A/N: hello peeps, so this'll be the first thing i throw into the DBZ pool, even though i had this lovely idea of yet another 'brilliant' idea of Vegeta's involving dragon balls and screwing up the universe, but that one can wait... this was too funny an idea and my friend kept saying 'IT NEEDS TO EXIST!'

so here we go, this is what happens after i watch the new DBZ: Resurrection 'F' movie and the final thing after the credits XD might be a bit spoiler-y but nothing 'major' or can't be inferred by someone that knows the series so... you've been warned? o.O

Dis: Akira Toriyama owns all this shenanigans, though this should totally be the beginning of the next movie XD

ENJOY!

The Tale of Frieza

It all started nearly a year after Frieza in his magnificent 'Golden Frieza' form invaded Earth, intent on destroying it and the saiyans living on it out of revenge for the decades he spent in Earth's horrible hell.

After that incident a lot of rejoicing and 'fun' was had for saving the world, again, and Vegeta needed a 'distraction' from the fact that damn Kakarot stole his kill, again… that's where his genius wife Bulma came in, suffice it to say nine months later Bra Briefs was born.

A month later, crabby and tired of her half-saiyan daughter blowing up her lab with just her screams Bulma gave her husband an ultimatum, "Take her off my hands and train her!"

Vegeta was very confused by this request. He wanted to continue his god-training with Wiess, so that one day he'd finally show up that moron Kakarot, and raising a child would cut into that precious training time. He held the energetic bundle of blue hair and fuzzy tail, stared at her for a second then looked at his wife, "Woman, why would I do such a thing? She's your daughter! You raise her!" the saiyan hybrid was lightly tossed back to her mother, much to the little girl's squee-ing.

Bulma frantically caught the girl, only to hold her out at arm's length as she yet again started wailing in such a way she was positive only Saiyans were capable of doing, "I WOULD IF SHE'D STOP SCREAMING LIKE THAT!" and thus Bra was yet again tossed back to her father, squee-ing all the while.

Vegeta growled, holding his daughter out at arm's length, not so much bothered by her yelling just wondering why his woman was so upset by it, "Surly Trunks screamed like this as a whelp?" it was an idle thought, he didn't expect a response.

"HELL NO!" Bulma screamed, holding her hands over her ears, "He was a quiet little boy! Do you honestly think I could have hid him from you for so long while you were intensely training if he was screaming like that less than a month in?"

Well, the woman had a point. Vegeta eyed his blue haired and tailed daughter and wondered why she was breaking the sound barrier with her voice so young when his relatively powerful son did no such thing at such an age, "Hmm…"

"Ugh!" the blue haired genius just rubbed her temples, being in a crabby mood after having to carry the girl for nine months, at her age, not to mention all the yelling was pushing her maternal instincts beyond their breaking point. Trunks had been easy, he just quietly lay in his bassinet next to her while she worked, Bra did not, "I don't care what you do Vegeta, just take her off my hands, it's your turn to raise one of our kids for once!" and out the door she went, hoping to get a minute's peace and a strong drink. She loved her daughter, she really did, the girl was preciously cute and already looked a lot like her… but there was only so much screaming she could handle in the day, and more often than not that was filled up by her father. –Ha!-

So Vegeta was left there, in his stretchy training suit, holding his daughter by her foot as she tried to get out of the blanket she was in previously and not knowing what the hell to do at this point.

Three months later his patience had reached its limit.

"HOW THE HELL DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH SPAWN AT THIS AGE?!"

Three months in, Bra was four months now, and with the growth of a Saiyan she was already walking around and hitting things, mostly his shins and yelling primal childlike fury at her father if he so much as left her sight. If the damn girl hadn't looked so much like his 'loving' wife he probably would have dropped her in a volcano by now.

Grinding his teeth into dust as he sat out in the middle of a mountain range with the screaming child, as Bulma had shooed him out when the girl wouldn't stop screaming and mommy needed to deal with board members to run her company and she was 'daddy's responsibility'. Vegeta, prince of all Saiyans had reached his damn limit.

