-TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR: MENTIONS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE. PLEASE, READ WITH CAUTION.-
Ah, of course he'd get whipped back to one of the worse childhood memories of his. Beautiful architecture, stained-glass windows, immaculate art and priceless works in every corner. And, of course, a harsh punishment if you so much as touched anything other than the ground under you with your floor polish. He hated this place. It was only a memory, and the reassurance (and twinge of guilt) he was using as he strolled through the familiar corridors (watching every step, can't slip and let something move out of place) was that everyone who had once lived here was now long dead.
Himself included, though he was still alive in that he existed. The specifics of that weren't something he looked into. Still, he found himself eventually standing in the one room he'd always dreaded in his youth: the bedroom of his old caretaker. There was a lot in here, and for a moment Kankri had to check his feet to make sure they were mud-free before he entered the almost sacred room, regardless of the fact that he didn't have to make sure that anything was clean anymore.
He stepped through the threshold with a silent reverence, almost holding his breath for fear of somehow exhaling filthy air from the outside world into this holy respiteblock. He didn't know what had brought him here, especially seeing that the most horrific memories of his youth had sprouted in this very room. He could almost hear the chiding voice of the caretaker, the saccharine tone which hid razors just beneath the surface as he was reminded to not speak up, not make a bother while the adults spoke. They were doing something good for him, taking him in. It was their job to care, and in turn he had to give back by remaining silent, doing his chores, and staying out of the way. What, with his blood, it was a favor! Even the memories made him feel stiff, and he turned to leave.
Before he could, though, he froze. It felt as though there was a string tied to his gut, an internal force pulling him deeper into the room, the bright red of his sweater clashing with the soothing blues and indigoes of the fabrics attached to the discreet hooks on the walls. She would never have lived with this outfit. So unattractive. Bracing himself, Kankri walked to one of the walls, the silky drape on it positioned so it folded in an aesthetically pleasing manner, but didn't wrinkle. This entire house was a work of art. One that he planned on destroying.
Digging his claws into the fabric, Kankri tore through it, a rush of adrenaline pumping through his veins already. Next went the rest of the drapes, collapsing in tattered heaps on the ground and revealing the oh-so-drab navy blue walls underneath. The paintings came after, Kankri grabbing one and the next smashing the spotless frames over his knees. Finally, he was standing on the bed (in his boots! He was wearing shoes on the bed!) and pulling the massive portrait of the caretaker off the wall, scratching through her face with his claws and letting the delicate paint flake off of the canvas. He was shaking, the feeling of being alone pumping him with exhilaration and residual fear from past memories.
Jeez, this was a depressing bubble. Was this one of Kankri's memories? Karkat had gone looking for him when he wasn't at the bench they usually met at. He called out Kankri's name as he walked, feet shuffling quietly. No answer. He frowned. He should be here. A low sigh escaped him. Just before he was about to give up, he passed a tall building. It was beautifully constructed, and it caught Karkat's eye. He would have walked right past it had he not heard some sort of noise from inside. What was that- crashing? He pulled his brows together, approaching it.
It looked like some sort of hive, but fucking huge. Since it was the biggest building in the area, he figured someone must be in there, whether it was Kankri or otherwise. Opening the door, he immediately felt a shiver run down his spine. It felt cold, and uncomfortably empty. The only other sounds other than his footsteps that echoed throughout the place were the sounds of ripping, tearing, crashing from another room. He didn't have time to examine the beauty of the architecture before he followed it, leading him to a large room with the door slightly ajar. He was a little shocked at what he saw inside. It was Kankri, tearing the fuck out of some sort of portrait of a troll he didn't recognize. He looked like he was shaking, and Karkat was too surprised to say anything at first. When he did, he sounded dumbfounded.
"Uh…Kankri? Am I interrupting something?"
He froze as soon as he heard a voice, blood running cold with panic that should've been long dead. Oh no. Someone saw him. Even though he had faith that it most certainly wasn't the caretaker, the faint memory of a heartbeat forcing its way up his throat clearly had a different idea.
