CHARMED

"Moving Out"

by shel

© april 2002

disclaimer: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too

rating: "pg"

summary: moving out of the halliwell manor isn't easy

timeline: takes place a few days after saving private leo'

archive: please don't without express permission

notes: some specific references to the honeymoon's over,' black as cole,' pre-witched,' is there a woogy in the house,' saving private leo,' and the good, the bad, and the cursed'please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why notand, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames

warning: not likely but possible tissue alert

acknowledgements: shay fitzpatrick's charmed scripts website helped remind me of a number of the details in this tale and a general thanks to those readers who have commented on my other charmed' fics - hope you enjoy this, too

Phoebe leaned back against one of the French doors of her new terrace and slowly slid to the floor as the tears flowed all over again. The tissue crumpled in her hand offered little dry comfort and she quickly gave up trying to wipe her nose. She barely noticed the majestic sunset the penthouse view offered before her.

***** ***** ***** *****

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Paige asked while Phoebe grabbed some shirts from her dresser drawer and dropped them into one of the two open suitcases on her bed.

"Why wouldn't I be?" an exasperated Phoebe asked as she continued to pack her clothing. "Cole is my husband. We are married. Shouldn't we be allowed a place for ourselves? A place to call our own?"

"But it's not yours, is it? It's his firm's," Paige continued, "and they just happened to want him to have it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Phoebe asked as she stopped packing and glared at Paige.

Paige hesitated before answering, "Look, Phoebe, I can understand that you're a newlywed and want your own place but doesn't the timing seem off to you? Doesn't it seem a little strange that in just a few days Cole goes from unemployed guy trying to find himself to this guy who's got himself a nice cushy job where money is no object? A job he's barely started before he's treated like a king?" Paige stopped when she saw Phoebe's hand clench a sweater. "Look, I know things've been a bitbetween us lately and I'm sorry. I really am. You're my sister and maybe I'm not completely used to these sisterly feelings so if I'm stepping on your toes and crossing some sort of sister-line then I'm sorry but I really am worried about you. But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do." Paige turned to go but, as she stood in the doorway with her back to Phoebe, she added, "I guess I'll see you around."

"Paige," Phoebe called out, "wait!" Paige turned around and Phoebe dropped the sweater on her pile and sat on the edge of her bed. "I wantI understand" While Phoebe struggled for words, Paige approached and sat next to her. Phoebe turned to her and spoke quietly, "I love Cole."

"I know that," Paige commented.

"You didn't know him when we met," Phoebe explained. "Things were different. He was different."

"So I keep hearing," Paige muttered.

Phoebe ignored the jab. "I was back in college trying to find myself. He was exciting and fun and intelligent and witty and, well, look at him," Phoebe smiled. "I'll never forget when he introduced himself to us at a crime scene. I really think my heart stopped. He asked for a witness and I didn't waste a second to volunteer. And it just went from there. And it was so easy being with him. It felt so right."

"He was trying to kill you," Paige remarked with a frown.

Phoebe glared at her, "I know, Paige. You don't have to keep reminding me."

"Phoebe, I --" Paige began.

"No," Phoebe interrupted. "You've told me how you feel. Now it's my turn." Paige nodded and Phoebe continued, "Prue was the most suspicious of Cole and it was worse after we learned the truth about Belthazor. But, Paige, Cole changed. Even if it was for my sake at first, he helped us. He remembered goodness and light and he began fighting on our side. Even Prue had begun to soften towards him, all right, it was only a drop but maybe if we'd had more time she'd have really" Phoebe choked up and her sister remained quiet while she composed herself. After a moment, she continued, "Prue was killed in part because of Cole's betrayal to the Source. And Cole risked dangers every day so he could be with me. And while Piper and Leo slowly accepted him into our family, Cole still suffered at the hands of his former allies. Have you any idea what being on the run from bounty hunters and then losing his powers did to him? To his confidence?"

