Title: Fools Will Fall
Fandom:
Vorkosigan Saga
Characters/Pairings:
Byerly/Ivan
Theme/Challenge: [lj]1sentence theme
set beta
Rating/Warnings/Spoilers: PG13; spoilers
through Civil Campaign; INABILITY TO TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY not even
the title or punctuation or ANYTHING EVER
Words:
2,500 (on a [lj]1sentence claim, seriously Ira,
SERIOUSLY?)
Crit/Feedback: Always welcome!
Notes:
I was supposed to be working on some Gregor sentence-things and then
I accidentally read some By/Ivan fic and accidentally went back to
the sentence comm to look at the prompts and was totally
coincidentally struck by how awesome this theme set is and how
(in)appropriate it is for these two and god guys I'm so not
sorry.
Summary: Ivan is not an idiot (he just doesn't like getting involved) but some things still take a while to register.
Fools Will Fall
01 Walking
Ivan walks through the doors of Vorrutyer House; a
warm wash of light and sound envelops him as he steps out of the
night.
02 Waltz
His left arm feels conspicuously empty: any girl who,
upon hearing that he was attending a friend's wedding, got that gleam
in her eye that made him think of his mother was summarily struck off
the List of Possible Dates, except then he got to the end of his list
(when had all those lovely young things gotten so...
goal-oriented?), and now he's nursing his... sixth or
seventh glass, and watching Dono open the dancing with Olivia — and
fending off knowing smirks from By.
03 Wishes
That memorable — and he wishes he could forget it,
sometimes — occasion with Mark aside (and he had a very good
excuse then, Miles had gone and died) Ivan is not
normally given to the depressive-pensive variety of drunk Miles is
prone to, but still, as he watches Dono and Olivia dance, he wishes
he didn't feel so — thirty.
04 Wonder
And he wishes he could stop thinking about the
fabulous breasts Donna used to have and eying Dono's flat, broad
chest, because it's making some part of his back-brain worried.
05 Worry
Very worried.
06 Whimsy
Right on cue, Byerly appears at his left elbow and
simpers, "What a beautiful wedding, such a lovely
couple — Dono did tell me once that his previous weddings were a
little on the dull side, and he'd appreciate something a little
more... interesting at his next," to which Ivan replies with a
grumble and healthy sip of his drink.
07 Waste/Wasteland
"You know Ivan, you keep lamenting that
it's 'such a waste' but I haven't seen you stop looking—" and
here the eyebrow is raised strategically to underscore: "Perhaps
Dono is not entirely wasted on you?"
08 Whiskey and rum
Ivan is not nearly drunk enough to
deal with By — or with Dono, or with Miles, God the rat
went and got himself married — so he ignores By's question
and knocks his drink back in one shot.
09 War
It is only in hindsight that Ivan will realize that had
been a declaration of war.
10 Weddings
He is really, really beginning to hate
weddings.
11 Birthday
And birthdays, he is starting to hate birthdays,
too, and he can't even remember why he invited Byerly to his— maybe
because all the other guests were depressingly paired off, or because
By is a sarcastic bastard but at least will talk about something
other than babies and politics and more weddings — or
maybe because Ivan got really, really drunk at Dono and Olivia's
wedding and somehow got the impression that By was fun, and
by God he is never getting that drunk again.
12 Blessing
Except now— now is an excellent time to get that
drunk, because the party is breaking up and the crawling races are
over and Eugene from Ops puked in his fake plant and Byerly is making
himself conspicuous by lingering.
13 Bias
The last guests are leaving, and Byerly isn't, and call
him judgmental, but Ivan does not trust By's motives — but the
invisibility trick doesn't work nearly as well in his own apartment,
so he pointedly starts clearing away the liquor bottles (never mind
that he has a cleaning service; he primly tells himself they won't be
coming for two days).
14 Burning
The alcohol is making his chest burn, and it has
nothing to do with Byerly sidling up beside him and leaning to
whisper in his ear.
15 Breathing
By's breath on his neck makes him shy sideways,
like one of Miles's stupid massive beasts, and it takes him
a second to register that Byerly just said, "You don't look like
anyone's given you a proper birthday greeting yet."
16 Breaking
Ivan blinks (blearily, rapidly), because he thinks
his brain just broke.
17 Belief
"Happy Birthday," By says, and shakes his
hand all proper, as if he wasn't just whispering obscenely in Ivan's
ear, and he had not imagined that part.
18 Balloon
Ivan is suddenly painfully aware of the bubble of
privacy that surrounds them: they are alone in his apartment, and
this is his cue to panic (he does not care to inspect exactly why
he is panicking, thank you).
19 Balcony
But of course Byerly foils— something, everything,
and leaves, shutting the door with polite quiet (how does he manage
to make that an ironically flamboyant gesture?), so Ivan
retreats to the lawn chair on his balcony (carefully stowed away when
female company is imminent) and stares up at the sky, refusing to
think about anything— because if he stops to think he will get that
sick dizzy feeling like right before Miles ropes him into some scheme
and he can see it coming and can't do a thing to stop it.