"I- well- I was-" He was stammering already. What's his excuse? What's his excuse?
"You were…?" Karkat quirked a brow.
"Oh, Karkat. It's good to see you. I'm terribly sorry I wasn't at our usual meeting place. I got whisked here in a bout of reflection. I'm... We…" Change the subject. Get him out of here. He can't see this. The place was too messy! He ruined the respiteblock
"We should go. Out. To where we usually meet," Kankri forced, words stiff and unnatural.
He looked the room up and down, and looked at the paint underneath Kankri's nails. He frowned, tilting his head in confusion. "Wait. What's going on? What happened? You just tore the shit out of that painting! And uh, everything else.
No, no no no. Fuck! Fuck twenty times over, he really ruined this one! "I'm sorry. I can explain, really. Really! I know, this was a bit of a mess. I'll... I'll clean it up, see?"
And it was clean. Fixed with memory majyyks.
Karkat watched as the room was restored to what he assumed was its original condition, expression unamused. "Kankri, I couldn't give less of a shit about the cleanliness of this room. I'm more concerned about why the fuck you're destroying it."
"Right. Of course. That, that can also be explained. See, it's," he cleared his throat, "I… think we should go. And disregard this place. Now."
He narrowed his eyes. "No, Kankri. We aren't going until you tell me what's going on."
"I'm sorry." It was a muscle reflex. Apologizing wouldn't get him anywhere, of course, and he knew it. But maybe it would soften the inevitable. Admitting to one's faults was a good practice.
"Oh my god. Don't be sorry, just tell me what the hell was wrong!" Karkat snapped, voice raising.
Kankri shrank back a little from Karkat's voice, one foot shifting one of the throw rugs. He quickly toed it back into place. "I let myself lose control. Rest assured, it won't happen again. Now, let's go, shall we?"
Karkat quieted down, taking a step back from him with an exhale. "Sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. But fuck, I just want to know what's wrong. Don't... Don't tell me this is going to be a thing with you."
"No, no! It won't happen again, I promise." Kankri noticed the mud on Karkat's shoes. The small tracks he was left behind in the hallway. The first thing Kankri could think was 'hypocrite', even though he was not being reprimanded or scolded in any way. Or was he?
"Kankri! I don't fucking care what you're doing, I just want to know what the hell was wrong!" He rubbed at his face, getting quiet again. "Okay, look. Just tell me what's up and I'll leave you alone.
Oh no. He was still choking on his dread, entire body frozen like a deer in the headlights. "It's a memory of mine." The words came out passively. Oh no, wait. Maybe Kankri should be more expressive. "It's a memory of mine!" There. Better.
Karkat wasn't sure why he repeated himself, and he flinched a little when Kankri said it the second time, louder. "Jeez, I get it. That doesn't answer anything, like why are you ripping the shit out of everything?"
"It's, well, it's... Not... A good memory?" No. You sound like a child. Fix your tone, sound sure of yourself! Come on, you have to prove yourself somehow. "It's not exactly one of my fonder memories."
Karkat was getting frustrated now. "Kankri. I get it that it's a bad fucking memory. You're not answering my question."
"Honestly, it's all a bit immature of me, and I'm more than aware of how spiteful those acts were and I'll be sure to keep in mind the problematic habits which could form from this sort of behavior. It's never happening again." His voice was rushed. Half of him wanted to leave, but the other half was pinning him here. Karkat's at the door. He shouldn't be approached.
"Argh! Kankri, I don't fucking care! Just tell me what's wrong and I'll leave, don't go into your pseudo-intellectual garbage and just tell me why you were doing it, and I'll never talk to you again about it. Have you considered that I'm just concerned about you? It's not every day I walk into a weird bubble and see you going crazy and tearing shit to shreds! God fucking dammit, just use your mouth to actually tell me what the hell is up with you instead of going on about bullshit problematics for once!"
He swallowed. Okay, there had to be some way to rationally state his reasoning. Keep a level head. "I didn't like this place. And, we had to keep it well-maintained. So, I'd never have been able to do something like this when I was living here. Something drove me to...You know. Just as... Ah…" Words. Come on, find some! Find some!
