Title: Burdens

Rating: M

Summary: The First War with Voldemort is climaxing offering no hope to any of those on the Light side. So from where does one get the courage and will to continue fighting? Follow our favourite Order members through their struggles during this difficult time. A/U.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything about the Potter magical world. I can claim credit for the portal of the characters, but the actual concept of these characters and others mentioned belong to the wonderful genius, J.K. Rowling.

Chapter One: Emotion

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"You're daughter is lovely," the young woman told the slightly elder woman, whom had been sharing a bench with her for the better half of two hours. Even the young red head was taken aback by her soft remark. She thought she simply told herself that, but shocked herself when she heard the words out loud.

The other woman, who couldn't have been more than half a decade older than the red head, offered a small smile. "Thank you," she replied. Both the women's gazes returned to the children at play in the park. The elder of the two, watching her child with a careful eye to make sure nothing bad would have happened; the younger of the two, simply getting lost in her own thoughts. It was an unusually warm day in early May, and every seemed to cure their cabin fever with a bit of time outdoors, especially after the dreadful winter they had this year.

The child, a girl of four or five years with shoulder length blond curls that bounced with her every step, ran over to her mother quite proud of herself indeed. "Look!" the girl cried thrusting her small fists in the red head's face with glee. It was then that the red head noticed her brilliant blue eyes. The child reminded her of the porcelain dolls she gushed over as a child herself. The red head offered a tiny smile, though let out a gasp when she saw the wart frog in the girl's hands. The little blond girl grinned toothily, revealing the spaces between her teeth. It was obvious she had recently lost some of her baby teeth.

The red head recovered by leaning forward and seeming interesting in the little girl's newfound trophy. "Did you find that all by yourself?" she questioned with a sweet, singsong-like voice. It was mesmerizing slightly, causing the elder to pause just for a moment and watch the two interact. The girl grinned wider and nodded eagerly. "Good for you!" the red head gushed. She paused, looking up at the girl's mother, who nodded with a grin. "What is your name, sweetie?"

The girl tilted her head curiously, forgetting about the frog in her little hands for a moment. "Samantha," the girl replied shyly.

The red head grinned at the girl. "You're not supposed to talk to strangers, huh?" The girl nodded. "Well, what if I was not a stranger. What if I was a friend? Would that be okay then?" The girl nodded apprehensively. "Can we be friends?" The girl shrugged, but the red head smiled. "My name is Lily. Nice to meet you."

The blond girl giggled. "Lilly? Like the flower?" She heard her mother clear her throat before she looked down, blushing. "Sorry."

"It's perfectly alright. Yes, Lily... like the flower," the young woman replied warmly. "Now how about we find a good place for Mr. Frog to stay? Frogs cannot live in houses like people do. They like to live by water." The girl listened, obviously soaking up the newly learned information. "Would you like to go find Mr. Frog's home?" The girl nodded, and began to back away from the bench getting ready to dart off towards the little pond on the other side of the park. Lily, the red head, shook her head though. "Why don't you leave that to me, okay Samantha?" Lily held her hand out for the frog, but the girl deposited it in her mother's hands. In the mean time, Lily dug in her bag next to her for a napkin wipe. She handed one to Samantha and one to her mother. "Here," the red head told the older woman before reaching for the frog. They didn't make her squirm. She was a tomboy growing up. "Would you just watch my purse?" The woman nodded.

Lily secured the frog between her palms before struggling to get up. She was about seven months pregnant now, and found that moving around simply wasn't getting easier. With a grunt, though, Lily managed to heave herself to her feet before waddling towards the pond. That was another thing that she wasn't aware of when she realised she was going to have a baby... the change to her normal strut. The walk, wiggling hips, which she was so used to was now replaced by a slow waddle. Usually, a hand would find her back for support as she struggled to move from one place to another. It wasn't going to get easier either. After a few minutes though, Lily returned to the bench, lowering herself slowly.

"Congratulations," the elder woman said, head indicating to her protruding belly. Lily, flushed from the unusual heat, sighed softly and grinned silently. "Do you know what you're having?" Lily shook her head no. "Surprises are better," the elder woman agreed. There was silence between the two again. "You're good with kids. Samantha is usually afraid of strangers."

Lily tilted her head, thought of her impeding motherhood fleeing for the moment. "You think?" she questioned, hinting at her reserved vulnerability and apprehension. She licked her lips nervously. "I hope so." Her hands moved to rest on the belly, which was beginning to take up her entire lap. "The baby is due mid-July," she continued a few minutes later. "If this heat continues, I don't know if I can make it."

