July 7, 2016, 19:52
EDITED: July 14, 2017
Filthy Hands, Filthy Rich
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto are both world-class assassins rooming in the same flat due to technical difficulties. Except neither really know the other is a pay-to-kill murderer.
A/N: Not an update. I went back and edited the grammars and a few words and my incompetence. Thank you for understanding.
••••••••••••••••
Chapter 1: Two Peas in a Pod
They started off as neighbors. Very bitter neighbors who had one interaction in their whole 3 years living there. The first impression was all the two needed to begin avoiding the others at all cost. Until the day of their nightmares came to life. Due to squirrels (yes, fucking squirrels) laying its five thousand relatives in one thin wall. Naruto hadn't given a flying crap about the mammal but the landlord was persistent, being an animal lover. All she did was send a notice, no agreement papers, no warnings, no permission. Just a notice. Naruto shouldn't be surprised when he dragged his ass home in the morning to find a sleeping man curled up on his couch. Naruto was too tired to question that and the huge hole on his wall.
"Excuse me," Naruto said, turning to his couch and feet cautiously poking the man lying on it. "This is my spot, sir, get off."
No answer. No movement. No twitch.
Naruto looked up and stared straight at nothing in particular. There was a dead man on his couch. How was he to rid of the evidence without being suspicious?
"Oh, Naruto! You're back!" A woman's voice called from behind him. His landlord. Once again entering without an invitation. Naruto's mood dropped tenfold.
"There's a hole on my wall," Naruto grumbled, turning to meet the older woman. Calling it a 'hole' was an understatement. It looked like an abyss, a void, a canyon.
"Great, right? We got most of the squirrels out," Tsunade smiled, patting the broken wall like it was a masterpiece she's proud of. Until it rumbled and a pile of cement fell off, causing them both to take a collective step back. Luckily it landed on his neighbor's apartment.
"That didn't explain this corpse on my sofa," Naruto pointed to the man lying peacefully like nothing happened. His head was a mess of raven locks and perfectly sculpted features.
"Oh, that's Sasuke, all the squirrels ran to his apartment and the debris fell over there too, so he's just taking a temporary nap here, don't mind him," Tsunade explained, a smile on her face as she patted Naruto on the back. He can't help his expression from growing grim with every passing second.
"Don't mind him? What do you mean don't mind him? He's on my couch, you got debris all over my thinking chair," Naruto yelled, pointing to the armchair by the wall covered in white dust, "and why the hell are there squirrels in the middle of the city, 60 stories up?!"
Naruto panted, breathless from his job and now this.
"Naruto, calm down, we're working to get answers," Tsunade said, her voice so bored, she might as well be asleep. Naruto felt his last string of patience snapped.
•••••••••••
Sasuke liked his life in order, with as little to no change in the currents as possible. A schedule repeating every day over and over was all he wished for. So the Uchiha knew something was immediately off when he woke up to a pair of numb legs and a foot in his face. He smacked it away only for it to bounce off the cushions and hitting him square on the cheeks. Sasuke scowled, grabbing it by the ankle as he struggled to sit up. A foreign weight was on top of him, not budging one bit as Sasuke tried to retrieve his legs. He glared to the other end of the couch. Why wasn't he surprised to find an annoying blond neighbor sleeping with his head rested on the arm of the sofa? His neighbor didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that he was laying on a total stranger.
In one swift motion, Sasuke managed to slip his legs from underneath the man's weight and freed himself from the tangle. Realizing he was still holding onto the man's ankle, Sasuke threw the feet back onto the couch, looking mildly disgusted. He glanced at the wide, open windows, watching as the sun rises over the horizon.
5 A.M.
He looked at his watch. 5:43 A.M., to be exact. He was forty-three minutes off from his schedule, what a great way to start the day. Sasuke took his time to stared briefly at the hole on the wall before walking through it to enter his own apartment. He noticed his brooding chair coated in white dust and scowled under his breath. What irks him, even more, was his orange neighbor having the same chair, only different in color, sitting in the exact same spot, mirroring Sasuke's. Feeling annoyed, he kicked his own chair and successfully turning it fifteen degrees to the right.
Satisfied with himself, Sasuke went for a shower in his own bathroom.
••••••••
Three years, and by now, he was used to hearing his neighbor showering and getting ready for work, preparing his suitcase and grabbing a tomato for breakfast. A distant background noise for Naruto's dreams. It was during these times that Naruto allowed his guard to be dropped, knowing his neighbor was always there to die first if a thief ever infiltrates. So when the other man finally left for work at 9 A.M., Naruto cracked his eyes open. The bright sunlight floating around the apartment made the place looked serene. Naruto briefly wondered why he hadn't slept in his bed last night instead.
He got up and prepared two cups of instant noodles. Reheating the water already in the pot, Naruto entered his bedroom to retrieve his work backpack.
Naruto's job ensured he works by night and sleep by day. To everyone's eyes, he was a part-time janitor and bouncer at the local night bar. It sounded almost as bad as his real job. The blonde plopped onto the couch, already slurping down his noodles as he changed the television channels. Finally landing a news channel focused on solving murders, Naruto leaned back. He pulled out his babies from the backpack and began polishing every single one to its finest state. He preferred his guns and blades pristine new, the feel when he uses it is always heavenly. Naruto avoids using guns unless it was an emergency, he was a knife type of man all the way. And in the dead of night, gunshots aren't ideal unless he wanted to attract attention.
Pausing, he quickly wondered what his raven neighbor worked as? A regular salary man? He wore a tie and a suit with a suitcase to work. He seemed uptight enough for Naruto to assumed it's some old boring job. No matter, the man should be back at five, maybe then will they have a proper introduction.
