Once upon a time, a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, charismatic boy was disowned by his pathetic excuse for a family and was promptly semi-adopted by the greatest wizards to ever fly, the Potters. Consequently, he spent most of his time drunk, with his best mate James happy to join him while his more boring friends, Peter and Remus, studied. By day, the two boys hexed Snape with purple zits all over his huge, oily nose. By night they prowled the school grounds, spilling whiskey on each other and giggling like girls.
On one such occasion, Sirius began belting out "Hey Jude" at the top of his lungs, just outside the Forbidden Forest. He loved the Beatles. He particularly loved Lennon. That was a good-looking bloke. Questionable hair choices, but very good-looking, all the same.
"Are you daft?" James asked, clapping his hand over Sirius' mouth. Sirius kept singing as loudly as he could into James' hand.
"Do you want a different song? Is that the problem?" It was hard speaking through James' hand, but he didn't let that deter him. James rolled his eyes.
"Padfoot, you know that Snivelly does his "experiments" out here. Do you really want him to hear us and come ruin the fun?" James cautiously released Sirius' mouth so that he could answer.
"If Snivelly hears me, he'll probably confuse me for John Lennon and go report muggle activity to the headmaster. And, I, for one, would love to see the look on the headmaster's face when Snape tells him the Beatles have come to Hogwarts."
"If he heard you, he'd probably think the merfolk had come out of the lake for a bit of song."
"Really though, he would know your voice. You see, I really think he's taken a shine to you. You were supposed to be Slytherin, after all. He thinks the whole "bad boy" act is sexy as hell- no, really, I've read his journal!" He broke off laughing as Sirius smacked him in the head.
"You have not!" Sirius said, cheeks reddening. "If you had his journal, I should hope you'd share with the class."
James smirked. "Definitively. But I have seen him watching you in Herbology. And at lunch. And between class. It would be disgusting if it weren't so funny."
"What's funny?" Sirius huffed. "He should watch me. I'm told I'm very attractive, you know."
"Yes, but, he's a guy. And he's Snape. We're not talking about some hot seventh-year girl."
"What's being a guy got to do with it?"
"I don't know." It was James' turn to blush. "I mean, I guess it's fine, I just don't really understand it."
They sat on a large rock covered in moss. Much deeper in the forest, something howled, causing them both to jump. He would never admit to James that he thought the forest was a little scary. Okay, maybe more than a little. Like, some scary.
"Do you…understand?" James asked after a moment.
"What?" Sirius froze. Damn the whiskey for fucking-up his brain.
"I just mean…you've never had a proper crush on any girl- at least none that you've shared with me, and you tell me everything- you are the rebel type, I don't know…it's okay if you do. Understand, I mean."
Sirius shrugged. "Well, James, you may find this hard to believe, but I've kissed a few girls in my life." He sighed. "There, I've said it. I'm glad to have it off my chest. Also, I've exchanged saliva with some blokes. All worthy of my own god-like physique, of course." James laughed.
"Well, how was it?"
"How was what?"
"You know, kissing…a bloke, I mean."
"It was…kissing."
"You know what I mean." James huffed. "Like, how was it different? Good? Bad?"
"Well, the girls had long hair and got shit tons of lip goop all over my face. Also they had tits. The boys had dicks."
"Merlin's beard, do you have to be so crass? Could you please be serious for a moment?"
"First of all, I'm always crass, and so are you. Second of all, I'm always Sirius." Sirius expected at least the smallest chuckle, despite the fact that he used this joke at least twelve times a day. James usually still found it amusing because Sirius was just so goddamn charming. This time, James stared at him, stone-faced.
"Fine. It doesn't matter. Forget it."
Sirius had never seen James this mad at him. James was never mad at him. He thought for a second.
"It's scratchier, I guess."
"What?" James asked, looking up.
"With boys." Sirius popped his knuckles, one at a time. "Beards." He motioned at his face. "
"Oh." James said, nodding. "In a good way?"
"Yeah." Sirius said, staring at his lap. "It's just- I don't know. Sandpapery cheeks, spicy cologne, strong hands pulling you onto a bed, pinning you down and tearing off your trousers-"
"Shit." James said.
"Sorry." Sirius said. "I forget that your sex life is so G- rated."
"Shut up, you git." James punched his shoulder. "It, um, the way you were describing it- it sounds kind of nice."
