GI Joe: Nightmare Result
A review
The scene starts with Lifeline and Iceberg in the middle of a snow storm. Pixel snowballs are thrown at the screen. Lifeline and Iceberg lay on the ground.
Lifeline: Finally a starring role!
Everyone: Without Bree this time!
Lifeline: Ugh don't remind me. Really a solid gold helicopter?
Low Light: At least you got some.
Lifeline: We were playing pinochle!
Beachhead: So was I!
Low Light: Yeah. Sure.
Snake Eyes: *Not me. I was having sex*
He didn't bother to deny it.
Everyone: [munch munch munch]
The camera goes back to the screen.
Iceberg: Hang on Lifeline here comes the real action.
Everyone: [munch munch munch]
Icewberg:
"You gotta kill that thing Lifeline!"
He slept on the ground.
"Ugh!"
Iceberg: How do you like my death scene? It was all very dramatic.
Lifeline: What with the inflatable Cobra? Sure no problem!
He poked it with a stick.
Lifeline: I killed rubber duckies the same way.
Iceberg: You were supposed to have a conflict of interest between your pacifism and saving my life!
Lifeline: Oh. Well. It sucks to be you in this episode Iceberg. My bad.
Low Light: Shut up. Here comes my part.
Everyone: [munch munch munch]
Lifeline: La la la la la
He goes into the rec room and turns off the TV.
Low Light: I was watching that.
Lifeline: You and your porn. How can you stand it?
Low Light: You make due. You have no choice.
Wait! You meant the nightmares?
Lifeline: I read your medical files. It says you have them every night.
Low Light: You're still talking about nightmares right?
Lifeline: Of course. What else would I be talking about?
Everyone: [munch munch munch]
Hawk: Hey it's my turn!
They protect an oil rig in the middle of the Gulf
A giant inflatable snake appears.
Hawk screams like a girl.
Lifeline: Let me! I'll poke it with a stick.
Low Light: You scream like a girl.
Hawk: its alll my fault! I led them to their deaths!
He runs out moving his hands up and down.
His legs kick sideways.
Waaahh!
Lady Jaye: "Morning, Low-Light. How's it going?"
Low Light: You don't want to know.
Lady Jaye: You really need to get some Low Light.
shrugs
Oh well.
La la la la la
Hawk: I feel like egg stew.
Lady Jaye: What the hell is egg stew?
Hawk: I had a nightmare.
Lady Jaye: So did I! But then it turned into porn. I was naked and there was Flint and Falcon….
Everyone: [munch munch munch]
An alarm sounds
Everyone: Dammit!
Hawk: The Dreadnoks are on the oil platform! No heroics!
The Joes: We're real American Heroes though!
The Dreadnoks fight until Buzzer blows up a Cobra balloon.
He has really good lung capacity.
The Dreadnoks: We baked more than a cake for you Joes.
Yeah we wake and bake every morning.
Anyone have Cheetos?
The inflatable Cobra waves in the wind like those arm guys at used car lots.
Lifeline: Please can I poke it with a stick?
Hawk shoots it with plane.
Lifeline: GODDAMMIT!
Dr Mindbender: Tee hee hee. I made Hawk stop at the sight of an inflatable snake!
He holds a hand puppet in the air.
It makes kissy sounds.
Hawk: pissing and moaning about his lack of sleep.
Lifeline: Yours is the twelfth complaint I've heard all day. Quit being a whiney bitch and get some balls. I haven't slept in five days myself cry baby.
Meanwhile Iceberg and his girlfriend are at the drive-in
Everyone: munch munch munch.
Iceberg's girlfriend: Oh you are one hot date uh huh. You make me so horny.
Iceberg: That is a really shitty island accent. Good bye cruel world.
Rests his head on the horn.
Shit you can't kill yourself with a steering wheel.
Hawk: We have to stay fit to fight dream pseudo imaginary fake man-made inflatable cobras!
He does one chin up and collapses.
Shit I'm out of shape.
The rope turns into a snake. Hawk screams like a girl.
Low Light: You still scream like a girl.
The night goes on until 03:45.
Wet Suit: I just played that card!
Leatherneck: Pinochle!
They fight.
Oooch, Owe, Daggummit, slap-a slap-a slap
They hold their heads back with their eyes closed as they windmill at each other.
Cross Country: Heyyy….heyyy, you guys….you guys…stop….stahhhppp….
Low Light: Cool it now. You got to cool it now. Watch out. You're gonna lose control.
Cross Country: Is that New Edition?
Low Light: They can't handle it like I do.
Cross Country: Yeah seriously it's been eight months. No one can handle that.
Low Light goes to a tree where he dreams.
He's in a junkyard.
His father orders him to kill twenty rats.
Low Light's dad: You're a coward Cooper!
Low Light: I'm not a coward dad!You gotta be tougher than that. I'm not a wimp anymore! I'm a G. - and nothing stops a G.I. Joe! NOTHING!"
He runs off.
His hands move up and down in the air.
His legs kick sideways.
Waaaah!
Dr Mindbender: Low Light is resisting the Sombombulator Serpentor!
Serpentor: Huh?
It's after Low Light's nightmare.
He comes to breakfast with a smile on his face.
Beachhead and Snake Eyes knuckle punch
Beachhead: Whooo hoo looks like someone finally got some!
Low Light: I had a good dream last night.
Everyone: [munch munch munch]
Beachhead: Spare me the details.
Low Light: I beat some snakes and won!
Beachhead: Yeah you beat your snake but we don't have to hear about it.
Hawk: Low Light knows how to beat it!
Everyone: [munch munch What?!]
Hawk: The nightmares! Low Light is used to having nightmares. He can save us!
Lifeline agrees to hook up Low Light to a dream machine.
It works in cartoons.
Low Light goes to sleep.
He snores.
Everyone was stuck in their nightmares.
Low Light: Yeah suck it up.
An inflatable Cobra appears
Hawk: If we hold hands we can defeat it!
Beachhead: I'm not holding hands.
Lifeline: Let me poke it with a stick.
Dr Mindbender appears.
Low Light comes charging in on rat shaped cars.
Low Light: I'll show you the stuff nightmares are made of!
Everyone: [munch munch munch]
Low Light: For one that gay looking chainmail!
Mindbender: It's not gay!
Low Light: Just saying not accusing.
He grows in height.
Low Light: I'm the one in control here!
Dr Mindbender: I didn't know you liked Alice Cooper Cooper.
Low Light: I wasn't named after Gary Cooper. I was named after Alice Cooper.
picks up a disc and throws it at Mindbender.
Mindbender: Did you just hit me with a urinal cake?
Low Light: It was the only thing I could think of at the time.
Welcome to my nightmare!
Mindbender: Urinal sanitation?
Nooooo!
He disappears.
The rest of the Joes wake up.
Hawk: Ugh I had the worst dream.
Beside him Low Light was in bed.
He pup tent.
Lifeline: Don't wake him up. It's the first decent sleep he's had in years."
Hawk: Uh yeah I can see that.
And while he sleeps, a small smile appears on Low-Light's face.
The End
Nightmare Result