He was even willing to do what he absolutely HATED doing… ask someone for help.

… and not just 'someone' the only person on this kai-forsaken-planet that would marginally understand his situation.

"Hey Buddy!" a cheery voice popped up next to him.

-Speak of the devil…- Vegeta grit his teeth, feeling a headache coming on as he stood up, his daughter clinging to his arm as he glared directly at his fellow saiyan, "Kakarot," his voice was deadly low and made sure the moron was paying attention, "I have something serious to ask you and if you laugh or tell anyone about this I will kill you, you got that?!"

"Sure thing, Vegeta!" Goku just nodded happily, staring at his best buddy/rival/sparring partner as he put his hands on his hips waiting for whatever he had to say, "What'd'ya wanna know?"

Vegeta looked at him dead serious and asked, "How did you raise your children…?"

The wind blew in the area in the beckoning silence.

"Aww, geez that's an easy one!" Goku just grinned that moronic grin of his as he offered his sagely parental advice to his best buddy, "Chichi raised them!"

If Bra weren't crawling around Vegeta's face at the moment he would have hit his head on the ground. Stemming his coming outrage he grabbed his daughter by her foot and held her out at arm's length again, she seemed to like this as the little blue haired saiyan hybrid just clapped her hands and giggled, "So all I have to do is drop her off with your woman is that it?"

"Aww, no I don't think that'll work," Goku scratched the back of his head as he seemed to be 'thinking', "She's busy with Goten right now and I was going to spar with her later so I don't think she can do it…"

Vegeta growled, closing his eyes, "Then who else could I have do it?"

After a second of sagely consideration Goku's eyes popped open, "Well what about Bulma!"

The prince's growls grew louder, "Don't you think if I could I wouldn't be here right now? IDIOT!" in his blind fury Vegeta accidently dropped Bra.

Who was quickly picked up by Goku, again by her foot, "Hrm, well suppose that's true," the taller saiyan again rubbed his chin thinking hard, "Well suppose there's always Piccolo, he took care of Gohan for a long time too, and trained him!"

For a second Vegeta's eyes widened, then he snatched back his daughter and turned around as if to leave before throwing behind his back, "If I didn't hate you with every fiber of my being I would thank you Kakarot…" and swiftly blasted off to find the elder Namekian.

Goku just waved as he watched him go, "You're welcome Vegeta!"

It took only a few minutes, and a lot of adjusting since Bra was crawling all over him, before he found himself at that moron Satan's giant mansion. Taking a quick look around the Prince of all Saiyans snorted, unimpressed, before looking around the outside courtyard until he found what he was looking for. There, standing in the center of a grass patch was the large Namekian with his hands out and letting a puny year and something quarter saiyan girl hit his hands. Vegeta watched for a moment, observing how the Namek would train his precious daughter, and decided that Kakarot's quarter-saiyan granddaughter was up to snuff enough to consider the Namek for the prestige.

Then Bra started wailing again and any thoughts of secrecy or leaving this place without dropping the girl off with the green man flew out the window.

The tiny half saiyan's outrageous wailing obviously destroyed any advantage Vegeta had as Piccolo turned to look at the man holding the little girl out at arm's length and smirked, "Something you need Vegeta?"

"Yes, Namek," with barely a glance or seeming care, Vegeta tossed Bra at the crouching green man, "Watch her for a while…"

On instinct Piccolo caught the baby, holding her tight but not too close, hoping Vegeta was not trying to pull what he thought. Little Pan just squealed and looked into his arms as the little girl excitedly jabbered on. Piccolo's long pointed ears twitched as the young girl's high pitched voice started grating on him, it wasn't as bad as whistling but there was no way in this life he was going to put up with it more than necessary, "No."

And Bra was tossed back to her scowling father.

Vegeta just scowled, "And why the hell not!" he pointed indignantly at the green man, hilariously with the same hand holding his daughter, again, by her foot, "It should be an honor for you to raise and train the next princess of the saiyans, namek!"