Karkat nodded, still visibly frustrated. This must be one of the communal hives Kankri talked about. He could kind of see why Kankri got so mad, but...Of all the people he assumed would do that, he was probably on the bottom of the list. "Uh huh?"
"Think nothing of it. It was just a lapse in my composure." Because he was composed. And capable. And... Oh, why he even bothering? He couldn't even manage to avoid destroying some long-dead respiteblock because of a few times he got grounded. Though Kankri didn't typically like to see himself as the sort of person who would discriminate against coping techniques, he was clearly not capable of keeping his emotions in check, or doing much of anything aside from embarrassing himself. Augh, this was the telltale sign of weak character. "Can we go?"
Karkat listened to Kankri, pressing his lips together into a thin line. He wasn't sure why he was so damned upset about this, it wasn't even his problem and it was obvious that him being upset was making Kankri feel worse. He nodded, saying, "Yeah, let's go. We can talk about this somewhere else."
"Thank you." Kankri didn't move towards Karkat, his eyes focusing on his feet as he waited for him to turn and go so he could follow behind.
"You're welcome. I think." Karkat turned, trudging out of the door. He was confused, mostly, but concerned too. Kankri seemed really off.
Kankri followed a few paces behind, inheriting a stiff posture. Keeping his back straight was a good habit. He couldn't let himself slouch, especially given the threat to his reputation already. "You know where the park was from here, correct? I'm afraid I don't. It's been quite some time since I last was here."
"Yeah, I know. I had to fucking walk here from there, so I can make my way back," Karkat muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets as he maintained his slouch, a stark contrast to Kankri's perfect posture. Not that he could see it from where he was walking, anyway.
"Your language, Karkat. Was that necessary?" Kankri tried to reclaim himself with a casual scold, but it just left him feeling guilty. He was just like her.
Karkat shrugged, his steps halting for a second before he continued walking. "I thought we were over this. You don't need to keep scolding me about that."
"Karkat, you've no right to try to tell me what I can and can't say. I don't do that to you, I simply give suggestions. I expect the same courtesy." Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite.
"You do it all the fucking time-" Karkat stopped, taking a deep breath to compose himself. He wasn't going to shout, he was going to be completely civil. "Whatever. Fine."
They made it out of the house, and Kankri couldn't hide the small sigh of relief that slipped past his lips before he could stop himself. He sort of put his hand over his mouth as an afterthought, like it would take back the hopefully inaudible sound he made. Though they were out, he still stayed a few paces behind Karkat, letting him lead. Partially because he genuinely didn't know where they were supposed to go from there to find their meeting place, and partially because he was not sure if he wanted to get looked at currently. "How far would you say it is?"
Karkat shrugged, his response brusque and dismissive. He wasn't mad at Kankri, well, he was trying not to be. He was just frustrated. "Like I would know. It's not as if I counted how long it took me to get to your wigglerhood hellhouse from where we usually meet up at."
"Of course. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask you something I should have known you didn't know," Kankri swallowed again, "Is something troubling you?"
Karkat shook his head. "No. Look, we're just going to talk when we get back. This doesn't need to be more awkward than it has to be." He lowered his voice a little in an effort to sound less upset. "It shouldn't be too far."
"Awkward? If you're referring to the... respiteblock, I'll let you know that it was nothing. It shouldn't alarm you." Kankri almost cringed just saying the word. Eugh.
"No. Your constant apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for is painfully awkward." Karkat's voice dripped with venom until he forced himself to subdue it. "Just hold on until we get there, okay?"
"Hold on? Karkat, are you assuming that I'm so emotionally unstable I'm on the verge of a breakdown from a simple embarrassing situation? I'm not fragile. And I'm not letting myself get swayed by my feelings." Kankri wasn't on the verge of a breakdown. Hah.
"No. I meant hold on as in shut up."
Kankri shut his mouth quickly at that with a wince, swallowing back a sudden raise of nerves. And what do you know? He actually shut up.