"I'm sorry, Phoebe," Paige quietly said. "I know it's been hard but --"

"No," Phoebe interrupted, "you don't know. In an instant, his life, our life together, changed. Cole was hurt and lost and I couldn't help him through it. And I felt so guilty because if it hadn't been for me, Belthazor might not have been vanquished and he'd be whole. And we both knew it."

"That's ridiculous, Phoebe," Paige insisted. "Emma threw the potion and, if she hadn't, it would've been some other witch. Cole's a demon who hurt a lot of people for over a century. He was bound to be vanquished at some point. And then you might have lost him altogether. I hope you're not confusing guilt with love and staying with him out of some sense of misguided loyalty."

"Of course not," Phoebe exclaimed in annoyance. "I'm trying to explain to you that Cole has been through more than you realize and of course he's changed. We all have. None of us, not me, or Piper, or even you, are the same as we were six months ago. But, unlike us, Cole has had to carve a new life for himself and if a flashy car and penthouse apartment are part of the deal well, then, I don't see that as a problem."

Paige didn't speak for a moment. She looked at Phoebe and touched Phoebe's hand. "I love you Phoebe. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Phoebe covered Paige's hand with her other but stated, "Cole won't hurt me."

Paige nodded and headed out of the room. "Phoebe?"

"Yeah?" Phoebe asked as she stood up.

"Don't be a stranger, okay?" Paige requested.

Phoebe rolled her eyes and smiled, "Please, like you'd be able to get rid of me."

Paige smiled sadly and left the room.

***** ***** ***** *****

Phoebe sniffled and took a deep breath. She stared up at the darkening sky and choked back another sob.

"Oh, Prue," she whispered. "This is such a mess."

The tears rolled down her cheeks and she brought the tissue to her face again.

The familiar blue and white orb lights caught her attention and she gasped. Leo suddenly stood before her. "Leo? What's wrong?"

"That's what I'd like to know," he replied. "Piper's pretty upset."

"With me," Phoebe answered quietly. "She doesn't want me to leave. She doesn't understand, not really."

"Of course she understands," Leo patiently said. "It wasn't that long ago that she wanted to move out, remember?"

Phoebe sniffled and Leo handed her a fresh tissue. Phoebe gratefully took it and blew her nose. Leo sat down next to her and Phoebe looked at him. "It was different then, Leo."

"Talk to me, Phoebe," Leo suggested. "As your whitelighter if not as your brother-in-law."

Phoebe hesitated but finally asked, "Why do I always have to choose between my sisters and the man I love?"

"No one's asking you to choose, Phoebe," Leo answered.

"Not in so many words," Phoebe sniffled, "but it's there just the same. We never had this problem when you and Piper fell in love."

"Didn't we?" Leo asked. "Remember how long it took us to get together? What we had to go through?"

"That's not what I mean," Phoebe responded. "You were always on our side. The good side. But Cole has his past and that past will never disappear and, from the moment he chose to be with me, he's had to defend himself and his actions. We both have."

"I thought we'd gotten past that," Leo commented.

"I thought so, too," Phoebe quietly said. "I thought things were going so well. Even with the bounty hunters and losing Prue and Paige coming into our lives, I was happy. I had my family and I had Cole. He's everything to me, Leo."

"I know," Leo said as he put his arm around Phoebe's shoulders.

She leaned against him and continued softly, "We need our space. Our own space. It'll be best for everyone. Can't you see that?"

"I can," Leo agreed. "But, Phoebe, can you consider something? Just a few months ago you were panicking because Cole had merely proposed and now you've not only married him but you've already moved out of your home."

Phoebe pulled away from Leo and he dropped his arm to his side. "So now you're on Paige's side and think Cole's some big bad demon again trying to separate the Charmed Ones?"

"No, Phoebe, not --" Leo began.

"When will it be enough?" Phoebe angrily interrupted. "How much more does Cole have to sacrifice to prove he loves me? His life? His soul?"

