Darkness Within My Heart,, Vixenrath's story Chapter 1: Darkness, a dragon knights fanfic

K, so I think that for once, all I'm going to put is a disclaimer and a thanks. I don't own Dragon Knights. Thanks Senpai for the proof reading.

Hello everybody! This is Go-ruden Kiba here, letting you know that this is Vixenrath's story, and because she's my little sister, and that she was kicked off, I'm re-possting it here. The above message is her's, this is mine, and it will be like this on all of her yarns that I'm re-posting!

1
Darkness

Copper eyes opened to the darkness of night and stared at the ceiling, but failed to see it. His eyes just, seemed to stare at it, but couldn't actually see anything. This was a daily occurrance, the first time that this had happened, Alfeegi realized that something was the matter with him. He had woken up at his desk and didn't see anything so he felt around, and lit a candle. He "looked" towards the flame, and did not see a thing. At first he had believed that had gone blind, but suddenly his vision cleared. The crises was seemingly over, so he put it from his mind... Then it began to occur more frequently. It wasn't until the fortieth time he went temporarily blind that he decided to consult the royal physician. He checked Alfeegi's eyes, and said there was nothing wrong! They just slow to sight after he awoke; that was all; apart from that, Alfeegi had better eyesight then the Dragon Lord. (Even if all that Alfeegi did all day was stare at paper.)

Two years after the candle scenario, Alfeegi discovered a possible answer to why his eyes never seemed to work after some rest. His dreams prevented them from functioning. The dreams would cut the connection between his eyes and his brain for a short period of time, but after a few moments his eyes would heal; it would not take very long, ten minutes at least, yet never longer than half an hour. His dreams - ah- now there was something to be examined! Such dreams would frighten Alfeegi from time to time, but that was rare. Most the time, he would welcome them. Most of his dreams were painful, if not downright insane.

Most of the time, they were small dark places he could curl up in and die slowly; alone. Some times, they would be sharp things, all around a room; and others would be him in a room, facing at a white wall, and swinging back and forth across the wall would be a shadow of a noose. Once in a while, they would have a sword lying on his bed, in which he would lie beside it, and embrace it into his own chest. As disturbing as these dreams would be to the casual bystander, Alfeegi loved them, and would often let his mind linger on them during the day.

None knew of the disturbed dreams that the White Dragon Officer had, and the only other that knew of the sight problem was the doctor. He stayed silent, at Alfeegi's request of course. This was Alfeegis' own private concern. Now Alfeegi lay there, on white bed sheets, letting his vision return, and savored the dream he had just experienced in his twisted mind. It was a natural high for him.

He had stood in a black hallway, and had gazed down it, curiously. It seemed to stretch forever. As he had started to walk down it, he passed many open doors, each with a different road of death inside each little black room. The first was full of demons; Alfeegi shut that door as he tread past it. Another was full of scythes hanging at just the height of a grown man's neck. He shut that one as well. He closed each door in turn, displeased with each option that it was perceived possible. They were too juvenile, and seemed too easy. Then he came to the last door…

Alfeegi charged into the room, dragged the chair over to the rope. He seized up the pre-made noose, and hopped on the chair. Looked up the low ceiling, he saw an eyelet, through which he chose to string the rope, and tie it tightly. The newly hung rope swayed down just about to his chest. Perfect. He lifted the loop, firmly strung it around his neck, and kicked the chair from under his feet. Just in that moment, he awoke.

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He munched on the apple as he leaned back in the old chair, causing it to stand only on it's back two legs. The chair that he loathed so much was his only means of support at the moment, so he put his heels up on the desk, and continued to read one of the many reports that littered his desk. He never - under normal circumstances - put his feet on his desk, or sit back into the chair, or look so board. He would normally be hunched over, feverishly shuffling through paper after paper. Breakfast would now be starting; it was six finally; after he had awaken fully, sight and all, he had gotten up, and after a half-hour of soft, careful treading down the endless labyrinth of halls and stairs to the only cream colored door in the entire castle. He swung it open, and entered the clean-stone walled kitchen, filled with rows of sinks, stacks of refrigerators, and piles of crates and sacks covering the black and white tiles that checkered the floor. He had retrieved a knife from one of the drawers; he had set to slicing the apple. He had shut his eyes tiredly for a moment, and unconsciously pressed the tip of the knife to his throbbing temple. It was early, he had gone to bed late, missed dinner the night before, and it wasn't the warmest summer morning in the world - after all, summer HAD just begun. Such a mixture had caused a migraine, and it wasn't welcome in the least.