Karkat couldn't help but feel slightly satisfied that Kankri actually shut it, but he knew that it was because he was being too abrasive. He just shrugged it off. And as he predicted, it wasn't actually that long before they were back at the bench.
Kankri felt a wave of relief to be back at the bench, mouth still firmly closed as he took a seat on one end of it, legs crossed and hands folded in his lap. This felt a little immature, but he was going to give Karkat the chance to speak first. He'd been planning to, hadn't he?
Karkat sat down next to him, a lot less gracefully than Kankri had. He flopped down on the bench, crossing his arms. He knew that he would have to talk first, what with Kankri's little (completely warranted) silent treatment. "Okay. So you wouldn't tell me there, but I'm hoping that you'll tell me now. So…What's wrong?"
"I did tell you. It was a fit of childish spite. What further explanation do you need?" Kankri's voice was defiant.
"It was more than that. I dunno, I might be overthinking it but that wasn't just 'childish spite'," Karkat shrugged.
Kankri sighed through his nose, straightening his back a little like it would hide the fact that he wanted to do the exact opposite and curl in on himself.
"It was one of the hives I had to stay at later in my life. I remember I went in when I was four sweeps old, and I left when I was six. On my wriggling day, actually."
Karkat's eyes traveled over to Kankri, watching his movements closely as he nodded, gesturing for him to continue on. He seemed stiff, but he didn't blame him. Seemed like it was a touchy subject.
"Now." Kankri cleared his throat, mostly to brace himself. "It's really all immature of me now that I look back on it, but that place had never struck the right chord with me. Hopefully, this isn't triggering to you or otherwise troubling. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, please feel free to speak up."
Karkat said, "I should be saying that to you. Kinda seems like you're slightly 'triggered' yourself. But whatever. Just go on."
"Life in a commune is far different from getting a specific caretaker for you and you alone. Depending on the money made by the caretaker, their hivespace varies."
"There are specific legal obligations which must be met as a caretaker. You cannot physically abuse those under your supervision, you cannot deny them food, clothes, hygiene, basic life requirements, and you cannot neglect them or allow harm to come to them. Of course, these are only the most basic requirements. There's plenty more which I'll omit from this explanation for the sake of brevity."
"However, the specifics of taking care of the trolls under their wing can be left for the caretaker to decide. Typically, it's straightforward. The tasks assigned to the trolls are not especially labor or thought intensive, and they're used both as a form of occupation for the trolls and as a payment for room and board."
"These tasks usually ended up involving housework. Cooking, cleaning, running errands... things along those lines. Depending on the caretaker, the importance of these tasks and the amount of work required by the commune's inhabitants varied."
"Punishments for failing to accomplish these tasks, dissenting, or being a nuisance were also left up to the caretakers to decide."
At the mention of punishments, Karkat lifted his eyebrows a little. He still didn't say anything, giving Kankri another nod to continue.
"That particular hive has always been a bit more vivid in my memory due to the more strict rules set. Off the top of my head, I can remember that you couldn't speak when you were working or while any adults were talking, you had to return to your room promptly if there was a visitor and answering the door had to be left to the caretaker exclusively or other guests if they just so happened to be there (they usually were). You had to take your shoes off as soon as you entered the hive but you couldn't leave them beside the main entry door, bringing them instead to your respiteblock and placing them side-by-side with their toes facing towards the door on the right side."
"The artwork and floors couldn't have dust. The drapes were to be vacuumed and kept closed unless there were guests, the fireplace had to always have a log and of course no ash on the hearth, the sink had to be empty at all times unless the dishes in it were actively being attended to…"
"…Et cetera."
Karkat's eyes were wide as he spoke. "Holy shit. That just seems unwarranted."
Kankri continued. "As I spent more time there, I learned a few unofficial rules, too. Don't speak to the caretaker unless it's an emergency (and even then, keep it brief), don't make noise in your block or outside of it, don't laugh while you're within her earshot, don't make mistakes preparing meals, don't let yourself get hurt. There were more which are eluding my mind at the moment."