••••••••••••
Sasuke's partner was crap. People in his organization was crap in general. This was the third time this year Sasuke, a fucking sniper, had to fight hand to hand with a rat who sneaked passed the front lines. It showed how incompetent his teammates are, considering Sasuke had to do all the work. Thanks to that, there was now a tiny speck of blood on his white dress shirt which is very much noticeable.
"Sasuke, no normal, average human could see a red dot that small," his older brother said as he watched Sasuke packed his guns. Itachi was one top commander in their organization, and he abused his position by spending every waking second stalking Sasuke.
"You don't know that Itachi," Sasuke scowled, turning away to finish his work as far as possible.
"I have one of the sharpest eyes in the world, baby brother," Itachi sighed, Sasuke was too old to be sulking over a bad partner.
5:00 PM
"I'm leaving first," Sasuke said abruptly, standing up with the suitcase and immediately left for the exit. Not sparing anyone else another glance as he made his way to the car.
••••••••••••
Naruto was awoken from his sleep by the sound of the door bell ringing. He opened his eyes, sitting up with a kitchen knife in hand. The bell was rung from his neighbor's apartment, Naruto could hear it through the huge hole from where he sat. No way in hell is Naruto stepping a foot on that apartment's floor again, nothing is ever going to convince him. Naruto went to open his own door instead, he looked over and was surprised to find his neighbor standing there.
"Hey, over here," Naruto called out, effectively catching the raven's attention.
"This is rare, you never forget your keys," Naruto smirked when his neighbor made his way over.
"Yesterday was a turmoil, I have an excuse," the man said, pushing past Naruto only to immediately stopped halfway. Right, he was still holding the kitchen knife.
"Last I heard, you don't seem to like cooking," the raven said, eyeing the knife cautiously like it was an atomic bomb ready to explode at the wrong wording.
"Your bedroom is infested with crazy squirrels," Naruto said, ushering for his neighbor to enter so he can close the front door.
"Why were you in my bedroom?" The man asked, turning back to Naruto with an odd expression.
"When they broke down the wall, they destroyed my water pipes," Naruto shrugged, whistling his way out of the subject.
"You trespassed," the other man said, crossing his arm like a grumpy old man.
"Technically, no, because the wall is almost nonexistent and that makes this one big, conjoined apartment," Naruto retorted, jumping back onto his couch with no remorse whatsoever.
"And when are they going to fix your pipes?" The man asked, looking a bit terrified.
Naruto shrugged. "When they get to fixing the wall, I supposed."
An annoyed grumbled.
"At least tell me you didn't touch my shampoo," his neighbor sighed.
"I didn't," Naruto said, staring up with shiny blue eyes. "I just brought all my soaps and a toothbrush and shampoos and a towel over."
The man was silent, face blank and eyes bored as he stared back.
"Sure, move into my apartment," the raven said, walking toward the hole to enter his own apartment, "no problem there."
"Oh really?" Naruto chirped, getting up from his spot to follow his neighbor. "Because without running water in the kitchen, I don't think I can cook ramen-"
The man swirled around, meeting Naruto eye to eye with a glare so deadly it could kill.
"It was sarcastic," he said darkly, voice low as he pushed Naruto back with a single hand. "And heat up water bottles if you want your damn ramen."
Naruto stood in shock as he watched his neighbor walked away and slamming the bedroom door after himself. Naruto felt dumb. Why hadn't he thought of that? Heating bottled water instead?
•••••••••••••
The moment the door closes, Sasuke scrambled to his bed. Hysterically checking his guns' compartment to see if anything was discovered.
He let a relieved sigh escaped when nothing seemed out of place. Even his profession wouldn't be able to justify the number of guns he owned.
Sasuke froze, looking up to find himself staring at a little critter. It cocked its head to the side, tail curled behind its back as it stood on the bed.
A squirrel. A harmless little squirrel. Sasuke contemplated whether he should grab it or do so after he showers. He glanced around the room, feeling more squirrels' presences in the room, watching his every movement. Sasuke stood up, hands in the air as he slowly backed into his walk-in closet. For unknown reasons, Sasuke was feeling threatened, in his OWN home. He grabbed a pair of boxers and a plain shirt and shorts before bolting for his bathroom. He didn't dare to look back as he fastened the five locks on the door.
••••••••••••
Naruto only heard a brief shriek before turning to see his neighbor running, clutched in his arms, a suitcase. In all the years he knew the man, he had never seen him so frightened for his life.
"I told you so!" Naruto said, jumping on his couch to get out of the squirrels' reach as he pulled out the knife earlier, along with a handgun.
His neighbor, surprisingly, had good agility because he ran straight through the wall and hopped onto Naruto's kitchen counter without a second wasted. In even less time, pulling out a gun of his own.
They both froze where they are, gun aimed at the huge hole and more than ready to shoot anything moving on the other side. There was no sound in both apartments aside for the air condition running. As if both men were so concentrated, neither needed to breathe.
Naruto was the first to retreat his gun and quickly shoving it back into his pocket. Putting the knife on the table and turning around only to find his neighbor already finished packing and jumping off the counter top.
"A 9mm sub compact pistol," Naruto snickered, falling back on the couch.
"And a 380 automatic colt pistol is so much better," the man said sarcastically, locking his suitcase with a silent click before sliding it to the end of the marble counter.
"Naruto." The blond introduced himself, eyes not anywhere but the television screen.
"Sasuke." The raven replied, walking over to Naruto's bookshelf, not caring that he blocked half of the TV screen.
The man paused, hovering over the shelf and eyes searching for something Naruto wouldn't know.
"Uchiyama Sasuke," his neighbor said out of nowhere while leaning down to open a cabinet on the bottom shelf.
"Uzakichi Naruto," he replied and watched as Sasuke pulled out the first aid kit like he owned the apartment.