When he realized that he had done this, he gave a small, sad smile, and thought about using the knife to cut out the pain that his head was giving him. 'Wouldn't it be funny.' He thought, 'If Cernozura came in here in a few hours time, and saw me here, slouched over the cutting board, a knife in my head. 'Yes, it would be.' Even though I couldn't laugh at the face she'd make. But how ironic. The most "stable" of the officers, dead. Carved on the cutting board.' (If everyone in the castle thought that Rath was suicidal, they had no idea what was going on if Alfeegi's mind. All of them thought that Alfeegi was perfectly fine, except for being crucially strict.) Smiling wickedly at the thought, he put the knife in one on the many sinks; still full of dirty dishes from dinner that he had skipped the night before, and took his food up to his office.

Now three hours later, his eyes glazed over in boredom. How he would have loved to have gone down to breakfast: but then people would bombard him with even more paper, and others would ask why the sudden change in habits. That was all that he needed, more work, more things on his mind, more problems. So he sighed, and remained in his office.

The door opened: Ruwalk stepped in with a tray of food, and a smile. The smile disappeared when he saw the look in Alfeegi's eyes.

"I thought you could use some food, you okay?" Ruwalk asked. Alfeegi's eyes scared him; the brazen orbs were blank, devoid of the annoyance of the interruption that would normally be in them: they looked dull, clouded, even preoccupied. They also had a hint of remorse to them. The copper eyes made him shudder. They weren't human, dragon, demon, or belonged to anything on earth for that matter. Not only that, but his posture was all-wrong. If Alfeegi ever found Ruwalk with his heels on the desk, and the chair only on the back two legs, Alfeegi would have killed him for being lazy.

"I'm fine, thank you." Alfeegi muttered, forlorn.

"I'll just… leave this here, then." Ruwalk answered hesitantly.

He put the tray on the corner of the desk, accidentally knocked over a bottle of ink, which spilled on the floor. Ruwalk quickly bent down, and tried to clean the black liquid off the wooden floor with out success. Alfeegi barely noticed.

"Leave it." Alfeegi muttered, flicking the paper strait again, and bit into another slice of apple with his elongated K-9's. This convinced Ruwalk that something was wrong, but he stood, and walked slowly out of the office, closing the door behind him.

Alfeegi ignored the plate of food, and the pitcher of mango juice. Although he loved the stuff, he just couldn't find the passion for it at the moment. He had a lot to do that day; he just couldn't bring himself to do that either. So, instead, he looked out the window as he reclined further onto the chair's two legs, and let his mind wander to his dream some hours earlier.

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It was noon, and Ruwalk was seriously worried about his friend now. He was still unnerved by what he had seen in Alfeegi earlier, and it was still playing on his mind. Something was wrong with the serious dragon officer, and Ruwalk didn't like it. He hadn't looked in on Alfeegi since breakfast, and decided to talk to Lykouleon, the only trouble now - finding the Dragon Lord.

Alfeegi still sat in his chair, and had been moving things in his mind around since Ruwalk's visit. About his parents' deaths, how it was his fault that Red Officer was no longer around, and how he had too much to pay for, and all that he did was the paper work that he hated anyway! But his conscious was just too heavy with the blood of others, and being chained to the castle was too much for him to bear. Now, he stood with a resolve, and strode out of the room. Ten minutes later, he reentered it, carrying a rope, a small stepladder, and an eyelet. He climbed the ladder, and tried to screw the eyelet into the ceiling. After twenty minutes, he sucedded. Then he put the ladder in the corner, and started to tie a knot in the rope. It was harder than he thought. After two hours work, Alfeegi had succeeded in dragging the baneful chair to the eyelet, threading the rope through the hole of metal, and tying it. Now he had to adjust the rope, and he was set. That, too, took an hour. Ruwalk found Lykouleon in the garden, and had told him his worries. Lykouleon suggested that they go see what was bothering the White Dragon Officer, and they headed off to Alfeegi's office.

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Alfeegi looked at the plate of food, still untouched, and at the mango juice. How he loved the bitter/sweet flavor of the mango. Suddenly he turned angry at the memories that played through his mind, so he backhanded the tray onto the floor, where the plate, the pitcher, and the cup shattered into thousands of pieces. His mind set at a true resolve, Alfeegi stepped onto the chair, swayed for a moment, and placed the rope around his neck. He smiled a sad, small smile at the thought that he would finally be free, and kicked the chair away from him. He fell with a sudden jerk, and his feet floated two feet from the floor. He stared at the door, he couldn't breath, but that was just fine with him. His vision darkening, and his heart slowing, he slipped into unconsciousness.