"Oh. It is." Sirius smirked a little. "And you don't have to worry about going slow, because you're both boys which means you're both sluts."
"How many boys have you kissed?"
"Four. Oh, and the tutor. That was part of getting kicked out of the Great House of Black." He sighed. "Oh, Finn. It was worth it."
James was quiet for a moment.
"I could show you." Sirius said, half-joking. James met his eyes.
"Okay." He said, letting out a deep breath. "Just once. And just because we're wrecked."
"We're not even that drunk, comparatively speaking," Sirius began, and then James' lips were on his. Sirius kissed him back, closing his eyes as he cupped James' cheek. Fuck, he smelled like the Quidditch green, which happened to be what Sirius had smelled when they made Felix Felicis in Potions.
"You smell like luck." Sirius said. James smiled.
The kiss deepened, and James put one hand in Sirius' long, black hair and the other around his waist. Sirius slipped his hand under James' shirt, memorizing the feel of the muscles he had seen hundreds of times in their room. He trailed kisses down James' neck. "Fuck." James moaned. James pushed him down onto the rock, slipping Sirius' shirt off. He gazed at Sirius' muscled torso for a moment, ghosting his fingers over Sirius' abs, just above his belt.
"Am I as fit as Evans?" Sirius teased.
"I don't know. Shit. Shit." James sat up.
"What? What's wrong?" Sirius asked.
"Look, I'm not a poof, I like girls. Most specifically, the red-headed goddess known as Lily Evans."
"I know that. Mainly, because you never shut up about her." Sirius said. "Look, this doesn't have to mean anything."
"Good, because it doesn't." James said, not making eye contact.
"Agreed." Sirius said.
"I'm going inside." James said abruptly, standing up.
"I'll come, too." Sirius said, also standing.
"Better not, I'm going to make Evans finally break a rule and leave the common room after curfew."
"Oh. Okay. So you don't want me to come with and tell her we've been snogging?" Sirius said.
"Gods, Sirius, if you ever say a word to Lily about this..." James sputtered. "You can't tell her. I can't lose her."
"I thought you wanted her to know everything."
"Sirius, I mean it. This isn't some stupid game. I love her. I know you don't know what that's like, since you've never loved anyone but yourself your whole Slytherin life." Sirius saw red at the word Slytherin. He was just as much Gryffindor as James. Every bit as much. Maybe more. The prat...
James rubbed his eyebrows. "Gods, I wish I'd never brought up fucking Snape. Or your fucking boyfriends."
"You know what?" Sirius threw his hands up. "Me either. I'll make a vow. I will never mention it to you or Lily again."
"Okay..." James let out his breath. "Whatever. Let's forget it."
"No." Sirius Said. "I'm going to make an unbreakable vow. That's the only way you'll trust me, right?"
"Sirius, no." James said alarmed. "If you break an unbreakable vow, you die."
"I don't intend to break it." Sirius said, extending his hand. "Now, take my hand." James reluctantly took his hand, biting his lip as their hands joined.
"Sirius, just think for a second-"
"Padfoot requests that Prongs would stop being a prat and get on with the vow."
"Fine. Do you, Sirius, vow to never bring up the, um, things that transpired tonight to Lily Evans?"
"I do." A thin stream of light burst from James' wand and wrapped around their forearms, connecting them.
"Or," he paused, "Or, to me?"
"I do." A second stream shot out and wound around their arms, then seemed to bind itself to their skin and disappear.
"That's that, then." Sirius said. "Best find Evans before it gets any later. You know how she gets at night. Very testy."
"Padfoot...thanks." James said. "For understanding."
"That's what I do best. That, and many other things. I have many talents." James gave him a small smile, then turned and walked back toward the castle.
"Fuck!" Sirius said as soon as James was out of earshot. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." He ran his fingers through his long hair. His eyes stung as he furiously blinked away tears.
"Don't cry." He said to himself, angry. "Don't you dare cry over James." It wasn't like this was the first time James had broken his heart. But this time hurt so much worse than any time before. Before, he had never dreamed to think that James would ever kiss him, that there could be a future for them. Now they had kissed, and he knew that he would never be able to stop the images of him and James. James and he holding hands at lunch, kissing inside the Room of Requirement, finding a special bed inside the Room of Requirement…and he could never speak of it to James again. Or he would die.
Fuck. This was going to drive him insane. He couldn't live the rest of his life like this, being jealous of goddamn Lily Evans. He had to find a solution, and fast.