It was rather annoying to Harry. His teacher and lover Severus Snape sat beside him, reading a book while Harry finished his potions essay. Usually, Severus would have asked to read it over, but no. Some stupid book was more important than Harry. Some book called 'What to Do When you're In Love with Someone You Thought You Hated' by James Potter. Yeah. Apparently Harry's father was in love with someone he thought he hated. Namely Lucius Malfoy. Harry huffed and settled back into the couch, staring at Severus with a thoughtful expression adorning his face. Harry discarded the idea he thought of and huffed. He didn't like the next one either. Or the other six ideas to get Severus' attention that followed. Finally, Harry settled on an idea previously discarded.
"Sev," he said, "I'm going to get Siri in here and have him vandalize your quarters."
"Mmm. You do that Harry," Severus replied absently.
"Sev, I'm going to sick Remus on your potions stock on the full moon without him taking his potion," Harry tried.
"Have fun with that, dear."
Severus turned the page.
"I'm going to drink all the potions in your potions cabinet," tried the Boy-Who-Lived.
Severus nodded. "Okay Harry."
Harry scowled. "I'm going to go marry Lucius Malfoy and have his children," he declared.
"Congratulations, Harry."
Sighing, The-Boy-Who-Just-Won't-Bloody-Die said, "I'm pregnant."
"Good for you."
"I'm going to get an abortion."
"If you're happy." Severus turned the page again. Harry yanked at his hair. It wouldn't come out. Harry blinked. If the next two wouldn't work, he'd no idea what would.
"I've got the Dark Mark on my arm and I've married Lord Voldemort and am carrying his children!"
"I'm happy for you, Harry." Severus turned the page, stopped, looked up at Harry, shook his head, and looked away. Damn! Harry took a deep breath.
"IliedtoyoubecauseRonwasmyfirsttimeandnotyouandthatabortionItoldyouaboutwaskillingRon'sbabies!" Harry said quickly. Severus stood silently, marking his page. He gently offered Harry his hand as he set his book down. Harry hesitantly took it and allowed Severus to lead him out of his personal quarters and up to Gryffindor Tower. Harry gave the password and followed Severus in. The Common Room silenced at the sight of them. It was rare to see Harry in the tower any more. Harry smiled shyly at everyone as he followed Severus towards a flaming red haired boy and a bushy haired girl pouring over their homework. The boy looked up.
"Oh, hiya Harry! Professor Snape!" he said cheerfully.
"'Arry! Sev-er Professor!" Hermione greeted, looking up. She pushed a stray strand of her brown hair out of her eyes and smiled at her friend and his lover.
"'Mione! Ron," Harry greeted softly.
"Hello Hermione, Mr. Weasley," Severus uttered softly. "Mr. Weasley, would you please come to my office? There are some things we need to discuss. Harry, please wait with Hermione. I'll come for you." Ron gulped and walked over to the portrait hole while Severus kissed Harry's cheek and followed after his red haired student.
Hermione looked at Harry. "What's going to happen to Ronald?"
Sighing, Harry recounted the events in Severus' quarters. Hermione grimaced. "I know. I'm sorry."
"No, the fact that Ron lied to me that he loved kids." Harry blinked at her.
"'Mione, that was a total lie that I told Sev."
"Still… I know he hates them."
Harry pulled his friend into a hug. "It's alright, 'Mione. If he leaves you, Sev and I will help you take care of the kids."
"Thanks, 'Arry."