"I'm guessing you're going to be sleeping over for a while," Naruto sighed, looking at the ceiling in distressed. "When are you going to go back?"
"'When they get to fixing the wall, I supposed'," Sasuke repeated what the blond said earlier, mockingly even.
"Whatever, I'm not going to be home anyway," Naruto scoffed, turning his focus back to the TV. "And don't go sniffing in my bedroom, that's where I keep my cash."
"As if I need to, I can buy out this whole building complex if I wanted," Sasuke retorted, cleaning the squirrels' bites on his arm.
"So, can I," Naruto said, sticking out a tongue when he thought the other man wasn't looking. The information seemed to surprise Sasuke because he looked up abruptly.
"There's no way you can. I thought you work as some sort of prostitute," the man assumed, which in Naruto's opinion, was very rude.
"I'm a janitor, the pay is quite high," Naruto shrugged, silently laughing at the man's pause. When it seemed like he wasn't going to reply, the blond continued instead.
"What about you? Not gonna give me a business card or anything?"
"We don't give it to just anyone and you janitors don't just offer anyone a cleaning session," Sasuke said, putting a Band-Aid on every bite. A total in four, Naruto noticed. He looked down at his own bites, three on the leg and two on the arm. Sasuke must have run faster whilst Naruto was attacked off guard. The couch bounced a bit as Sasuke came to sit on the end opposite of Naruto. His eyes glued on his phone. They sat for a while, not minding the other's silence presence. Until something irked Naruto.
"Sasuke."
The raven didn't budge at the call of his name.
"Have you eaten dinner?" He asked, not looking at the raven as he talked.
Sasuke looked up from his reading to give Naruto a quick side glance before looking down again.
"No."
"I'll order pizza then," Naruto announced, grabbing his phone from the coffee table and dialing the pizza place.
"Let me guess," Sasuke said after Naruto hung up the phone.
"Yes, you are paying," Naruto finished the sentence for him. He reached over to replace his phone with the remote instead. Flipping through the channels only to turn on Netflix at the end of his search.
"Sasuke."
"What?"
"My Netflix account is overdue, put yours in," Naruto complained, throwing the TV remote toward Sasuke's direction. The raven barely managed to dodge the flying object and miraculously caught it. He sent glared at Naruto but the blond didn't seem to notice.
Moments later, Naruto was skimming through the mystery genre with a bored face. Nothing.
"Sasuke."
"What?!" The man snapped, flipping his phone over and turned to give Naruto the 'undivided' attention he wanted.
"Ever watched Sherlock Holmes? Was the book even good?" Naruto asked, leaning on the arm of the sofa lazily.
Sasuke stared at him with a blank expression before turning back to his phone. Frustration controlled.
"No movie is better than the book."
"You're right," Naruto said, clicking on the show anyway. "But I've never read the book, so it doesn't apply to me."
Sasuke was a strand of hair away from going mad and shooting down the whole building.
The doorbell rang just as the part where Sherlock and Watson chased down the taxi.
Both Sasuke and Naruto turned a deaf ear toward the door.
"It'd be cute if they went out," Naruto said, eyes staring straight at the screen as the sun behind them sets over the city. Taking the light with it as they sat in silent darkness.
The bell rang again.
"Sasuke."
No answer.
"Pizza man is here," Naruto said, bring his feet up to nudge the raven in the leg.
No reaction.
The blond kicked harder, only to receive something hard and sharp thrown at him. The object hit Naruto dead on the forehead and landed perfectly into his waiting hands.
"You're seriously too lazy to get off and pay for it?" Naruto asked, gripping Sasuke's credit card tightly as he sat up.
"17323," the raven said, ignoring the question as he continued watching his phone's screen.
Naruto stared at the man, unable believe any of it.
"Sasuke, what the fuck, did you just give me your bank pin code-"
"One more 'Sasuke' coming out of your mouth and I'm going to end a life," preferably yours, Sasuke scowled, glaring up to emphasize his threat before turning back to reading.
"Ooh, I like that look," Naruto grinned, tapping the raven lightly on the cheek before skipping happily toward the front door.
Sasuke was ready to kill. Anything blond. Anything disgustingly orange. Anything happy. Isn't it about time Naruto went to work already? Are janitors supposed to be this happy and carefree?
"I put every topping on half of the pizza and plain on the other side because I didn't know what you like," Naruto said, placing the pizza on the table as he settled down on the sofa.
Sasuke grimaced at the sight of pineapples and mushrooms on the same pizza but managed to stop himself from gagging.
Naruto ended up eating half of the pizza while Sasuke took care of the plain side.
"Agh! Of course, he's behind everything! Why am I so dumb!" Naruto grumbled about the show, grabbing his hair in exasperation.
"Isn't it time for you to go to work," Sasuke stated, returning to reading his whatever book.
"I clean for people, Sasuke, I don't have a fixed time for work," Naruto lied, sipping on his coke as he watched the last few minutes of the episode.
"Hn."
Naruto ended up leaving the apartment at 21:00, heaving along a huge backpack that had Sasuke wondering what he carried in there.
"Cleaners!" Naruto answered abruptly as if nervous. "I... uh...needed a lot of cleaning stuff."
Sasuke gave him a raised eyebrow and watched as his neighbor slipped out of the front doors. It was a huge backpack. Odd to imagine the man as a cleaner considering his apartment was a dumpster itself. For what it seems, Naruto was the one that needs a cleaning session.
••••••••••••••
Naruto knew the work his work was dangerous. He was killing under orders and no matter how the wording changes, he was a murderer. It was pretty illegal and bound to come back to bite him in the ass sometime in the future. Despite fighting on the front line, Naruto rarely gets hurt, ever. But for once, he agreed bringing a knife to a gun fight was a bad idea. What would Sasuke say when he sees him limping home like this?
