Author's Note – I came up with the idea for this fic awhile ago, but haven't really gotten to it till now. Yes, it's another one of my parodies, but I plan on writing more serious Hellsing fics soon. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Disclaimer – I do not own Hellsing or any other series. All characters belong to their rightful owners.
Walter and Integra stared at the paper on the desk, both with looks of disbelief, worry, and annoyance. They glanced at each other out of the corner of their eyes, then back down to the white sheet on the desk, the words glaring back up at them. Walter had one hand on the back of the chair she sat in, the other on the desk as he leaned down by her shoulder to inspect the print on the paper. At the same time, Integra had one eyebrow arched and a fat cancer stick drooping slightly over her bottom lip.
"Is that really possible?," the butler asked. "I mean there isn't much that Alucard can't do but…"
Integra shook her head. "He broke his previous record, that's for sure. And my family treasury will be depleted just that much more." She looked at Walter. "Did he do anything like this with my father?"
"No. With all the booze your father had, he didn't need to do anything to entertain himself. Not that I'm insulting Arthur, Sir Integra."
"I know. Still, this is ridiculous." Integra held up the little paper and went over the list of numbers once again. "You would think that my ancestor would have been wise enough to install some proper obedience in him when he bound Alucard to my family. But I guess not." She exhaled a long plume of smoke and sighed. "I'm going to have to discipline him yet again. Alucard! My office this instant!"
After a few moments, a certain No-Life King waltzed through the wall, the usual grin plastered to his face. He stopped before her and his old war buddy and tilted his head to them. "Yes, Master?"
"Do you intend to make me broke, Alucard?," Integra snapped. "Because that's what your actions on the last mission are telling me."
"What do you mean?," the vampire asked as innocently as he could. Which, of course, wasn't much.
"Oh, come off it, you old bloke," Walter sighed. Both Integra and Alucard quirked their eyebrows at his peculiar way of expressing himself. "Look at this," he continued, kindly taking the paper from Integra's hand. "Three thousand pounds worth in damage, just for one of the six buildings you were hunting in. And that's the cheapest of all the six. Another four thousand pounds for the number of custom bullets that I built that you fired all over the place. Six hundred thousand for the foreign sports car that you decided to take for a joy ride – only God only knows
why – and inevitably wrecked. Plus the rest of the ten other totals of damage that you inflicted…!"
A vein began to throb in Integra's temple. "A sports car? Is that the sports car that the Freak stole? The one I deliberately told you not to touch?" Alucard only grinned. Integra bit down further on the cigar in between her teeth. "That's it," she growled just as Seras and Pip walked through the door. "This organization has had enough. My family money has had enough, I know you have had enough Walter, and the Police Girl, and Bernadette. I have had enough."
"Um, Sir? Can I speak with you?," Seras asked sheepishly as she approached the desk.
"Just wait a minute, Seras. I've come to a decision and you all need to hear it." Everyone all diverted their attention to the very angry woman – who was now wearing an odd smile. "I have decided that it's about time… that we take a vacation. As soon as possible." She paused. "In fact… we – meaning Walter, Seras, Captain Bernadette, Alucard and I – will be leaving tomorrow."
"But, Sir, where are we going? Can we really get ready by tomorrow?," Seras asked curiously. "Not that a vacation sounds bad. Just wondering."
"Yes, where we headed, Boss?," inquired the mercenary.
"We are going to a place that Her Majesty, Iscariot, or any of our possible enemies would never expect us to go. Somewhere so different of our usual routine, they can't picture any of us being there." They all waited expectantly as they stared at her; Seras with her eyes wide and curious, Pip with an almost annoyed look for having to wait for his employer's answer, Walter slightly confused, and Alucard eager with a wide, anticipating grin. Integra stood up tall and brushed the wrinkles out her suit as she smiled.
"We're going to Vegas. For two weeks."
The response was instantaneous and the same for everyone, though with different tones; "WHAT?!" Pip had a happy 'are you serious?' look, Seras completely surprised, Walter amused, and Alucard looked absolutely ecstatic with one of his biggest grins and bright red eyes.
"Vegas? That does sound like an interesting change," the butler commented, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
"Isn't it hot down there? It is summer. Wait…Is it summer there?," the Police Girl pondered.
"Aahh! Imagine all of the beautiful half and full naked women I will meet," Pip grinned, already daydreaming of some raunchy nightclub. Or just some gentlemen's club somewhere along the flashy lights.
"Really, Master?," Alucard asked, leaning heavily on the desk, his expecting features just inches from Integra's. "We're heading to Sin City?! Tomorrow?!" It was almost awkward at how he resembled a young child being told that he was to get a whole candy store to himself. Or, more likely, as if he had been informed that they had just found the perfect opponent and sex slave for him all in one, and they would never die unless he wanted them to.
"You seem thrilled. How come?," Integra asked, folding her arms.
"Are you kidding? It's Vegas! One of the world's biggest vampire playgrounds! Freaks and other little creatures will be crawling all over the place by sundown – right in plain sight! I'll be walking among human and inhuman things alike – and they'll never know it till it's too late! The perfect, filthy hunting ground. I'm ecstatic!"
"We noticed," Integra commented while everyone else in the room stopped to stare at the tall vampire as he exclaimed his enthusiasm. He didn't seem to notice their confused and suspicious looks. "I'm telling right now, you so much as put one tiny hair out of line -!"
"Of course not, Integra. I'll be the most wonderful vampire you'll ever have," Alucard smiled.
"I wouldn't be surprised… about you being one of the only vampires I'll ever have. God forbid should the Police Girl turn out like you." As everyone, including Integra, left to gather their things up for the trip, she wondered if she should have settled on two or three days instead of two weeks…
Author's Note – Okay boys and ghouls, that's the first chapter for you. And don't worry. I'll try to keep my descriptions and what not of Vegas as accurate as possible. I've been there over six times in just the past month, so I should be able to at least get a few things right. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and let me know what you think. I love reviews!