A/N: Twilight fans ... don't flame me for this. We know Bella has a problem, and we all get mad at her sometimes. Just laugh and go with it. This will make more sense if you've read the Thursday Next Series, though it's not necessary.
P.S. - I don't own anything or anyone mentioned.

The Holiday

"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."
Dolly Parton

Prologue

Being the Heroine of a popular Novel can be a real bitch.

It was something that Hermione Jean (sometimes Jane, depending on the book) Granger, knew all too well. The ups and down, the heartaches, the injuries, and especially having to play second fiddle to two idiotic adolescent boys, was sometimes entirely too much for her to cope with.

It was for this reason that she finally took a sabbatical from the Harry Potter series during the first three chapters of Book Seven – which had nothing to do with her anyways and was well after the point that she'd Obliviated her parents in a scene that never made it into the Book. Since she wasn't needed, and neither were Ginny or Luna, they decided to journey to the story that had spoken about by some of the minor characters, who had much more time to indulge in travels.

When they arrived in "The Holiday", the three girls almost dropped to their knees in happiness. It was set at a Caribbean beach resort, and the Story was so smutty that characters from other Novels and Books came often to enjoy the resort that was only briefly mentioned since the scenes almost exclusively occurred in one of the upstairs suites.

Hermione looked around at the white beaches, the clear turquoise blue ocean, and the never ending blue sky, and for a minute wished she didn't have to return to Book Seven to fight in the Battle of Little Whinging.

She sighed, deciding that she would enjoy the time here while it lasted.

"This must be what heaven feels like," Luna said as she took a seat in one of the chairs by the pool. "There isn't a Nargle in sight."

"I'll bring Harry here, next time at least," said Ginny, as she took a fruity looking drink from a handsome cabana boy who winked at her invitingly.

"No men allowed."

The other two girls looked up at Hermione as she took a seat next to them.

"Seriously, ladies. I have to spend almost every waking moment with Harry and Ron – except in Book Two, and I'm petrified then. No boys, at least when I'm here," she said. "Promise?"

"We promise," Luna and Ginny said.

There was a commotion at the grey entrance to the resort where the In-Between between Books was. Two very shiny looking women, one with short black hair and the other blonde, half carried a stick thin and depressed looking brown haired woman towards the hotel.

"Who's that?" Ginny asked one of the passing attendants.

"Oh, that's Bella," a young woman, whose name badge identified her as 'Sandy', said with a frown. "She's from a series of Books about vampires. Her friends drag her here during the second Book in the series every time it comes round to try to cheer her up."

"Is she very brave?" Luna asked, her large eyes questioning.

"Errr … " Sandy said, stumbling over a few words before she said, "Sort of?"

"What does she do?" Hermione asked. "She looks awful, like we look after the Battle of Hogwarts."

"She, well … " Sandy said, stammering as she looked down.

"What?" said Hermione, growing impatient with the conversation. She only had about ten more pages before she'd have to go back.

"Her boyfriend left, and she's just very sad for a while," Sandy said.

"Huh," said Luna.

"That's it?" asked Ginny.

"Well, there's more action in the other Books - but she's never really there for it," Sandy said lamely. "But she does almost die in child birth, and becomes a vampire herself. And she has a lot of brave thoughts … sometimes."

"How heroic," Hermione said sarcastically. Shaking her head with distaste, she grabbed a drink from Sandy's tray. She shut her eyes and decided that no one was going to ruin the – she looked at her watch – seven more Pages she had to go.

"I'm sooo glad to be back. Hi Sandy!" cried Hermione.

Book Seven had rolled around again. It always seemed like the perfect time to get away and prepare herself for the misery of living in a tent with Harry and Ron. So, every time Page One came around, she quickly left for the In-Between and arrived at "The Holiday", whether Ginny and Luna were with her or not.

She smiled happily at several familiar faces. Katniss was in the corner, frowning over an old paper. Hermione was never sure when she got the chance to break free from her Story, though she was glad that she was able to do so from time to time. Wanderer was there too, looking serene as she looked up at the sky from her chair by the ocean. Bridget, Alice, Scarlett, and even Annabeth were there, talking animatedly at one of the tables by the pool.

It seemed like it must be a day for a Heroine break, Hermione thought vaguely as she sat down in one of the comfortable chairs and relaxed.

A sharp shriek made her jump up. She groaned and sat back down when she saw Bella, this time being dragged in only by Alice.

Talk about a downer.

"Edward," she heard Bella whisper.

Hermione rolled her eyes and shut them tightly, trying to pretend that the depressed woman wasn't there. When she opened them, she saw that Alice had deposited her in the chair next to hers.

Covering her nose, she wondered if they could throw her in the pool. Apparently hygiene was not important when you spent all of your time mooning over your ex-boyfriend.

Hermione had enough when she saw that the girl was staring into space as though she were drugged. It was completely pathetic, really.

"Excuse me," she said, tapping her hand on the girl's shoulder.

"I wouldn't," said Alice, her musical voice very sharp with irritation. "She's in her blank pages, and she probably won't respond well."

"I really don't care," Hermione said. She felt her temper rising to a degree worthy of Ginny, and wished that she was here instead of snogging Harry until Chapter Two began. "I come here to get a break from battling some actual problems, like making my parents forget who they are to save their lives, and trying to save the world from an evil wizard. That … thing," she said, pointing at Bella, "Is completely and bloody ridiculous."

"But she's sad. She needs a break, too," Alice answered.

"She needs a swift kick in the arse," Hermione yelled, shocked with her own words. But, she was on a roll and wasn't about to stop now. "It's pathetic, and more over it's a terrible influence on the girls who read that drabble." She stood up and walked over to Bella, who was still staring into space as though nothing had happened. "SNAP OUT OF IT!" she cried. "Take a shower, put on some fresh clothes, and visit a book where someone does something other than whine. It'll do you some good," she said.

"We tried that, but she gets kicked out of every book we take her to. Nobody wants her around when she's like this," Alice said, sadly.

"Funny, that," Hermione said. She walked into the resort and spoke with the manager. When she walked back out she saw Bella and Alice being ushered away to the In-Between.

The other Heroines stood to their feet and clapped.

"Honestly," Hermione said, ducking her head as she flushed. She sat down at her seat and saw that Luna had appeared.

"You've got about ten more Pages," she said, looking around the resort dreamily. "What did I miss?"

"Hermione just took out the trash," Katniss said, running past the table and winking.

A/N: This story just morphed into SS/HG in my head ... stay tuned ... will update ASAP.

Update 8/17/2015 - I'm demoting this one back to a oneshot for now and deleting the first 2 chapters I wrote for the longer tale. I thought I knew where I was going and that it would be short and fun, but it's changed into something deeper than I realized. If you want to see the ride, follow it and give me a little time to think this through and read a little more philosophy on identity and fate. Then, I think the ride will be something I can be proud of.