A stray bullet flew by, grazing the scars on Naruto's cheeks. He rolled out of the way and shoved his blades back into its slots. Now Naruto's pissed. Shit gets real if one sees the blond pulling out a gun in both hands.
•••••••••••••••••
Sasuke jerked awake when the vibration of an unfamiliar footstep came walking down the hallway outside the apartment. He silently waltzed over to put his ears against the door. It sounded too sluggish to be Naruto. Too heavy and wavering. Absolutely no confidence, but rather desperation. The steps came closer and Sasuke immediately backed off. As quiet as he could, he grabbed his suitcase and fled to his side of the apartment. Hiding behind his own couch and prayed the squirrels sleep at the same time humans do. In seconds, Sasuke finished setting out his sniping rifle, just barely visible behind his sofa. He crouched there, silently waiting for any suspicious approaching sound. Someone slumped heavily on the door while jiggling the doorknob.
Sasuke aimed.
The door flew opened and the raven resisted the instinct to pull the trigger.
It was just Naruto, walking in looking really unsteady and slumping against the kitchen counter. His head was down as he breathed heavily and Sasuke suspected he was drunk. Which took a turn for the better because he hadn't wanted the blond to ask about the rifle. Explaining the handgun would've been easy but a business man owning a thirty-four-grand sniping rifle can't be passed off as a hobby. Just as Sasuke was reopening his suitcase, another unfamiliar figure entered after Naruto.
Sasuke paused, hand on his rifle as he watched the stranger. He didn't seem to have a weapon, could be an acquaintance. Being Naruto's neighbor, Sasuke knew the man had a lot (and by a lot, Sasuke meant a lot) of friends and acquaintances visiting often. The raven shot an eye toward the light up on the wall.
5:23 AM
Naruto came home later than usual. The man could be a friend helping drunk Naruto home. Unlikely. However, efficient to keep his options open.
Sasuke placed the hand on his gun, knowing he couldn't be seen in the darkness of the night as long as he didn't move too much. The raven aimed his rifle at the stranger, hands ready to pull the trigger with the purpose of killing.
The stranger reached for Naruto's shoulder, pulling him up from his slumped position.
Sasuke watched intently from where he hid, every movement absorbed by his midnight eyes.
In a split second, the man had his arms curled around Naruto's neck, lifting him up and Sasuke kept still.
Naruto's eyes flew opened, blue orbs wide and crazy as it clawed at the arm strangling him. Sasuke recognized it, Naruto wasn't drunk, he was drugged. The blond gagged, helplessly kicking and grabbing for air.
"Sasuke-" he blurted, not getting to finish his words before a shot fired silently. Naruto was right next to it yet all he heard was a grunt before he was released. The assaulter behind him fell backward, not a single drop of blood. Naruto collapsed, frozen where he was, gasping and hands on his neck. He was not quite comprehending the situation well with his mind drugged, only caring about catching some air. He did come to a conclusion, however, since no glass shattered, whoever pulled the trigger was in this apartment. And most likely, Naruto was the next victim.
The blond did his best to roll behind his couch, not trusting the kitchen counter to protect him.
"Who's there!" Naruto slurred, screaming loudly enough to wake the everyone in the building beneath.
"Shut up, it's me, you fucking moron," Sasuke scowled, smacking Naruto on the back to shut him up before running over to close the front door.
"Sasukeee," Naruto sang, hands waving lazily as the drugs kicked back in.
Sasuke turned at the mentioned of his name. Naruto looked like a drunkard waving the waiter for another beer.
Sasuke responded to the call, walking over and bending down. The first thing he noticed was Naruto's bleeding leg, it seemed controlled so he assumed it was a wound reopened.
"Come here," Sasuke grunted, slipping his arms under Naruto's form and lifting him up. It felt like he was carrying two huge barrels of useless sand. Good thing the couch was right there or else...
Naruto reached up to pat Sasuke on the chest proudly.
"You killed him~," Naruto nodded as he pointed to the limp body on the floor. "I didn't even notice until his pulse stopppsss... you're freaking... awesom..."
Sasuke watched with a blank expression as Naruto fell asleep in his arms. Chest rising and falling as slowly as the moon and sun changing.
•••••••••••
When Naruto opened his eyes again, it was already morning, the sun blazing brightly into his apartment. He yawned, snuggling back into the couch, intending to sleep in more. It didn't hit him until minutes later, causing him to snap awake. He was looking around wildly, no dead bodies and no killer Sasuke in sight. Naruto scrambled to his doorway, searching frantically for any blood splatter. None, not on the walls, not on the door, not on any visible surface that he knew of. The blond slumped on the floor, confused more than anything. Had it been all a dream? More like a nightmare, Naruto remembered clearly how close the shot came to hit him. Instead, it went through the other man's chest, an instant kill without a sight of blood. Naruto shuddered, hoping that was all dreamt up.
Yesterday mission was a disaster to say, out of his team of five, only three returned alive. They came back to the main quarters looking defeated and wounded. Naruto got shot in the leg and thought nothing of it. The poison didn't kick in until later when he was riding the elevators up to his apartment. Which was why he hadn't noticed the man tailing him. What would've been his fate had Sasuke not interfered? Naruto looked down at his leg, new bandages that he hadn't remembered changing into. Sasuke wasn't any ordinary business man, was he?
Naruto sat rigidly as he waited for the raven to come back. With a gun in hand, he switched on the TV to watch the last few episodes of season one.
The third episode was watched half way. Naruto narrowed his eyes.
Sasuke watched the show without him. The bastard said he wasn't interested, something about 'no movie is better than book' crap.
They were going to need some sort of Netflix commitment rings for this relationship to work or else things won't end well. He was ready to have a long discussion when Sasuke gets back, but more than anything, he was ready to face the pack of squirrels that could surprise attack him any minute. Naruto might have an injured leg and probably crap aim but he can kill with his eyes closed.