"Punishment for failing to follow these rules would vary on the importance of the rule and the number of past transgressions against the sanctity of the commune," Kankri said almost robotically, staring out at the park with blank eyes.
"Usually, they would be put aside due to the consideration of the caretaker, and if need be she would take away some of our privileges. Books, toys, technology, freedom to roam inside of the house. Going outside was forbidden anyways, of course, unless there was a more mature servant coming along with you as you ran errands. More extreme punishments were typically the addition of chores, limiting time in the block for sleep and recreation."
"If you did something especially unsavory, you would typically be escorted to the respiteblock of the caretaker, where she would proceed to remind you of your importance in life and let you know the great privilege you were granted for staying there rather than living like-"
Karkat cleared his throat to interrupt his dancestor. "Okay, but, where do you fit in in all of this?"
Kankri's dull voice stopped, but he continued staring pointedly at an unidentifiable spot in the distance. He swallowed, starting again, "I was one of the better known trolls in the commune. The caretaker had difficulty recalling certain names of the trolls under her care, but after the first... few times I was caught misbehaving, she committed my name to memory."
"After a couple perigrees, I learned to behave. Well, not behave so much as conform. After I'd learned, it was a weekly occurrence that I was brought to her chambers, brought down from a daily one."
"It took her two sweeps to decide I was a lost cause, and I was moved to live alone with a caretaker. Does that sufficiently answer whatever you were asking?"
Karkat had been listening closely, and was a little surprised when Kankri had ended so abruptly. "Yeah. I'm... sorry you had to go through that. I'm also sorry for making you bring it up."
"It's fine. After eternity, I grew out of the old insecurities I'd gained there. I can now realize that what she said was untrue in every aspect, and that in spite of the opulence of her living place she should not have been trusted with people's lives."
"Uh, it's fine?" Karkat leaned in a little, tone questioning. "I don't mean to say you're lying or anything. It just seems like it would be kind of hard to get over. Even after a hell of a long time."
"Well, I've managed, haven't I? And regardless, all of her words were entirely false."
Karkat didn't respond for a moment, examining Kankri's expression with doubt. He shook his head after a second. "Well, of course they were."
"For instance, I know for a fact that I'm not a dead weight, or a trouble, or a task that should never have been undertaken in the first place. And my blood color was not a curse or a way to reflect my aberrant and hatable personality. It's simply an aspect of who I am. And I owe nothing for existing." Hope was in Kankri's voice.
Karkat gulped, pausing for a moment. "…Did she really say all that to you?"
"Among other things, I suppose. But... None of it's true. Of course. And I know that."
"Oh." Karkat stared down at his lap as he said, "I'm glad you know she was a fucking liar."
"I do." Kankri gave a curt nod. "And though some of the aspects of her lectures may be relatable to me, I know that they don't define me."
Karkat uncrossed his arms, moving just a little closer to Kankri. He tried to be subtle about it, but it was kind of obvious that he had scooted over to him.
"For instance, that my voice, though loud and cacophonous, fails to carry any meaning. And that I fail to take into consideration my surroundings. And I can't keep my hair in a kept state unless it's bu-"
Karkat cut him off. "I hope you're saying it because you know it's a load of crap."
"Oh, of course I am. Because it is. There are elements which could be associated with me, of course. But all in all it's completely false."
Karkat wasn't sure he believed that Kankri himself knew it was utter garbage, just judging by his voice as he listed his 'untrue' faults. "Of course it is. I don't know what sort of insufferable asswad would say shit like that."
"Yes, exactly." Karkat shifted a little in his seat, hands wringing.
Karkat was silent for a moment, finally speaking after a tense pause. "Don't tell me you still believe her."
Kankri gulped. "I wouldn't add "gullibility" to my list of flaws, no."
Wait, that was probably the wrong thing to say.
"Kankri." Any humor in Karkat's voice had been drained out.
There was only one thing Kankri could think to say. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize."
"Right."
"I'm just… I'm the one who's sorry. Because I shouldn't have brought it up."
"Karkat, it's absolutely fine." Wow, would you look at that tree. It's perfectly still just like all the other trees. How interesting.
