Quahog Hill
Chapter 1 – Family guy mode
Disclaimer: I do not own Konami, or Family Guy or SH2, or any random cameos that are going to appear in this fanfic.
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Mike sat on his living room couch as he beat silent hill 2 for the 5th time on Hard mode. The boy yawned as he flipped to TBS, showing Family Guy. Mike chuckled a bit as he silently rocked to sleep, unaware of the chaos that ensued.
Mary Poppins cameo in FG: Come along, Peter! (jumps into Mike's PS2)
Peter: (follows into the PS2)
Everyone else from FG: (follows into PS2)
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James wandered throughout the 3rd floor of Woodside Apartment Building. The man gave a shout of victory when he found a hand gun in a shopping cart in one of the rooms. Returning once more to the grimy hall, he noticed a key lying on the floor beyond some metal bars blocking his way. James slid an arm between the bars as he tried to reach the key.
Steady.. steady… almost got it—"Ooo, a key" Said a voice of a man as James looked up to find a large 2-D man, wearing glasses, a white shirt and green pants. The man picked the key up with ease as he stared at it for a few seconds.
"Hey, can I have my keys back?" James said, trying to suppress his annoyance.
"HEH-HEH too bad, finders keepers," The fat man said in an annoying tone with the most annoying laugh. James' left eye twitched. He was not in the mood for this.
"Gimme my fuckin' keys back!" James yelled.
"HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH!" The "mysterious" man teased as he ran away, his blubber jiggling into the darkness.
James lifted his metal pipe to hit the bars(he should've used that to grab the keys), only to find them go through the bar like a ghost.
"Arrrgh, stupid (kick), fat (kick),2-D(kick), man(kick)! He isn't even supposed to be in this game!" James screeched. Remembering his anger management lessons, James drew out his gun and thought of various ways to torture The SOD(Stupid Obese Dick, a name he just came up for the man) as his lips curved into a smile.
Suddenly, he noticed piano music begins playing in the background.
"Blonde-headed moron, screaming at the ceiling. Gonna kick the bars—wait—wait..he kicks it once, twice…three times...four times. He kicked it four tiiiiimmmes! He does a little daydream! Starin at me funny, pointin' gun towards me--
(bang)
James walks away, his smile growing larger.
"Left foot, right foot, left foot, righ----
(BANG)
James shot the man again, and stomped on him a few times just to make sure that he's dead.
James descended down the stairs to the second floor. As he walked along the halls, the blonde heard a shrill cry that greatly resembled a baby's cry. Curious, James followed the sound to another set of bars as a bloody figure that resembled a man-sized arrowhead…with a body. James could feel it glare at him, its ice-cold aura making the hair on his neck stand on end. James slowly backed away from the creature as he broke into an all-out sprint to a nearby room. In the room were a dead man, a static TV, and a pair of keys to room 202 which he found on a shelf.
As soon as I find Mary, I'm getting out of here. Far, far away from here.
But, as we all know, James is a long way from finding Mary.
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"Ha! Am I smart or am I smart?" James asked nobody in particular as he revealed the opening behind the grandfather clock. Our protagonist slipped through the entrance to another room, as he stood up, dusted himself, and fixed his hair, because killing grotesque monsters is no excuse to lose your sex appeal (something that the Fab Five might say)! He lifted his gaze from his collar, and looked straight ahead, to find Pyramid(arrow) head facing him, with two dead patients on the ground. James cringed at the sight, but realized Pyramid head was brandishing his oversized knife.
The blood-stained fiend swung his knife horizontally at James, who jumped backwards and drew out his handgun. Pyramid stepped back, raising his knife, preparing for an overhead swing. James kept his distance and popped 3 slugs into Pyramid Head, who didn't appear to be damaged at all. Seeing this, James braced himself…
"Whoa, what the hell is that!" Questioned a voice that was all too familiar to James. The SOD stepped out from the entrance discovered by James, pointing a chubby finger at Pyramid head.
"Heheheheheh! You head is shaped like a PYRAMID! Hey, hey, what's your name? PYRAMID HEAD! HAHAHAHAHA!", SOD laughed, wiping a tear from his eye.
"YOU again!" Yelled James, pointing a finger in accusation.
"Oh...heey! Fancy meeting you here! This sure is one hell of a place, eh?" The fat man greeted.
"You bastard! You stole my key! And you have the most ANNOYING laugh EVER! I swear, I'll be more than happy to get it the hard way!" James accused, his face growing red.
"Hey now, who're you calling a bastard? Heheh..who're…if you remove the ', you get whore...hahaha…OH and my name's Peter! Peter Griffen! So…"
James stared dumbfolded at the man before him, wondering how he ever said ' out loud, without subtitles. "so…?" The blonde asked.
"That's it." Peter answered dumbly.
"Ahem" coughed Pyramid head, who was just standing there while the two exchanged awkward sentences.
"Okay, you know what? Just kill me now. I swear! I can't stand this guy!" James yelled at Pyramid head, earning a frown from peter.
"Hey, hey...you sayin' I'm annoying? Well...I'm so mad...I'm so mad that I'm gonna give you this key! That's right! Take it!" The obese cartoon character threw the key at James and stormed out of the room, leaving James and Pyramid Head in awkward silence. The butcher just shrugged and walked away.
"H-hey! Where are you going? What the hell is going on here! What's wrong with you peopleee?" James shouted and collapsed on the floor from confusion.
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A/N: Will Peter ever meet up with James again? Where is Pyramid Head going? And is James actually gonna go insane? And where the hell is Mary Poppins! WHERE IS SHE! …all this on the next chapter of Quahog Hill….a SH2 family guy crossover!
Peter: …Diahrea…heheheheheheheheheh!
Eddie:…ASSLAND! (peter wets his pants laughing)