Leo suddenly looked concerned, "Phoebe? Is there something going on with Cole? Something I should know?"

Phoebe didn't look at him and dismissed him. "You should go back to Piper."

"Phoebe, you have to tell me if --" Leo tried.

Phoebe shook her head as she interrupted again, "Please, Leo. I'm exhausted and I can't go over this all again. Not tonight. I just don't have the energy."

Leo stood but his face still showed concern. "Are you going to be all right?"

Phoebe nodded but stayed seated on the floor. "Cole will be home soon."

"Phoebe, I --"

Phoebe cut him off once more, "Maybe we'll have you all for dinner as soon as we're both settled in but right nowWe need some space. Time to adjust. For all of us."

Leo finally nodded. "If you need anything, call," he requested. "We love you, Phoebe, and we're here for you. Don't forget that."

"I know," Phoebe said as she leaned forward, "And I love all of you, too. Tell Piper for me, okay?"

Leo nodded and orbed out in a sparkling mix of blue and white lights. Phoebe looked out ahead of her and rubbed her forehead. She blew her nose again and sighed. Phoebe ignored the early evening chill and closed her eyes as she leaned back against the glass door.

***** ***** ***** *****

"Prue was right, wasn't she? I'll never be anything but a disappointment to you," Phoebe tearfully said as she closed one of the suitcases on her bed.

"What are you talking about?" Piper asked as she shook her head. "You haven't disappointed anyone."

Phoebe ignored her sister and continued zipping closed the other suitcase. "Prue never thought I'd amount to anything. I don't know what else I can do, Piper. I'm tired of trying to prove myself. My love for Cole."

"That's not true," Piper quickly told her sister as she reached out and caught Phoebe by the arm. "You don't have to prove anything, Phoebe. Is that what you think this is all about?"

"Isn't it?" Phoebe asked with a tear-stained face.

"No, it isn't," Piper answered tenderly. She took Phoebe by the hands and walked her over to the window bench where they sat side-by-side. "Sweetie, this isn't about you disappointing anyone. In fact, I don't think I've ever been more proud of you."

Phoebe sniffled and looked at her sister. "Really?"

Piper reached out and pushed a lock of hair behind Phoebe's left ear. "Really," she answered with a smile. "You have come so far in the past four years. You finished college, fell in love, got married, got a job, and managed to vanquish a whole lot of demons along the way, including the Source, I might add. You've grown up."

"Then what is it, Piper?" Phoebe asked as she took hold of Piper's hands. "Why are you so upset with me?"

"I'm not upset with you," Piper insisted.

"Is it because Prue and I forced you to stay here and not let you and Leo move back into your old apartment when you wanted to?" Phoebe continued.

"You didn't force me to stay," Piper corrected, "because I wanted to stay. It was important for us to be together at that time. We had finally found that closeness we were missing years before."

"We became friends," Phoebe quietly realized as she looked at Piper.

Piper smiled and agreed, "The best of friends. I never told you or Prue that, when I had started packing our things, I discovered a potion Grams had made."

Phoebe looked interested. "What kind of potion?"

"One that would've kept us from ever becoming witches," Piper answered. Phoebe looked shocked and Piper continued, "And that's when I realized that Grams had been right. It was more important for us to be sisters than to be witches and I wasn't ready to take responsibility for risking our relationship by moving out. Besides, Leo and I got a bigger bedroom and private bathroom out of the deal so how could I be upset with that?"

"So is it that you'd rather be the one to move out now?" Phoebe asked.

Piper shook her head and smiled, "In spite of the lack of privacy and the noise and the fact that I sometimes feel like an unappreciated short-order cook, it somehow feels right." Phoebe gave her a smile and Piper added, "This house may have had its floral and feminine style but Cole's fit in okay, don't you think? I mean he's been living here for months. Why can't things stay the way they are?"