The elder woman gave a knowing smile. "Samantha's birthday is the last week of August. Trust me, I understand." The two women's gazes returned to the children at play before them. The playground was unusually crowded, no doubt from the weather.

Lily shifted uncomfortably in her chair, either sensing something simply wasn't right or that the baby within her womb was getting restless. She absentmindedly rubbed her hands over her large middle, concluding that it was time to go. Lily plucked up her bag, turning her attention to the elder woman again. "It was nice talking to you," Lily said politely before struggling to stand again. The woman jumped up and offered the young woman a hand. "Thanks," she said with a grunt. "Have a lovely day." With that, she waddled off to a private spot and Disapparated back to her husband's house in Godric's Hollow.

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"HOW COULD YOU HAVE BEEN SO FOOLISH!?" a chided voice screamed via Howler. The red head flushed embarrassed as she found out that, because she had visited the Muggle playground, Death Eaters had arrived, killing all the Muggles present. Her heart ached for the little blond girl and her mother. They were all so innocent. Lily had gotten them, as well as all the other Muggles at the playground, killed because she simply tried to escape her reality for just a few hours. The voice, via Howler, continued to go on, yelling at her for another good two minutes before falling flat onto the table before Lily, and ripped itself into small pieces.

Horrified, Lily looked up and out the small kitchen window into the backyard. Tears cascaded down her cheeks. She was guilty, and the only responsible party for why those people had been killed. She, Lily Evans... erm... Lily Potter (now) was responsible for the death of twenty Muggles, mainly women and children. Lily gulped, unable to stop her hormone-induced, gulit-induced tears from falling from her warm green eyes. Her stomach lurched finally, not giving her time to rush to the loo. In the knick of time, she silently Summoned the rubbish pin and proceeded to upchuck into it for the better half of an hour.

By the time her husband, the infamous James Potter, returned to the humble upper-middle class home in Godric's Hollow, Lily was sprawled on the floor, back against the wall, rubbish bin full of fowl-smelling substance next to her, cheeks stained from her tears. It was late, after the regular business hours would have ended. Business hours meant nothing to Lily anymore though. Their "real jobs" these days were only the beginning of their days though. Most of their friends seemed to have constant vigilance.

"Lily?" a male voice called upon entering the dark house. Usually, the fire would be lit and Lily would be curled up on the sofa with a cup of tea or sitting at the dining room table pouring over her own secret project: Untraceable Healing Charms and Items that could be taken to battles and on raids. Needless to say, coming home to such an empty feeling house was not the norm. The last time this happened, one of their dear friends had been found in their house dead with the Dark Mark cast eerily above the house. James' stomach lurched at the thought as he rushed forward, now fearful for all their mates' lives. "Lily!" he called more desperately.

Lily couldn't respond though. Her gaze was straight, but unfocused. One arm was wrapped around the rubbish bin, the other over her belly protectively clutching her wand, which was held at the ready despite her obviously distraught mood. She barely heard him; barely felt him drop down beside her and pry the rubbish bin from her arms.

Wordlessly, he wiped her tears with the pads of his thumbs, which shook slightly since he couldn't possibly fathom what had gotten the normally levelheaded woman this upset. He let her sit on the floor for a moment, leaning her head against him for support, but after too long, he helped her up and into a kitchen chair. He moved around the table and pulled the chair across from her out, seeming to take a seat but, instead lifting her legs up and onto them. He moved on, tapping the kettle on the stove with his wand, making it whistle. He first prepared a cup of tea for Lily just as she liked it: two lumps, a half-teaspoon of cream. Then he moved to the espresso machine and made a cup of espresso for himself.

She cradled the cup between her delicate palms, simply staring at the dark liquid idly. Though, when the smell of freshly brewed espresso hit her nose, she sniffed curiously looking longingly at the tiny espresso cup. She missed her coffee. She used to be addicted to it before she found out she was pregnant. Since then, everyone who knew of her pregnancy had been on her case about her caffeine addiction. He followed her gaze, finally realising his mistake and immediately gushed over his plunder. "Lily... I'm sorry... I forgot..." he stammered quietly. She shrugged a reply while he opened the kitchen window to rid the smell and dumped the contents down the sink. He then slid into the chair occupied by Lily's feet and placed her swollen ankles in his lap, and began to massage them as he simply waited until she was ready to talk.

Lily moaned softly at the foot rub. Even she couldn't deny the strain her body was taking these days. She didn't know how Molly could have done this five times already. Lily sunk lower in the chair, letting her eyes close. Though, when her heavy lids finally did close, she saw the horrific event in her mind- at least the image of the event she had concocted with her imagination. She gasped loudly, eyes flinging open, as she looked around panicked. She choked back a sob and began to cry all over again.