"Are you sure? Like, one hundred percent completely sure it's fine?" Karkat's voice was tender, his eyes focusing on a loose string on the bottom of his sweater.
"…Yes?" No, that wasn't certain enough. Do it again. "Yes."
Karkat wanted to press the issue, to be certain it was true, but he knew that it would only make Kankri more upset. So he just nodded, setting his hand on the bench, next to Kankri.
Kankri finally fully processed the hand after a few seconds of blank staring at it, looking up towards Karkat before quickly turning his head away. "May I…?"
That was Karkat's intention. He nodded, looking to the other side of him as well.
Kankri placed his hand on top of Karkat's gingerly, almost as if he was expecting it to get smacked away at a moment's notice. It barely touched his hand. In response, Karkat turned his hand over, lacing his fingers between Kankri's.
Keep it cool. Just keep it cool, Kankri, and don't you dare let your expression shift if you know what's good for you. His posture stiffened further, if that was even possible. Karkat looked down at his lap, line of sight shifting slowly to their intertwined hands. Hesitantly, he brushed his thumb along the side of Kankri's hand.
One of the muscles in Kankri's neck quivered, and he blinked a couple times. Just. Remain. Still. You're not here to bother him or overload him with your petty insecurities. You're here to talk to him, to provide him with information and entertainment and support.
Now don't. Move.
Karkat spent most of his short life watching stupid romantic comedies, so he had plenty of cliches in his head. For instance, in a moment of silence where you're holding hands and you're so close that your arms are brushing, you slowly, ever so slowly... rest your head on the other person's shoulder.
Kankri jumped a little, taking a sudden inhale. He still remained in the same board-like position, but no matter how many times he swallowed he couldn't prevent the telltale sniffle. Damn it all!
Karkat could feel the little jump, but he didn't move. The sniffle made him give Kankri's hand a tiny squeeze.
The lone sniffle gave way to two more, and a clearing of the throat. His shoulders were shaking a little. He was probably making this uncomfortable for Karkat, wasn't he? If he'd just held still!
Karkat sat back up, taking his hand out of Kankri's for a moment. Gently, softly, in an elegantly practiced manner, he gave Kankri a pap. He was pretty damn good at it, if he said so himself, being practiced in pale affections. It wasn't that he was pale for Kankri, it was just the right thing to do.
Ah. He was leaving, probably. That was okay. Kankri would've expected anyone forced to tolerate this to leave. It was to be-
He jumped again when Karkat papped him, so gently it was almost like it wasn't there. Almost like a rush, he brought his hand to his mouth, bent inwards, and let out a half-sob. Oh no, this was so embarrassing.
Another gentle pap, along with a couple quiet shooshes. Honestly, he didn't know what else to do at this point. That was all he knew how to do to console someone. He continued with the little shooshes and paps, hoping that he wasn't fucking up or something.
Kankri leaned into the hand slightly, eyes held shut tight in an effort to keep anything from leaking out. His expression was conflicting, and his slouch was terrible as he coughed into his sweater sleeve again.
Karkat's own eyes closed a little, and the the shooshes got a little louder. The paps still stayed gentle. Through experience, he had found that the gentle ones tended to work best, other than in dire situations.
"K-Karkat, I…" Tears started to spill even though he tried to hold them back, his shoulders shaking as he muffled another choked sob with his sweater sleeve.
Karkat opened his eyes again, keeping his hand still on Kankri's cheek. Oh god, he hoped he didn't fuck this up. "Yeah?"
"What she said wa-wasn't true, right?" He hid his face in his forearms, not because he wanted Karkat to stop but because he couldn't handle looking at him while he showed this weakness.
Karkat shook his head, voice small. "No, it wasn't true. She was just a sorry sack of shit and a liar." He went back to the papping and quiet shooshing.
"Th-thank you." He was totally gross crying by this point, shoulders slumped and body leaning towards Karkat. Somehow one of Kankri's hands had become firmly attached to the fabric of Karkat's sweater, and the other was being used to hide his face as much as he can.