••••••••••••••
"It's scary how you're obviously looking at the clouds and still managed to keep a deadly accuracy," Shikamaru said, hoisting from his spot and started packing his rifle. He was also a sniper, this mission required two and he was forced to tag along. Sasuke was glad, Nara Shikamaru was someone he could at least have a little trust in.
"What could possibly get an Uchiha utterly distracted I wonder," Shikamaru noted, raising an eyebrow but not looking at Sasuke's way. After a while, it seemed as if the raven was too busy looking at the clouds to answer.
"My bedroom is infested with squirrels and I've been living in an apartment with a moron whose sanitary condition is worse than that of a sewer rat, good enough for you?" Sasuke scowled, stuffing his rifle angrily into the suitcase.
Shikamaru nodded in understanding.
"Relationships problems I see, such complicated and stressful things," Shikamaru added, locking his own suitcase shut. "Most of us assassins avoid lovers, it always put them at risk of your potential enemies."
Sasuke sent him a confused and judgmental expression. Shikamaru tended to reply with something completely unrelated to the original topic.
"Unless you dated someone equally dangerous, of course," Shikamaru continued, totally shrugging off the face Sasuke made. "It'll just make you deadlier than you already are and we definitely don't want that."
Sasuke crouched on his spot, looking at his blabbering teammate with a bored expression.
"But then again, there's Itachi to worry about, he seemed like an overprotective older brother," Shikamaru said thoughtfully, glancing up at the sky as if he was honestly considering Sasuke's personal life and future. "He'll probably bark at any cat who comes into contact with you."
Sasuke stood up with his suitcase and signaled a hand to stop his teammate from continuing.
"Shikamaru, you're making my situation more complicated than it really is," Sasuke said and paused for a second before adding, "and you're not a psychologist nor a fortune teller, do shut up, for my sake."
Thankfully Shikamaru stopped after that and Sasuke never appreciated a human being more than now.
The sun was slightly setting over the horizon. Reflecting light off skyscrapers and glass made the city glitter. An indication that it was time to head home.
04:57 PM
Just as the team entered the main building's lobby, Sasuke's phone buzzed. It caught everyone by surprise. Not because it was the company's policy to have their phone on silent due to possible dangers while on a mission. A simple ringtone could give off a gunner's position and that never ends well.
Sasuke's private number was getting a call. They swore Itachi was the only one on his contact list since... forever. Except it wasn't Itachi calling because the man was standing less than three feet away, also shocked out of his skin. Shikamaru raised a knowing eyebrow, pausing like everyone else to catch an ear of Sasuke's caller.
Sasuke was cautious, holding his phone as far away as possible as he looked at the number.
Unknown.
Sasuke wouldn't answer an unknown number even if someone slaps him in the face with a million dollars. However, it was his private phone. Secured and no one suspicious nor an advertisement would be able to get their hands on it. He pressed 'answer', keeping his distance.
"Hello?" Sasuke asked. He hadn't wanted it anywhere near his ear.
"Sasuke? Is this you? Are you holding the phone far away, you coward?" Came an annoyingly familiar voice from the other line.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes.
Naruto.
He turned down the volume and pressed the phone against his ears so only he could hear. If everyone were to get a whiff of this, Sasuke might as well move to a different country and live for the rest of his life in utter humiliation. He waved his hands toward the bystanders, gesturing for them to leave. When some remained, he resorted to threats.
"How'd you get your garbage hands on my number?" Sasuke scowled in a hushed voice, very aware that Itachi was still watching from the distance. The only man Sasuke couldn't get rid of even if he pressed a gun to his heart.
"I have my ways Sasuke, don't test me," Naruto answered, voice static over the phone.
"Alright, Naruto. You're ruining my reputation, what do you want? Calling me at these hours, aren't you supposed to sleep?" Sasuke hissed, giving Itachi a side glance.
"Sasuke, it's four in the afternoon, only an idiot would be asleep at this time," Naruto retorted, sounding annoying and loud even though he was miles away.
"That proved my point exactly," Sasuke muttered.
"WHAT WAS THAT? SPEAK LOUDER, BABY, I CAN'T HEAR," Naruto nearly screamed into the phone. Be it on speaker or lowest volume, anyone in the lobby must have heard it. Sasuke wanted to crawl in a corner and cry, his life was ruined. His reputation he built in the past three years, destroyed by a loud mouth.
"Naruto, fucking spare me and get on with it," Sasuke murmured, done with life and everything related to it.
"I just wanted to let you know I ordered Thai food, so don't go bringing back McDonald's or some shit alright?" Naruto said a bit too happily over the phone, making Sasuke questioned himself. No man should be this happy unles-
"You used my card again didn't you?" Sasuke scowled into the phone, as quiet and deadly as he could. How could he forget to take his credit card back from the idiot? Now his bank account was endangered. There was silence and Sasuke assumed the phone line was cut, but Naruto proved him wrong yet again.
"This serves as a warning Uchiyama," the voice on the other side was equally low and murderous. "The next time you watch Sherlock Holmes without me, that dead man yesterday won't be the only thing killed in this house."
Sasuke nearly crushed his phone due to the irony of it all. This was ironic, considering he could clearly hear Sherlock Holmes playing in Naruto's background. And the fact that Sasuke was the one who killed the man yesterday didn't prove Naruto any more valid.
"Naruto, it isn't a house, it's an apartment, to be precise, a conjoined apartment," Sasuke corrected but Naruto wasn't having any of it.