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Ruwalk opened the door, and saw Alfeegi hanged from the ceiling. Yelping from fright, he ran over, and grabbed his legs, holding him up so Alfeegi could have some space between his neck and the rope. Lykouleon took his sword, and cut the rope that held the officer, who fell into Ruwalk's waiting arms. Ruwalk quickly cast the rope away, and supported Alfeegi's limp head in the crook of his elbow. He could feel just how light his friend was; and that he was still alive, if only just barely. Alfeegi hardly breathed: he could just get enough air into his lungs to keep him alive for the time being. Placing the body on the sofa in the corner, he laid to sea foam haired head in his lap.

Ruwalk traced a tan finger across the dark black bruise that was growing on Alfeegi's neck. It stood out strikingly against his pure white skin, and was painfully large. Alfeegi opened his eyes, and found that he could see. For the first time in two years, he could wake up, and see.

He looked up at Ruwalk, confused. Why wasn't he dead? He should be, he hung him self after all.

"Ruwalk? Why are you here? Why am I on the sofa?" he asked. Ruwalk was too relived to answer Alfeegi's broken voice right away. After a moment, he found his own.

"You'll be fine Alfeegi, Lykouleon and I saved you just in time. What were you doing? Trying to kill your self or something?"

"Yes."

That stopped Ruwalk dead. Had Alfeegi really been committing suicide? That was impossible! Alfeegi was the sanest of all the people in the castle! Even more than Rune! What was he trying to do?

"I don't believe that." He answered softly, stroking the aqua hair. Lykouleon had gone over to the chair, righted it, and took down the rope and eyelet that Alfeegi had struggled with.

"I believe that he is telling the truth, Ruwalk." Lykouleon said, pointing to the ladder in the corner. Alfeegi was fuming. They had chained him again! They had stopped him from doing the only thing he had wanted to do. He would always do what he was told, would always fallow orders! Now, the first time that he had wanted to do something that he chose to do, they had stopped it! It wasn't their place!

Alfeegi sat up, painfully, weakly, but he didn't care. He stood, Ruwalk tried to stop him, but Lykouleon placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Just watch him for a moment."

Alfeegi limped over to his desk, and slumped over it for a moment, sobbing into the wood, and his arms, as he gasped for breath. He wanted to die, why didn't they let him go without any trouble. All he wanted was to die, was that too much to understand! He opened the top drawer of his desk, and pulled out a letter opener. Lykouleon let go of Ruwalk. They ran over to him and he shoved the letter opener into his wrist. Fragile veins split like threads, and a gash appeared like magic as the blade left the thin arm. Alfeegi fell; sobbing, bleeding, dying to the floor.

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An hour later, he woke up, and found himself in his bed. The sheets were stained red from his wrist, his throat was sore, and he was light headed. He looked around, and wasn't sure what had happened. Starring at the ceiling, he lifted his arm above his head with the thoughts of covering his eyes with it, when he noticed that his wrist, the left one, no longer bleed. Still above his head, he gazed at it confused – it was now bound in a cloth - and then he remembered. Why did they have to stop him? He could be happy now, and that's all that he wanted. Why? What gave them any right!

He had wanted to die after Red Officer had passed on. There was so much more work around the castle, and the Red Officer had always been there to take care of anything Alfeegi needed. Alfeegi never pushed that offer, of course, but after he had left, Alfeegi felt empty, like he had an obligation to free himself from the chains of the Dragon Castle, and help his friend in the realm of the dead to repay his kindness. Ever since then, Alfeegi's mind had always dwelled on it, and had been worn to the nub with the weight of work. That "work" is what had finally driven Alfeegi over. If it hadn't been for him always stuck behind a desk, tethered to the office with paperwork, he just might have died in his friend's stead.

Ruwalk walked in just then, and saw that Alfeegi was awake. Carefully, he came over, and knelt beside the weak, broken form of the insane White Officer. Alfeegi turned his head away from Yellow Officer: angry and dejected. Ruwalk sighed, and looked at the floor.

"You have every right to be angry with me. You wanted to die, and I wouldn't let you. I guess that's selfish of me. You've never wanted anything before, and I took advantage of that. Please, Alfeegi, look at me." Alfeegi did just the opposite. To emphasize this, he not only turned his head further to the side, but rolled onto his shoulder as well. Then he pulled the sheet up, and over his head.

"…" Ruwalk stared at him, trying to find something to say, and fight back tears that were welling in his soft brown eyes. "Alfeegi; could you at least tell me, why, you want to leave us?" No answer. "There's got to be something, but… Please? This isn't like you."

Alfeegi was shivering under the sheet; but he shook his head in rejection as an answer.

"You wouldn't understand." He croaked like an old frog.

"Try me." His normal cockiness was back.