He nodded, papping and shooshing and ever so slightly leaning forward so he could use his free hand to brush a bit of hair out of Kankri's face, and tuck a little bit behind his ear.
The sobbing into Karkat's gentle paps went on for five minutes which stretched on for an eternity to Kankri, the tension in his body from years of self-perpetuated isolation dissipating bit by bit. By the end of it, he had somehow ended up with his face in Karkat's chest, using his sweater as a glorified tissue. Slowly, his breathing stopped being so shallow and panicked, though he doesn't take his face away from Karkat, body still trembling and breath still hitching on sniffles.
His voice was rough, and it actually sort of sounded like Karkat's (if a bit deeper) as he spoke. "Hopefully this hasn't been an inconvenience or otherwise upset you."
It was selfish, maybe, but Karkat enjoyed consoling Kankri even if it was just to feel useful again. His arms were placed around Kankri, gingerly papping his back as Kankri sobbed into his chest. The difference in his voice after the shooshpap session was strange to Karkat, but that wasn't really the first thing on his mind after that.
"No…It's not upsetting or inconveniencing. Don't worry about it," he murmured into Kankri's hair.
He cleared his throat a couple times, finally forcing himself to pull away and scrub his eyes and nose with his sweater sleeve, inheriting the same position he'd been in just before all of this. "Don't look into that, please."
And just like that. Disregard it and maybe it'll go away.
Karkat sighed, putting his hands in his lap and pretending not to feel the wet spot on his shirt, the grey symbol tinted with streaks of red in a couple places. He nodded. Of course, it didn't mean anything. "Wouldn't dream of it."
"So… How is it on the meteor?" Kankri's voice was conversational, polite. Yep. Totally wasn't crying less than sixty seconds ago.
Karkat stared at him, taken aback by the sudden change in conversation. His mouth was open slightly, and he blinked. He really was going to pretend that didn't happen, wasn't he? "Uh…Fine?"
"I know you were looking for Gamzee last time we spoke. Did you find him, or is he still evading you at the moment?"
Karkat shifted his position a bit. Right. His moirail, at least technically. He just had a pale session with Kankri, which made the topic of Gamzee a little more awkward. "No. And let's not talk about him."
"That's a shame. I'm sure you'll come across him sooner or later. Has anything interesting happened in life for you? Have you and Dave gotten into any more of those quarrels, or are you taking my advice and trying to be civil with him?"
"Don't really want to. And I haven't really been talking to him that much lately, he spends a lot of time with Terezi. So they have each other to keep themselves company." The conversation seemed forced, and Karkat wasn't sure why Kankri had insisted on changing the subject so drastically and quickly.
Karkat could feel himself start to wake up. Before he could say anything about it, his eyes shifted to Kankri's hand again, seeing little bits of indigo paint still under his nails. "You have something, uh, on your hands."
"Do I?" He held his hands in front of his face, nails curled towards himself. "Oh, I guess that's from…" He remembered his nails clean. Crisis averted. "There, better."
"Yeah. Uh…"
"What?" Kankri asked.
"I think I have to go really soon." Karkat's tone was apologetic, but almost relieved in a way.
"Oh, you're waking up? Thank you for talking to me today. I hope you visit again soon."
"Can't say we did a lot of talking." Was that bitterness? Maybe. Nonetheless, Karkat shrugged. "I'll visit as soon as I can."
"Sorry." He was about to give a proper farewell, but by the time he next looked up, he was alone.
Oh, oh no.
Karkat was just out there. He didn't even get to tell him to keep quiet about it! Kankri had faith Karkat wouldn't do anything, but he still had enough reasoning behind being scared.
When Karkat woke up, he was still confused and frustrated. Eh, he could probably talk to Porrim about it. She seemed pretty cool last time he saw her, despite Kankri being a total fucking brat to her. He could just figure it out later, right?
-A/N: To be continued? I'll put it as complete and if someone wants more I'll see what I can do. This was converted from an MSPARP roleplay with Tumblr user uraniumumbra (with permission, of course).-