Phoebe's smile faded and she responded, "We need to find our own style." Piper was about to say something but Phoebe shook her head, "Piper, youyou belong in this house. You've made it yours," Phoebe continued. "Prue and I each had our own favorite spots and pieces but your touches are everywhere. You care for each and every item we've accumulated over the years no matter who brought it home. I can't picture this house, this home, without you in it."

"It's your home too," Piper concluded, "and you have every right to stay here. I hope you don't feel that I've been pushing you out because I haven't. Not at all."

Phoebe nodded, "You haven't and I know that it's my home but the truth is that I've never imagined staying in this house. I never felt tied to this house like you or Prue in spite of the spiritual nexus."

Piper looked confused, "What do you mean?"

"Piper, we know that part of the reason why I'm so susceptible to evil here is because I was born in this house," Phoebe explained. "Maybe it's best for me to put some distance from it now that I'm starting a new life with Cole."

Piper was silent a moment before she confessed, "I just feel like we're finally getting ourselves together after losing Prue and now I'm losing you."

Phoebe quickly hugged her older sister. "You're not losing me, Piper. I promise. I love you and I will always love you. You're my big sister and my best friend."

"But?" Piper asked in a choked voice.

"But I love Cole," Phoebe answered in a soft but determined tone, "and I have to find my path with him now. Even if it means moving outI know you think that I've"

"What?" Piper asked when Phoebe stopped speaking. "Sweetie?"

Phoebe wiped away tears from her cheek and looked at Piper. It was another moment before she spoke, "I know you think I've chosen Cole over you yet again but that's not it, Piper, not at all." Phoebe started to cry.

Piper covered her mouth in surprise, "Oh, sweetie, I haven't thought that." She quickly pulled Phoebe into another hug. "Have you been feeling guilty about Prue again? Is that why you've been talking so much about her these past few days?"

Phoebe's voice was muffled from Piper's embrace. "You died, Piper. I tried CPR for I don't know how long and you still died. I saw your ghost and I thought I was going to lose you just like I lost Prue." Phoebe paused a moment and felt Piper's arms tighten around her. "I've had nightmares for the past four nights. You and Paige were so upset with me. And it was my fault because I wanted to be with Cole that night just like I'd had to go find him the day Prue died."

Piper stroked Phoebe's hair and quietly said, "Listen to me, Phoebe. It wouldn't have been your fault. Just like what happened to Prue wasn't your fault. You're in love and no one has ever blamed you or been upset with you for wanting to be with the man you love. Not me. And not Prue."

"I just don't want you to hate me," Phoebe cried.

"I don't hate you," Piper answered as her own tears streaked down her cheeks. "I could never hate you. You're my baby sister and I will love you no matter where you go or where you live. You remember that."

"I love you, Piper," Phoebe whispered in her sister's embrace.

***** ***** ***** *****

"No matter where I am, you're still my big sister," Phoebe whispered to the wind, "and I miss you, Prue."

Phoebe wiped away the last of her tears and sighed. She looked up and searched the sky for the first stars of night.

"Phoebe?" Cole's voice called out from inside the apartment.

Phoebe remained where she was and, without raising her voice, answered, "Out here." She heard his footsteps and turned her head as her husband opened the door and stood next to her.

Cole knelt next to her. "Honey, what are you doing out here?" He noticed the crumpled tissues in her hand and her tear-stained face and quickly asked, "What happened? Are you all right?"

Phoebe didn't answer but quickly leaned forward and pulled Cole into a hug.

"Baby, what is it?" he asked in concern as he sat next to her. "Talk to me."

Phoebe pushed herself out of his protective embrace and shook her head. "It's nothing."

Cole gently rubbed his thumb along Phoebe's cheek. "It's not nothing if it's got you this upset."

Phoebe looked down at the tissues in her hand. "I brought the bulk of my clothing. I can't believe the closet space we've got."

