Lee looked down at his left hand. There was a phantom pressure where his wedding band would usually sit, but he hadn't worn it long or often enough for it to leave a permanent mark. Not that it mattered. Elisa was intent on luring him back into her bed, married or not. And he was equally set on avoiding her advances, if only he could get his traitorous body and memories to co-operate. It wasn't his marriage vows that he was concerned with breaking, it was Amanda's trust. She knew all about his history with Elisa, and had casually said goodbye at the office earlier with a warm squeeze of his hand and calm, clear eyes. No-one had ever had such deeply rooted faith in him before, and he struggled occasionally to feel worthy of it. Now was one of those times.
He'd first met Elisa when he was twenty-five. He was already making a name for himself at the Agency as a talented, if somewhat brash, intelligence operative. After Dorothy's death, he'd mourned by pouring himself into his work, but eventually the silent judgment of his apartment during his rare off-hours drove him to seek out female company. Handsome, courteous, and well-connected through his work, he quickly fell in with DC's glamourous party crowd, and that was where he'd encountered Elisa. A few years his senior, with a chiseled beauty and sharp wit, he'd fallen under her spell as soon as she'd turned her laser beam attention his way. On the night they first met, she'd worked him into such a frenzy in the back of her limousine that they made it no further than the foyer of her opulent home before having urgent, send-the-dogs-barking sex on what was certainly a priceless Oriental rug. He was hooked.
The pattern continued for several months. It should have been a perfect solution. Elisa made it clear she wasn't interested in romance, and he had no heart left to spare. She didn't miss him when he was away on assignment, didn't ask him to stop seeing other women, and was incredibly uninhibited in bed, or wherever they took their pleasure from each other. Each encounter had to be more wild, more kinky, just more, than the one before. He was the luckiest man in the world, or so he kept telling himself.
Returning from a particularly difficult overseas assignment that left him feeling empty and alone, he broke their unspoken rule and showed up at her place unannounced. She was getting ready to go out, and she wasn't alone. A petite brunette with a French accent stood beside her with tousled hair and glassy eyes, and Lee very quickly did the mental arithmetic. Elisa seemed miffed that he was there, and ignored him when he tried to explain that he wanted to talk. Instead, she declared that he could act as their "escort" during the limousine ride to a private club, but that the driver would be taking him home from there, since men were not welcome where they were going.
Two hours later, the limousine dropped him off at his apartment, and he limped as far as his sofa before collapsing. Despite having participated in what was surely an unattainable fantasy for many a red-blooded American male, and his complete sexual satiation, he felt even more empty and alone than before. Escort. It was a good word for his relationship to Elisa. There was something transactional about sex with her, and it was starting to wear thin. As physically gratifying as their encounters were, they were the sexual equivalent of junk food. He craved it, and it felt wonderful to give in to temptation, but there was nothing nourishing about it, and a steady diet was starting to rot him from the inside out. He suddenly realized that he didn't even know the name of Elisa's date tonight. He'd been inside her, and he had no idea who she was. He felt sick, and made his way to the bathroom where he emptied his stomach, and then stepped into the shower, scrubbing himself clean under the scalding water. The next time Elisa rang him up to invite him to a party, he didn't return her call. Although their paths crossed from time to time, she never tried to contact him again. Apparently Elisa worked on a one-strike-and-you're-out basis. He didn't know whether to feel hurt or relieved. Eventually he came to the conclusion that he didn't feel anything at all.
SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK
Now, sitting on her couch while she was upstairs, undoubtedly slipping into the type of lingerie she knew that he favoured, he wondered at his naivety, both then and now. The only reason she was trying so hard to seduce him was because he had ignored her advances earlier at her poolside. Elisa wanted what she wanted, and she didn't care what she had to bend or break to get it. So very different from Amanda, who had loved him quietly for so long, waiting patiently for him to realize that she was all that he would ever need. He smiled as he thought of his wife. She was probably at his apartment by now, since it wasn't a school night. She would be curled up on his sofa, dressed comfortably, sipping a glass of wine and reading her latest novel. No high heels, no slinky outfits, no pretensions, and no doubt the best thing that would ever happen to him.
He needed to leave before Elisa came back downstairs. He no longer doubted his ability to resist her full-frontal advances, but he knew there would be a scene if he rejected her to her face. She had never been a good loser. And he needed to go home and make love to his wife, which he'd rather not do while having to suppress the mental image of Elisa in whatever little nothing she was busy slipping into. Writing a short note, he made his way to his car, feeling a pleasant buoyancy around his heart. It felt good to know that Amanda's faith in him was well-founded.
SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK
Lee slipped out of his suit quietly, trying not to wake Amanda, who was fast asleep on her side of the bed. By the time the fire had been put out, Elisa had been questioned and seen to her ambulance, the local police briefed, and he'd finally made his way home, it was nearly 11pm.
Despite climbing into bed as gently as he could, she stirred and rolled towards him.
"You smell like smoke." she murmured huskily, still half asleep.
"Yeah, there was a fire at the Danton Estate. I'm sorry it took a lot longer than I expected to get home."
"A fire, huh? Did Elisa spontaneously combust when she didn't get what she wanted?" she teased.
"What makes you think she still wants me?"
She looked at him silently as though he'd just asked a very dumb question, and he shook his head ruefully. She always had been far too insightful for her own good.
"It doesn't matter what Elisa wants or doesn't want. What I wanted was to spend the evening at home, with my wife. I'm really very sorry, Amanda. We get so little time together as it is." he said earnestly.
"It's alright, Lee. You were working. And the evening isn't over yet." She rolled towards him, running her warm hand over his shoulder and down his ribs, trailing her nails along his flank until his stomach muscles contracted. He reached out for her and encountered lace where he had been expecting cotton. He pulled down the comforter and sheets slowly. The black teddy was deceptively simple, with lace cups, mesh cut-outs along the sides, and high-cut legs. He drew a long, shaky breath, suddenly struggling to find enough oxygen in the room.
Amanda smiled at her husband's expression. She'd obviously chosen her outfit wisely, and she basked in his naked admiration.
When they'd first become lovers, she'd been conflicted about how to approach a sexual relationship with Lee. She knew that he'd had more than his fair share of partners, and that his sex life had been anything but traditional. While she admired the fact that he was honest and unapologetic about his past with her, she knew it would be difficult not to feel like she was competing with his history. But from the very first time they'd slept together, her mind was set at ease. He'd worshiped her with his body, and the intensity of the experience had nothing to do with how they made love, but the fact that love was what they were making. If she'd any doubt that he'd felt the same, the look of tender awe on his face as they lay in each other's arms afterwards would have erased it. Secure in the knowledge that she was not in competition with memories of his previous lovers, Amanda's natural confidence allowed her to express her passion for Lee in ways that clearly delighted him. It didn't hurt that he was very enthusiastic and skilled in returning the favour. Which brought her thoughts back to the present.
"That's very pretty." he murmured huskily, running a hand from waist to hip and back again.
"I thought you might think so."
"Were you wearing it today, at the office?" he asked, attempting to sound casually interested, although they both knew she saw straight through him.
"Let me think …. yes, I believe I was. You said something about getting back to distracting me, and I remember thinking that if you knew what I was wearing underneath my suit, I wouldn't be the only one who would be having difficulty concentrating on work."
He groaned quietly.
"Amanda, that's not nice. Now I'm always going to wonder …"
"…. whether I'm wearing something sexy underneath my work clothes? I think you should assume the answer to that question from now on is typically yes. As for being nice, I'm very nice. I'm so nice I'm not even going to ask you why dinner with your former flame took five hours and you came home smelling like smoke and her perfume."
"Amanda … I swear, nothing happened. Yes, she did her damndest to seduce me, but all I could think about was getting home to you. If it hadn't been for the fire, I would have been here hours ago."
"Shhh, Lee. I know. I was just kidding. Now can we please stop talking about Elisa, and start talking about how much I want you to touch me?"
"I am touching you." he teased, tapping her hip lightly with his hand.
"I was thinking something more along the lines of this …" she whispered, as she ran her free hand over his sculpted chest, teasing his nipple with her thumbnail until it hardened.
"Ohh, you mean like this?" and he mirrored her movement, causing her to moan and shift towards him.
"Yes, like that. And possibly also like this …" and she dragged the same hand down his belly to the waistband of his boxers, sneaking under the elastic and finding him already hardening from their verbal foreplay.
"God. Amanda." he was gritting his teeth, overwhelmed by the complex but simple sensation of her hand stroking him.
Finding the snaps of her teddy, he moved quickly to reciprocate the pleasure she was building in him with her clever fingers. At the same time, she leaned forward and found his mouth, sliding her tongue along his and then backing away to nip and suck on his lower lip. He was gratified to find her already wet, and she moaned into his mouth as his fingers began the subtle dance that he knew she loved. As her hips began to thrust forward towards the sensation, he slid one long finger inside her, while continuing the dance with his thumb.