20 Bane
Byerly is quickly becoming the bane of his existence,
and if he never sees the smarmy devil after this ridiculous birthday
party it will be too soon.
21 Quiet
Which is of course why he somehow ends up staggering
home from a bar on By's shoulder two weeks later, lamenting about
Donna's magnificent breasts and: "Ivan, shut up,"
and oh no, no, this is not happening — but that is indeed
Byerly Vorrutyer's tongue in his mouth.
22 Quirks
Oh God, oh God, he's thinking of the obscenely,
deliciously assertive way Donna would kiss him and that cannot be
a good sign.
23 Question
A corner of his mind wails: "Why does this
always happen to me?"
24 Quarrel
It occurs to him (entirely belatedly, and he is not
touching that part) that he has not yet punched Byerly in the
face.
25 Quitting
So he does.
26 Jump
When Byerly hasn't attempted to break down his door
knocking and trying to weasel his way into dinner or drinks or God
knows what else is on his mind — and Ivan thinks he knows
exactly what is on By's mind now, he sure catches on quick,
and he is not having that — but when By hasn't come by trying to do
things together with Ivan in almost two weeks Ivan begins to
imagine his stupid covert ass in some stupid covert mess or, worse,
stuck in the bowels of ImpSec for God knows what reasons and Ivan
doggedly tells himself he is not jumping to any conclusions
whatsoever and firmly pours himself more coffee.
27 Jester
When he finally caves and leaves a terse message on
By's comconsole, and the subsequent return call (no trace of the
black eye, the bastard!) is all By's lips unfurling into a slow smile
— yeah, that is when Ivan realizes the joke's on him.
28 Jousting
Ivan is going to hang up on him, except: "How
about some drinks Friday night?" and Ivan's hand is still on the
button, he is safe, so he bothers to answer "No," but
Byerly won't stop talking ("No?" — "Yes"
— "So, Friday?" — "NO!") and it is useless in
any case, because Byerly shows up on his doorstep anyway.
29 Jewel
They have a staring contest over the vid — amazing
that By can keep that up without being able to see, and of course he
knows where the concealed pickup is, those covert types all think
they're so clever, God, why can't he just go bother Miles
(and this is where Ivan's brain jumps the tracks and runs howling
into the night) except then Byerly leans close and whispers: "Hey
Ivan, why are you still watching me?" and Ivan's hand jerks to
cut the pickups; Byerly's sly smile dissolves into a crackle of
jeweled sparks and Ivan can start breathing again.
30 Just
The world is unfair to innocent
bystanders.
31 Smirk
He sees By from across the room at Mark's engagement,
and God, he wants to wipe it off By's face — with his fist.
32 Sorrow
Ivan takes his quiet mourning for all the Koudelka
sisters outside, because he is tired of watching Mark trying to not
look like a fat cornered rabbit and Kareen actually succeeding in
looking fiercely happy, and he's wandering through Miles's garden
with his filched bottle of fine Vorkosigan brandy when By's hands —
and he knows, somehow, those are By's hands, and some part of him is
still howling that an assassin's would be much, much better
— slide up his chest from behind, and Byerly's breath is on his
nape and he nearly drops the bottle.
33 Stupidity
Part of his brain (probably the part that is in
charge of remembering his training; he is not sure why else he has
not yet planted his elbow in Byerly's liver— or balls) is gibbering
that he should have stayed inside where it was safe — and
then his knees stop cooperating with him because Byerly is crooning
questions in his ear.
34 Serenade
Like: "So why are you out here all alone,
Ivan?" (God, he really should have stayed inside) and "You
don't even like Mark, so why did you come to his party?" and
Ivan grabs hold of the questions, because it's better than thinking
about what By's hands are doing and— "Wait a minute, what are
you doing here, By?"
35 Sarcasm
"Besides turning your knees to water?" By
purrs, and Ivan ignores that part and tries again: "Um, who let
you in?" because Vorkosigan House security is very important
and his voice did not squeak in the slightest.
36 Sordid
Byerly is clearly ignoring him and Ivan decides too
late that he should be returning the favour because: "You know,
your Uncle Aral was rather known for—" and Ivan wails:
"Things I don't need to know, By!"
37 Soliloquy
"Oh, would you rather not think about that
sort of thing right— now—" and By makes it sound obscene
("sound obscene?" some corner of his brain asks
him) because he's sliding his hands under Ivan's shirt, and Ivan is
valiantly ignoring everything and focusing on the vital
issue of Vorkosigan House security, mouthing off the
checklist of possible infiltration points to himself, except there
are no dead guards discovered, no security is descending on them, it
is just him talking to himself about force screens with By's hands up
his shirt.