Cole shook his head, "Phoebe. Talk to me. Did something happen? Are your sisters still giving you a hard time?" Phoebe didn't answer and still didn't look him in the eye. "I don't want to come between you and your sisters," he insisted. "You know that, don't you?" Phoebe nodded and he added, almost reluctantly, "Look, we don't have to do this. We can go back to the Manor if you want. We can wait until --"

Phoebe quickly looked up and brought her fingers to his lips to silence him. "We don't have to wait. We shouldn't have to wait. I want to be here, Cole."

"But you're so unhappy," he commented as he held her hand.

"I just have to get used to this," Phoebe answered, "this space from Piper and...We've all been through so much the past few years and I think we all need some time to adjust. Can you understand that?"

"Of course, I can," Cole hugged her. "So you've convinced your sisters this isn't the end of the world?"

Phoebe stiffened slightly. "I hope so because I can't be caught in the middle anymore. I can't keep defending you to them or them to you."

"Do I make you do that?" Cole asked as he gently stroked Phoebe's back. "Do I make you choose between us?"

Phoebe quickly shook her head and pulled back slightly so she could see his face. "But it's how I feel. Sometimes."

Cole wrapped his arms around her and whispered, "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," she told him. "It's just something I have to deal with on my own."

"We'll be fine," Cole sincerely promised. "You are my world, Phoebe, and I will never hurt you."

Still wrapped in his embrace, Phoebe spoke in a hushed voice, "If anything happens to my sisters, I will be hurt."

Cole pulled back, "What do you mean by that?"

"I love you, Cole," Phoebe answered in a suddenly unwavering voice, "with all my heart and soul. Don't ever forget."

"And I love you, Phoebe," Cole responded. And, in a voice so low she could barely hear, he added, "more than you'll ever know."

Phoebe finally relaxed in his arms and sighed, "I'm just so tired, Cole."

He kissed the top of her head and suggested, "Let's go in, okay? You've had a long day."

"So have you." Phoebe suddenly frowned, "I'm sorry, honey, I hadn't even thought about dinner."

Cole kissed the top of her head. "It's okay, you haven't thought about dinner for a couple of days now." Phoebe sniffled and Cole quickly apologized, "Please don't cry, Phoebe. I'm not upset. I'm more worried than anything else."

"Worried?" Phoebe asked as she wiped her eyes.

Cole nodded and stroked her arm, "I know this move has been hard on you. You've barely been eating and you've been having nightmares."

"I'm sorry," was Phoebe's curt reply.

"Don't be sorry," Cole tenderly insisted, "just let me help you even if it means being on kitchen duty for a while." Phoebe shrugged and he requested, "Please, Phoebe. You've been trying so hard to make sure I've been happy. Let me take care of you now." Phoebe tightened her arms around Cole's waist and he kissed her again. After a moment, he ordered, "Now, you are going to lie down while I whip something up in the kitchen."

Cole disentangled himself from his wife and stood. He stretched out his hands to her and she accepted them and his help to stand up. Phoebe started to lead them inside but he tugged her hand to stop her. She looked at him and he suddenly lifted her off the floor in his arms.

He carried her inside to the sofa and set her down. He lifted her legs and stretched them out along the length of the sofa and reached for an afghan to cover her. He kissed the top of her head and began to walk away when she suddenly reached out her hand and stopped him.

"Don't go," she requested.

"What about dinner?" he asked.

"Hold me," Phoebe implored. "Please?"

Phoebe moved her legs aside and allowed Cole to sit next to her. As soon as he had, she stretched her legs out across his lap and rested her head against his shoulder. Cole drew the blanket across her.

"Just hold me," she whispered.

She had snaked an arm around his waist and Cole tightly wrapped his arms around her under the blanket and spoke gently, "For as long as you want, love. For as long as you want."

Phoebe sniffled and Cole wiped her tear away. She snuggled closer to him and he settled back into the cushions.

Neither said anything and both were simply content to be in each other's arms.

And they stayed that way for a long time.

And neither noticed the big black crow that landed in the open doorway to the terrace and watched them.

the end