field. As I sit down I lean upon the trunk and look out onto the place where even though I don't want to be at the moment, honestly love more then any other place. I hear a rustle behind me. To bad my back is to the house, I would have seen who it was. Probably Ron, always so concerned with me.
"Hermione?" It's not Ron. Why does he have to come see if I'm ok? Why couldn't it be Ron? That would be so much easier.
"Sirius." I breathe the name.
He sits next to me. Casually draping his arm around my shoulders and slowly turning me till I look him in the eyes. Brown meet gray.
"What is wrong?" He asks.
"Nothing Sirius, I'm fine." I reply my eyes are of course denying me. He's so amazing. So beautiful. His black hair is falling into his eyes. His gray eyes are searching me, trying to look into my mind; I wish they were searching my heart.
"I..." he starts. "I need to talk to you."
"Yes?" I ask, losing myself in his eyes. So full of life, love, honesty, everything I love about him shows in his eyes.
"I think it would be best if Remus were to walk you down the isle."
"What?" I exclaim as I pull back from him and stare at him in a very confused and shocked voice.
"Hermione, I… I can't. I'm sorry."
"Why Sirius?" I ask in a very hurt voice.
"It will hurt too much, I'm sorry." His face is full of hurt. I can see that the normal light gray of his eyes is turning paler, along with his face.
"I don't understand." I say.
"Hermione, I… I love you and watching you walk down the isle with someone else. It will kill me."
Love? Love me? Everything I've hoped for, for so long is coming true, two days before I'm supposed to marry Ron.
"What?" I say not thinking about the words before they topple out of my mouth.
"I love you and…" I cannot let him continue. Everything I've wanted is coming to me. I lean into him and brush my lips upon his. I close my eyes, not wanting him to push me away because it's the right thing to do. He doesn't respond so I begin to pull away but then feel his hands move from the position on his lap to around my waist, pulling me towards him. His lips meet mine this time and I eagerly kiss him back, parting my lips so I can finally taste what I have wanted for so long. He tastes so different from Ron. A mix of cinnamon, firewiskey and smoke. I've fallen in love with this man and his taste.
The kiss lasts for what seems like hours. The two of us hidden behind this willow tree. His arms around my waist, mine around his neck. I have to break the kiss, explain my actions. Slowly, grudgingly I pull back and open my eyes to find his already open and staring back into mine.
"Sirius" I say a little breathless. "I love you too; I've loved you forever and always will."
He moved in again and kisses me with earnest. Seconds later her pulls away.
"Ron?" he asks.
"I want you Sirius, only you." I say as a smile.
"I love you" he replies as his kisses me again.
Short but very sweet. I own nothing. I owe all of this to the amazing J.K. Rowling.