Piccolo tried, and failed, to not roll his eyes, "A. I hate you, B. why would I do that and C." he grabbed pan by the back of her tiny orange gi, holding her up for the idiot of all saiyans to see plain as day, "I'm already busy training this one as a favor to Gohan…" a bit of darkening passed his cheeks as he glanced at the little girl, "Well, more her mother, since Gohan didn't want to train her and she wanted this one to know about Ki earlier than she did… so…"

Vegeta just growled, fuming, "Damnit! Then what the hell am I supposed to do with this?!" he held out Bra, who was more than happy to clap her hands and giggle from her father's grip.

Piccolo just snorted as a funny idea came to mind, "Why not get your greatest enemy to kidnap and train her?" he stuffed Pan under his arm and turned to walk away, hoping to find a quieter place to train what was effectively his granddaughter.

Vegeta just fumed some more watching the green man go, "That's why I came to you green man," he snorted as soon as the Namekian was gone, then just crossed his arms and fumed, "Now who do I try…"

That's when something about the Namekian's words struck in his head and he let out a wicked grin, "Well, maybe I can kill two birds with one stone after all…"

… And that was how Vegeta, after stealing his wife's dragon radar, collected the dragon balls with ease, Bra attached to him for most of it, and summoned the damn thing and quickly got through with his two wishes:

"DRAGON! I WANT YOU TO RESTORE FRIEZA'S BODY AND BRING HIM BACK RIGHT HERE!"

Shenron's eyes glowed for a moment, "YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED!"

… And that's how the great Lord Frieza found himself out of that accursed hell and standing in front of one of his greatest enemies and former subordinate. The cold lord could only blink, not sure this was real, "Vegeta?"

The prince of all Saiyans snarled, quickly pointing at his most hated enemy, "Listen well Frieza, you have two choices, either I kill you right now," a vicious grin spread on the pure blooded saiyan's face, "Or you do exactly as I say…"

"I refuse," was Frieza's immediate reply.

Vegeta just grinned, "You haven't even heard me out, but if you want to return to hell that badly…"

Red eyes twitched before the former galactic emperor got it under control.

It was enough though, Vegeta knew he was listening, "I revived you Frieza for one reason and one reason only," quickly something blue was flung at the cold lord.

Despite himself Frieza caught it, thinking it was some bomb or something he could just whip back at the monkey bastard. Instead it clung to his arm and didn't seem to want to let go, "What in the-?!" that's when he bothered to look at this thing the filthy saiyan had tossed his way. It looked like a miniature version of that woman that yelled at him when he invaded Earth last time… only it had a tail that looked distinctly like a saiyan tail, even if it was a matching blue to its hair.

His immediate response, after realizing it was some kind of living thing, was to try and shake it off. Instead it clung tighter around his arm and started giggling, "What the hell is this and why won't it come off?!"

A dark chuckle filled the air and Frieza's attention was brought back to the damn bastard that called him here, "That, lord Frieza," there was so much snide amusement in Vegeta's voice as he dragged the words out, "Is my daughter," a vicious grin passed over his face as the lizard went still, "And the reason I brought you back is to have you look after her…"

"What…" Frieza stilled, arm still out as Bra squeed, while he glared at his former protégé.

Vegeta's grin just spread as he looked at the monster that used to control his life, this was becoming a much more delightful idea of vengeance then he'd first realized, "You heard me, Lord Frieza, you were brought back to babysit my precious little princess…"

Red eyes twitched, "I will kill her, then you…"

"Ah, ah, ah," Vegeta waved his hand, "Remember what happened a year ago when you tried to kill either Kakarot or myself?" an angry snort was all the sign that the lizard was fuming, causing the prince to grin wider, "You've been locked in hell for all that time while Kakarot and I have surpassed even those meager limitations," he darkly chuckled as he could see it in the bastard's cold eyes that he was starting to understand his situation, "So you try anything, harm my daughter in anyway outside of training or try to kill her or anyone else unnecessarily and I'll gladly send you back to that precious hell you enjoy so much…"

The former galactic emperor just snarled, "Is that your plan, to insult me even further, strip me of everything I had and make it so even death won't release me?"

