[A/N: So, um, I have no explanation for this. I found this in my prep book – so I decided to write it out on to my LJ. Then, after much needed pushing and shoving thanks to Maru, I've decided to chuck it up on here! Why? Because my poor abused account needs a good update [that and I prefer not to be covered in bruises thanks to Mar, lul]
If this makes no sense, don't worry, its not suppose to. I guess it's the ending of a story that I'll get around to writing at some point? Ooh boy!
Standard disclaimer.]
Allen's eyes scan the practically abandoned room, lingering on the hole in the window that is pathetically patched up with a piece of floppy cardboard. It draws out a sigh from the small boy. "Kanda, what happened?"
"I got angry."
... "I can see."
Kanda knows Allen. Knows that the boy won't give up - wasn't going to give up; knows that Allen is willing to stay and sit and wait and accept Kanda as he is now. Accept Kanda because, really, that's all that's really left to do - even if Kanda is an angry japanese boy whose eyes are a little too dark and cold and who's a little lost in the world at the moment.
"Kanda?" ... "Kanda, look at me. Please."
Kanda doesn't want to, he really doesn't, but he can't stand the way Allen's voice is strained and the way his voice sounds a little bashed. When Kanda's eyes look up, though, he already regrets it - Allen's been crying, crying! He's been crying in a dark hall somewhere, and Kanda's knows Allen won't admit it, but its all his fault.
So Kanda looks at him, ignores the tugging at his heart strings and actually looks at Allen. Sees the puffy red eyes and Kanda holds Allen's gaze, but only for a moment, because Kanda can see the way Allen cringes under the scrutinizing look that he's throwing his way, and it makes Kanda's chest ache in a displeasing way; makes his palms sweaty and his head pound madly. He has to try hard not to reach out and hold the boy. Because. Because. If its a wrong move, Kanda's scared he'll break Allen in two.
The bed creaks ever so slightly, springs groaning in silent protest. Kanda watches Allen get comfortable from the corner of his eye - notices the awkward way he fidgets with his hands. Not knowing where to...put them. So instinctively, like Kanda's known he was always going to do it, the older boy reaches over and takes Allen's hand. Squeezes it gently, and Allen breathes out and relaxes a little. This is good.
"Kanda," Allen's mouth is open, lips parted. A tongue darts out to lick them nervously. "I don't...really, know what to say. Really."
Neither do I. "Oh?"
"I mean," Allen looks away, his free hand running through his white hair. Kanda can tell he's biting his lip. "I want...to say a lot."
Then just talk. I love your voice. "Mhmm."
Allen's eyes dart back to Kanda's face, brows furrowed and mouth pulled into a tight line. Shit. "Kanda." He says, though it sounds more like a statement, what with the way he's talking all-so-seriously for a fifteen year old boy, it almost makes Kanda laugh bitterly.
I'm sorry. So goddamn sorry, Allen. "What?"
Allen is trying, he really is, but his patients is wearing thin and for a brief moment panic tears at Kanda's heart, stomps and kicks and giggles at his painful attempts to fight back. Its agonizing and definitely not welcomed. The panic and heartache only doubles when Allen pulls his hand away smoothly, face turned again.
"Kanda. You're making this harder than it has to be."
I know, I can't help it. "A-" Kanda bits his tongue forcefully; chews on the inside of his cheek to just shut the hell up. Bites back his rebuttles and insults and general dark-Kanda-aura. Then, calmly and thoughtfully, he pulls Allen back around. The boy's a little shocked - it serves to Kanda's purposes. "Allen," Kanda mends quickly, feels a little better when the boy's eyes widen an inch, looking at Kanda in a way that Kanda doesn't know or has ever seen. It excites and scares him all the more. "I dont'...know, what to of this. Or say. Or do - I'm not good at this. This...talking thing." Kanda pulls a face, one that makes Allen cover his mouth and a giggle escape his lips. This is good. "I mean, how the f-heck am I s'pose to do? You know me, Allen -" Again, the look that Kanda is beginning to like a lot. "I don't do this."
Allen's looking at him again, and Kanda feels the unnecessery need to wet his lips and does so. Allen's eyes dart do Kanda's lips, then back up - cheeks flushing a wonderful faint pink. This, thank god, is good. Then Allen is leaning forward, inches from Kanda's mouth, and god it burns Kanda's insides to know that the boy who would have never ever asked to be kissed before is now hesitating - so he meets him half way.
The kiss is simple, there is no hint of sex or lust or anything, just the light press of lips, mouth slightly open but only so they're comfortable. Allen is humming against Kanda's mouth, and the only thing the older boy wants to do is deepen the kiss - pull Allen against him, rid the boy of his furtile clothes and just feel him. Skin on skin. Because its been too long. Far too long.
Allen, regrettably, pulls away - Kanda makes an offended noise in the back of his throat, but doesn't protest - and shifts to sit closer. Good. Fan-fucking-tastic.
"I know." Allen says, and its enough because he's smiling, and Kanda swears [quite dramatically] that a weight is being lifted off his chest. He feels a little light - it feels great. Amazing. But then Allen's lips are back and Kanda's thoughts are forgotten. Kanda can feel Allen pour love and devotion and forgiveness into his cold barely-there heart. It feels, devistatingly good. Kanda's fingers twitch and find the boys hem, tugs at his shirt- then he stops abruptly. Thinks a little.
Because, to be quite frank, Allen will let Kanda do absolutely anything to his poor body. Be it physical...or, well, physical. But Kanda...doesn't want that. Not now. Not yet, at least.
Allen's raising an eyebrow, tilts his head cutely, hands resting in the mess that is Kanda's unbrushed but silky hair. Kanda notes that the boy is still in his lap, sitting quite comfortably. It makes him laugh.
"Kanda?"
"Allen," Kanda's voice is just louder than a whisper. "Not...yet."
The look of absolute adoration on Allen's face is heartbreakingly beautiful, it tugs at the younger boys mouth and pulls it into a small timid smile, and goddamn, Kanda's missed it so much. So, so much.
"That's okay." Allen doesn't climb off, simply pushes Kanda back so he's lying on top of the older boy. Head resting on his chest. "That's fine. When you're ready." Allen makes for the covers, but Kanda beats him and pulls them over top of them both. Allen's already playing with Kanda's hair soothingly. It feels so good.
Sleep is welcomed back with open arms and an even warmer heart, but only with the feeling of Allen Walker's body pressed agains't Kanda's, breathing as one - deep, heavenly breaths that Kanda can get use to hearing.