"LOVE YOU TOO PUMPKIN PIE, BE HOME FOR THE COOKIE DOUGH OR ELSE-"
Sasuke hung up before things get too out of hand in the lobby. He didn't need to look around to know everyone was in hysteric. By tomorrow, gossips about him will be all over the organization. Itachi was being carted out of the lobby on a stretcher. Sasuke decided. Tonight will be the night. He's going to bury Uzakichi Naruto alive and make it look like an accident. He'll have a beer while doing it too. It'll be glorious.
••••••••••••
Sasuke unlocked the door to his own apartment, entering only to have a gun pressed tight against his chest. A great welcome home, really, it is.
"Why did you hung up on me?" Naruto asked, pushing the gun deeper into Sasuke chest. The raven raised his hand up in defeat as he moved out of the way. Naruto was quick to kick the door closed, not taking his evil eyes off his target.
"The bigger question here is why you're running around threatening innocent civilians with an injured leg," Sasuke retorted, taking a step back when the gun was pressed closer.
"I'll worry about my leg and you worry about your life Uchiyama," Naruto said, face in a frown. It was a quick flash, the gun moving and a shot was heard as Naruto pulled the trigger. Sasuke didn't flinch one bit, instead, he glared at his apartment in distressed. Naruto shot at absolutely nothing.
"Why would you put a hole through my floor," Sasuke hissed, moving only for the handgun to stop him short.
"There was a squirrel, I saved your life," Naruto huffed, reloading his shots.
"The squirrel was on the couch five feet away; can you not aim or are you just high?" Sasuke pointed out in his husky voice, not surprised when Naruto pressed the gun up his jaw.
"You know what else doesn't require aim or me being high?" Naruto questioned, eyebrow raised and fingers toying with the trigger. Sasuke guessed the rest.
Sasuke opened his mouth to retort but the blond pushed the gun up further, effectively quieting him. It was a rhetorical question, not meant to be answered.
"I feel betrayed Sasuke, I really do," Naruto nodded as if feeling truly sorrowful, "I can't believe you cheated on me by watching ahead on my favorite show."
Sasuke, on the other hand, couldn't believe he was being threatened in his own apartment by a crazy neighbor.
"Why are you acting like a grumpy girlfriend? It's just a show," Sasuke snorted, his mockery short-lived. Immediately regretting it the moment Naruto pulled the trigger. The shot went off to the side, barely missing the Uchiha but the sound was so loud, it was as if the trigger was pulled right next to his ears. Oh wait, it is.
"Call me that one more time-"
"Right, I meant boy-"
"Don't cut me off while I'm talking either," Naruto shouted, probably damaging Sasuke's ears more than the gunshot did.
"Seriously, Naruto, if you're high, I can help put out your lights for the night," Sasuke offered with totally good intentions. "and hopefully for the rest of your life too."
"What was that?"
"I said," Sasuke repeated, inhaling deeply, "the food is getting cold, let's eat."
Naruto narrowed his eyes, looking up and straight into Sasuke's midnight ones.
"That's what I thought," Naruto said, retreating his gun and stuffing it dangerously into the back of his pocket. Sasuke will wait to celebrate the day Naruto's gun accidentally goes off and shoots its owner in the ass. And last Sasuke checked, are janitors supposed to wave a gun easily around like it was a mop or duster of some sort?
"Look, look, the squirrels bit me twice again when I tried to use your bathroom," Naruto said, rolling up his sleeves to show off his trophies. Sasuke sat on the sofa and kept his distance.
"You better get that cleaned properly or you can get, I don't know, rabies or something," Sasuke said in disgust before pushing Naruto out of the way to reach for the food.
Naruto gasped as if offended, "I'm your flat mate and here you are, not caring if I die?"
"Naruto," Sasuke said, pausing to chew and swallowed, "I'm here for you, the most I can do is call the coffin service."
"Heartless, crazy bastard," Naruto said, clicking his tongue and returned to the food before it runs out.
Sasuke set down the chopstick and took his time to wipe his mouth with a clean napkin.
"Say, the psychotic man who shoved a gun up to my face upon my arrival home," Sasuke retorted, still in disbelief. "How can you walk? Do you even have a license to use guns?"
Naruto whipped his head around so fast, lightning speed came up short in comparison.
"I'll have you know, I have a license for a lot of things. Both legal and not. I'm also a bouncer, we keep troublesome people out of the clubs when needed," Naruto lied, but his frown so deep, it would have convinced anyone.
Sasuke was busy wrapping his head around the concept. Couldn't believe the night club hired someone with crappy aim and temper as short as Naruto's.
"And what about you?" Naruto accused, casually eating his food, "do all salary man has crazy good sniper skills?"
Sasuke paused, thinking of an excuse in seconds.
"I'm actually a bodyguard, paid to protect..CEOs and big names," Sasuke said, averting his gaze and turned to pick up his chopsticks.
"Which CEO?"
"Can't say,"
"Why not?" Naruto pestered.
"Because you'll probably come to my work place and beg for free food," Sasuke said, pushing Naruto away when the blond got nosy.
"Maybe...I should change job," Naruto said distantly, fingers feeling the white bandage on his leg. "Mine is getting a bit dangerous."
"Hn," Sasuke grunted, looking away, not wanting to think about what kind of bouncer gets shot in the leg by a bullet filled with poison. It took Sasuke forever to pull the shells out.
"And it seems your job pay is high too," Naruto added, looking at Sasuke mischievously. The raven stared with half-lidded eyes, already knowing what was about to come.
"Yeah, I checked your bank amount," Naruto chuckled and whistled impressively. "A whopping twenty-six million."
Yes. 26 million. Sasuke assumed by now it was close to about zero cents, considering Naruto had his hands on it. He thanked heavens it wasn't his main account or else his retirement savings would've been gone too.
"You may not believe it, but I used to have hundreds of millions in my bank too," Naruto informed, and Sasuke didn't believe it for a second. Was he robbed for all of that to disappear? Do bouncers make that much?