38 Sojourn
With By's hands up his shirt finally
registers and he jumps away like a scalded cat, and By puts his hands
up and has the gall to look non-threatening and shrugs, and
says: "I told Miles I needed to talk to you, so, sadly, I can't
stay long."
39 Share
"Of course," Ivan hisses, it's all
Miles's fault, all the past weeks' troubles becomes clear! —
so he brandishes the brandy bottle at By: "You are plotting
against me with my crazy cousin!" but Byerly sighs dramatically:
"No—" and alarm bells ring distantly in Ivan's head when
By steps closer to continue: "but since you're offering, I would
like to try his brandy," and Ivan stupidly clutches the bottle
for a moment before By swats it aside and takes Ivan by the collar
and kisses him.
40 Solitary
And then he disappears, and Ivan is left alone in
the garden, with his untucked shirt and his brandy bottle and, he
suspects, looking— molested.
41 Nowhere
Something is not adding up— many somethings,
besides the entirely obvious ones, and after several days of getting
nowhere with this impossible math — people math is even worse than
five-space, Ivan has discovered (a stray saying of Miles's floats by:
lives add up as infinities) — he realizes that his choices have
narrowed to talking to Miles or talking to Aunt Cordelia (or Uncle
Aral, a recently suppressed memory whispers, but he is not going
near it, that is not even an option), and in a moment
of dumb panic, he chooses Miles.
42 Neutral
He decides, as a stroke of brilliance, to conduct
the interview over comconsole, because he knows how Miles can get
in person, and he gets off on a good start with: "So, Lord
Auditor Coz, could you explain to me why you are conniving with
Byerly Vorrutyer?" which is a nice, neutral way to start this
conversation— except then Miles does that patented
frown-and-"Excuse me?" — entirely Lord Auditor
Vor-Coz-igan, that one, no trace of Naismith, some part of him notes
distantly, but it really should have been keeping tabs on the rest of
him because Ivan suddenly discovers that he is telling Miles that
Byerly Vorrutyer has been molesting him in Miles's
garden and Miles, damn him to every hell imaginable is
laughing at him and Ivan thinks he should have talked to
Aunt Cordelia after all.
43 Nuance
Except then Miles sobers up and looks him in the eye
and asks him, "Seriously, Ivan, you know where the library and
my parlour are— why did you go outside — alone, even —
when you saw him?" and Ivan gapes at the screen for a second
before hanging up.
44 Near
Ivan tracks Byerly down at his apartment, and By
answers the door with an eyebrow quirk that silently says, "Yes,
was there something?" and it makes Ivan want to roll his eyes,
so he grabs for By's collar and gets their faces nice and close
together so that he can see By's eyes when he starts snarling at him.
45 Natural
"What part of I like women do you not
understand?" is met with "But Ivan, I like women too —
delightful creatures — but terrorizing you is so much
fun—" and By's eyes go all obscenely half-lidded and Ivan
tightens his grip on the shirt because: "besides, you haven't
been complaining... nearly enough."
46 Horizon
He realizes rather abruptly that he is holding By by
his ridiculously flamboyant purple shirt collar against the doorframe
of By's apartment, neatly straddling the threshold, and suddenly he
is very dizzy.
47 Valiant
Byerly is watching him, hands resting on Ivan's
wrists, looking quite unperturbed and deadly serious, and Ivan blurts
out: "I'm not— I'm not an example, By, I'm not like
Miles!"
48 Virtuous
"Did I ask you to be?" and Ivan
remembers: this man is perfectly aware of how dangerous Barrayar is
and to hell with it all because Ivan realizes something important:
Byerly Vorrutyer is loyal to people, not ideas, and on this
crazy planet it makes him feel like he suddenly found one sane soul
to share his lonely corner of no heroics unless absolutely
necessary.
49 Victory
He shuffles himself and By one step sideways out of
the gathering night, and the door closes behind them.
50 Defeat
Ivan leans forward — and part of him is gibbering
something unintelligible and terrified, and another part is saying
this isn't over By — and at the moment he can't care, and
his eyes slide closed as By's mouth slides open against his own.
__
End.
A/N: I AM SORRY I COULD NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. I am sorry I abused every punctuation mark ever and italics to boot. I AM SORRY FOR WRITING BYERLY/IVAN IN THE FIRST PLACE (except I'm totally not).
Okay. Now that that is out of the way. I had probably too much fun with this, and somehow I ended up trying to write these not only in chrononoligcal-numerical order, but this set had alliterative groupings and somehow those groupings ended up being scenes. So, uh. I tried to make it not only in order, but with each set of words comprising one scene.
Yeah, uh. I have suddenly fallen in love with this pairing and POOR POOR ME because there are like five fics of them on the internet EVER and this is of course my cue to start building huge plotty fic for them in my head =(
In the meantime, I wrote this to have some fun and, uh, let some of that, uh, pressure out. So, at least this was fun. God.