"Lee …." Just his name, uttered on her exhalation, but it made something behind his sternum turn cartwheels. It was her acknowledgement of his place in her life, in her body, and in her heart, and it made him understand why heroes in old legends were always slaying dragons and battling demons for their beloved. There was nothing that he wouldn't risk for her.
"I love you, Amanda." whispered against her mouth.
"I know. Now show me." she demanded quietly.
They each stripped off their underwear in haste, but as he settled on top of her, he felt a sudden need to go slow. Braced on his elbows above her and cradling her head in his hands, he kissed her tenderly. Sensing the change in his mood, she stroked his shoulders and back, occasionally running her fingers through his hair as he continued to thrill her with an astonishing variety of kisses. Until Lee, she hadn't realized that such a lexicon of kissing was possible. There wasn't anything he couldn't convey with his lips.
Right now, his embraces were reverent, with a tinge of melancholy, and she wasn't surprised, had in fact anticipated this mood, given the inevitable trip down memory lane that his evening with Elisa would have caused. She allowed him his moment, but then slowly started to run her hands lower down his back, scratching lightly with her fingernails on the upsweep, just like she knew he loved. Feeling his reaction in the increased pressure against her mouth, she reached further down to grasp his ass, pulling him against her and wrapping her legs around his, feet tangling with his calves.
He broke contact with her mouth, nibbling along her jaw until he found her earlobe, which he sucked gently until she moaned and shifted underneath him. He repeated the exercise on her other side, and by the time he was finished, she was breathing heavily and running her foot up and down his leg. He brought his left hand deliberately towards her mouth, and she sucked hungrily on his fingers, becoming even more excited as she tasted herself on his skin while he watched her with eyes blackened with arousal.
"Tell me what you want, Amanda. Anything, and it's yours." he breathed against her ear, feeling feverish with a combination of devotion and lust.
"You. I want you." and she tried to reach between them to guide him to her, but he grasped her hand and held it away.
"I need you to tell me how you want it. Please." he pleaded.
"Lee, it doesn't matter how. It matters that it's you. Now get inside of me before I scream."
Whatever tether had been holding him back suddenly snapped, and he drove into her with enough strength to force a startled gasp from her throat. He stilled, looking into her eyes apologetically, but she wrapped her legs high on his hips and implored, "Don't stop. Just like that. Don't stop."
Not breaking eye contact, he took up a savage rhythm with his hips, her moans and gasps in counterpoint. Her hands traveled everywhere across his body; soothing, teasing and entreating messages left upon his skin. As he felt her need building, he grabbed behind one of her knees, pushing it back towards her torso and opening her completely to him. Her eyes clenched shut and she let out a low, keening noise that he knew meant she was right on the edge. He adjusted his strokes to hit her exactly where she needed it, and seconds later she was gone. Her staccato cries and the impossible tightness of her around him filled him with pleasure that had nothing to do with sexual release.
Still hard, he slowed his pace as she came back down, not wanting to finish just yet. But as he looked into her eyes, he saw sleepiness setting in beside gratification, and realized that it was nearly midnight, and she'd probably been up since before six, getting the boys ready for school. Tonight was not the night for a marathon.
"Your turn." she whispered, running her hand along the jaw that he hadn't been aware he'd been clenching. "Tell me what you want." she echoed back his earlier sentiment.
"Talk to me." he answered without thinking.
"Come closer, then." so he bent his head to rest near her shoulder, and she proceeded to speak in her low, sexy voice. He wasn't certain what he'd been expecting when he'd asked, but what she was saying surprised him. She spoke quietly of how he made her feel. Of how proud she was to be his wife, even if the world did not know. Of her conviction that they were perfect for each other, balancing out the other's weaknesses with strengths. Of her love, and trust, and devotion.
As she spoke, he began to move languidly inside her, without any of the frantic ache of before, but still exquisitely pleasurable. His climax, when it arrived, was equally unhurried, and he let it wash over him again and again until it was gone and he came to rest on top of her body, kissing her shoulder and neck and letting out a contented sigh.
Sometime later, Lee rolled onto his back, with Amanda's sleepy warmth draped along his side. He whispered a final "I love you" and smiled when she answered him with a garbled murmur. The words weren't necessary. As he slowly drifted to sleep, he felt full and utterly nourished by her love.