"I used most of it," Naruto said, a bit regretful. "I bought a vault in the England's bank...and had it filled to the brim with all types of instant noodles."
At this point in life, Sasuke was tired of asking why.
"Why?" Sasuke grumbled.
"Figured one day instant noodles would be extinct and I'd be rich if I sold it during high demand times," Naruto shrugged like it didn't bother him much.
"What a moron," Sasuke shook his head and went back to eating.
"Yeah...for once, I kind of agree," Naruto sighed, he was young back then. Only two years ago...
"You know what Sasuke?" Naruto asked, throwing his empty plate on the table.
"Naruto, I think I've had enough social interactions today," Sasuke said, "especially with you."
Naruto continued anyways, "I think you're an okay guy, I feel we could exchange secrets, just the two of us."
"You know what else I should've kept a secret?" Sasuke said, eyes bored and Naruto curiously looked over. "My credit card, I should've kept that shit to myself."
Naruto laughed, his voice radiating around the room as he patted Sasuke on the back.
"Oh, it's okay, I'm just buying daily food and... pay-rent-and-all-that-stuff," Naruto whispered the last part but Sasuke heard it. He planted his face into his hand, rethinking life. He was earning money for two, this was even worse than having a family of his own.
"No worries, the squirrels took my card so once we get it back, we'll do a switcheroos kind of thing," Naruto said, pulling devastated Sasuke into a quick side hug before returning to the watching the show.
It wasn't even a second later that Naruto spoke up again, "Oh, and Sasuke?"
Midnight eyes glared up, not quite recovered from his earlier shock.
"We need to buy a new couch, the springs are starting to come out," Naruto said, patting his orange sofa. Sasuke wasn't emotionally affected anymore. His face blank and stoic but he was losing hair dangerously fast.
•••
They ended up laying on the couch for the whole night, kicking one another to get their legs comfortable. Sasuke had to hook one leg over the sofa because apparently, Naruto had an "injured" leg. As if it was an excuse for everything. To make matter worse, he wasn't going to work due to an "injury". It was a true horror story, two grown men trying to fit onto one sofa.
"Naruto, get your nasty foot off me," Sasuke scowled, smacking the leg off his chest.
"Who are you to speak, gorilla?!" Naruto retorted, pushing Sasuke's leg away also.
It continued for the whole night, Sasuke believed it was the latest he ever stayed up to fight over a sleeping spot.
"Don't you have your own bed?!" Sasuke complained, already giving up on removing Naruto's "injured" leg from on top of him.
"Don't you?" Naruto shot right back.
"Are you telling me to go on a suicide mission with those squirrels?" Sasuke spat, had his leg been a tad longer, he'd kick the blond in the face.
"You look like that one piece of gum no one can scrape off the bottom of their shoe, who knows, you might survive," Naruto shrugged, looking arrogant as he stared back at TV.
Their bickering was cut off short when Naruto's doorknob was aggressively jarred. Sasuke was quick, sliding off the couch to glare at the door.
Not again.
He exchanged a glance with Naruto, silently asking if it could be an acquaintance. The blond shook his head in response, eyes dangerous and it was all the indication Sasuke needed. He scooped Naruto up in his arms and ran for hole leading into the other apartment.
Sasuke paused, hesitating whether it was a good idea to face the squirrels now out of all times.
"My bathroom," Naruto whispered, head jerking toward the opposite direction, "my guns are under the sink."
Sasuke didn't have time to disagree when someone slammed against the door again, effectively breaking a few locks.
Sasuke fled for the room Naruto pointed to, slightly struggling because carrying a dead weight wasn't the easiest thing. Naruto needed to chill on the fast food or else his weight might break a bigger hole on the floor than the gunshot did.
Naruto wasted no time fastening the eight locks on his bedroom door as they passed. Hoping it'd buy them time when the attacker comes in.
Sasuke was nice enough to not throw Naruto into the bathtub but set him on the floor instead. He opened the cabinets under the sink and guns flowing out almost suffocated him.
"What the fuck Naruto?" Sasuke hissed, pointing to the pile of handguns on the floor. Obviously, the money he spent didn't go all into the instant noodles in the vault.
"No time, just grab something," Naruto scowled quietly, already grabbing two guns for himself.
Sasuke clicked his tongue in annoyance before taking a random one from the pile, peeking out through the crack of the bathroom door.
"Just so you know, I'm not great at aiming so don't rely on me," Naruto warned.
Sasuke could see that, considering the hole on his floor earlier was just a disaster. He felt endangered both from the front and the back now. Good thing Sasuke was trained to aim and dodge, otherwise, he'd be dead before the attacker even comes into play. Except, he...wasn't as good without his sniping rifle. The aim might be a little off but nothing to worry about, as long as it was better than Naruto's, they had a chance. Sasuke poked his gun out of the little opening between the bathroom's door.
The moment Naruto's bedroom's door slammed open, Sasuke rained shots onto anything that moved. Recycling through the guns when one ran out of bullets. The sound must have been deafening but the raven didn't notice, didn't care. A hand on Sasuke's shoulder almost shocked the bones out of him.
"Sasuke, chill, he's dead, I heard his body fell," Naruto ushered, throwing his own gun back into the pile of many.
Sasuke huffed, putting his weapon down only to grab a newer one, just in case. He stood from his crouched position, extending a hand to Naruto who gladly took it.
"Future advice," Sasuke said, turning back to look at Naruto just as they exited the bathroom. "Never sneak up on a sniper while they're shooting. Friends or not, they will kill you."
Naruto nodded, imprinting the information permanently in his head. He hadn't missed the deadly stillness Sasuke displayed when shooting. A hunter in waiting. There was no hesitation, no shaking, no amateur playfulness. He came to kill and that was all.
