iCome Out

"And before we end tonight's show, there's something I think needs to be said." Carly stammered. She knew this needed to be done, but had been putting it off for months.

"My name's Carly Shay. I'm not only the host of iCarly, which is, I know, how you all see me, but I'm really just a regular person. Carly swallowed hard. This was more difficult than she ever imagined, regardless of how often it went through her head. She hadn't even told Sam and Freddie what she was going to say – only that she needed to do it live on the air.

"My name's Carly Shay," she paused, laboring over her next few words. "and I'm a lesbian." Carly looked directly into the camera, her dark chocolate eyes unwavering.

"I'm ready for my close-up now, Mister Benson." Carly choked and then finally spoke.

"To my father, Colonel…," Carly paused; her lip quivered slightly. She regained her composure and addressed the camera again. "Uncle Roger… all I can say to you is that I love you both dearly, but 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'." With that, Carly knew she had effectively obliterated any dreams her father may have harbored of her following in his footsteps.

"To my classmates and friends, if this changes your feelings for me in any way, I'm sorry, but this is who I am."

Carly took a labored deep breath before Sam came to her rescue.

"Random Dancing!"

"…and we're clear!" Freddie chimed in.

The speakers went dead and Carly collapsed into Sam, emotionally exhausted. As much as Sam cared for and respected Carly, she had never seen this coming. Now what could she do? She certainly couldn't tell Carly the truth – as much as her heart ached to do so.

"Carls, are you okay?"

Carly gingerly met Sam's gaze. Her eyes glistened with tears. Sam did the only thing in her power to control the situation.

"Benson! Out! NOW!"

Emotionally deflated, Freddie Benson turned and quietly left the studio without protest. He would live to fight another day.

Sam couldn't believe what had just happened. Everything she thought she knew was coming apart at the seams. She loved Carly – of course she did – but the girl had just outed herself live on the internet and her entire world was crumbling as a result. When it came down to a choice between Sam and Carly, Carly Shay would always come first.

She knew she had to speak, if only as a concerned friend. She needed to ask the hard questions. She needed to know.

"What you did tonight was completely insane, Carls, you know that, right?" Sam knew that tonight would irrevocably change their relationship – for better or worse. For once in her life, Sam Puckett needed to be the strong one.

"Carls, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I'm just going to talk right now…" Carly nodded. She wanted to talk – to tell Sam everything. She simply couldn't find the words.

"How long have you known?" Sam asked gently, absentmindedly stroking Carly's forehead. Carly Shay finally found the courage to speak.

"I don't know, I mean, I think I've always known. It's weird. I can't explain it." Carly nuzzled her head into Sam's shoulder. She knew that tonight would be one of those 'milestones' that would always stand out – one of those days she would always recall vividly. Her initial thought, she knew, was a lie. She knew that she could explain it and that Sam, Sam Puckett, her Sam would understand.

"No, wait…"Carly backtracked. "That's a lie."

Sam shot Carly a confused look and let her continue.

"It's not weird and I can explain it," Carly began, only to have Sam interrupt her. Sam's own orientation was something of an open secret – never discussed, but clearly understood. Sam took Carly by the hand, led her to the race car bed that was the focal point of the iCarly studio, and motioned for her to sit. Sam looked to her, urging her to continue.

"I've… I've tried to live the way everyone expected. I tried to be what everyone expected me to be, I just couldn't."

Sam brushed Carly's cheek again, her face sticky with tears. She exhaled, attempting to dry Carly's tears with her breath; she swallowed hard to find the courage to ask the question that had seared itself into her brain. This was the Point of No Return.

"Carls, do you have," Sam choked, "someone special in your life?"

Carly sniffed back tears. This was it, Sam thought. Ten years of friendship, up in smoke. Carly was hurt Sam would even ask.

"Sam!" she snapped, then reconsidered, responding in little more than a whisper. "There is…." she paused, considering how best to phrase her answer. "someone". Carly swallowed, looking to Sam. Sam's heart sank, her ice blue eyes piercing Carly.

"There is someone," Carly continued, "I want to be with, but … it's complicated."

"Listen, Cupcake," Sam began, using her personal term of endearment, "I don't know what to tell you except that this chick had better not ever hurt you – if she likes breathing!"

Carly flushed, hugging Sam tightly. Through her tears, she managed a weak laugh. Her dark chocolate eyes, now red and swollen with tears, met Sam's piercing blues. She pulled Sam to her, her lips to Sam's ear, speaking in a heated, breathless, rush.

"You."

Sam's face went lax. It simply didn't register. She didn't understand. Carly spoke again, her breath hot in Sam's ear.

"You." Carly repeated. "Samantha Puckett, I've known and loved you nearly my entire life, even if I've never said it before. I mean, how could I? If you had rejected me, I'd have lost everything… her voice trailed off, her lip quivering. Somehow she found the strength to speak again. "…I've loved you past the point of dying…"

It was overkill and Carly Shay knew it, but, on the other hand, overkill or not, she had found the words she needed. Never mind that Melissa Etheridge had written them. Sam was dumbfounded. Reflexively, she broke from Carly and turned away, in what Carly knew must have been shame. Carly Shay burst into tears.

"Sam, no! Oh God, fuck, no! Sam please…."

The words came out in a heated rush. Carly stumbled across the floor, her legs now jelly. She needed to touch Sam, to hold her hand, anything… even just one last time. Without warning, Sam Puckett rounded on Carly, her ice blue eyes now shimmering with tears.

"Sam, I'm sorry…"

Sam's tone was sharp and biting.

"Sorry? You're sorry? Do you know how many years I've dreamed you'd say those words to me?"

Sam did the first and only thing that popped into her head, acting on pure instinct. In one fluid movement, Sam Puckett dropped to her knees, her eyes now level with Carly's navel.

"Sam…?" she questioned.

Carly finally realized that Sam had taken off her ring. Sam looked deep into Carly's eyes, her own now glistening with tears. She swallowed, choking on emotion.

"Carlotta Taylor Shay," Sam began, invoking Carly's given name, "I have loved you… longed for you… since before I can remember. You are all I've ever wanted. Will you make me the happiest woman in Seattle?" Sam gingerly offered Carly her ring, fully prepared for rejection.

It did not come. Carly gently reached into Sam's cupped palms, letting her fingers explore Sam's, turning the rainbow ring – Sam's very flamboyant LGBT talisman – over in her hands. Without a word spoken between them, Carly took the ring from Sam and slipped it onto the ring finger of her left hand and giggled like a little girl.

"Sam, I…" Carly was at a loss for words.

"I know, Cupcake." Sam offered. "There's plenty of time for that."

It amazed them both that they always had this intuition between them. They knew.

Sam scrambled to her feet, exhausted. Her fingers found Carly's instinctively; both girls collapsing into each other fully dressed, letting sleep come.