James jumped in his seat, immediately sensing Lily's panic. "Is it the baby?" he demanded. He desperately held onto her ankles though, as if she were about to Apparate away or something. She shook her head. He let out a huge sigh of relief. "What is it, Coach?" It was a nickname he had given her a long time ago. He didn't really know where it came from, but it slipped from his mouth one day and stuck ever since.

Lily shook her head. She couldn't possibly begin to explain it. She didn't know if she was emotionally stable enough for that. She gulped, staring at the wall past her doting husband, willing her exhaustion to not cause her lids to close again. She would need a potion to sleep tonight, though she doubted they had anymore Dreamless Sleep in their potions cabinet. Nightmares seemed to plague her during the past seven months. Finally, she sighed, placing the cup on the table. Her hands were trembling. "I... I went to the park today..." she started very softly as if the walls had ears. "The one I used to go to with Petunia and Severus when we were children..." She tried to ignore his tightened grip at the sound of her former childhood playmate's name. "Just to think... try to relax and clear my thoughts. I didn't do anything but sit on the bench. I barely talked to anyone, but..." She shuddered, tears freely falling from her eyes. "But they tracked me down just moments after I left." She knew he would understand what she was referring to. "And... and... they demolished everyone...." She trailed off, not able to go on.

James nodded, understanding everything unspoken, then sighed. He rose, placing her swollen limbs back on the seat, and went over to her, engulfing her shoulders in a hug. He didn't know what to say to comfort her. She had been told time and time again that she couldn't risk her life like that. Where she went, she risked the baby's life too. And, unfortunately, he couldn't be there all the time to protect her. "You were lucky," he finally said as he slipped into the seat beside her. He wanted to scold her for leaving the safety of their home and their friends' watch. She had been foolish. He couldn't deny that. "Just..." He stopped himself though, and placed a hand on her swollen belly. He couldn't do anything to protect that child. If Lily chose to be stupid, then she risked both her life and his unborn child's life. "Be careful, please." His eyes, deep and emotional, stared into her own brilliant emerald eyes expressing all the unspoken words swarming in her head. She sighed, and broke the gaze. His gaze pierced her uncomfortably.

"I love you, James," she whispered. "Don't ever die."

He chewed at his lip. "I have bad news, Coach," he replied even softer. This was going to be the hardest thing he ever had to tell her. He wouldn't blame her if she hexed him from there to the Americas across the pond. He suddenly became interested in the hem of his shirt. "Dumbledore's got a mission for me. Top secret Order business. Only he and I know of it... I have to go." He refused to look up. "We have to leave... tonight at midnight." He looked at the clock over the range. "In three hours." He refused to look at her expression. "I do not know when I'll be back."

She spat at him, mumbles things that only could come out of a sailor's mouth... thing he had never heard her say before- he didn't even know she was capable of it. He knew she was independent, strong willed, and he knew she could get through this. Unfortunately, she didn't know if she could get through this. He placed a hand on her belly again, but dropped it immediately when she winced away from his touch as if he was hurting her. He knew he was hurting her, but he didn't know it would hurt him too. "I love you too, Lily," he added. She huffed, immediately kicking over the chair with tears spilling off her chin.

"You don't!" she accused raising her voice at him. She struggled, as quickly as she could in her current condition, out of her chair. She rose so fast, she nearly lost her balance as she stumbled out of the room. She paused, breaking several dishes in the sink. She threw them at him, hoping to hurt him... hoping he could feel a fraction of the pain and betrayal she felt in that moment. "How could you POSSIBLY love me?" she demanded throwing more dishware at him- pots, pans, glasses, and utensils. "Getting me into this mess..." she gestured at her swollen form. "...and then leaving me in the final weeks? No. You do not love me, James Potter. And, I don't know if I love you either. The James Potter I loved would never do this to me. You... bastard, COWARD. I HATE YOU. Leave. Now. Don't come back." With that, she left the kitchen, stomped up the stairs, locked the bedroom door and began wailing heart-wrenching sobs that nearly shook the house with remorse and sorrow.

What she was incapable of seeing, though, was the fact that he, too, had began to shed the same tears with the same sorrows and remorse.

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Thanks for reading the first installment of this new FanFic! Please let me know what you think, any ideas or suggestions you might have, or anything else you want to say! I'm not sure if I'm going to continue with this, so your feedback is MOST appreciated.

Thank you, again, and PLEASE REVIEW!!