Alfeegi slowly rolled over onto his other side, and lowered the sheet from his face, covering the bruise on his neck. Ruwalk shuddered from the look that was in the copper eyes of the report-hogging man that he had just saved. They were lifeless, and seemed like hey wanted the rest of Alfeegi to join them in that lifelessness. He drew a shuddering breath.

"You don't understand Ruwalk! What it's like, to have only dreams of death, to have the weight of the kingdom on your shoulders forever, and to be the only one that knows of what goes on in it. Not even Lykouleon faces what I do! And it's been harder since HE left us! I could have died instead of him! But I didn't, and Rath took the crystal, so I have to be reminded that HE could be here every time I look at Rath! Every one knows that if I had gone that day, HE would be here, and I wouldn't be. And everyone wishes that it could have been that way. I'm a horrible reminder!"

"Maybe I can help. No one hates you, even though you're always on our cases. We all love you dearly. You know that I've always thought of you as a little brother, even before the fire! Let me help you Alfeegi." Ruwalk pleaded after a moment. Alfeegi stared at him.

"How?"

"Let me show you what you would have left behind."

Ruwalk stretched out his hand, and smiled. Alfeegi looked at it, and then at Ruwalk. Taking the hand, he sat up, and was led from his room - Ruwalk's strong hands on Alfeegi's tense shoulders - through the castle, and into the garden. Looking around, he didn't understand what it was that Ruwalk wanted to show him. They kept walking; Alfeegi stumbling now and then, but Ruwalk's strong arms would always catch his thin, frail form. He kept a hand on Alfeegi's sickly white shoulder – gripping the lose shirt tightly - to lead him, and Alfeegi would struggle along. Alfeegi saw the many colors of the flowers, and the birds, and the insects. He felt the grass under his bare feet, soft and warm,; and the wind on his hot, white face. It, too, was warm, soft, and carried the sweet scent of the roses, and the orchids, and freshly cut grass. The long shirt that was covering him (that and his boxers) was all that stood between his breakable body, and the nature surrounding him. The sun warmed his face, and he felt himself relax- he knew just what Ruwalk meant. Whether it was from the extremes just an hour earlier, or from the sudden realization of what he's miss if he had succeeded in dying, Ruwalk wasn't sure. He just knew that after ten minutes in the garden, Alfeegi had passed out. Ruwalk carried his feather-light body back into the castle, and laid him back on his bed, where he could sleep peacefully.

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Inside was one, single, solitary rope that was coiled on the floor tied at one end was a loop. In the corner was Alfeegi's rickety old desk chair; high backed, wooden, with long, well used arms, and a varnish that was completely torn away. It's the chair that he sat in it daily, pouring over expense reports as they indeed held his interest. That chair had caused him so much torment, and so many wasted hours. He would sit in the chair for what seemed like days on end, forever reading, forever writing. He had not been able to leave the chair for the many reports that he was required to complete. Though he constantly made up problems and excuses to get away from the wretched chair, but they never lasted long. Alfeegi steeped up to the door, wanting to enter the room, when a fait breeze wafted through the hallway. On it, the faint scent of roses. Alfeegi looked at the door, and down the hall of closed doors that he had past. Then, he reached over, and closed the last door. He stared at it, and turned around. The hallway had disappeared, and instead, he was in a small, dark room. There was a small window. He looked through it, and saw a garden outside, a sea of white roses. He knew that if he opened the door, he would be out in the hallway again. He wasn't sure where he wanted to go. Sitting is a corner, the both the door and the window disappeared from his line of site. He pulled his knees to his chest, and drew himself in tight. He closed his eyes, and tears silently coarse down his cheeks.

He opened his eyes. His bed was by the wall, the sheets still stained from his earlier wounds, and the window was open. A soft breeze was shifting the draperies, and the perfumed air flooded the room. Alfeegi was in the corner, and he was rolled into a ball. His gaze fell upon the vase on the bedside table. It was a new-addition to the faceless white decor; it was powder blue, shaped like a tulip, and inside was a long-stemmed white rosebud.

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Ruwalk found Alfeegi in the first morning light. He had opened the door, and found the bed empty. Looking around panicked, Ruwalk found his suffering friend in the corner; he was curled up tightly, asleep, with silent tears streaming down his cheeks. But he had a faint ghost of a smile on his lips. Ruwalk scooped him up, and laid him back in the bed. As he left, he looked on the peaceful figure, and wondered if that would be the end of Alfeegi's problems. He closed the door, and walked away, humming a small tune, as Alfeegi snuggled deeper into the goose-feathered pillow.

Had fun? Hope you did, but you know what, as soon asI can, I'll put the next one up for you!