Sasuke stopped in front of the tattered body, staring down at it with a blank expression. Naruto limped after him, noticing every part of the corpse torn with gunshots.
"You went a bit overboard," Naruto said after a while, impressed how not a single drop of blood was seen.
Sasuke nudged the dead body, testing to see if it was still alive. After confirming his suspicions, he bent down and picked up the corpse. They shuffled to the living room. Both silent but already knowing what was coming next.
"Why mine? Use your fireplace," Naruto complained, watching as Sasuke throw the dead man into the fire.
Sasuke dusted his clothes, disgusted at the marks left from the man's body.
"One," the raven said, giving Naruto a glare. "This guy is your apartment's responsibility, and two, you can complain when you're the one carrying him."
Naruto paused, closing the glass doors to the fireplace. His blue eyes on the glittering fire, not looking at Sasuke as he talked, "You're not exactly a bodyguard, are you?"
Sasuke stopped in his track, eyes focused on his dark side of the apartment. Not looking at anything in particular as he fixed his wrist watch.
"And you're not really a bouncer or a janitor," Sasuke said, referring to the pile of guns in Naruto's bathroom.
They both stood in the same spot in silence. Sasuke pretending to be busy with pulling his dress shirt's cuffs and Naruto changing the fire's intensity. Neither really knowing what to say.
"I don't care," Naruto said suddenly, turning to limp for the sofa, all the while not making eye contact.
"Me either," Sasuke finished quickly, avoiding meeting Naruto's eyes. He sped to the hole on the wall, entering his apartment. Sasuke didn't want to think about it. He was breathing the same air as a serial killer for all he knew. He didn't know much about Naruto as much as he assumed he did. Sasuke shrugged himself out of it. All he wanted at this moment was a shower. A long shower to wash off the dead smell on him.
Naruto fell asleep to the sound of the shower running and an occasional scream coming from Sasuke. He had a smile on his face, he was glad the squirrels didn't end up on his side of the apartment instead.
•••••••••
Naruto might have fallen asleep happy but he didn't wake up feeling so. The sound of continuous gun reloading was driving him crazy. He shot up from his comfy sofa, madly searching for the clicking sound.
"Sasuke, it's five in the morning can you shut up for a second?!" Naruto yelled, glaring over to the spot where Sasuke sat by the large wall window. The sun was beginning to rise over the city, coloring the sky with yellow and blue. From here, Sasuke looked like grumpy a child, bitter because no one was playing his toys with him. He stared absently out the window, sniping rifles of all type littered around.
More like a dangerous child than a grumpy one.
Sasuke was repeatedly reloading, there was no shooting so Naruto assumed it was safe to sneak up on him. The blond walked behind the couch and approached the man.
"Hey," Naruto said, nudging Sasuke with his foot and immediately fleeing to a safe spot behind the sofa. He didn't even get a second to blink before Sasuke shot a hole through his couch. Adding to the sofa's damage and reasons why they need to get a new one.
Naruto stared wide-eyed at the sudden appearance of a hole on his cushion. If it had been a bit more to the left, the bullet would've gone straight into his skull.
"Okay, you're pissed," Naruto gulped, poking his head out from behind the couch.
"I'm not pissed," Sasuke said, reloading the gun and looking down at the city through his scope. Just when he seemed to find a target, he pulled back and reloaded. Repeating the process over and over again, Naruto doing nothing but watch.
"So, I'm guessing something happened with your job," Naruto said, bending down to pick up a stray rifle.
"They called an emergency and had every...employee stayed home," Sasuke said plainly, aiming once again.
"..So you're mad," Naruto said, running his fingers almost sensually over the gun, "because you're getting a day off work."
Sasuke reloaded, staring up at the blond with an unreadable expression, "basically, yes."
Naruto came to a conclusion, Uchiyama Sasuke was an obsessed gunner who can't stand a day without shooting somebody.
"Come," Sasuke said suddenly, standing up and tossing Naruto a random sniping rifle out of the large pile.
"Where are we going?" Naruto said in shock, the long gun cradled awkwardly in his arms. He just woke up and one of his eyes weren't even fully open.
"Roof, we own the highest floor, so technically the roof is ours," Sasuke reasoned, dumping his sniping guns into a gym bag that he got out of nowhere.
Naruto shook his head violently.
"That's not true at all, we're not allowed to have access to the roof," he said, though he doesn't believe so himself. Now was a convenient time to follow rules.
"Your leg seemed better, that's pretty fast healing," Sasuke changed the subject, totally ignoring Naruto's words.
"Sasuke."
"What?"
"Are you seriously going to carry a bunch of rifles down the hall and expect not to, I don't know, get caught?" Naruto challenged, crossing his arm defiantly.
Sasuke sighed, a long breath held in for many years.
"Naruto, if your moron ass hasn't noticed, we're the only two living on this floor," Sasuke said, waving his hand at nowhere in particular. He had a point, but it wasn't good enough.
"Okay, and using a gun in broad daylight is such a great idea," Naruto retorted, tapping his foot impatiently on the wooden floor.
"We're not using it," Sasuke said, hand reaching over to grab Naruto by the shoulder and pulling him along. "We're...practicing."
Naruto paused, a bad feeling bubbling in the pit of his stomach.
"I'll teach you how to aim, properly," Sasuke smirked, looping an arm around Naruto's neck like any old buddies would do.
Sasuke smelled kind of nice Naruto noticed. Like Armani cologne. And gunpowder. Really, really nice mixture.
Now Naruto was having a really bad case of butterflies in his stomach.
How terribly great.
••••••••••
End of Chapter 1: Two Peas in a Pod
••••••••••
A/N: I apologized for this, because... no promises. It came out of nowhere. Like me. But all things should be given a chance.