"It's a start," Vegeta's voice hit a low evil tone he hadn't used in years since he started living with his woman.

Frieza just growled but understood the situation, he needed time and resources to figure out a way out of the damn monkey's trap and further on gain immortality so he'd never return to that godforsaken hell ever again. He held up his arm holding the blue saiyan, if 'watching' it got him the time he needed and got the stupid monkeys to lower their guard… "So… you want me to… watch this… thing… Vegeta?"

"That's my daughter, the Princess of all Saiyans," he spoke the title with pride, not that it meant a damn thing to anyone but him, "And you aren't just going to watch her, you're going to train her, make sure she's capable of defeating any enemy…"

That piqued Lord Frieza's interest, "Any enemy?" if that included that damn Goku and maybe even her father… well, this didn't seem like such a bad idea.

Vegeta just grinned, practically reading the damn bastard's mind and approving, "Any enemy, Kakarot and myself included, I'll not have my daughter be weak…"

"Hmm," a smirk grew on Frieza's face, "Well I suppose I am the only thing alive with the knowledge of how to raise filthy monkeys…"

"Princess!" Vegeta growled. His daughter was not 'filthy' at all, she was gorgeous and pristine like her mother!

"Whatever," Frieza said boredly, grabbing the girl by the back of her clothing to be held like a bag in one hand as he stared at her father, "Anything else, oh mighty Prince of all Monkeys…"

Vegeta just glared, "Don't interrupt my training, don't harm my woman or son, and don't…" he pointed at him fiercely, "Go around having her blow up planets for no reason!" he waved his hand flippantly, "Anything else is fine, so long as she's strong and inherits your vast empire…"

Frieza was almost about to blindly agree until that last part, "What…" he said flatly.

Vegeta just grinned, "You blew up my planet, destroyed my people, and sentenced me to a life of servitude under you," in an instant he was in the final form cold lord's face, brows touching as he spoke in a low primally threatening voice, "Don't think I'm letting you get away with that forever, if I can't go around conquering the universe, my daughter will… understood?"

Red eyes stared into the saiyan's momentarily and Frieza could see the promise to be sent back to hell, "Very well…" he bit out, knowing he'd lost this battle.

"Good," with that Vegeta stood up straight, hands on his hips as he looked down at the man that destroyed most of his life before seeing his daughter, smiling like her mother and most likely going to drive the former emperor of the universe insane within a month, and smiled, patting her head, "I'll be checking in when Kakarot and I are done with this batch of training…" and without a word the short monkey disappeared.

Frieza just scoffed in the now empty field, "Oh joy," rolling his red eyes before raising the little blue monkey up and looking her in the eyes. He smiled, thoughts of the future where this young monkey grew up to be a loyal servant of his and destroying her father and his comrades dancing in his mind, "I can't wait…"

Bra, completely oblivious to the evil going on in front of her just smiled, reaching out with pudgy hands and smacked her new funny looking guardian on his cheeks.

"Stop that!" was the immediate shout, she decided she liked it, "I am LORD FRIEZA AND YOU WILL STOP HITTING MY FACE BLUE MONKEY!"

Bra Brief learned pretty quickly angering her new guardian was the most amusing thing in the universe, even more so because somehow she knew he couldn't do a damn thing about it.

A/N: because Saiyans are such GREAT parents XD

Saiyan Parenting 101:

step 1:dump child off with evil androgynous enemy

step 2: train

step 3: pick them up and train further

step 4: repeat

XD

and Bra's screaming all the time cause that's apparently how Saiyans determine the power of their children right? and if she's born after Veggie reached God-SS then... C'MON! -throws up hands- has to count for SOMETHING!

... and now being trained by 'Uncle Frieza' to rule the universe? HELL YEA! NEEDS TO HAPPEN! XD

comments, questions, opposing views? (review and spread the word minions~ XD)

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury